iAmConno
85946
3359
171
Mom understands
I'll take "things I wouldn't expect to hear my dad screaming for $200, Alex"
Human training 101
ICommentWhenImDepressedToMakeMyselfFeelBetter
I haven't laughed out loud in so long I've forgotten when the last time was. I lost it at "ah, my fart cone"
Pixiepepper90
I know of a guy that legally changed he's name to "naruto yasumaki" he's name was Ian before.
ListenHereFucko
No space between pictures on mobile is pretty terrible
worldlyredneck
This was a spicy dump. Like the morning after taco bell
t0fub4c0n
Aqaja
Marcopyr
Millions in your area looking for dating and sex free site, visit == W W W . passionfoundhere . C O M
t0fub4c0n
A
cowboyin101
beep beep lettuce!!!!!
Ewanator
私はあなたをあきらめることはありません。決してあなたを失望させない
Pind
If no ones gonna say it, I will: strawberry kid looks like scar face
SaguaroSun
You need to know that my husband and I are drunk, laughing so hard we're crying. Thankssssssss.
testingmyban
t0fub4c0n
A
Nalianna
#8 Cha-Cha real smooth.
sighAnimal
could someone explain the participation one?
SaguaroSun
The idea is that the building collapsed under the weight of all of the participation trophies earned.
sighAnimal
thank you!
pandro
Thank you I definitely missed the point. I thought it was deluded poor players run amok when they find out RL isn't like that. :-(
Idsertian
#4 Teacher's got the font size right, but come on, Verdana is a *waaay* better looking font than Times New Roman.
Nicodemusthefirst
Imo Arial is better, much easier to read for most people.
Idsertian
Verdana is a clean, easy to read font, without the thin-ness of Arial. But I may be biased. I don't like Arial.
Nicodemusthefirst
I don't either but it's easier to read than most fonts.
Idsertian
Perhaps give Verdana, a whirl, then? Nothing to lose but your min- I mean, time.
Nicodemusthefirst
Lol, thanks for the recommendation.
SleepyDonutTiger
#50 is very relatable, actually.
MyHouseOnMars
#46 The whole point of those puzzles is you only get one question you numpty.
jillton
Yeah, so if you ask 4 + 4 and it answers 8 you know it's telling the truth, if it answers anything other than 8, you know it's lying.
MyHouseOnMars
But then you won't be able to ask which is the right door because you used your one question confirming which one lies.
jillton
Whoops, I forgot about the 'one question' rule!
zeusdemigod131
Always ask "What would the other guy say?" And take the opposite path
zeusdemigod131
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBEEBXsFeRk Jack explains it here
redloki55
#49, thanks Apple for stopping those with stupid humor from relying on automation to enter the workforce...
t0fub4c0n
A
redloki55
#46 is wrong, truth door doesn't tell you that is the correct door...smh
WhySoSirius
I hope my bf doesn't see the one about the epidural or else I may actually end up with a kid named Steel Neal....
Nicodemusthefirst
What about April o.
KeeperofthekidS16
One for the last one
DonnaNobleInTheLibrary
I don't think #8 should be allowed to operate a vehicle if their medication makes them space out. Too much risk of accidents.
ToastMasterLex
I guarantee their med paperwork says not to operate heavy machinery. Mine does. But I gotta get to work somehow.
TheNoblePizzaDragonWhoLivesInYourFridge
"To the left" "take it back now y'all" *Runs over 17 children*
foxhoundunit89
The challenge isn't finding the liar, it's picking the door that won't get you mega fucked by random monsters.
YouAreNotARobot
Ya, you can only ask one question. That's the point
NoSleepTilBrooklyn
There's a short story - I think it's Harlan Ellison, with a similar plot to this:
iAmConno
If you dig it up and source it I'll reward you with animal butts and corgis in that order
NoSleepTilBrooklyn
"Laugh Track", in "Angry Candy". https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=BE5KDAAAQBAJ&pg=PA177&lpg=PA177&dq=laugh+track+angry+candy&source=bl&ot
NoSleepTilBrooklyn
I look forward to many fluffy puppy butts to brighten my day!
[deleted]
[deleted]
NoSleepTilBrooklyn
An upvote for you, my good sir or madam.
superhistorynerd
*whispers* I kinda like Big Bang theory....
