LogicDude
239779
9525
107
Aug 27, 2016 2:27 AM
LogicDude
239779
9525
107
MamasaurusRex88
I feel so guilty
atworldsend
do ryan gosling write that shit, or does he have "a guy"? because it's funny as fuck
SLUTWATCH
Edible burrito tape is secondary to edible burrito glue, which we actually have. It's called cheese.
anaraxachorious
50% of my upvote for this post is for things i have seen already but looked at anyway.
jbrow457
I legitimately laughed out loud at Hog Face. Awesome.
WilliamShatinher
I wish I could upvote this more than once ????
breakfastwithtiffany
This post was a double treat. 1 for the tweets and 2 for the dad twitter names @iwearaonsie and @dadandburied
scoobydoobydo
What about @goats? ?
cranialbomber
Was I adopted? Yes but they brought you back.
letskissandstuff
This is gold
Spencemurr
Adumption
JoeHutty
Anyone else catch the Porn bots that were liking some of the posts?
ScottyVick
must be nice to be in Conan's tax bracket
FleshEatingSalsa
These wouldn't make me laugh so hard if I weren't already guilty of most of them.
Iamsofaqueen
As parent can confirm!
Justanotherdad
Yup, yes, yeah, true and validated.
SoberSamuel
#3 I don't get it
IChangedit
Young kids tend to ramble once they have your attention. So the kids telling a story but keeps adding to it.
SoberSamuel
Ah, I get it, thanks!
justaporcupine
Niceshirtihavethatshirt
tripozornike
Actually. https://www.google.com/patents/US20100272864
AdultingIsScary
I laughed super hard at the one by Conan O Brien but then got really sad because I know I wouldn't have laughed at it 4-5 years ago.
ImgurianWhoClaimsToBeAnExpertOnEverything
Is #23 related to who I'm thinking of
sapyro
"DAD!!!!! THE TOOTHBRUSH BIT ME AGAIN! GET THE HOLY WATER!"
ceemars
That last one hits a little too close to home.
KidneyPunch
My god... Never thought of the kids looking through my web history....
FreddyBenelli
Justin Guarani is still around?
OldIronsides
#34 I don't have kids and still never go out and do anything. Think of all the money I'm saving!
WhoIsTheDodie
We we listening to buffalo soldier when our 4yr old asks whats a buffalo. Our 5yr old says its a type of chicken
MechaNinja
#5 is pure amateur. Your legs are supposed to go numb while you're "taking a shit" for two hours.
Isweartogodthecatmademedoit
Right? Like my kids dont know to look behind the dryer...
MechaNinja
Gotta have a door to lock.
antmansclone
I'm not the only one!
LurKaiSen
That's how I do it.
dngmyers
My husband *swears* it's just coincidence that he has to take a 1/2 shit anytime I ask him to watch our daughter so I can do something
6313326
"Aw, honey, I can't hear you over the fan. Wait til I'm done!"
MechaNinja
http://imgur.com/rutxgyj
BoobSnoob
My dad does that!!!!!....
LongDickMcgee
Ahh funny stuff. Just a few more reasons why I'm perfectly happy with being the fun uncle for now.
revelator
Funcle
LaBix
It is the best job ever. I take my nephews out, load them with sugar, then send them home. That'll teach my sister to break my train set.
BewareTheExplanationButton
Dying... +1
Empurpled
Being the fun uncle who still carries a grudge means sending the kids back to your sister's after two red bulls each, brandishing kazoos.
LaBix
I never thought of kazoos. No batteries makes them the gift that keep on giving.
TheLateAccountCreator
ILovePotatoKittens
Holy crap
TopherTots
God... I'm crying again from laughing, and my girlfriend reiterates how I'm not allowed to have kids.
justorderalargefarva
Holy shit!
swingners
One summer when I was a kid my dad dived into a lake while holding me and froze up because it was so cold and in doing so almost drowned me.
dweadpiewitwobbits
lol, just lol...
zitronensorbet
That’s still better than being "caught" at the end of the ride, breaking your leg by slamming into your mother’s chest.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
As a former lifeguard, you know what? I'm not gonna save your damn kid. You don't deserve your DNA to spread.
solodia
Dude was riding a slide with his daughter. Seems like a bit of an overreaction.
TIMoonShine
Now I see why "Former"
squidinkmica
As another former lifeguard, stupid parents are what made me quit and I wouldve been very upset had I seen this
ionlyregisteredtosavelinks
I kind of get you anger, but that seemed to be simply a silly, not stupidity-fueled, accident.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Do not throw your kid up in the air at the end of the slide. You're really not even supposed to go down with floaties anyway.
Chicaman
Well jeez I'm a lifeguard and it looks like he was allowed to go down the slide.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Unless things have changed from my day (or just a different agency) but he really shouldn't of, but still don't throw your kid in floaters.
Ferne
That just makes me thankful you're not a lifeguard anymore.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
You and me both. I swear 90% of my saves were from parents doing stupid shit with their kids.
calldrdaley
I did this once and her leg caught under me and we slid to a halt before we reached the end
shmopplesandbanonos
Oh dear god
IncognitoCube
What?!? (Guessing) 150-250lbs of parent on top of a toddlers leg, completely stopping the both of you?? Please elaborate
calldrdaley
We weren't going that fast. I probably braked myself after noticing. Either way, I now have them sit on my lap when sliding together.
IncognitoCube
Oh... Okay. *wipes sweat off brow*
calldrdaley
Yeah sorry, no serious injuries sustained. Just LOTS of crying and panic.