wolfdoggreen
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How Very Christian Of You
Jun 20, 2016 11:11 AM
wolfdoggreen
180438
10178
683
nicenightforaneckinjury
"I'm not saying black and Asian babies all look the same... I'm saying they are easier to ACQUIRE!"
cedderick
Met him in a bar in Canberra once, kind of a cunt, but hell of a bloke to drink with
KatBlues
Generally people give a flying fladoodle unless the insult applies to them.
yourlostdad
I Fucking love Jim jefferies
browsib
I love his bits on atheism and on gun control... He's hilarious
Anthf
Comedy: 5/10 Shock Value: 5/7
ragnar34
5+5=10 :D
ReviloFTW
RandomFellowImgurian
friggin miss Dave Chappelle
xtsnx
I love jim, he just doesn't seem to give a shit :D
MadJackMcJack
His whole material can be summed up by
cerulee
Yeah, I don't find him funny either, but everyone's got their preferences.
ikb06
Loud, abrasive, forced humour. Not a fan personally; he does raise some good points through through his "humour"
HeroicHare
It left off the best part of the replacement baby joke!
ekwalters
I'd like to put my foot in the ass of the illiterate shit who put "Yohan" on that image.
Arnoski
I was good until the potato...
LokiKingOfJotunheim
I once turned down a woman. Her friend was trying to be a good wing lady. Then she got mad when I expressed no interest in her friend. (1/2)
LokiKingOfJotunheim
She told me I f'ed up cus she was going to have sex w/ me. I told her no thanks, I never fantasized about fucking Sloth from the Goonies 2/2
SenorElPresidente
Long enough to make me try to up vote twice.
TheBigSpoon69
Up, Gunther! UP!
GentlemanJack87
Loved the first season of Legit. Second one struggled but would have liked to seen a third.
tucker148
.
notmyfirstchoiceofusername
I have never laughed as hard at a TV show as I did at Legit. Fucking hilarious, but you're right, the second season battled
GooGuzzler
I dont think Jefferies' humor and jokes was well translated in the show tbh. He's my favorite and the ideas were good but poor execution.
TeddyBearLord
Maybe have a second person there with him? Add to the humor and help with the execution a little.
DickDastardly404
Yeah, the problem is this, I think: he's a bit of a cunt. His stage personality exaggerates it, but I think, unlike a lot of comedians 1/2
DickDastardly404
who pretend to be a total arsehole, he actually is kind of a shit, and Legit reflected that to a point where you just aren't really 1.5/2
DickDastardly404
rooting for him, in the end, you're just like "ah, mate, you fucking brought this on yourself, man." 2/2
chronicrv
Struggled as in "it was ok" or as in as bad as That's 70 Show last season struggle ? :o
GentlemanJack87
Hmmmm.... Too serious, not enough comedy. A little too preachy as well. Thought it deserved another season at least.
chronicrv
Most probably I'm still gonna watch it soo....
Snapneckscashchecks
Cunt
foxwithtools
Omg he dropped c-bomb *offended white woman*
5JUQE6
Nobody says it better than him haha
zzApotheosis
Shut up Steve
WalterWhiteWalker
SamMan
So women get called sluts & insulted because men aren't fussy? Why is that our problem?
DickDastardly404
if you look at it that way, I see how you come to that conclusion, but the point being made was that with regards to people who are act- 1/2
DickDastardly404
-ively seeking to have as much sex as possible, men have a harder time getting women to go home with them, and if you're judging the 1.5/2
DickDastardly404
worth of someone by the notches on their bedpost, one has to appreciate the time and effort it requires. Obviously, being able to 1.75/2
DickDastardly404
pick up drunk chicks loses it's impressiveness a short time after college, and the value of a person is measured by other aspects. 2/2
bedsound
Because it's her vagina and it's kinda weird you care so much about what she does with it
HeroicHare
I saw Jim Jeffries live once - he'd had to cancel the show in my city twice for various reasons beyond his control and he chartered a (1/2)
Curlyfrieswednesday
He's a good guy, I saw him years ago at a small comedy store, he got punched in the face and came back on to finish his set
HeroicHare
(2/2) private jet from LA to do the show so he made no money on it and he performed for almost 2 hours and it was hysterical.
