MayMyEnemiesLiveLong
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Jul 18, 2020 12:51 AM
MayMyEnemiesLiveLong
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2779
28
duckgrad06
That’s the tape I’ll use to measure, ummm things.
Eldibar
We send tape measures out to be independently calibrated. The cost of doing that cost more than the tape measure itself many times.
MadMike75
I am a GC and I never use the end if the tape unless I am measuring longer than my arms can reach. Cant trust the part you cant even see!
DidItForScience
The top one has a quarter inch chopped off the end. Return it to the store for a new one and/or bitch at Stanley about it.
Yupurineutah
CardboredBox1
They're both wrong
ErikaLarve
made in USA?
nolanurse
I’ve seen tradesmen/women do that to rookies, but only for a short period. Someone do that to yours?
TomatoPepper
Damn, both useless. But one in meters
indistinctchatter
BoomMic
Which one is Made in China?
9307103
I would rather say "Who is the American who bought it from China?"
1legJack
It’s wrong anyway!!!! It’s imperial......
SandstormByDarude
thecaptain115
Upvote for "tape measure" downvote for "measuring tape"
Chamoky101
What’s wrong with measuring tape? It’s how I learned it?
Onlyhereforthelaughs
I'm fine with either.
HandoB4Javert
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_and_US_customary_measurement_systems
DesirousYeti
Someone explain it to me. The top tape measure is inaccurate... what is the joke?
dmfk138
I hate that you can see that an entire 1/4 inch is missing from the top one, among the other hash marks not lining up.
boobsalot
It’s off by a 1/4 in. Someone is pranking you
TooDoggoneFunny
It is worth noting that one tape measure is gaining 1/16 of an inch for every single inch measured on the other tape measure.
TooDoggoneFunny
Out 3/16 at inch 1 inches. 1/4 inch at 2 inches. Out a full 5/16 at last point visible/comparable here in this photo.
opermech
No, 3/16 oh god you one of them
drunkBoy
The top one is wrong
itsahorse
Thanks eagle eye
drunkBoy
And anyone worth their salt would have realized it
ARA1979
And that’s why I trip down the stairs every night
AlmostScientist
That’s why you start at the 1 and not the 0. At least that’s what we did in the back stage.
CyberShardik
I just check all the tape measures in my shop with a set of calipers. Easy if I just have 1 tape measure.
StarkRG
No, you just use one that hasn't been "repaired" and you're fine.
makeSX
Top one is good enough to work with wood, bottom one is good enough to work with metal.
ThatOneFriendWhoTriesTooHard
That's what I was taught.
linearcore
Yeah. The delta between numbers will remain relatively constant with use, but the ends of the rulers themselves have unbounded uncertainty.
Oprean
you meant at 10
Oprean
cm
4EverZw
Might just be the angle, but the top tape aligns 2" with 1 3/4" on the other tape. 1" top should be 3/4" bottom. It is off by a 16th.
zappyguy
It would work here, if it weren't for every inch being 3/16ths short.
FartmanMD
Now this is smart
fbutaric
Not in this case the distance measurements are not correct.
aslowgiantfart
How are you supposed to know how long your dick is then
mrgrumpee
Think of a number......then halve it!
suomynonA
Length times Girth over Angle of the Shaft divided by mass over width
incorrecthorsestapler
Measure with the top.
Colopty
That's what you get for using imperial units.
GreaseMonkeyOfLove
Persmo
Head bonk
kodudScifiSmuggler
So of the two.... which one is accurate? Asking for a friend
OrionRed
I had to go back and look. Start at the 1 inch mark and read backwards to figure it out.
matthew2401360
The top one. Note the low quality rivets and printing, in addition to the incorrect measurements. Hard to see without the good one adjacent.
ryanreers
It doesn't matter if they are different if you use the same tape to measure. You only need to reference itself for most uses.
OmahaMH
No, if you want something three inches long one will be way off. Unless you skip the first inch and use the delta between two other ticks
tooomanystevesgotbanned
Well your first mistake is using fucking archaic measurements.
[deleted]
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BeanMugged
I think more percentage of the world use metric.
DrDadJokes
it off by tree fiddy
SkittlezRDV
It’s 6” long I swear! See!?
humanityssavior
The shorter tape measure was made by guys for guys
TA2019
Guys lie with the number 6"? Lmao
50m31AW
Average is 5" so if you're not gonna fool anyone with a big number, 6" is a safe lie, especially since ppl think average is bigger & just 1/
50m31AW
generally suck at estimating dick size. If you're average or a smidge under, good bet someone who thinks average is 7" might get fooled 2/2
MetYourMomOnAshleyMadison
Fucking subway and their shit measurements
excepttheoneswhoaredead
My dad is exactly 6', my mom just brought him to home depot instead of a tape measure
MacDaddySmitt
Walking around a Home Depot without footwear sounds fucking dangerous ;)
SkittlezRDV
You should challenge your dad. Anyone who says they are exactly 6’ are not 6’
JaceTiger
Once thought I was over 6", but found out the measuring tape was messed up when I compared it to 2 different quality tape measures. >
JaceTiger
Thankfully still above average, but nowhere near the 6⅝" I was led to believe
Kottok
My shop teacher taught me to always burn an inch, guess this is why.
