Encouraging people who need it most

Feb 3, 2018 6:50 PM

writtenconsentofMLB

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It really is easy to get into the habit of saying these things and discouraging people who are trying to change. There are so many posts on here about people struggling with social situations/interactions, and I’m sure I’m not the only who has been on the receiving end of these types of comments. Help others help themselves.

As an introvert that hits home.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

always heard, "IT'S ALIVE", "this is called the living room , ok? And that's outside", "welcome to the working world"... piss off

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Damn

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I never though about this. I may be guilty with my daughter. Thanks for this. Ill practice it.

8 years ago | Likes 34 Dislikes 1

I’ve never thought of it like this. I need to do better, thanks @op.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Ah look one of the reasons I no longer interact with my family.

8 years ago | Likes 408 Dislikes 7

We should start a club...

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Well, that and Imgur

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

You're not alone there.

8 years ago | Likes 36 Dislikes 0

I still interact with mine, but then I live with them. I'm perfectly happy staying in my room, on my computer for hours over going out.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Happening to me rn

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My youngest sister is very introverted, and my family does the first one to her all the time, despite how often I've talked to them about it

8 years ago | Likes 30 Dislikes 0

“You’ve finally decided to come out of your cave?” Nice, I’m going to go back in there now thanks.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

This hits a little too close to home

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I see you've FINALLY decided to join us. Why cant you do this all the time..... ya cunt

8 years ago | Likes 129 Dislikes 6

Are you Scottish?

8 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 4

See this seems encouraging.

8 years ago | Likes 22 Dislikes 2

in 7th grade I came home with my report card super excited that, despite a couple of D's, I hadn't failed any classes for the first time >

8 years ago | Likes 44 Dislikes 1

I got a solid B on my first test in college and my moms reaction when I called her was “oh no... what happened?”

8 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

> since 4th grade. but when I told my dad, he said "uhh that's still a pretty poor report card." which was true, of course, but I was twelve

8 years ago | Likes 45 Dislikes 1

I would say that's not a bad thing. There's a difference between just being a cunt and not spoiling your kids. Your father should have 1/2

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 7

2/2 dealt with it better but he didn't do anything wrong per say

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 8

Shit, not failing is something to celebrate. Good on you for making it through.

8 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

In 8th I got a B on a test I didn't study for and was kinda proud I absorbed so much, but was told I should have gotten an A... I gave up.

8 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

I know that feel. I was mostly an A's student but I still got B's here and there. There was never any praise for the A's. Just admonishment

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

for the B's.

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

And the one time I got a D in my senior year of hs it was like I murdered someone.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Had a brother who'd get 2 and 3s (out of 10 where passing is 5) on tests and I usually managed 8 - 10. One day after tests at school...

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

"wow, you got up early for once! You! I never thought I'd see it! Next thing you're gonna tell me you want a healthy snack!' How to make

8 years ago | Likes 67 Dislikes 1

Your kid never want to get up early it ask for a healthy snack

8 years ago | Likes 54 Dislikes 0

Story of my life. I became a shut in because that's how it felt when I wanted to be a part of something. But then when you're an adult, it/1

8 years ago | Likes 36 Dislikes 0

Becomes more of a bullying situation for you to socialize. I've been accused of drug addiction just because I was bad at talking to people!

8 years ago | Likes 25 Dislikes 0

Yes this! Its why Im removing myself from some of my "friends".

8 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Positive reinforcement: it works for dogs and people.

8 years ago | Likes 574 Dislikes 1

Praise Pavlov!

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Hey, crazy things I’d do for a Scooby Snack!

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

People don't like feeling as though they are a nuisance and a failure? Crazy.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

The carrot works way better than the stick

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

And cats!

8 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 2

Ha you believe that, the cat is fooling you for fun.

8 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Yay for knowledgeable people and infographics! You wouldn't happen to be a behavior analyst?

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

No, just remembered this from imgur since I, too, once thought it meant something else. :P

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Well cool! Thanks for spreading correct information! I love this stuff and there's tons of misinformation and misguided opinions out there

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I have to deal with this sort of thing all the time.. most of the time its lated out like a joke or something but it just feels bad man.