AuthenticMexicanBurrito
Every time I get middle seat on a plane I think of him
ActuallCannibalShiaLabeouf
what is that from?
AuthenticMexicanBurrito
"Airplane etiquette" - Fully Functional
Purch
I've used his argument before, minus the multiple uses of cunt.
AuthenticMexicanBurrito
Yeah, me too hahaha people look at you like you're insane (even with an "inside voice")
Vectorman2
Middle people get both arm rests? I did not know about this, I may have been an asshole this whole time and never knew it
AlexanderTheGood
There was an entire section on this with too low resolution to read.
pancreas
you deserve it for buying Apple
57697a6f
I could read it all, I feel you need an eye test mate.
duskerz
didn't see it fuckboi
willdcraze
Shut it, you whiny entitled cunt!
Dongskanker
Not on mobile!
norwegiangingergal
I couldn't read that and I'm on mobile. I mean, it was like one of those Magik books from the 90's. But maybe it's just me..
jnnfrhll
I'm on mobile and couldn't read that
ThadSupersperm
Guess what fuckers, I have an iPhone and I could read them all! #applemasterrace
ThadSupersperm
Y'all take jokes like nuns take dicks
fistermatic5000
I have a Motorola and could read it too biiiiiiiiiiiiitch
scaffdog
I have an iPhone and can't read shit
Jahaziel
I could read it and I am also on mobile..
flowseeker
#Teamgoodphone
JohnnyFnC
Couldn't see it on my 6 plus
JohnnyTitelips
Not on PC either, dunno what the fuck he's on about.
Ilikehentaiandthesuch
Especially on mobile*
Wolffenblitz
Agree
LimitDoesNotExist
I'm on iPhone. The image looked like it was printed and then scanned.
tornadosandwich
I think you mean ONLY on mobile
AuthenticMexicanBurrito
I'm on mobile and I couldn't read my favourite skit :(
corbynDallas
Couldn't read on mobile
YeahImGoingToHell
It might be certain phones because I was able to read them all fine
Wolffenblitz
Must be shit phones that sync with shit photos
YeahImGoingToHell
On my laptop now and I can still read all of it
Paoloc0mments
I couldn't scroll properly because my mouse is broken.
gggglllleeeennnn
You, sir, have my +1. Sarcastic af
MantisToboganMD
It sucks cause that's a really good bit too
enzio64
It's fine on PC and Android...
VanDerJoik
Bullshit
swimmer07
No issues on pc or android
kirchnerdan
I read them all just fine
Kamunari
Nope, it was fine for me c:
enzio64
I'm not using the imgur app. Maybe that makes a difference?
ThatsASpicyMemeLord
I'm on the app, couldn't read that section either
enzio64
All of the complaints so far seem to come from A) iPhone users, and B) using the App. I think we've found our connection.
SoMenSayThatImIntenseOrImInsane
Luckily that scene has been reposted so many times I have it memorized.
buttcrackel
It's too blurry for me too, maybe it's an iPhone thing.
Logmister10
Works fine on the browser version
SpitefulRed
I <3 Jim! I watched his bit about anal sex with my mom in the room- HILARIOUSLY EMBARRASSING
LearnSomething
I feel like men put too much stock into their game. I've already decided if I'm going to fuck you in the first ten minutes of meeting.
CondescendingCunt
Sweetie, you don't have a shot.
LearnSomething
Bitch, I don't want your broke-dick looking ass.
CondescendingCunt
Bitch please, my buns belong in the Louvre. You ought to invest in some CO2 though -- 'cause your ass is hella flat.
SexyStarfish
Ahhh, a 2-10-2
JackHandy70
Women decide to fuck based on appearance alone. Five 5 minutes on doing the "credit check", and then 4 minutes on "is he a serial killer".
LearnSomething
Somebody gets it. Is he hot? Will he kill me? Alright, go time.
joeyjojosharknado
That's kind of backs up Jim's point still. Men generally still have to do the pursuing, women can kick back and go "yeah" or "nah".
