The life and times of Humphrey Hammerblast, part 3

The strange man and the sea

He made it about a tenth of the way before he had to get aboard the boat. He still rowed to France, though.

Punch time before lunch time

Needless to say, his guests were a bit eccentric too, especially the ones who came back.

War is hell

World War I wasn't too harsh on Hammerblast, mostly because he really, really wanted to make German troops miserable. He also made British troops miserable, but the only person who tried to stop him was apparently "tromboned". "I tromboned him good and proper", Hammerblast said later, whatever that means.

The ivory and the tower

During his more adventurous days, he was keen on trophies, and thought an elephant head would be perfect for his house. Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for the elephant), he lost his gun while running away from (other) poachers; furious, he charged a nearby giraffe to "calm [his] nerves on the tall absurdity" (he thought giraffes looked weird, I guess).

A man's mustache is his own private kingdom

He bet his fellow Artemis Club members that he could balance a whole table on his head for an hour, and lost, so he had to shave his mustache (a common forfeit in the Artemis Club). He found his new look disgraceful, so started smoking the biggest cigars, hiding his whole face behind a constant fog, until his mustache had grown back.