GoliathSkittles
I find that it's a lot like Nickleback...it's ok, I don't really like it but it's not as god awful painfully bad as the internet say it is
flamingflamingo
I don't, but my neighbor lady loves it, and when I've sat down with her to share a glass of wine, and it's on TV, I've found I don't hate it
Litheen
*beckons and whispers* You're not alone. I'm not sure why it's hip to dislike it, but I find it amusing most of the times.
superhistorynerd
There are dozens of us!
ThoughtfulTortuga
Yeah, "our" doesn't sound like "are" to most people.
senefen
Doesn't work with an Australian accent. 'Our' is drawn out, ou-r, 'are' isn't, and the 'o' isn't the same sound as the 'a' in are.
CrisprCASrat
Brit here-hour and are are way different but my American wife says them the same.
aduntoridas
Depends whether it's emphasized for me. 'That's our thing' vs. 'that's OUR thing' - first sounds like 'are', second like 'hour'.
LookingForDistraction
Depends on the dialect.
WhySoSirius
American here with a fairly neutral accent...I say them the same way
GoliathSkittles
"neutral accent" not possible.
WhySoSirius
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_American
spitfire
Hour and our are pronounced the same. Are and our are pronounced differently. I'm from Louisiana.
flamingflamingo
Which "most people" do you mean? Because I live in the rural US and those words are without a doubt homonyms here.
Chaxinitus
It really depends, where I live, our and hour are more like "ow-er", are is just R
RotundYoshi
Listen to the thing on this: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/our
flamingflamingo
I don't think you understand that we were talking about dialects, not some text-to-speech demonstration.
ThoughtfulTortuga
Most native English speakers.
flamingflamingo
Yeah buddy there's a lot of dialects to that one language spoken around most of the world.
ThoughtfulTortuga
Thanks, having studied English Linguistics I never would have known. The other words in that joke work for almost all of them, though.
flamingflamingo
If you studied linguistics, why did you give an answer that you knew was vague and unhelpful?
The701
"I'm leaving now, I should be there in an are."
flamingflamingo
Oddly our and hour don't sound the same here. But that does sound about right in a southern accent.
The701
It might be Pennsylvania Dutch influence back around where I'm from.
GoshNotMe
The thing that makes me laugh most about #47 is that there's probably hundreds of people walking around with a "Beep Beep Lettuce" tattoo.
pres2pond
Man, I'd want a tattoo that says "ベープ音レタス" on one arm and "ベープ音トマト" on the other. Then, when someone gets it, I'll marry them.
Jathantaylor
下痢です。
harshtarg
あなたが欲しいものを持ってください！
metaspy
I want both of them one above the other
AndAwaaaaaayWeGooo
それは私の魅力です。
jocloud31
I fully support the engrishification of existing memes.
acatwhisperer
私は2つのくそを与えていない
GoshNotMe
ちょうど1つのおかしいくそ
InitHello
And @Bucketfoot has given far too many.
Jathantaylor
Chipotle is worth it though.
EclipseMF
In Japan they don't say "I love you" they say " 豊富な馬の生殖器" which means "All you touch is gold to me" and I think that's beautiful
GoshNotMe
Either way you look at it, it's a compliment. In some ways, I would rather be described as having "Abundant horse reproductive organs".
Lefthandturnsignal
Is it bad that I'd prefer the beep beep lettuce tattoo over the sappy romantic one?
GarrettHawke
I want it too
ImTheOriginalSam
There's only one tattoo I've ever actually considered getting and it's 你好鸟 with a bird around it
jocloud31
Hi Bird :)
noprobllama
The first one actually made me really sad. Siri tried :(
LittleKnownOne
Nah, it was the fake concern that people are required to show. This is actually an accurate depiction of "don't... or whatever, k"
noprobllama
I feel sorry for you that the people in your life only show "fake concern" when someone is considering suicide.
LittleKnownOne
Note Siri quickly moved on-accepting the answer/decision, yet covered legally. Real concern is only for valued ones (attractive/rich/status)
eunoia1
That's pretty dark..
sparks72
I was reading this one aloud to my wife and without activating Siri, my phone asked me if I wanted the number. Siri is self aware.
Meqad
Me too. It gave me a few flashback to when I was suicidal myself. (don't worry, I'm not anymore)
phyr3start3r
stay positive friend
somenerandom
Also don't ask Siri for help
pandro
glad you are better! I traded that feeling in for a prescribed double dose (pharmacists check it!) and brain fog. No regrets, it's worth it.
Thebae
It made me flashback too but I still laughed. I dunno, I have a morbid sense of humor about my depression.
awildcharmander
Coping mechanisms ftw!
Thebae
Exaaaaaactly!