LearnSomething
Not really. If I want to be naked with someone, I'm going to make sure it happens. If a guy has to "pursue" me, I probably wasn't interested
joeyjojosharknado
Yeah, still not really disproving his point if you can 'make sure it happens'. That's a luxury beyond most guys.
LearnSomething
I don't literally mean "make sure it happens". This isn't 1923. Women are also capable of making a move.
MaddogExplosive
Your phrasing explicitly suggests you did mean it literally. "Making a move" is a completely different thing.
MaddogExplosive
It doesn't help that she sounds like she's boasting, especially based on the pictures of herself she has made available.
LearnSomething
How am I boasting? And what do pictures have to do with anything?
Dick75
Honest question, what is usually the deciding factor? How much does conversation factor in?
LearnSomething
Honestly, looks. If you're attractive, I'd fuck you. Any good factors after that just decide if I'd pursue anything beyond that with you.
Dick75
That's fair, you should be attracted to someone you want to spend time with.
mostlyimjustlurking
An important rule of comedy Is that the premise must be accepted. Too many illogical statements to be funny.
bobbyp21
You're not a very funny person, are you?
cfcannon
I'm sure this one would love some accounting humor or maybe that old one about the slide rule and the young engineer. Both kill at parties.
InsideTheForest
You mean too many mostly logical statements?
imnotsorry123
What part was illogical? Illogical things can be funny aswell you know, thats mainly what comedy is actually.
DaneBrass
Follow up to lost child: "I'm not saying because they look the same, I'm saying because they're easier to purchase."
DoYouLikeMyStupidHair
glad you finished that. it bugged me that it stopped 1 short.
FUCKlNGLEGEND
TwistedIdiot
"If Maddona and Angelina Jolie have proven anything is you can purchase black and Asian people"
HeTheColossus
Yohan is not a German name my friend, it's something you yell to get Solo and the Wookiee's attention.
MeanCactus
In the bit he says that is not a german name.
IamNotAshamed
"Johann" is a German name though, and the subtitles are bad. I don't get why the people at Auschwitz would be German though...
zezethedragon
He also used the name Hans, he might have assumed it was in Germany. Besides, it's not implausible that there are German families there.
apolloin
You're German. You're living in Poland, for some reason. Wouldn't you avoid the concentration camps?
unicornpoopbetterberainbowcoloured
Well, most of them did get killed or forced to move to Germany during the cold war to be fair
IamNotAshamed
just a sentence before he said "when I was in poland", so he knew it wasn't germany. And no, there's almost no germans in poland left.
zezethedragon
Ah, sorry, I missed that part. He probably didn't know any Polish names, then, and went with what he figured was the next best thing.
QueenAmy
There are people in the US names Hans and Johan, why not Poland? It's closer
EmanNiemThcin
Mostly because of this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_and_expulsion_of_Germans_from_Poland_during_and_after_World_War_II
VitriolNathrakh
I'd rather live in the US instead of Poland and I'm from germany, but that's just me. You're probably right.
QueenAmy
the US? right now? how quickly can you get here and register to vote?
agermanguy
Because of the origin. Has nothing to do with the distance. Its wierd here to give a kid an unusual name like james for example.
QueenAmy
but maybe the people were of German decent.
dagnall
I doubt anyone is gonna be yelling for Solo anymore...
themu050
Too soon
browsib
I happened a long time ago man
Grudgebearingmidget
Savage
EmanNiemThcin
I assume he meant to say Johann.
AnythingMuchShorter
That would be a German name though.
[deleted]
[deleted]
EmanNiemThcin
No, just messing with you. He actually meant to write Gotthold but made a bunch of really awkward typos.
PreciousPotato
Yohan is a Jewish name, Hans is German. But they are in Poland. This is either very deep or bad research.
DeathByUngaBunga
'The wookie' his name is Chewbacca you bigot
HeTheColossus
The bigot is named BatouComplex, you ignorant giant amazon
AnnieBahde
Maybe it was supposed to be Yan or something. Auschwitz is in Poland.