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Never thought of this till now... I've done it to people as well as happened to me, nice to learn things.

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

"So you've decided to join us?" I did, but now I'm deciding not to, since you decided you had to be a dick about it. - Actual convo with dad

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

As a Dad. I gotta do better at this.

8 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

As a daughter who felt terribly shamed by these comments, and has social anxiety, you wouldn't believe what a difference it makes.

8 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

Girlfriend's host sister suffered from major depression. She got up in time for school and actually started getting ready, which was really

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

abnormal and quite incredible. Her mom started lecturing her about not doing laundry right, and she went right back to bed. Didn't move all

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

day. Girlfriend was pissed at the mom for a while.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Yeah DAD

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

'So finally you left your room' 'why won't you meet up with fiends?' 'why your friends are so weird?'always something wrong,deep in paranoia

8 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

I do not do well with actively seeking out other people, friend or family. It bugs me when I get this kind of response. I'm trying, alright?

8 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

Wow, I hadn't thought about how this affected me growing up. Or if I might be doing it to others. I'll try and be more mindful, thank you.

8 years ago | Likes 171 Dislikes 0

Same!

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

My friends constantly did similar stuff. It makes you feel so small doesn't it?

8 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

This is why I try to end every rare interaction with "it was good to see you" or some variant (and usually a hug).

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

My entire fucking life is like this with my parents. Why can't you look pretty all the time? You'd have a nice figure if you lost weight...

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Thank you for doing the thing I asked...but I shouln't have to ask you...

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Never call a shy kid shy. I hated that and it made me even more self conscious.

8 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Same, messed with the way I viewed myself and I ended up avoiding social things cuz that's not something a "shy girl" would do. So stupid

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I still avoid social functions, not that I'm so shy any more. More along the lines of that I don't know how to carry a conversation.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I knew there was a reason I never wanted to tell my parents about the things i finally got around to doing.....

8 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

So when will you FINALLY get out of your cave and tell them FOR ONCE?

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I haven't told my family I want to start an Etsy shop. They'll just discourage me with "realistic expectations"

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Then don’t tell them! You open that Etsy shop and you be proud of yourself! And if you need anyone to be happy and root for you, I will! (1)

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

So stoked and excited for you to peruse this dream of yours! You can do the thing! (2)

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Thank you so much! *saves gif for future inspiration*

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I wanna shove this in some of my familymembers faces. Also send it to some "friends' with shittons of stupid glitter. People dont get this.

8 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Just yesterday I got shit from a former friend. Appwarantly Im boring because I decided to stop with alchol and care about myself. +

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Always snarky comments like mentioned in the post and making me feel like shit. Im over it and this persom aint important to me now. +

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Hope he remembers that when he realize he got noone to help when shit really hits the fan and his stick with his dumbass drinkingfriends.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I hadn't considered this. My oldest turns 8 next month, getting to the age where these little things matter. Anyone got other gems to share?

8 years ago | Likes 420 Dislikes 2

It's only a matter of time before they fuck something up. Beat them preemptively to make up for the times you don't catch them.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Don't cuss in front of them if you don't want them to cuss.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

My husbands parents and my parents never ever swore in front of us... we both swear like fucking sailors and can’t seem to fuckin stop

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

If you need to have serious or awkward chats do it in the car. Especially when they are old enough to sit in front with you. Mum did with us

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

It's good cos you don't need to look at each other but had the comfort of being close; & long silences are normal in a car & they cant leave

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Teach them not to interrupt/talk over one if people are in the middle of a conversation. It's very disrespectful

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

If you’re talking, you’re not listening. And make sure to actually listen. That you’re not just forming your next thought in to a sentence.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Don't be passive aggressive. Give clear expectations. I'm in so much therapy because my parents were p.a.

8 years ago | Likes 37 Dislikes 0

My mom always says "See this is why you didn't need therapy, I raised you well." I probably need therapy, i just won't go...

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Or sarcastic.... unless their teenagers.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Make sure you say "I love you" without any attachments to it. My mom would only say it after she was correcting me for misbehaving.

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Husbands family would punish, then give cuddles and love yous to easy the parents guilt...and they wondered why the kids were little shits.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

"I love you but..." made me misbehave even more because that's the only time I heard the term.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I got a lot of "I love you, but I don't always like you."

