LXA591
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Long story short we have a one bathroom home and both got the flu at the exact same time. She couldn’t stop puking and I wasn’t gonna make her get off the toilet.......so I grabbed a bag and squatted. Front page edit: wow guys!! Based on several suggestions whoever is puking is using shower and pooper is using the pooper
Kopar
First time I've seen a confession bear and thought "that's a good man right there"
Scamsam
MrCIA
You sir, disgust me. Enjoy the upvote.
EnderPanda13
I love how most of the comments on this are either trying to make op laugh or give him tips on how to feel better. Imgur rules sometimes!
GetMeAReubenSandwich
Shouldn't this be the good guy meme?
FriteSauce
bentwrenches
LOL I just watched this episode last night!
johnnysinswastaken
My nigga Hank never seen a severed head on a tortoise? Pfft, light weight
picklesandshit
donotlookatthelight
Haha perfect use of this
AngryBaboon
What show is this from? Looks hilarious.
HowAreWeAliveIfWeAreMadeOutOfThingsThatAreDead
He looks like he’s never seen a severed human head on a tortoise before.
foxfire1112
concern.jpeg
TooTiredToMasturbate
theshrektacularshrek
SocialMediaMakesUsLessSocial
That dude is so fucking weird but he owns it
slappyhamsalads
Proper response ++
soljaboss
https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQu0B0uGcaPlAKXxsMN4T_sEQzq5jD6K-22eZ2slOhn0dTQOspcC9UVv8jyOw
HowAreWeAliveIfWeAreMadeOutOfThingsThatAreDead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF4HCwmgORM
DrNick
Moral of the story: even if you live alone, get a two bathroom house.
sebastVillain
Good one. Once my mate had to go badly so he shat on the sidewalk, 6.30 am very busy road. Lovely. Mother nature.
Pha1lor
Fuck those relationsshipgoals everyone gets thrown in the face from instagram. This is the kind of relationship i want to have!
Pha1lor
Congrats on that, even though it's kinda gross. But tbh almost all of humanity is kinda gross.
RD2C
Wuv. Twue wuv
HailNimrod
musesf80
longdukdongssexygirlfriend
To blave
Myfurryfingerupyourbutt
- Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemuhwem Osas
HeroOfKvatch1
Man and wife! Say man, and wife!
j13jayther
Loool, I already went to the next post before my slow brain finally processed this and realized the reference. Came back to +1
insertsupercoolusernamehere
Real talk my wife's childhood friend was our officiant via the Church of the Latter Day Dude and she opened with that.
ohmegatron
That's like a life dream. If I had that I could die happy.
papertiger09
Dat dweam wiffin a dweam
CrocodileDunphy
Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday.
Chewthestitches
SavageTacoSupremeOverlord
Pwincess Buwttacup
ThisCommentisaTideAd
Dat bwessed awangement...
Jynxy85
Pfft. I've pooped in a grocery bag in a box truck on a worksite so my partner could die slowly in a portopotty.
mishalala
Heroic.
Kavickyp
I think she could puke on the shower, in an extremely case, rather than you shitting on a bag. But what do I know?
Burritolover
there wasn't a place i didn't puke. I threw up in the shower and shat my pants while he was using the toilet. gotta love the flu
Rosie2003
That's no flu, that's norovirus.
Burritolover
I thought that was mainly in the UK and ireland? I could be wrong but we're in Detroit, Michigan
Rosie2003
Oh no, you can get it anywhere. It's most easily spread where people are in close contact (schools, dorms, cruise ships etc)
GeorgeNotTheLivestock
I mean that's probably the best place to go other than a toilet. One time my roommate used a cereal box
SoftwareChef
Holy shit
pancreas
I heard of a guy who shit in an empty protein powder container and then accidentally gave it away (when getting rid of all the empties)
Hapapotamus
He literally shit in your corn flakes
Hapapotamus
Please tell me this is now an ex-roommate
GeorgeNotTheLivestock
Oh yeah, he's married now, so he's someone else's problem
JoSTL15
Why not a sink? That’s what I’ve always used. Cleaner than the toilet.
Pleebius
Always? Like it happens often?
QuackQuackAttack
Well, you gotta smash the turds down the drain. Not that pleasant. Just toss the shit bag, or throw it in the neighbor’s yard
BklynPunisher
... and that’s how Cocoa Puffs were invented
shiyal
The bad part about the new avatars... it’s going to make hijacking someone’s two part comment more difficult.
rpimageaccount
So much for eating Cocoa Puffs ever again...