[deleted]
[deleted]
TheMushiMaster
'frank, the human boy' 'how did you almost know my name??'
IFoundOutICanChangeMyUsernameSoNowYoullNeverKnowWhoIWas
I find these hilarious but I feel the need to mention: the devil doesn't run hell. He's trapped in there, being punished as well.
AxelBeingCivil
Unless you're reading the Book of Job, in which case he's just one of God's angels.
CondescendingCunt
Oh, I guess the comedian doesn't have a degree in make believe.
RabidHobo
God told me that that is not true.
imhoots
Which one has pizza?
QuackAttactics
What a crazy fairy tale
buttcrackel
The devil doesn't exist..
Bricmpt
No shit. This is like watching some 6 year olds argue about how the Tooth fairy REALLY likes teeth handled. For fuck's sake.
cfcannon
That is the best description of internet religion fights I've ever read. Thanks.
HandsomeSwede
I'd like to mention the fact that Jim doesn't speak for all men. MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT!!!! is such an outdated fucking routine.
anubis14
Thank you. Without your help we'd be out to sea...now tell us about water. What did we settle on? Wet?
blaynbarbosa
Gender and class are historically common topics for comedians. Your post is like saying, "Ugh, Shakespeare again?!"
HandsomeSwede
Not to mention the whole thing about sluts vs studs. Not all men want to fuck all women.
HandsomeSwede
Sure, but how many times are we gonna have to hear "men like beer and don't need foreplay"? It's tiring. ugh
DickwaffleTheGreat
its a fantasy book dont take it so seriously
MrBlakeMeister
Additionally, the devil doesn't like anyone regardless of how rebellious you might be. He hates mankind equally
savemebabyjebus
TIL i'm the devil
gabadabagool
Oh did the devil tell you that? I'd like a source.
NimulosMaltibos
Aside from biblical sources it seems reasonable that the god, who created angels to obey, then creating humans he granted free will would >
NimulosMaltibos
> incite a certain jealousy from the highest angel, the morningstar, who deemed himself better than mankind and was cast out of heaven for >
NimulosMaltibos
> this rebellion against the one highest being he was supposed to obey. We can choose to hate God, but he loves us anyways - is that fair?
JamesProton
I believe there's this small reference called the Bible. It's obscure, I know, but it's real
leehamm
U mean the bible that was written, and rewritten and translated and retranslated based off a story that defies any kind of modern logic? ok.
JamesProton
You do realize many things are rewritten and translated (also "retranslated"?). The fact it's stayed the same is pretty remarkable
Klaustrix
I think it was something like the Devil was previously an Angel, God commanded Angels to love Hums equally to him, putting Human above Angel
Klaustrix
He was like 'nah, fuck that, you're the best, we're better' and God was like 'wat?' *damnation for eternity*
Elroydb
There IS the jealousy over God's power and disdain for all He created. Then again there is no "Devil" its an angel
gabadabagool
Did God tell you that?
Elroydb
Either way it has little to no relation to what happens to our lives on Earth. Threatening people wasn't particularly Jesus' style
Elroydb
No these are writings from people shortly after the start of the church. The whole story is nigh impossible to prove
stopthesquirrel
In Genesis he lies to Adam and Eve and convinces them to sin which in turn condemns all humanity to suffer pain and death. I assume by your
stopthesquirrel
2) mocking tone that you most likely think the Bible is ridiculous, but you asked, and I answered. Also he hates that God considers people
VanDerJoik
I'm sorry, but who condemns mankind to suffer pain and death? Not the devil. God surely showing his forgiving side there.
stopthesquirrel
3) to be His children. The devil doesn't think we are worthy to be elevated to that status. The devil himself thinks himself better than God
gabadabagool
Ok, but who had this conversation with God and the Devil? Some mortal wrote down the story, so he must've met up w/ them at some point.
gabadabagool
And who wrote down this encounter with the Devil?
stopthesquirrel
Moses. I believe he wrote it by God's direction. The whole point of this discussion hinges on that belief, or lack thereof.
