HonestlyNotARobot
123921
2068
149
Feb 3, 2022 1:02 AM
HonestlyNotARobot
123921
2068
149
Temyari
I have no tattoos, don't look at my phone for hours when gaming, and looked exactly like my photos on dating sites when i tried that once.
Prowler2142
#2, #3, #5. Amazing what happens when you're so poor the guberment pays for your college.
Maevellous
I'm like three of these in one. Does that make me a super freak?
SubiBryant
I forget the comedian but he said he collected odd pictures like a hot tub full of Amish people and I found it funny.
InViUnius
Wait...so it's common for women to have retirement plans when under 30? Or...do when just make sandwiches...and babies...and baby sandwiches
drh1138
I for one like a woman with some ink.
B99Reactions
Do you
PariahCarey
I'm a lady without a single tattoo!
onecowboytoo
CNChapeL
Tattoos were the exception when I was a kid, now not having any is.
Convolutions
Idk how to feel, I have/am like all of these? Am I supposed to feel good or bad?
Rabidbacon
There is me, a military vet with no tattoos.
SaltyEsq
A true unicorn
SoSorryImNotEvenCanadian
Now that's crazy
sleepmask
My bf was@in the marine corps for 13 years. No tattoos.
ValamirCleaver
I am also a military vet with no tattoos.
kongfuchicken
Are tattoos cheap in the military or something? Over here, a dodgy looking bum who's seen sneaking a taste of his own ink costs 500usd
barnsandnobel
And thats only if your a girl. Dudes cost double.
onecowboytoo
Same.
flyinghamstick
It baffles me that people are on their parents phone plan. I've been paying for my own phone plan since 14.
JHawkInc
I’m in my 30s and sharing a plan with my dad and sister is way way cheaper.
buttdestroyer
I started my retirement plan when I turned 18. I will slowly, but certainly drink myself to death.
BleachItsWhatsForDinner
It's good to get a nice head start.
ExistentialDreadlocks
Well look at Mr Moneypants over here who can afford that much alcohol.
DeZaim
Rubbing alcohol is cheap...
AlmostClever
Race you to the bottom!
eratosthenesearth
I win. I just beat you there
interesseret
This post was sponsored by your local Boomer
TinyHandEnergy
Or just a comment on the state of the world...thanks to Boomers
bubblestarmetallica
Except for the homeowner one
TwoSeamer
My wife and I are 29yo and are all of these. Are we secretly Boomers?
absolutezero182
Your wife is on a dating site?
TwoSeamer
Wait what? I think I badly misunderstood
theworldcouldbeflat
The fact that you are most of these things just means you're a really big Freak, unless you've inherited most of your resources.
TwoSeamer
Actually I missed the last one. Wife isn't on dating sites and I worked through school so no st.loans., so we could buy a house
wormsinmahspice
I also chose this man's wife.
TwoSeamer
Oooh!!! Okay yeah all but the last one. I hope!
Lightsmith
Find me that first one.
Edgarflaps
CheeseburgertheSinister
I have my own phone plan and a 401k I funnel a percentage of my paycheck into. What does that make me?
Roger8086
Why do you have to hurt me like this, @OP?
Drakoth97
Holy shit that's boomer as hell
sotronics
Weird shit for sure.
TwoSeamer
My wife and I are 29yo and are all of these. Are we doing it wrong?
MsSomebody
Oh la-dee-dah for not having tattoos, how good for you. Literally does not matter if you do or don’t have tattoos.
IJustWantToMakeAComment
I’m all of these except the last one!
Poipoison1
3PiecesOfBread
Mrpipboy3000
YAY! I'm three of these!!!
SoSorryImNotEvenCanadian
I got 1,4 (don't have a dating profile) the inverse of 4 though is I never have my phone on me and sometimes that stretches days and becomes
SoSorryImNotEvenCanadian
decidedly less sexy as the relationship evolves
KaminoNeko
This induced such an 'OK Boomer' reaction in me, I think I deaged about 20 years.
CampbellsChunkyCyst
Just look at all those upvotes. Anyone else starting to get the feeling that this website's demographics are getting a little... geriatric?
md22mdrx
WeylandYutaniCorp
Bob's Burgers did a Halloween episode where Louise dressed as the dragon with a girl tattoo. I laughed for 2.7 minutes.
Baskerville84
Burninating the countryside!
RideTheStimutacs
Check out the Trogdor board game. It's surprisingly a lot of fun.
CampbellsChunkyCyst
Thanks for forwarding this quality joke to my inbox, grandma.
nero4ty2
Grandma wouldn’t find these strange, just think they’re normal people
InViUnius
Woman! Always looking at their phones, am I right?! And what's with these young people and tattoos! What would their parents say?
