SendMeASelfie
69527
3704
127
Mar 20, 2017 4:13 PM
SendMeASelfie
69527
3704
127
imguringaround
PsiloPsybin
Ripping himself a new one.
Smashallsmurfs
Accountingcounter
Good old anal fissures, worst pain ever
chugeknight
Needs to drink more water, needs help if it's constipation and see a doc.
OMGchipmunkz
I dunno some people just have naturally big poops
BurntToACrispyChickenTender
Bootsman42
Nine days of field rations and I had to cut a turd with a combat knife as not to die from the pain alone. Not my proudest moment.
ArmandoManatee
Bravo sir
rmfranco
Weird at least, but kinda cooler than most poop stories.
imuglyandimproudd
missed your chance to say, "you mean even after all those dicks you took"
rollinwithlorenzointhebenzo
theportraitssecretinattackmode
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time.
FaceBookAI
YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
youretearingmeapartlisssaaaa
always up vote the room.
BrockenSpectre
He forgot to butter up, rookie mistake.
one1deuce
Do NOT let @JiffyDealer see this post!
JiffyDealer
Fucking mods... even after this:
callcenterslut
Clearly I have missed something...
JiffyDealer
I posted a gif of a massive turd on @one1deuce's most recent post, took top comment, then the mods removed it.
JiffyDealer
Even though after the last time the mods did this to me, I contacted them and they apologized for doing so.
callcenterslut
Oh man, of all the things to get banned over. Lame. We should flood usersub with literal shitposts, because I am up to no good.
FernandoRumdebum
I go through this every week. My toilet bowl looks like a bottle of red wine
v23474
You need to see your doctor...
Nykidemus
I wish I did not know so well exactly how horrifying that image is. :(
ArmandoManatee
... thats not uh... good bro.
FernandoRumdebum
*A bottle of red wine with a section of a giant redwood dipped in it
saintofchaoticgood
Not alone brotha...
CheshirePhoenix
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, outgrew it, cut it into strips and wiped my bleeding ass with it.
unavailableyourcallcantgothruasdialed
Holy shit dude
CheshirePhoenix
Well what else am I supposed to do with old tshirts that don't fit anymore?
Zipp4Real
As a guy with horrible stomach issues, clenching and un-clenching while pooping actually helps...
SquidSquadSonar
Please review this post for a real butthole killing log...
v
804lif3
Who does no.2 work for!?
darthmaullie
thank you
Fiadh
Exactly popped into my head!!!
idontknowyoufromadam
There it is!
jdecker45
In a word: childbirth
screamingshits
WHO DOES #2 WORK FOR?!
Cholf
IM THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!
somespazzoid
I remember be in middle school when this happened to me. It took 45 minutes and I missed the bus
Ruthis
@wolevehero
UnicycleOfDreams
My gf comes to the bathroom door and says "are you dead!?" When this happens to me
ApatheticDropbear
DrWhoTheHellAreYou
Time for stool softener. Been there, torn that.
corbynDallas
Zelkon527
TotalCuntrol
I love that a Darkwraith from Dark Souls is now part of a meme
CADmunkey
Take it easy over there! You'll blow your o-ring!
casalm
Reminds me of that NSYNC song, you know: "It's tearin' up my butt when i go poo"
TheFabulousFuehrer
Former heroin addict. Eat fast food a lot. No shits for days. Run out of money, go into withdrawal. Brutal reverse ass fucking ensues.
Opheliabooty
#the_more_you_know
rojeliop
More fiber. Tell him to eat a friggin vegetable once in awhile.
skelitor120
I don't like the "more fiber" comment on almost anything bowel related because theres a plethora of issues "more fiber" can only make worse
ParappaTheVelociraptor
I have a pretty good diet and drink at least 60 oz. of water a day, and I still have this problem. It sucks.
rojeliop
Probiotics may help!