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Loving is easy. Liking is hard. But dear God don't actually say it to your kids!?

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Don't compare them to other people's kids or compare your parenting to other's. Because kids are different and no matter how well they do 1/

8 years ago | Likes 61 Dislikes 0

Yes! My cousin got pregnant first and my dad said "that's one more thing she beat you at" jokingly but still..

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

In school or sports, they'll feel like a failure because they can't live up to your comparisons. 2

8 years ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 0

This happened a lot in middle/high school with one girl in particular. Grew to slightly despise her over it. Mom still denies she did this.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I'd like to add since he's the oldest, don't label the kids or compare siblings to each other. I was 1/

8 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

the "smart one", my sister the "pretty one". To us that meant I was the ugly one and she was the dumb one. Takes a toll on self esteem.

8 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Program them with a code phrase that, when uttered, turns them into highly skilled assassins ready to defend your honour at moment's notice.

8 years ago | Likes 42 Dislikes 1

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

When they're doing something, don't tell them to do the thing they're doing. God damn if that thing won't get done then.

8 years ago | Likes 51 Dislikes 0

So annoying. I don't want to do the thing after you tell me i should be doing it when I am in the process of the doing the thing.

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Don't do something for one gender that you wouldn't do for the other. [Ex)My brother got condoms, I got a promise ring, and later an STI]

8 years ago | Likes 30 Dislikes 0

? Did you not know what a condom was by the time you had sex?

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Didn't know how to put one on a dude, or be comfortable getting them or making him wear one. Didn't know how to take care of myself sexually

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My brothers got great financial advice and training from my dad. He ignored me and let my mom teach me. She stole my money and taught habits

8 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Bad habits* by 21 I had 3 credit cards one closed, sent to collections, ruined my credit, and she still took my money. She had total control

8 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

When they (finally) do something right, don't adjust your expectations immediately. When they worked hard to get it right, they don't 1/

8 years ago | Likes 40 Dislikes 0

necessarily get it right always from now on, and it's another way of punishing success. Also, take note what helps them and what doesn't. 2/

8 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 0

Not all kids work the same and you can't work from a checklist in parenting. And something more personally dear for me: listen when they 3/

8 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

say something hurts. A child that constantly complains might constantly be in pain instead of whiny. Don't attribute everything to 4/

8 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

My mom: "You're such a hypochondriac!" Got diagnosed with a genetic disorder at 20 as a result. Still have to force myself to go to doctors.

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

personality when circumstances might actually be different. 5/5

8 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

Speaking from experience, this is a huge time for the development of hobbies that'll really mean something to them their whole lives.

8 years ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 0

When you tell them to pick a hobby, then don't let them do their first 3 choices, don't get annoyed when they dont want to go to the 4th...

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Make sure they're able to access a wide variety of enriching activities, especially stuff outside of their sphere of normal experience.

8 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

This explains so much.

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

They've mattered for some time, most youths form about 90% of their personalities by around age 12

8 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Your kid is going to start having opinions of their own that vary from yours,that doesn't mean they are wrong.Don't punish them for autonomy

8 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Let's be fair, usually they are actually wrong. But you should still let them be wrong ("I think that's wrong because X, but you do you")

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

For sure! I think a big problem with todays youth that I had growing up is being more liberal- prochoice, LGBT, healthcare, etc, 1/2

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

2/2 That parents might disagree with- but your kid is a person! And they'll have different thoughts and make different choices than you did.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Disagreement should be okay. You don't have to be happy about your kid's choices, but respect them if they're not harmful. 1/

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Teach them that feeling emotions is okay, what matters is how to respond appropriately to emotions.

8 years ago | Likes 306 Dislikes 0

But you also need to teach them how to respond to emotions, otherwise the phrase is meaningless

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Please. This. I'm 24 and I can't express feelings to save my life, I can't even tell my mother I love her or hug her without feeling weird.

8 years ago | Likes 38 Dislikes 0

how does one begin to show and respond to emotions...

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

One of the biggest things my Dad taught me was that it's ok to feel / be sad as a man. Something some of my friends still haven't learned.