WhereDidCottonEyeJoeGo
You know, it's the comments that keep me coming back to this site...good job!
Captainplanetmotherfucker
3 words for you: Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
misturchips
Good job. Now cut a hole in the floor and drop the bag through to assert dominance.
EvilandImaginary
If you ever go to the hospital take one of those plastic bins home. We use those for puking while yourself or others shit in the toilet.
CamelSpotter
This is why I prioritize having an additional half-bath when looking for apartments. When you live with someone else, this becomes possible.
SpikyNutz
I did this once. It was the middle of winter and I lived with 3 roommates,only 1 bathroom. I HAD to go but couldn't, took a shit in closet
Jakethesnake357
Must not have a garage disposal...
Jakethesnake357
Goddamnit! Garbage*
WinterGrasp
I think she was supposed to puke in the bad instead of you shitting in it.
L0StWaNdErEr
normally that would go the other way around but..whatever works for you....feel better.
LXA591
She was already face deep
L0StWaNdErEr
hope your shitter is cleaner than mine....icky. I hear the flu thats going around is nasty.
LiterallyYourMom
The shower has a drain too, just saying. Either she pukes in the tub, or you get to waffle-stomp.
Dowtchaboy
Had to come a long way down but I found it - waffle-stomp!
KCBeard
PostmasterG
You had me at shit in a trash bag... +1
CreativeWritingJudge
@OP, just a heads up, fiancée is for girls, fiancé is for boys :)
Threewisemen
Not in Murica. "Freedom pre-wife" and "Freedom pre-husband".
OrionRed
The more you know!
jbilly90
Never knew
DancesWithPibbles
PataRican
LXA591
I’ll get you a pic once I need to shit again been going three hrs strong so it’s coming
LokiKingOfJotunheim
Don't puke in a shower... Use a trash can if the shitter is in use or clogged. Chunks man. Chunks...
madmatt2024
You might not have a choice if you get the puke and poop at the same time sickness.
therealgrennhald
I learnt long ago to just puke in the shower, but I'm special like that. We're talking high force vomiting with a high spread.
therealgrennhald
Toilets require clean up too....
Pawnderlust
There aren't any chunks if you've been sick for awhile or haven't eaten yet
Pawnderlust
I'm not bulimic, I had really bad morning sickness & 3 babies
LokiKingOfJotunheim
Ah. I've only ever had food babies. I'm a guy though
KungPowDicken
...I never understood why people puke directly into the toilet. I get a trash can put water in the bottom and vomit into it.
Fluffyknives
Or put a trashbag in the bin. Makes cleaning so much faster.
ItsNotASchoonerItsASailboat
And have to see and smell if while your trying to recover? Then what afterward, wouldn't you just dump it in the toilet anyway to clean up?
RobertNAdams
I've vomited in the sink before. Sometimes that 2 feet to the toilet is a risky move.
YouHadMeAtAsian
I just jump over my fence and let the neighbors dogs eat it
whalehungjury
Wyotee
kgiraffe
I always puke in the toilet, but hate playing "which toilet is cleanest?" when I'm about to puke. You may have something here.
Flamingle
I also sleep on the bathroom floor. I’m generally a “germaphobe” but not when I am sick.
LokiShade
Ooooo, look who's got a trashcan, a toilet AND water. Quit braggin...
Typohime
Because the toilet is easy to clean and there's something nice about privacy when weak from heaving. dog tries to comfort me. no thx.
kamerick13
I do that too. Then i can sit on the couch and watch nexflix when im sick instead of at a toilet all day
Flamingle
That’s so funny. I sleep in the bathroom basically all night when I’m sick. It’s probs bc I’ve only ever gotten sick at night. At 3am.
kamerick13
Thats when i put the bucket next to my bed.
Flamingle
I absolutely cannot get comfy in bed. Sleeping in the bathroom when I’m sick just on my rugs w a towel feels like absolute heaven.
kamerick13
ah, well, each to their own. I personally prefer my bed to the bathroom
shrimpsnacker
That’s a lot of prep to do when you are puking. Who’s got time for that?
KungPowDicken
Generally I know when I'm about to puke so I have prep time.
shrimpsnacker
Ok but, why not just flush it? Instead of carting it thru ur house in a bag then having it sit in the garbage can til it gets hauled away?
shrimpsnacker
I’m honestly curious, maybe I’ve been puking wrong all these years.
KungPowDicken
I take the trash bag out, put water in the bottom for an easier clean. Then dump it in the toilet and flush it. I don't like sticking my
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
You can keep it beside the bed. That's why I do it, anyway.
