Snowchill
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The Battle at Teutoberg Forest
In 9 AD, Quintilus Varus was marching through a Germanic forest with his three legions, a few units of cavalry and some auxiliaries. Their marching line was steretched to about 15-20 kilometers. At this point the Romans were ambushed by Germans. Under heavy losses and pouring rain, the Romans managed to set up a fort for the night. The next morning, two attempts at escaping were met by heavy losses. The following night, they did a night march to escape, but were met with another trap by Ariminus, who had been raised in Rome and knew Roman tactics. The Romans made some desperate attempts to break through the ambush and failed. At that point, some Roman official commited suicide, like Varus himself, while others died fighting or surrender with their units. The destruction was complete. When Augustus, the Roman emperor, learnt of the defeat, it is said that he wandered the palace at night, banging his head on the walls, shouting: "Quintilus Varus, give me back my legions!".
The Battle at Aegos Potamoi
This battle took place during the Peloponnesian War (431 BC-404BC). This was a conflict that encompassed most of Greece, Sicily and Asia Minor. The two alliances who fought were led by the Spartans and the Athenians. In 405 BC, the Athenians and the Spartans were about to have a naval battle in Aegos Potamoi, which were in Asia Minor. Every day, they would deploy for battle, and the Athenians would wait for the Spartans to move. But the Spartans didn't. Instead, their leader, Lysander sent his fastest ship to monitor the Athenian actions. Every day, the Athenians grew more bold and would go farther from their ships after each time they deployed. After all, they were Athenians, the best sailors in the ancient world. What had they to fear? After some days, Lysander told the ship he was sending to signal the rest of the fleet when the Athenians disembarked. At that point, Lysander attacked. The Athenian demise was complete. Out of 170 ships, only 20 returned to Athens.
Thermopylae
Most of you know this one. About 7,000 Greeks held back 70,000 to 300,000 Persians.
The first day, the Greeks suposedly cut down the first wave with abrely a couple losses. Afterwards, the Persian King, Xerxes, sent 10,000 immortals. The Greeks used the tactic of feigning retreat, and then, when the enemy's line was broken from running after them, they'd turn around and slaughter them.
The second day, Xerxes assumed that the Greeks were now injured and the few were left, so he sent the infantry once again. And again, they were cut to ribbons. After a while Xerxes called the attack off. It was at that point that he was approached by a Greek called Efialtes, who knew another passage into Thermopylae, which led behind the Greek lines. (fun fact, Efialtes means Nightmare in English)
At dawn in the third day, Leonidas learnt the the Persian would have them surrounded soon. So, he order the Greeks to leave. Of the 7,000, only 300 Spartans remained, 400 Thebans and 700 Thespians stayed. Also, the Helots, the Spartan slaves, stayed behind, because they were slaves, they had no other option.
When the Persians attacked, the Greeks actually sallied out, in order to kill as many as they could. They fought with spears until they broke, and then carried on with swords. It was then that Leonidas died. Afterwards, the Greeks retreated to a hill to make a last stand. It was then that the Thebans surrendered. (this caused them much dishonor and disdain later, altough they were reedemed) The remaining Greeks were said to have fought with swords teeth and nails, until they all died.
Today, on the hill were they died, stands and epitaph by Simonides:
Ὦ ξεῖν', ἀγγέλλειν Λακεδαιμονίοις ὅτι τῇδε
κείμεθα, τοῖς κείνων ῥήμασι πειθόμενοι.
Ō ksein', angellein Lakedaimoniois hoti tēide
keimetha, tois keinōn rhēmasi peithomenoi.
Go tell the Spartans, thou who passest by,
That here, obedient to their laws, we lie
Mikatagahara
This battle was fought during the Sengoku Jidai in Japan. Ieyasu Tokugawa faced Takeda Shingen. Shingen, using his cavalry, the best in Japan, demolished the Tokugawa forces. Tokugawa retreated to Hamamatsu castle, with only five men following him. At this point, most samurai would commit seppuku (suicide). But not Tokugawa.
He ordered the castle gates to remain open, while he sent one of his men to beat a war drum outside them. When the Takeda vanguard approached them, they thought it was a trap, so they waited outside and made camp for the night. During the night, Tokugawa sent a group of ninjas led by Hanzo Hattori (otherwise known as the most badass ninja of the era) These ninjas proceed to do some damage to the Takeda army. The following day, Shingen, woried that reinforcements would soon arrive, and uncertain of the strength of the Tokugawa army, retreats back to his home province of Kai.