GBU38
Yep. Burn an inch
RustyMcKraken
Burn 1", cut 2"'s. That way it'll still be to short for when you cut it a 3rd time.
Snooj
And use a folding ruler when convenient like for inside measurements. I did all my blinds that way.
nevertrustawetfart
It's called +1 when you make your cuts. Give it a little extra, that's what hammers and drills are for.
TimeRyderAndTheChronoTeens
IMHO that sounds like the absolute worst way to get a circumcision I can imagine.
liljeni
Hey, this is good advice. Thanks!
gankable
The Salem Inch Trials.
DasMutt
^-- THIS!
firstandlast85
i think he ment your work was so terrible sober he encouraged you take a toke before working
gravelordnito69
Commented this without reading lmao. I learned in the field and eventually had to ask about it.
SnarfyMcSnarferson
Wtf does burn an inch mean?
RancidOrange
Start measuring from the 1 inch marker and subtract 1 inch from length
SoundKraftS2
Is an inch another word for a doobie?
[deleted]
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sporkie
If you start measuring from 2 and subtract 1 you might end up with longer pieces than you needed, no?
Phate666
You're absolutely right I mistyped it, starting at the 1 inch mark
Phate666
Thank you for pointing that out
Cthulhuonabike
Better long than short
Phate666
You must have learned from my teacher. even when we're wrong, we're right
chefsoda
It looks like there's 3/16" error at 1", and 1/4" error at 2", so one of those tapes is just way out of spec!
HedonistBeard
It's because one is a 35ft and the other is a 25ft but they saved money by fitting them both on the same length roll.
dyxj
I think the top one is angled further away from the camera than the first. See the glare? That would account for the difference.
Valkyr1987
When I did carpentry we never used each others measurements for this exact reason, doesn't matter how inaccurate your tape is as long as
Valkyr1987
You use the same one when you are marking your cut
kindpanda
I think that's parallax from the camera angle
azgrak
If so then where the hash marks line up they would stay consistent, they don’t. Even on the left side of the photo.
kindpanda
I disagree. If parallax is at play, they wouldn't stay consistent because the angle changes as you move away from center
Daeyelle
What does that dragon have to do with tape measures?
Wrath93
You're thinking of Parthurnaax, parallax is what you call nice pants.
SquonkGonzalesAttorneyatLaw
Because it's cold outside?
Mxlespxles
GohstLaker
More likely for blade width
bigkingdingaling
1" thick blade???
GohstLaker
1) as soon as I wrote it I knew this was gonna be the comment 2) no it's so you don't forget about the blade width and cut it short
bigkingdingaling
I just mark which side of the line to cut on
RustyMcKraken
You realize that tape measure is off by 3/16"? It's the upper tape measure that was shorted at the starting point by 3/16".
Phate666
i.e. start measuring from the 1-inch mark, and subtract an inch from the measurement you get. The start of a tape will be a litte off
Cthulhukitten
Kinda sucks if you want to utilize the hook functionality though.
Zulljin4
Even with that the inch on the bottom one is 1/16 longer.
mrmayortheiv
What the heck? Good catch
MoDog
Or the one on top is 1/16th shorter either way something is fucky.
linearcore
Any ruler with an unmarked rule. The "0" mark isn't labeled if it's supposed to be the end, so you can't know exactly where it is.
BrbWifeIsYelling
That end moves. If you push it against object it will retract to zero and if you put that L against something and pull it gives you again...
BrbWifeIsYelling
Correct zero. Unless it's faulty, then burn it.
FartmanMD
A whole inch is a shit ton. You Americans need a better measuring system. I wonder what that may be
Ccnati
An inch is nothing. Also, inches rule for guesstimating. The length from fingertip to first knuckle is close to sn inch. First to second too
bkauffman365
Pain in the ass though when measuring something longer than 1 arm
KMakyra
Easy, that's only 5 burgers. Just add more burgers!
tektree
except the discrepencies here are not linear. the 1" marks are 3/16" off, the 2" marks are 1/4 off. Burning an inch would not help.
northernmt
That's why you use the same tape to measure and mark for real precision work.
JJuster
Exactly the comment I was looking for.
Cthulhuonabike
Can confirm. I'm a tile contractor and whenever I need an accurate measure I always hold the 1"
RandomInternetAsshole
Burn a foot—the math is easier
sonicthemariomasterchief
I burned my for on the George foreman grill in bed making bacon.
Phate666
Because - 1 is so hard
EquanimousSerenity
When I need an accurate measurement, I use centimeters. But you do you
Cthulhuonabike
The unit of measurement doesnt matter it's an issue of tolerance in the tool. By starting at 1 instead of the end if tape it's more accurate
isetprettygirlsonfire
On projects often we have a tape check to make sure they're the same. Usually start at 1 an by way, sometimes the tip is off.