KungPowDicken
Sorry for speaking the truth. Apparently that's downvote worthy.
ErgonomicZero
Sometimes I’ll try to get downvotes...gotta test the boundaries every once in a while. Please downvote this ;-)
idontenglishsorry
I mean, what is more convenient than puking into the place that would make all the puke go away with one button push? There isn’t 1/2
idontenglishsorry
Anything more practical
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
Bucket beside the bed means you don't have to attempt to make it to the bathroom mid-puke.
Typohime
My only qualm with this plan of action is the stench of sick that lingers. Also I get enough warning usually via drool to get to the crappa
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
Better than throwing up on the carpet.
ANegativePerson
Puke is can go in a bag period dude its not hard to throw a bag away either.
idontenglishsorry
Is it harder to puke on the toliet, tho?
whalehungjury
It’s easy to puke “on” the toilet. I did that a few weeks ago. Lids up!!!
ANegativePerson
Considering bags opening diameter is a shit ton more than a solid bowl and her husband had to shit in a bag which is way worse than puke, ye
idontenglishsorry
u are either too stubborn to accept that you are incorrect,or you have never had to puke inside a toliet or a bag, but its okay, i dont care
SuperSunshineRainbow
Just grab a plastic bowl! I use a large yogurt container.
Donkeymong
Why... why did you choose to shit in a bag over giving her the bag to throw up in?
goatfkersdidnothingwrong
OP:
LXA591
I was in kitchen by the bags and she was face deep in the toleit here was no time
Muttons1337
A choice was made and nobody got hurt. That's a win in my book.
threecheersforsweetrevenge
What about that poor bag?
dangernoodlezone
It knew what it signed up for.
Nikolai5
Probably pressed to make a decision and just went with first option he came to.
SpiderSalad
Asking the real questions
RobertNAdams
Turn on a hose, fill a bucket, and then try to fill another bucket with it still on while not spilling any water on the ground. That's why.
LokiKingOfJotunheim
RobertNAdams
One risks collateral damage adjusting the orientation of a vomiting orifice.
LokiKingOfJotunheim
It's not like someone continuously pukes without a brief pause in between pukes though. The constantly on hose was a poor analogy.
RobertNAdams
Then you, sir, have never been on a tequila bender.
SuperPickle17
https://imgur.com/IujHCqz
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
We have plastic wastepaper bins that we repurpose whenever someone is nauseous. That way you can keep it right beside the bed. In a /1
ButterflyRoaring
Ew. Then you have to clean it.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
We put a bag in it. Pretty easy.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
pinch I would use the mop bucket. I certainly wouldn't expect my spouse to shit in a bag so I can use the toilet. What the hell? /2
DelicateMenstrualQueef
The things we do for love.
AdmJota
I don't think she *expected* him to. She was just in there already, and it was urgent, and he decided not to yank her head out to make room.
avervetmonkey
That would have been my choice too. OP did indeed use the confession bear correctly.
ITalkAboutGoats
Pro tip, add about an inch of water to puke buckets for easy clean up
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
We put a plastic bag in.
ITalkAboutGoats
That works too
JHawke
Honest question, I am never sick I don't know this stuff.. does that happen often?
ImHereToGetDownvotes
If one person in a home gets something, yeah usually someone else in the home does too.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
Not really. But when it does, you usually feel nauseous beforehand so you know it might be coming.
JHawke
Not enough to make it to a sink/toilet?
djsdkdjsk
people spread their germs, and they live close
JHawke
Yes, but last I checked I am also one of those people, my family appears to be extremely resistant though.
threecheersforsweetrevenge
We have one of those pink bed pan things that they have at hospitals, that's our go to puke bucket
doctorbees
There was probably no time to discuss the matter, OP just acted.
SMODomite
I had to poo in a trash bag then scoop through it like an archaeologist and fill like 8 pill viles with poo. It was not fun.
BklynPunisher
n0n53n53
mazranda
"had to"
SMODomite
Yeah.... I just had to know what was in there. It turns out, more poo
mazranda
For real though, I'm still laughing at this, minutes later. Thanks.
Pawnderlust
C.diff
SMODomite
Luckily it was negative
SGuiGGZ
You're gonna make a great Husband. Just remember, Steak and Blowjob Day. It's exactly 6 months after Valentines Day and just as Important.