Megalopolis and Agis the Third
Agis was a Spartan king during the times of Alexander. He revolted against him and besieged Megalopolis, a city in the Peloponesse. The city managed to hold out until a Macedonian general, Antipater, came to its aid. In the battle that ensued, Agis lost, despite doing great damage to Anipater. during the retreat, when it became apparent that the Macedonians would catch up to the Spartans, Agis, who had taken many wounds across his face, chest and legs, ordered his men, who were carrying him, to let him down and continue retreating. Agis, unable to even stand, stood on his knees and waited for the Macedonians. He managed to kill quite a few of them and slow them down, until a javelin went through him, You would think his massive balls of steel would have stopped it, but what can you do.
I hope you enjoyed guys! I tried to keep it short! If you want me to do a post with anything else historical, tell me in the comments! Also, here are some Spartan quotes:
-'But we have never driven you from the Eurotas!'
When an Athenian claimed that 'We have often driven you from the Cephisus'. Antalcidas a Spartan negotiator's reply.
'Cephisus' is a river that flows through the Athenian plain, and 'Eurotas' is a river that flows near Sparta. The Athenians nor any other enemy had ever reached that far in Lacedamonia towards Sparta.
-'As far as this can reach.'
When asked 'how far Sparta's boundaries stretched?', King Agesilaus' repied brandishing his spear.
-'These are Sparta's walls.'
When asked why Sparta lacked fortifications, King Agesilaus' pointed to his men.
-'What splendid women's quarters."
When being drawn attention to the solid city-walls with its exceptionally strong construction, King Agesilaus remarked
-A Spartan warrior was said to have painted a life size fly upon his aspis (shield). Asked why the enemy would be scared of a fly he said: Because when I smash it into their face it would appear a giant.
JessicaMyersWhite
You could do a battle from the Reconquista, The Charge of the light Brigade from the Crimean War, The Boer Wars, the Boxer Rebellion.
Beakersaurusrex
Really loved the post man but could you do me a favor and cite your sources? In case some of us want to look into stuff on our own?
stump24
Massive balls of steek
TaintedGENE
TIL steek
SkeletonHitler
If anyone is interested in stuff like this, Extra Credit does a great series called "Extra History" that covers this type of stuff.
JamEngulfer
I'm loving the Japanese series. Really cool stuff going on
siler7
The Greeks would probably still rule the Mediterranean if they didn't squabble amongst themselves so much.
Snowchill
Very true.
butmomalltheotherkidsdoit
As a Greek, we were ALWAYS like that. We still are. Take a look at what's going on in the country at the moment. We are utter jerks!
theoriginalsmellycat
+1 for the motherfucking greek epitaph. There's a beautiful latin translation of that by Cicero, too.
Itsnotminehonest
Takeda**
Snowchill
fixed
DestroyerOfSense
You should include the Battle of Adrianople. The Romans were supposedly packed so deep that they couldn't even raise their swords.
DestroyerOfSense
Oh yes, and Cannae.
evilmonkeyjoe
Don't forget Caesar Crossing the Rhine. "Rome can go anywhere"... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesar%27s_Rhine_bridges
GBWI
Thx, did not know that
lbreteau
After invading Greece, Philip II of Macedon sent a message to Sparta: "If I invade Laconia you will be destroyed, never to rise again.
lbreteau
" The Spartans replied: "If" (αἴκα). "If" (αἴκα). Neither Philip II nor his son Alexander the Great attempted to capture the city.
Snowchill
Thing is, they could have done it, Sparta was pretty bad then, they just respected them and mocked them when they invaded Persia.
Acornlad
Basically the Greeks and Romans had some of the best fights.
MrAwesomesauce101
Romans had a very well structured military and for a while had superior structure, training and equipment but overtime never update them.
Snowchill
True.
Acornlad
If you are into Greek war history read "The Virtues of War" and the "Gates of Fire" by Steven Pressfield.
Sleelan
My favourite quote from Sparta was "If".
Racealistic
its not taked.. Its Takeda Shingen. Loved the stories!
iCameHereToDrinkMilkandKickAssAndIJustFinishedMyMilk
Was looking for this response. Thank you
VodkaReindeer
What about Tokugaawa and cavlry.
Snowchill
Fixed it!
MyEpicBeardMakesMeDoThings
History is often a lot cooler than modern movies would have us believe... also a lot more dangerous, unforgiving, and poorly lit.
OldSpice
This is very long to read, but the pictures are pretty
IMayOrMayNotHaveTroubleFindingAndOrChoosingAUsername
Also no running water or ceramic thrones.
FireUpTheCloudCarLando
In my experience, life has a pretty low production value.
Coldshade
So Game of Thrones in a nutshell.
NotDeadYet
Except for the poorly lit part.