8 years ago | Likes 38 Dislikes 0

I wish I could give you endless upvotes. The culture of "grin and bear it" is deadening.

8 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

Definitely this! My mother was brought up as "if you show any emotion you get beat" but as her child she tries her absolute best to show it.

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Definitely important! Like it's okay to get angry or upset or frustrated, it's not okay to take that out on others.

8 years ago | Likes 59 Dislikes 0

Please try not to associate responding to emotions with food. “Winning we get pizza! Losing we get Ice Cream!” It’s so hard to unlearn. >>

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

ESPECIALLY losing/disappointment. Nothing makes you feel better like the worst kinds of food. Undoing that association is terrible.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Don't tell her she's wierd, even jokingly or affectionately. It still hurts. You know everyone else thinks you're wierd, but you never

8 years ago | Likes 35 Dislikes 1

Eh that's case by case. My parents called me weird all the time. I was and am. But they said it in a way that was taken as acceptance.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Thought your parents saw you that way

8 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

I was always told that if I wasn't weird they would be worried, which made me feel better about how weird I am, lol.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Let them have their privacy and don't break it unless you think they might be causing themselves harm. My parents would constantly go (1)

8 years ago | Likes 93 Dislikes 0

My mom literally tore a page out of my journal within hours of finding out i had a journal. My mom has anxiety that makes her irrational.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I think my mother had some kind of mental disorder as well, but after some surgeries + medications she mellowed out. We get along well now

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Dad on the other hand took the opposite path and got progressively more abusive and crazy. We don't talk much.

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

THIS. My parents were amazing but goddamn my mom would just waltz into my room whenever the hell she wanted. I'm 35 and still have bad-

8 years ago | Likes 20 Dislikes 0

dreams about never ever having any privacy, ever. Show your kid(s) the same respect for their privacy you'd want them showing you!

8 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 0

I'm 31. When my mom comes over she makes it her mission to Go in my room and look around. Even if the door is closed. It pisses me off.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Through my stuff as punishment for other deeds, then punish me for whatever they found there they didn't like. I would draw a lot and (2)

8 years ago | Likes 65 Dislikes 0

A lot of drawing is anatomy so I would get in trouble for drawing "naked" people. Always ask if you can see their stuff + explain why, I say

8 years ago | Likes 49 Dislikes 0

The experience turned me into an extremely private and untrusting person and a good liar lol

8 years ago | Likes 53 Dislikes 0

A good liar? Pfft you think I'll believe that

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 3

Same here. Lying became another self defense mechanism. I still lie to them when I don't need to, just to avoid what they have to say.

8 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Teach them that sometimes people will be cruel to them for no reason. It happens to everyone. It's not their fault.

8 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

For fucks sake, teach them masturbating is okay and a natural urge. It's gonna happen before you're rwady, don't freak out and make them

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Repress that shit, it can fuck up a kid for years.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Never ever say "can you just grow up"

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Have the sex talk before 9-10, before his/her friends can misinform them. Right now they dont know to be embarrassed, it'll open a door>

8 years ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 0

>that will usually slam closed when they hit teens. If they're curious or scared about something they'll come to you about it if you're open

8 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

Plus that lays the groundwork for more in depth conversations later. One of the things they did right with me.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Positive reinforcement is always stronger than ANY punishment. Encourage good behavior and you will hardly ever need to worry about the bad.

8 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

If you guys ever have kids, and one of them, when he's eight years old, accidentally sets fire to the living room rug... go easy on him.

8 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Build their life skills - cooking, laundry, etc. Be their training wheels while you're around so they don't flounder when they move out.

8 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

If your kid does turn out to be an introvert, don’t try to change them. Some people are naturally more solitary, and that’s okay.

8 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

What do you do if you’re the introvert and they’re the social butterfly??

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Try, for your kid :) I hated having to socialize with all the parents, but kiddo always wanted bday parties and playdates, so we did that.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Gems to share?? Why are you breeding???