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
I got a retirement plan. It’s not viable, but winning the lottery IS technically a plan
CallMeSleeper
My plan was to be able to survive on my music. But yours sound really ambitious
PascallsBookie
My plan is to eat, drink, and smoke what I like. My family history is full of Alzheimers, so I don't want to get old.
somnif
I have a plan too. Wait till my parents are dead, then die too!
pareidoliaperson
Currently we are plan-buddies.
Lledargo
3 hots and a cot is my retirement plan
RAH9000
But if you win you’ll have a lot of friends
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
Good luck finding me
MescalStar
My retirment plan allows me to live in wealth, luxury and comfort right untill the very end... (assuming i die next week)
Jiggiwatt
I'm on the freedom. 45 plan.
wwilddoge
Hey stop stealing my plan! Get your own
WestieTree5
Plans mean nothing. Planning is everything.
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
I’m PLANNING to win the lottery. Better?
MuffinProof
Shotgun
Distractus
My family has a long history of heart disease and I already died once from internal bleeding. I don't plan to need a retirement plan
Obijesus
Die before I get to old. The American healthcare system will see to that
Aleuros
Don't worry, there are no viable retirement plans.
GrandPoobahDeDoinkOfAllOfThisAndThat
Mine is either work till i die or permanently leave the us before 2030. But i'm adding lottert as my plan C.
PantMcPants
superpaul79
Mine is a liter of vodka and a gun.
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
That’s just my weekend plans
PersonalityFire
You're supposed to have your annual salary amount saved in retirement fund(s) by the time you are 30. Fuck this country.
CallsYouATosser
Mine is to save up for a shotgun. I already took out a loan and got the shells.
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
You must not be from North America cuz I could probably pawn a sweatshirt and have enough to buy a shotgun
CallsYouATosser
It was hyperbole, friend. Ever hear of artistic license? See, I bought one from those nice folks selling NFTs so I can use hyperbole, irony,
CallsYouATosser
metaphor, simile, symbolism, allegory, alliteration, puns, juxtaposition, and even unfinished lists!
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
You seem fun
CallsYouATosser
Just wish I was a faster typist
CallsYouATosser
But deriously; I haven't been to a pawn shop in a while. How often do you find something that you could use in cowboy shooting competitions?
halkeye
I think it's more of a goal than a plan. Unless your plan is to constantly be winning the lottery
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
Nah just the once
notkvothethebloodless
(1)Mine is by the time I hit retirement age if I'm not married with kids, I'm going to liquidate all my assets. I'm then going to go to
notkvothethebloodless
(2) Mexico and have a 2 week cocaine and hooker bender until my heart explodes.
HumanFromPlanetEarth
I'm dying in the climate wars
tellmeimcute
I laughed and immediately wanted to cry.
clashatdemonhed
I’m hoping the climate wars are won by the climate so I don’t need a retirement plan
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
Oh the climates gonna win
JumpBaconSpy
I am just dying, lol
HenryLongfellowIII
Slumping over your desk at work is a plan.
irvingb01
Be sure to do it working late on Friday before a three-day weekend, so they'll get a *real* surprise when they find you on Tuesday.
JumpBaconSpy
My desk has a saw in it, so even easier!
HenryLongfellowIII
A 'retirement' that requires the services of a disaster recovery firm to mop up is always memorable.
PipeandSlippers
I’m already dead, I’m a spooky ghost now oooOoooOoOoooO
JumpBaconSpy
Confirmation of an afterlife? Dope, I'm on the next bridge outta here
UpAloft
I'm gonna go big and go fast, skydive, time it perfectly so I'll hit very front and center of a bullet train at full speed.
DeucesMongooses
It’ll be the Corpo Wars over the last bit of fresh water on the planet and it’ll happen as climate change ravages the planet, more so
autocorrectfailures
Fucking hell, beat me to it.
Spoonf3d
God I wish I thought you were wrong.
KnightKrypto
Snowpiercer here we come!
CarlottaVonSprockett
Same. Or when the Yellowstone super volcano blows up.
GravyEducation
My retirement plan is cirrhosis
Superhereaux
Sounds interesting. How do I go about setting that up?
UpAloft
Drink heavily excessively and take a bunch of ibuprofen while you drink. Wouldn't recommend that retirement plan. Sounds unpleasant to me.
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
Ah yes the wood box retirement plan. It is on my list right below “win the lottery”
smashpro1
Pills.
ThisUserNameDoesntExist
TristenKent
I am actually about to start a job with a great retirement plan and with current events in Ukraine I think I will have even more jobsecurity
ShartistFormerlyKnownAsSPCR
Are you Putin?
Anorra
In the Army now?
TristenKent
No civil service for the airforce.