Protean2648
You forget "dirty" and "unhygienic"
Snowchill
Don't forget the fucktons of backstabbing and betrayal.
itsybitsyspider
And the diseases
ForThoseWhoHaveHeart
I'm curious if the reason Efialtes means nightmare is because of him. I doubt his parents were like "We're going to name you nightmare"
Snowchill
It probably is, because it was a common name in Ancient Greece, that was rarely used again afterwards
SwedishElectricianandSchnitzelGuru
Sacking of Constantinople in 1204 surely was one fop the biggest backstabbings in history of Europe, and also one of the saddest moments...
Snowchill
Man, I'm Greek, this shit makes me so bloody sad. It's essentialy Byzanium's end.
SwedishElectricianandSchnitzelGuru
Yeah... a 200-year long prelude to 1453 pretty much...
Snowchill
Honestly, for me Byzantium ends in 1204. After that, most emperors sucked and the Empire was tiny.
panzersharkcat
I'm just a Roman fanboy and I'm pissed at Enrico Dandolo. Can't imagine how a Greek would feel.
Snowchill
Very, very sad. Although Dandolo was kinda badass, and the Byzantines had it coming, since the whole Emperor dynasty (Aggeloi) sucked balls.
robmom
And a lot more stinky!
ShitIstoleFrom4chan
Arminius (Hermann) and the forest in question:
But I don't think he originally was 175ft
KathiSmartie
Herman the German. I live near the Teutoburger Forest.
ShitIstoleFrom4chan
Me too. In Bielefeld.
Snowchill
You never know man
ShitIstoleFrom4chan
I was there as a kid once and there was a dad with his son on his shoulders saying "that's Hermann. He beat up romans back in the day like
ShitIstoleFrom4chan
Asterix and Obelix"
TheDaltonSmith
For more awesome history check these guys out! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyKYa0YJ_5Aq7g4bil7bnGi0A8gTsawu
JamEngulfer
I've been looking for someone to mention Extra History here
Snowchill
I love these guys. Also, check out Crash course, although it's not as accurate
lcnv
Maybe credit them for the description of Tokugawa and Hanzo. They use the same wording in their recent episode.
TheTitsinator
If anyone is interested, there is a great movie about the battle of teutoberg forest called "Eagle" I would definitely recommend it
Wesugi
The Tokugawa one sounds awfully like something Zhuge Liang did....
Snowchill
It's a whole tactic, I think, been done a number of times
SiIverSoul
You guys talking about the dude who just sat at the gates and drank tea?
Snowchill
yeah
flickerdart
The thing with Quintilus Varus is the benchmark test for Total War: Rome 2 (Emperor Edition, not the shitty original one with all the bugs).
SweatySwami
I am leardning :')
mikeoc61
Hi super nintendo Chalmers!
GlynStlln
"Me fail English? That's unpossible."
Snowchill
yayyy
ItsFootballNOTsoccer
The Battle of Teutoberg was later avenged heavily by Germanicus!
WasThatGuyFromTheWireGayQuestionmark
Man, is there any part in history where Germans weren't fucking bad ass? Hmmm...
Snowchill
Well, the HRE was a bloody mess after a point... But other than that...
SukhoiSuperjet
I'd say present day Germany.
SAWhowhatnow
Well they didn't do so hot in WWI...
welluhwhatdoyouwantmetosay
(1/2) The Romans march two legions down the Rhine when they encountered Germans. They asked them if they wanted to be a colony of Rome.
welluhwhatdoyouwantmetosay
(2/2) The Germans put up their hands, and said sure. That place is now known as Cologne.
MortuusSum
Well, after teoutoberg, more Romans marched up there and pushed Germany's shit in so hard that general is now known only as "Germanicus".
MortuusSum
"Pax Romana" is Latin for "Don't Fuck With Us".
Satanslittlechariotsoffailedpotential
Still couldn't hold the bits of Germania they did take though. Retreated right back across the Rhine when they were done.
ItsFootballNOTsoccer
They were kind of demolished later by the Romans as revenge for the Teutoberg disaster!
AllIHaveHadTodayIsLikeSixGummyBearsAndSomeScotch
I don't know if you heard of the Third Reich. That was a pretty important thing that happened.
god007
As a German: Thank you for calling us badass. +1 for you
ICanChangeMyUsernameWheneverIWantButIDontBecauseIAmGodDamnLazy
Hey, you Germans are pretty baller.
SirStrongBad
Not sure why this got downvoted. Germans are badass...
god007
Well, thank you, too.
TheOxytocin
TIL Hattori Hanzo actually existed
excepttheoneswhoaredead
and rather than a swordmaker he was a ninja!
Snowchill
Fuck yeah he did.
IAmHarrisonFord
Yea but hes considered a traitor of ninjas
wintorez
There were more than on Hattori Hanzo. The one in this story was Hattori Hanzo the first, nicknamed "The Devil Hanzo".
