MyNameIsTeddy
378446
12232
235
Sep 1, 2015 11:33 PM
MyNameIsTeddy
378446
12232
235
NobodysEverSeenMeAndBatmanInTheSameRoomBefore
I love lamp
ilikebabyfoodhotdogs
ARE there any gogurts left!?
WhitneyHoustonWeHaveAProblem
Didn't you know that Gogurt was originally marketed as an after-sex treat?
subtlerape
I eat my gogurt before I ravage myself.
JustinSaneFire
Common saying in my house "dammit who ate all the gogurts?!?"
kfederation
Upvote because Garrus. Yas!
Amythyst
MagnustheJust
Did not read past #2... that one was enough for my ROFL-snort & upvote...
pongau11
Lay what on the bed?
ihazanaccount
I'm pretty sure most of ancestors were just plastered all the time which is how they were able to reproduce.
ihazanaccount
So now I just have an unseemly appearance and a genetic disposition for alcoholism :/
ihazanaccount
...... or worse
BillMcNeal
100% all-beef thermometer
Equilence
It makes me so ridiculously mad that Bologna Pony rhymes.
LongSnailTrail
Sean Penn has a bologna pony.
Equilence
Did you mean Sean Bean?
LongSnailTrail
I thought something looked fucky.
Surefif
I completely lost my shit when I saw that one, but in a very positive way.
HindsightEleven
Bo-lon-ya pony
ThirteenReasonsFly
Is gogurt still a thing?
upsettispaghetti
Oh, does anyone know if there are any gogurts left?
GirlintheTown
*is there any gogurts left
UnsuccessfulAtEverything
Smirk... smirk... smirk.. giggle.. smirk.. smirk.. DNA Rifle lost it.
LovelyLadyLumps
I masturbate to turn my hubby on & get his motor running.
WabbitCZEN
DNA rifle. Keeping that one.
LordOfTheRingDings
What are your thoughts on "Purple Helmeted Soldier of Romance"
EyeLoveLamp
Boom! Head shot.
oneofthecalled
I think I may try the palm reading one, actually. That's pretty good.
a3hanplaybotha
360 no scope
TheUtahn
Dibs on "Meat Thermometer"
MakeMyBootyQuack
My go to is scrotum pole
IrnBruce
This is my rifle, this is my gun. This ones for fightin', this ones for fun
tinymeow
wait, but a gene gun is an actual thing (alternative to needle for vaccine or gene therapy treatment)
Flechet
I've got some calibrations to do.
BYERE
Never heard it called a "wankie" before...
funkmoth
Sounds like a little kid term. I don't want people thinking I have a baby penis!
funkmoth
Ever heard the pet names for genitalia song? There's some good ones such as "heat seeking moisture missile"
snurx
"I AM GARRUS VAKARIAN AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE SPOT IN YOUR BODY"
ProfessorWasp
My mind replaced everything after "AND THIS IS" with "MY RECTUM". Dammit mans1ay3r!
Amythyst
LadyTashviv
they forgot bratwurst
TVDinner6969
WOMB BROOM, you're welcome.
funkmoth
Womb boomer?
WabbitCZEN
Coke poke?
bittergiraffe
Garrus was such a bro. I made a bad choice in Mass Effect 2 and he died, I was very upset:(
Amythyst
Eldibs
Sounds like you need to replay the whole series. Get it right this time.
Amythyst
BeardedViking
Garrus never dies. He simply goes "Look to my coming, at first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.".
ballsohard2202
Reload, replay the whole goddamn game if you have to, but Garrus MUST survive.
TastyBrainMeats
No Shepard without Vakarian. https://youtu.be/Z0trkiXtOIs
Amythyst
And calibrate.
EndofAnEmpire
You sir have your priorities straight
afriendofmine
Like, seriously. What the fuck, people?
ProfessorWasp
I remember when i accidentally killed Legion in ME2. Oh god i actually cried...
KennaCupcakez
I'm in a relationship with him in my game because I find him oddly attractive..there may be something wrong with me
AWiseCrackinWizard
Bang every alien. Is worth.
ShadowStorm197498
I'm a male, who plays with a femshep, and fucks the spiky beast.
TheElementsOfHarmony
He has an amazing voice..
Amythyst
shank
Garrus is always my first relationship choice. I was pissed when I accidentally romanced Kaiden in 1 on my 3rd "perfect" playthrough.