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 6

When they make a mistake, teach them to fix it and apoligize properly if they cant. Getting angry is pointless

8 years ago | Likes 76 Dislikes 0

On that note, lead by example when it comes to apologizing. I only heard dismissive "sorry"s in passing.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

"I'm sorry for.... next time I will....." and if you make a mistake or get angry apologise properly to them too.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Teach them it’s okay to fail. But don’t reward them for it. Don’t string them along with small prizes instead teach them to push for bigOnes

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

"Because I said so" should be a phrase reserved for actual crisis situations. Otherwise it'll just breed resentment and mistrust.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Punishing hard when they come clean about something will teach them that truth I'll be punished and liying rewarded

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

This one is a little weird but hear me out. Teach your culture, let 'em try new things and experience them. 1

8 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

I for one wasn't really shown stuff because I was too white. My mom's culture sees white people as outcasts and its sad. 2

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I was always excluded from cultural stuff and treated differently because of that despite my passion to learn about it. So yeah, do that. 3

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

12 hour rule they can call & you will get them from whatever bad situation they are in & you promise not to yell/punish - create safe space

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Can you please explain the '12 hour rule'? I've heard of something similar, never with any hours attached. I am now confused.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Kid agrees to call you to get them from unsafe situation and you agree not to yell, punish or even discuss it for at least 12 hours

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

1/ One of the most formative experiences of my life was when I was growing up racing karts (the real, $4k, 45mph kind) and I jumped out in

8 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

3/ got hurt and bruised his leg badly. Rather than get mad at me (I already was crying and knew I fucked up) he sat down with me and calmly

8 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

2/ a hurry to get back to the grid and forgot to shut the motor off, here goes my kart careening towards a fence and my Dad stopped it but

8 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

4/ explained how no matter what hurry I was in, I needed to be safe. At 11yo, that shit sunk in like a brick in a pool. Remember that.

8 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 1

Gratz on the great dad!

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

He is great. As In my mid-20s I've realized some bad things but it's like meeting your hero. Still great, but you realize they're human

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Give your child small choices like what color plate they want,

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Spitters are quitters

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Raise them to be happy. Let them have fun. Please, from somebody who never had these things growing up, let them have an actual childhood.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Awards efforts and not results. I struggled immensely in math and was called stupid when I failed. After weeks of trying. I stop trying.

8 years ago | Likes 74 Dislikes 0

Same here. I would be in tears. My dad would get mad at me, call me stupid, and leave me to figure it out. I never did. I get panic attacks

8 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

When I was in math or someone asked me a simple math problem. My brain froze, and I could never do it. I felt even dumber. Even as an adult!

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

When fractions and percentages send you into panic attacks, you know your fucked. Find X...FIND X!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Just trying to make change was impossible. As a cashier it was my biggest fear to have someone give me extra after the drawer calculated.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Me too. Its not even the math, its the panic and self guessing.

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Award both things. The trying is great but results still matter

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

This is true too but I believe also children need to learn failure is an outcome. And not the end of the world. To continue to try.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Of course.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Your job is not to control how they are kids, it's to teach them how to become adults.

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Don't show them how to do things. Ask them what they think might work, then keep working with them til they feel like they got it themselves

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Obviously, not for tying shoes. But for legos, drawing, clay, exploring, hammer/nailing, creative or scientific stuff. Teaches prob solving.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

3) say yes and I didn't know. Why would I lie to a parent and say yes?

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

2) Also tell them when they get it right. I was told "well, do you think it's right?" but never got confirmation because they wanted me to

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Tip: Take breaks and offer help if it's causing the child distress. I hated math because my parents wanted me to figure it all out alone.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Absolutely agree. Math is not a readily self taught skill. Was talking more about critical thinking, not math probs. Frustration kills :(

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

It's wonderful advice. I think it could've been helpful even with math to an extent, just needs to be applied with caution.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Practice redirection! If a child is doing something they shouldnt be, instead of screaming NO at them redirect them to do something you want

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Positive framing" so instead of saying "DON'T jump in puddles" say "I'd like you to stay clean please"

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Don't run with scissors.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

dont use guilt tripping as a way to get them to to something. My dad always conciously guilts me when I dont want something, saying things--

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

- along the lines of "you'll regret this when I'm gone". like dad no i just wanted to chill in my room for some hrs before guests arrived

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Varied experience is important, but so is persistence. Have them have 1 hobby/sport/whatever that they have to stick to for at least a year.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Sometimes kids will need space. Part of the issue I have with my folks is that they never really backed off and let me experience things.1/2

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Also if your kid comes out to you, please accept them. As someone who lives a different life around them, it'll just get them to lie to you

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

If your kid tells you something secret or embarrassing, do NOT laugh about it/ share it with your friends. My mother would call her (1/2)

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

friends and laugh about my insecurities not knowing I was in earshot. It broke my trust and hurt me deeply; never told her secrets again 2/2

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

- It takes 1,000 ‘atta boys’ to erase one ‘you’re an idiot.’