ZoidbergIsGreat
Try upping your hydration. The large colon pulls out the water that the body needs out of the stool. If it pulls too much you shit bricks.
ParappaTheVelociraptor
My colon is way too good at absorbing water. I drink waaaaay more than anyone I know.
Fiadh
Oatmeal and pears. Enough said.
IHaveNightmaresOfMidgetsThrowingPicklesAtMe
Vergenbuurg
EMMY AWARD WINNING SERIES
SephiRothIRA
I did this after eating Special K Strawberry Protein Bars 3x/day for 2 weeks. I wish I took a pic. Might try it again for experimentation.
BatmanAndCradleRobin
oh hot hot hot hot
Chillingworth
Interesting username.
Malekin
I prefer the dream where naked women throw little pickles at me while I wear Sun-God robes and stand atop a pyramid...
IHaveNightmaresOfMidgetsThrowingPicklesAtMe
Thank you for noticing
ChanningTastum
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass bleeding
Cosbypillpopin
Is the bad part the midgets or the pickles
TheGrinchStoleYourShit
I've been there, we've ALL been there
Pokemonbutwithcats
*shudders* oh boy yea, after being on Oxy for three days after surgery
HannibalHoseth
No we haven't
bcool78
So many times... too many to count
GoogleFucker
I'm there right now.... Literally..... Damn constipation....
mostadequatebboy
I tend to have to opposite. My housemate who has heard it likened it to emptying a bucket of gravel into a pond.
TheChelsanator
A fellow pebble pooper!
Marikhen
Never been there even though I've made the bowl look like it was filled with black cherry Koolaid on about a dozen occasions. :-/
ikeepit1009
Yea I never been there i eat fiber one
Buzzkiller191
Constipation. Or as I call it; My butt is screaming in German.
Fighter5345
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
Everyone.gif
Kensidian
Everyonewiththeeyething.gif
JRat218
after a binge of nothing but cheese for 2 weeks...it was released...it was like 2 arizona ice tea cans coming out. I couldn't sit for hours.
CthulhusGreasyBallsack
try micro squeezes to break it into smaller pieces. 1. push 2. pull 3.breathe 4.repeat
blahtotheblahblah
Been there. So. Much. Blood.
MissingImage
#aworldwithoutanal
forgetthisnoise
I got really sick and dehydrated at the end of 2011. Didn't have a proper bowel movement until mid January when I had been in the hospital 1
forgetthisnoise
For 10 days and they realized I hadn't gone that whole time. Fucking brutal painful :/
Kalid19
More fiber and water. I took fiber supplements as a kid for a few years (until I was willing to eat whole grain bread)and it reaallly helped
Rverence
Two weeks in hospital with bad concussion & remembering to have a poo wasn't happening, then it was like shitting a porcupine.....sideways
Nykidemus
I had a poo so unpleasant I tore a fissure in my anus. I had to go to the hospital. :(
punchlineguy
Yea i was in school and we'll I knew I couldn't flush it so I left it there the next day there was an announcement about not doing that.
BushToadSherlock
No joke, when I was on some meds it made me so constipated I got an anal fissure. That was an excruciating dump.
HeroQueenofAlbion
Opiate-induced constipation, bruh. After two weeks on painkillers I took a dump as thick as my wrist, after two hours of struggling.
TheAchillesHeel
I had a dilemma once. I didn't know if I should cut it, rest a bit and start the nightmare again or just soldier through it.
TheAchillesHeel
I was seconds away from calling my mother to help but just decided to push. Like that guy... I also cried. :
Lionskull
Visited "there" for the first time last month, never again.
atlasman831
The really sad thing is that we don't appreciate shit when it's not tearing up the arsehole like a bored child with a wet napkin...