Applepotamus
it's on march 14th dude
Pawnderlust
It's march 14th not August
PhillipJFrey
That's right before my bday so that will work great!
wellisntthissilly
Weirdly enough my bf hates bjs (I've also tried to discover if this was a lie by going for it anyway and he out right said no)
MyOtherAcctIsBanned
Eh? It's one month after v day. It's Pi Day
OctopusWhiskey
I️’ve always celebrated steak and BJ day on 3/14. However, it should be 1/14 (vday-mnth); too many times promises of tomorrow are squandered
SGuiGGZ
No. That's Pie day. You can't cross Pie day and Steak and blowjob day, You'd only get one day. Like Chanukah falling on your birthday.
falln9
Yea I've only ever heard of it 14th of March, day before my birthday so I get back to back steak and bj if I so choose
Miladog
Umm tell that to Brazzers and Bang Bros
iamthisguy247
I've never heard of it any day other than March 14th. Plus I see no harm in getting a steak and a blowjob, the topping up the night with pie
bigdaddyfatpants
Steak and BJ day? You mean Friday and Saturday.
SGuiGGZ
Some of our marriages don't work that way.
BigSydney
Some of us aren’t married
bigdaddyfatpants
I almost did that. Put in ten years, had a joint checking account, even cohabitated for 6-7 of those years. Now I'm back to steak and BJs.
SGuiGGZ
Live the dream.
bigdaddyfatpants
Not really, I'm just old now. And much more set in my ways. I just hang with women who like to hang out and remember where the door is.
SocoFox
Yeah, I can literally flop it out anytime I want.
MisanthropicAnthropoid
*most
origina1crisp
April 18th is an important day as well
skittlepants
National anal sex day ????
origina1crisp
Bingo!
ionlywriteinlowercase
My birthday ?
thewalkinged
My friend asks why April 18th?
RandomJellyfish
Taxes deadline.
d0o0o0d
Resurrectionist
Jim Jeffries bit https://youtu.be/HX8oWpchQ6M
LXA591
No food or sex right now but thank you hahaha
[deleted]
[deleted]
EvolvedLurker
Story time?
FrogBotherer
Not with that quitter attitude!
Emocannon
I just thought of 'Vomit Blowjobs' when reading this, then I checked if that was a thing. I regret doing that
MaxieMooo
wouldn't the stomach acid hurt your dick?
Emocannon
I assume so but that is just a slight kink in it.
Emocannon
wait, wrong word
TheBlackVan
Flygonite
How about some water tho
LXA591
It’s gonna throw it right back up haha
iamdanman
Drink some Gatorade
Benjaminriker
Try drinking water with your arse. You'll still throw it up but at least it will go through your entire system.
rabbiebabbie
Keep trying to hydrate boss. I ended up in the ER Close to kidney failure cause I was so dehydrated from flu this year
TheBestRussian
Gatorade. Most people can keep it down, much better than water.
Nikolai5
Drink it anyway. You don't actually throw it all up. Some of it will process and you need it. Dehydrate at your own peril.
SGuiGGZ
PEDIALYTE ENEMA!!! Get the Hose, Margaret, We're getting Wet on this one!
ucfh
Try jello. One cup of jello equals one cup of water. We used it all the time in care facilities.
idostufftooxo
Nurse here. Fluid and electrolyte replenishment is important if you are experiencing excessive diarrhea or vomiting. Just gotta keep trying.
rabbiebabbie
Everyone listen to this smart person. I ended up so dehydrated I developed Rabdo and ended up in the ER from exteme flu dehydration
LonelyOneironaut
Diarrhea = anal lube...
LXA591
n0n53n53
ArsePirate
Don’t forget about her vomit and tears!
TheBlackVan
caitlynnrivers
yourpalBuddyChrist
SGuiGGZ
You're not supposed to taste the lube..
thk5013
O . o
junapie689
No sex? Damn I could be on my death bed with man flu and still want some tang!
Sauce4theFap
Bathtub and sink get no love?
cauliflowersweetandsour
I'm sure the smells would have caused more puking from her, and for him to start puking.
Sauce4theFap
That sounds like a good movie
Craicerjack
Trying to clean a block bathtub or sink full of puke?
BoopedYourSnoot
I threw up an egg sandwich into the sink years ago and my wife hasn't let me live it down. So many chunks...
OrionRed
Waffle stomp!
degenerator
Favorite dance at red-neck weddings.
BklynPunisher
Well if he was sick it might have been Hershey squirts!
OrionRed
Thanks for the visual.
MissLadyPants
I usually have diarrhea the same time I'm puking, so I sit ave puke in the bathtub. Clean up is gross but in a pinch it works.
BklynPunisher
LXA591
I had to puke in shower while shitting earlier