DidItForScience
Yeah, and that's what happened to the one on the top. It's missing a bit of the tip.
isetprettygirlsonfire
Yes , clearly. Sometimes the scale is off on some.it
mike13815
It's also off scale. Look at the 1/8th marks. They aren't the same.
DidItForScience
The 1/16th inch mark on the bottom one is cut halfway off too so it starts to slightly fall behind.
mike13815
There is no first 1/16th mark on the bottom one, or any tape measure of this type. That's covered entirely by the floating end.
ElizabethToy000
This is why you use the same measuring tool for before cut and after cut. If you are going for precision, well you don't with a tape measure
daemeon
obligatory rick & morty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cr9Z9rWjoV4
dashrendar2112
I use bananas to measure. Am I great?
MCNewYorkLives
But, I've always used one tape measure for pre cuts and another for post cuts /s
SpecialAgentCharlesCarmichael
DarthGuacamole
You live a wild life my man. Wild!!
RandomInternetAsshole
We have calibrated master tapes and compare ours to them twice a week. If ours fail, we replace them. Tolerance is 1/32”
HenryLongfellowIII
Not an utter piece of shit one like that anyway. https://www.bmi.de/en/products-frame-capsule-tapes-need-to-know.php Class 1 is noice.
HenryLongfellowIII
Class 1 from China is not that expensive either. 3.50 FOB minimum 2000 pieces. That quality USD 0.50
NullUser20
This. I learned the hard way. I once had somebody inside a house measuring and shouting out what to cut. Every cut came up long. Buy quality
hobbitbandit
If you have a crew, buy everyone one of the same brand and type. Makes life easier. Bought four of the same last time.
imnotthatblonde
Even then, check them... ive bought quality before and found a surprising varience
ElizabethToy000
What's going on with that tape measure is somebody cut it and riveted it shorter.
captainclutch
No look at the markings. The inches are shorter on one
dyxj
The tapes aren't in the same plane. Top one is angled further away from the camera than the bottom one. Glare difference highlights this.
ElizabethToy000
Yeah, it's short by 3/16ths on every increment. Look at the rivets man... This was deliberate
thankgodfordeaddinosaurs
The 1st inch is shorter. They're asking why it's like that.
captainclutch
No, at the 2” mark it’s 1/4” shorter, but at the 1” mark it’s only 3/16” shorter
IceWeaselX
ElizabethToy wasn't asking, just observing. [What's going on][is][this] = [This][is][what's going on]. Top is missing the first ~3/16"
JarJarBinksKisser
True. But that doesn't change the fact that one of these measuring tapes is incorrect and defective.
glaug
At least one.*
YouCantSeeButImGivingYouTheFinger
Serious question from a new homeowner: if I don't use a tape measure, what do I use?
therabidferrett
A good tape measure. Tools often fall in the category of you get what you pay for.
NothingButReactionGifs
Compare your rulers and take note. For small increments, a carpenter pencil is 1/4 by 1/2 inch.
fafnir77
Make sure to remove the slack in the tape measurer hook if you are measuring from the outside and push in if you're measuring the inside
FabulousBadass
Lasers
MrBoogerPig
At the very least, check the tape. It looks like the one was cut a little short. Make sure all the lines are there and you’re good enough
captainclutch
Story stick. Unless it has to meet some sort of tolerances/standards, arbitrary markings on a stick don’t matter
BohemicAnemic
You can use a tape measure. Just use a good one. Not cheap crap.
SuperPickle17
Are yoy saying the dozens of free tape measures i got from hazard fruad is not good?
Ryebread91
What would be good? I've always been under the impression Stanley was one of the better brands.
ApplyApplePie
Meters
ElizabethToy000
Tape measures are great for home projects. But if you are machining down to the thousands, use something else or cut close and finish
RandomInternetAsshole
Well@yeah you can’t measure thousandths with a tape. Machinists are well into quality digital caliper range. And a box of certified blanks.
Dotheyhangtoolowinthemorning
Never seen a fitter and turner using a tape measure on a lathe...
ElizabethToy000
Only because you never saw stock get cut prior to being put in the chuck...
Dotheyhangtoolowinthemorning
Which is what I said, never saw someone using a tape measure on a lathe.
Ziltch1
I have been a welder for 20 years. My tolerance is 1/16 of inch . Tape measures always held out for me . Don't blame your tools .
TechnicallyCorrectTheBestKindOfCorrect
Then this would handily blow your tolerance
RandomInternetAsshole
Exactly. Compare yours to the master calibrated tape regularly, and keep it from hard retracting/slapping into the casing. Fitter/welder :)
ntek2
This, though I usually replace mine every 6 months due to wear anyway. Steelwork is hard on my stuff
RandomInternetAsshole
Yep