The baby was due today.

I'm sorry it's so horrifically long.

When I was 19, I had a little fling with my boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband!). We used a condom, but I guess it happened to break. Naturally, I grew a little paranoid when I missed my period the following month so I decided to take a pregnancy test. I remember feeling my stomach jump up into my throat when I saw the plus sign appear. I knew I wanted kids, but definitely not while I was still in university. I could barely take care of myself let alone a baby. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he said that if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy, he was 100% okay with that, and if I wanted to keep the baby, he was also okay with that ( & that he would help). I ended up terminating; I was just not financially and emotionally ready for a kid.

Fast forward 3 years. My (now) husband and I got married, and began trying for a baby. When we had trouble, we both joked around about the difference between now and the past. Eventually, after year and 4 months, I started feeling the way I did when I first got pregnant: Nausea, mood swings, frequent bathroom breaks, bloating, the whole spiel. I took a pregnancy test and that plus sign returned. My husband and I were ecstatic. It had felt like we would never get pregnant again.

One day, while out on a date, a young woman ran up to me and whispered something in my ear before hurrying off. "You're leaking, hun," she warned. I glanced down and right there at the back of my dress was a large blood stain. I must've had the most terrified expression on my face because my husband quickly turned to look as well. I immediately rushed inside the café's washroom to check out what was going on. I knew a little bleeding/spotting was normal in early pregnancy, but I had quite a bit of blood on me. Since I was so early on (about 7 weeks), we hadn't gone to see a gynaecologist yet (which I instantly regretted). I tied my cardigan around my waist and headed back out. I told my husband we had to go to the hospital because I might be miscarrying.

We arrived at the hospital fairly quickly, but the drive seemed to drag on forever. Each second that passed was just agony. I felt a lot of cramping which clearly was not a good sign. The OBGYN began taking an ultrasound and searching for a heartbeat. She kept reassuring me that it would be okay, that I shouldn't worry. I waited for the sound. Nothing. She readjusted. Still nothing. She readjusted once more and then all the blood drained from my husband's face. She informed me that there was no baby. I immediately began sobbing and asking her if she was sure that it was gone to which she clarified that I was never pregnant to begin with. That sentence shocked me enough to get me to stop crying and look at the screen. I followed the nurse's index finger and there they were. And then she said the dreaded C word.

Stage II ovarian cancer. I laughed, and I laughed for what must've been ten minutes straight. Cancer. Of all the possible things it could've been, it was cancer. I'm only 24. My husband cried before I did. He kept repeating that he was sorry, that he should've taken me to the doctor as soon as we found out we were expecting but this wasn't anyone's fault. Sometimes life just sucks. 

The next few months were hard. Mourning the loss of a baby that never existed was harder than receiving chemo that didn't work. I ended up getting a hysterectomy since it was my best option - It had spread to my uterus and fallopian tubes. My husband was so amazing through it all. Besides the one time at the hospital, he did his best to conceal his hurt so that I wouldn't feel upset. He said he was doing okay, but I always heard him crying in the middle of the night (although I don't plan on admitting this to him). He's been incredibly supportive and he's the reason I've been able to get through this.

I am one month cancer free as of today [the 28th of November] which, coincidentally, was the due date for the "non-existent baby". It's bittersweet. My husband and I are doing a lot better, emotionally, now compared to before. We do get a little sad when we see parents playing with their babies, but we hope to adopt some kiddies in the future (once we're back on our feet). A part of me regrets the abortion, but an even larger part of me is content with everything even if it has been really horrible.

TL;DR: Had sex at 19, got pregnant, had an abortion, thought I got pregnant years later, discovered it was actually cancer, got a hysterectomy, finally at peace.

Edit: Imgur, you're amazing! Reading all these comments was incredibly comforting. I'm so sorry I couldn't reply to all of you, but they all touched my heart. I was hoping for maybe one or two people dropping down some advice, but all of your kind words were a wonderful surprise. I cannot thank you all enough.

Also I have been told that this sounds like I'm saying "don't have an abortion; you'll get cancer!" which was not my intention. They are unrelated events that happened to occur. I still stand by my initial decision. Had I kept the baby, I definitely would not have been able to afford my treatment.

We are planning to adopt! We spoke about having a surrogate because I did have some of my eggs frozen beforehand, but in the end we decided that adopting a child would be best.