MrBlakeMeister
Read the bible. The devil is constantly trying to undermine faith, condemning humanity to hell. He is prideful, and cares only for himself.
joeyjojosharknado
Yeah, but like Jim says, of course God is going to slag the devil off in his own book. The devil needs to write his own tell-all memoir.
MrBlakeMeister
It's the only way to see the other side of the story, but he never made one. To me, that just says that he doesn't care.
gabadabagool
Who met up with the devil for this interview?
coyotechicken
MrBlakeMeister
Well there's this book called the bible. Do you have reason to believe that he loves you?
JaxDagger
the bible is your source of fact despite being a work of fiction xD try again please, actual facts this time.
MrBlakeMeister
Thank you for your contribution
swimfasteatass
I mean you're having an argument about the devil. I doubt you could open a textbook and find something about him at all
PrincessButtercupAF
Shut up, Steve!
JaxDagger
you learned absolutely nothing did you xD
gamer2k4
C.S. Lewis believed that hell was the only place God was utterly absent, and that was exactly what made it so horrible. It's not a party.
reasonablemoron
It's not that God is entirely absent, it's just the furthest place from God. Have you read the Screwtape letters?
gamer2k4
Yes, but the book naturally takes some liberties for the sake of getting a point across. Satan probably doesn't talk about God much in hell.
reasonablemoron
Probably not more than like haha
joeyjojosharknado
It's also mythology. I'm worried about angering Zeus or Odin in exactly the same way I'm worried about Satan and hell.
joeyjojosharknado
LOL @ the downvotes. Must be some angry Zeus and Odin worshippers out there.
HamsterOnAGoat
or at people understanding what the conversation was about. the one that went over your head
joeyjojosharknado
No, it wasn't that, because I understood the context perfectly. Better than you did, that's for sure.
rkole
I'd down vote you too, but only because he's commenting on the comedian's incorrect understanding of Christianity. Not on God's existence.
joeyjojosharknado
Yes, I know what he's commenting on, genius. Are you really that obtuse?
kloudykat
I do find it interesting that if i was born 2000ish years ago, I'd be worshiping Zeus, but now? Jesus is the flavor in the US.
joeyjojosharknado
And if you were born today in a Muslim society you'd likely be a Muslim, same for Hindu, Buddhist, etc. Weird coincidence, that...
joeyjojosharknado
And out of the 1000's of God and religions, it just happens that the one each person worships is the One True faith. What are the odds?
JaxDagger
and we should believe that because? because someone said it and we must be gullable? no thanks xD
swimfasteatass
He wasn't saying you had to believe it, it was C.S Lewis' belief.
rophiandis
Yes, Hell is his prison, not his kingdom. EARTH is his kingdom
Sifernos
It is all up to interpretation and personal belief. Personally, I believe the devil sounds like a fascinating guy. And that's for me.
TydenS
There is no interpretation of the Bible that has the Devil running hell. There are some that started hell is not a place of punishment.
TydenS
But it's very clear that Satan is given dominion over the earth, when the earth passes away his power is stripped and he is trapped in hell.
nycterelis
One could argue, it was a gift given to him to keep him as far away from the father he rebelled against.
TydenS
That is actually the interpretation my sect uses. Cheers !
AlkeneThiol
"Sect." That's the easier to swallow synonym for "cult."
TydenS
Totally fair. Normally the distinction is that sects allow you to question and challenge the established rules, while cults do not.
nycterelis
Doesn't mean he should be downvoted for it
AlkeneThiol
I didn't downvote. I don't downvote people unless they're racist.
Vectorman2
'OK my boy, here is your present! A place of pure tormenting misery that no living thing would want! And the best part is, you cant leave!'
nycterelis
Ok, or he could be surrounded by his brothers and sisters in the light of god, openly shunned, the weight of his shame crushing him forever.
Vectorman2
I mean it is pretty much openly shunned with the weight of his shame/failure on him now, he just has hellfire and agony added to it
Elroydb
Well when you try to kill your boss and take everything he owns and fail at it you aren't going to get daisies and sunshine