FruitsPunchiSamurai
Im not sure if you watch it, but Gintama has a guy called Hattori Zeno based off of him.
FruitsPunchiSamurai
He suffers from hemorrhoids
AxelYamanaka
But Sarutobi Sasuke did not. Nor did the rest of the sanada ten braves.
Kefro
Damn, i remember playing Total War Shogun with only my general and a couple archers left, against 5 groups of samurai, i died honorably.
Friskypickle
You have made your kin proud
CoconutCyclone
Japan uses the names of it's historical figures quite often in it's media.
CanadianWolfe
I too like to fight naked
RogueFirefighter
It's pretty bad-ass.. Pretty bare-ass too.
markymarklovesu
Imagine the enemies fear when you get a chub on
fulcrume
Imagine your fear when they respond by unsheathing their sword (actual sword; not penis).
Kidiri
markymarklovesu
Classic
CanadianWolfe
"OH MY GOD HE"S GONE FULL CHUB"
markymarklovesu
"GET OUT OF RANGE" -Xerxes, maybe
Kidiri
No battle of Salamis? And another Laconic quote: "If I invade Laconia you will be destroyed, never to rise again." -"If."
novaldemar
Probably one of the best quotes in history. I sadly can only +1 this once
Snowchill
I wanted to include Salamis, but I didn't want this to be too long, also I didn't want it to have just Greek stuff. Maybe in part 2
BlueSkyMiningInc
If you're doing a Part 2, I'd recommend the Battle of Alesia. Caesar was one clever cookie.
BarrythebionicdouchebagDylan
Please put in more about the Romans!
NewKing
You should include battles during the Crusades also
Kidiri
But Greek stuff is best stuff. Also, Battle of Sabis. I translated part of it in high school, and we had this awesome teacher who made [1]
Kidiri
the best pictures and explanations on what went down, what Caesar did, what the Belgicae did...
Snowchill
As a Greek, Greek stuff IS best stuff :) I'll probably include both of these in part 2 if I make another
Kidiri
I'm also partial to the Persian wars, because I've translated parts of the Anabasis.
Summersky
All this over a delicious deli sandwich? Perfect.
IMadeAnAccountJustToWriteThis
The Spartans designed their entire culture around speaking softly and carrying a big stick. Also slaves.
MrScud
I love history. Very rarely do I find parts of it uncool.
AlCaspone
The boring, uncool things are left to the professionals.
Snowchill
You. I like you.
MrScud
:)
SwedishElectricianandSchnitzelGuru
Indeed, I especially find the prelude to WW1 the most interesting months in history. Surely shaped the world we live in.
SpyMonkey3D
Well, and all the events before that shaped the prelude to WW1.
SwedishElectricianandSchnitzelGuru
Well naturally, but I meant the diplomatic exchange and the tries to avoid a large war to the very end. No one wanted a war THAT big.
SpyMonkey3D
There is a youtube channel called "The Great War", check it out, you will like it.
Gelardi
Hmm who do you think were the better sailors? Vikings or the greek?
bigbosstussball
Greeks could only sail if the wind was at their back. They also could only do coastal voyages, while Vikings sailed the open waters.
bigbosstussball
Additionally, the Vikings could raid up river, their boats were shallow enough. And they could carry their boat if needed to the next river.
ThisIsSittingOnASeal
Different ships and tactics. Hard to compare, but would say Greeks.
CheeseNOnion
Which one reached both the New World and the Mediterranean? Those guys must have been bored as hell up there in the somber North.
Snowchill
Greeks I think
Kostantinho
On Trade Greeks were better but on combat Vikings were better. Greeks had the "Greek Fire" but Vikings had better ships overall.
wolfteller
Vikings, Greeks didn't do open water so well mostly stuck to coastal routes
SassySashay
thanks OP !! love history! do more about HANZO and his baddassery
CaptainBlockedPunt
I didn't realize Kill Bill was referencing a real guy. I should have, but I didn't.
JamEngulfer
If you like the Japanese warring history, take a look at Extra History on YouTube. Great series and is really entertaining
SassySashay
thanks will do !
Trellin
My Latin teacher, who was at the battle of the Teutoburgiensis Saltus, had us take down the following note on it: (1/several)
Trellin
"The battle was fought on a very wet day in marshland. Those who survived were placed in baskets and burned alive. The worst of this (2/?)
Trellin
... was the loss... of the Roooman eeeaagles." (i.e. the aquila standards.) It always struck me as particularly heartless that the standards
Trellin
mattered more to him than the men, especially seeing how he was Augustus himself. (4/4) The story loses out a bit without the hand (1/2???)
Trellin
movements and vocal impression. (5/5)