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Stock up on tissues and knock when the door's closed

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

F mine is 8 with ADHD.. whole new can of worms that we don’t know how to manage- yet. We’re working on it

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I meant “F” as in “following... mine blah blah” sorry if that reads wrong.

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Yea most parents are stuck for 18 years... u might be stuck for 28-38. If u can keep em outta trouble and prevent a failure to launch u win

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Lead by example: be kind, patient, loving, encouraging, be firm, but reasonable. Explain the logic of your decisions. Reward good behavior.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Don’t freak out when he tries opening up to you only to freak out 8 years later when he doesn’t open up to you

8 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

Telling the truth and punishment. "I broke a lamp and admitted it". They should then be told "you're being punished but remember that /2

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

This punishment would have been a lot worse if you had lied. I'm very proud of you for being honest"....

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Learn basic psychology stuff like classical conditioning & teach them to do cost/benefit analyses on everything automatically in their heads

8 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 1

That failure is a good way to learn if you are committed to getting back up and trying again

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

W/ this, let them fail As a parent your reaction will be to fix things. But for somethings let em fail so they can see where they went wrong

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

*Obviously not big things or where safety is concerned.

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Anger is meant for problems, not people. (Most people anyway.)

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Fuck. I didn't know I needed to hear this, now I'm writing it down in case I need a reminder.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Thank you.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Do not censor jokes/talk about alcohol, sex and other "adult" stuff.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I had like 2000 questions about sex between age 10-15, and someone that I actually dared to ask b/c Mum never hide how babies are made.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Don't punch your kids I think is a good one

8 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Usually, yeah.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Usually, yeah.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Don't guilt them for not being happy with you by telling them how much stuff you've given them, cuz then it feels they're just expenses

8 years ago | Likes 54 Dislikes 1

OH MY GOD my parents still won't shut up sometimes about what an expensive school they sent me to as a kid. Really makes the part where I 1/

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

2/ wasn't able to concentrate enough to get as much as they expected out of it a lot harder to think about even now, and then too.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Teach your kids how to cook. Spend time with them. Give space when needed. Show up to activities & support interests. Admit when ur wrong.

8 years ago | Likes 25 Dislikes 0

Bodily autonomy. Don't force them to hug/kiss people. Give them privacy changing/bathing. Don't tickle them if they don't fucking like it.

8 years ago | Likes 127 Dislikes 4

In many cultures, the kiss on the cheek is considered good manners.

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 2

Yup. Latino here and even though I'm an introvert, I kiss most of my aunts and grandmas since I'm used to it.

8 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

That includes Uncle Pete?

8 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

Especially Uncle Pete.

8 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 0

This!!

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

This! Laughing is an involuntary response to tickling. Stop if they say stop, even if they're laughing, and teach them to do the same.

8 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

"But you're laughing!" my father said and continued, while I cried. Then he sulked because I was angry.

8 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

You're not alone, buddy, it made owning your own body, and learning to say 'no touchie' much harder.

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

If you tell them "I can tell what you're thinking before you even think it" be prepared to be taken literally. Like, really literally.

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

About time you posted this

8 years ago | Likes 2387 Dislikes 11

8 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

Been waiting for you to make a contribution to the world. Better late than never

8 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Finally...

8 years ago | Likes 128 Dislikes 4

8 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

v

8 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 3

@shetookeverything probably

8 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

8 years ago | Likes 72 Dislikes 4

8 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

8 years ago | Likes 238 Dislikes 2

Grade A comment right here. Keep it up, champ.

8 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Is there a joke here? Can someone explain it?

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 14

As in: “Finally, you decided to post this”

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

8 years ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 1

8 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0