CthulhusGreasyBallsack
idk about you guys but I appreciate every single nice shit I have,
CaptainZebraman
I'm there right now. Fucking hurts. Any tips?
exileut
Wait 30+ minutes without pushing and it will stretch. Of course when you are done it feels like you are still going.
johncenacantseeme
1994. First flight ever. Got to Orlando. Had to shit. I had to grip handle bar and push. Size of dinosaur egg. Feel blood drip from asshole
theshinobi23
That's why his poop is packed so badly.
latinlightning
That happened to me on a vacation with my friend at his grandpa's house. I still remember the soup that made that happen
bigbootybigfoot
I moved in with my boyfriend we both took a week off work. I was hiding my time to poop in secret. A week and I was ready to die when I did
sesamesnapsinhalf
Was it stone soup?
latinlightning
It was a vegetable soup a complete surprise.
ScootMcNairysTrampStamp
Soup from a stone!
RandomActOfConfusion
I would do very poorly in prison.
TechnoJaguar
Fuck I woke my fiancee up laughing god damn it now shes mad at me :D
MexImgurian
I am here right now, I juggled a little because of this and made it worse
MadMerlyn
After surgery on my shoulder I got a scrip for any oxy painkiller. No Dr., nurse, or pharmacist told me that one of the possible--1/2
dinobots56
I had that on top of abdominal surgery. Thought I was going to bust open my stitches and die. Painkiller constipation is the absolute worst.
MadMerlyn
side-affects was constipation/hard stool. Like seriously.. I would've taken a freakin stool softener! Surgery sux. 2/2
Zantek2
Wait, seriously? I got a prescription for that after having 5 teeth pulled some months ago. That explains so much.
flover
Try that after surgery on the girl bits. I was gobbling softeners and drinking prune juice and STILL felt like I birthed a baby out my ass.
watersslady
I feel that pain all too well. After laparoscopic surgery on my lady parts with rectovaginal incisions I was eating the softeners like candy
WhisperingQuiverBiscuit
I had a lateral sphincterotomy surgery. They gave me oxy also. Not the side effect you want when you have stitches in your rectum. I cried.
Nykidemus
What in the shit is a sphincterotomy for? That sounds horrendous.
WhisperingQuiverBiscuit
It is not a fun process. It's to treat chronic anal fissures, tears in the skin just inside the butt hole that just won't heal. The
ImNotAnOrange
I had to.go.on a clear liquid diet. For two.days the only solid type thing i had was a chalk smoothie for xrays. Produced a solid white turd
PeteButtigieg
Eat some fiber punks.
TheNLK
Strangely, fiber makes it worse for me.
tarataqa
no shit?
LaBotte
no, shit !
thatprickleypear
I was chronically constipated as a kid. I still remember sobbing on the toilet one night when I was maybe 9.
wardenwolf
@banjosandstagecraft pulled a caper. Clogged with log and not any paper.
mormacil
To many people can relate to this.
BlondieSayWhat
My parents made me use Vaseline on "the runway"... Clogged the toilet numerous times as a kid because they were practically hard as wood
awkwardturtlesmakeweirdbabies
My 8yo has that problem. We have a stick on the back porch we bring in to stab it so it can go down.
JayEnfield
I use furniture shims, because they're already pointy, and they're like $3 for a pack of 20. Then toss em out when you're done.
RosegoldEverything
Oh Jesus, I got really scared as I was reading, till I hit "so it goes down". I was imagining that stick poking in a different manner.
mrassplay
BelleOfTheBalls
You sick fuck.
RosegoldEverything
Like, to be fair, it's not an uncommon thing to solve bad constipation, to manually dislodge it. But kid + stick from outside got me worried
Ryebread91
Suddenly came on me one day riding bike when 9. Hurt so bad couldn't move, mom had to come out and carry me inside.
BiteTheHandsThatThieve
Did you ever live in Hawaii?
thatprickleypear
Nope. Arizona girl here
BiteTheHandsThatThieve
Oh cause I had a friend in middle school in Hawaii tell me about her brother who did that.
nahemah
Sometimes it's not poop (⊙＿⊙)
Goofingoff
And that, kids, is where babies come from!