NotQuiteThere
He is space Batman, and the other choices are... not space Batman.
yehaaa6
he's more than space batman though, because he's not afraid to kill people. fuck, I think I need to play that game again.
Eldibs
If by "something wrong with me" you mean "something fuckign awesome about Garrus," then yes, you are correct.
Amythyst
FindaCrewFindaJobKeepFlying
FriendlyNeighborhoodLesbiann
Oh stewert!
hesychasticextrovert
wut?
FindaCrewFindaJobKeepFlying
See the two lines under the name oh-stewart? That means he posted both comments. Thought it was a conversation, felt kinda swindled.
batshark
Nah, it can actually just glitch out like that sometimes after it's been reblogged through a lot of people
hesychasticextrovert
Oh. I thought the OP was the-discombobulator. That makes sense now.
xToolmanx
100% all beef thermometer
pixarpizza
Cow Schlong
AnnaNimitee
Life would be pretty great if Ikea had gogurts. Not gonna lie.
nommon
+1 because I will never hear the phrase "staff member" the same way again
OPmakesOC
Please welcome into the company our newest staff member, Dick Johnson.
Zaunfink
As a non-native speaker, I've always loved the word member for this reason.
GeekyRafiki
It's not very commonly used tho is it? First time I'm hearing it now
Ireallydonthaveanyideawhattonamemyself
This is going to make our weekly staff meetings very hard. ...wait.
TraitorousTrump3
Excuse me, are you a Penis Penis, I mean Staff Member?
everstar97
Dick Dick.
ThatLemonStealingHorse
It's pronounced xylophone.
FluffyStein
DNA rifel sounds like some next level Sci-Fi shit.
AntiChrisSmith
Put your pizza rolls in the oven, you savage!
footlongfeet
#7 The sex tip is 1701! The same as the Enterprise.
M73m95
NCC-1701.....D!
eibhlin
Why do I read these?
mariaimgur
For facts like Sean Biggerstaff plays Oliver Wood
dolche93
I've been around since peggy sue #1. I have seen every single one of these.
Hedgehogie
Because you touch yourself at night.
ImAfraidYoureAllPsychosSoIMadeThisAccount
It's helping keep me from getting any work done. Can't have that.
marjarooni
More importantly, why do I read them in the middle of Starbucks??
graehall
Because it's in your DNA, rifle.
SpaceMusician
for lines like "100% all beef thermometer," that's why.
anyalynn
I felt you should know your comment kept me reading the post.
Ifellthroughthefourthwall
"yogurt slinger"
idontknoweither
That was gross af!
idontknoweither
That was gross af!
MMAgCh
Because they provide a fleeting distraction from the ineluctable ennui that permeates your mortal existence.
bienmenso
Thanks for teaching me a new word! Becaus...thats a good one
yplon2
Ouch, too close to home.
lebowskisd
KateUptonsNipples
That's a salvia trip if i've ever seen one
Moriarty
Nah, it's gotta be for the dick jokes.
GilderoyPopDropNLockart
Definitely the dick jokes
FenyxKnight
what an appropriate response
Wrongleveeeeeeer
Thanks for teaching me a new word! Ineluctable...that's a good one. Upvote for you!
KuuroiYuki
Yeh, same here. I'm surprised that I read it again and understood all of it except "ineluctable". Why do I even know "ennui"?
Wrongleveeeeeeer
Because ennui is actually SOMEWHAT common...I've heard it many times, and it's a great word. But ineluctable? Never before in my life...
Kilo11
My DNA rifle has accumulated alot of head shots
JNick101
I do not want to see the Alot of Headshots.
Yodaloid
You shoot yourself in the face that much?
thisplaceisnotforyou
Do you not? Friendly fire bro.
daguq
Rekt.
BradPittsBreadStick
Upvoting for "fetus deletus"
Cre8DrunkEditSobr
"Ole!"
doc303
I tried to do the shampoo and conditioner when she gives you a blow job thing, didnt work so well.
doc303
2/2 Shampoo got in her eyes and then in to the tip of my penis. Needless to say we were both in tears.
littlemissballi
I've never had a guy shampoo my hair but I did have a guy take my shirt off while I was giving him a blowjob and then proceed to fold it up
doc303
A genuine keeper i must say.
JhericFury
Well, consider my curiosity gone.
doc303
Well you know what Socrates said right? You haven't lived until you have cried while receiving a blowjob. I think.
JhericFury
I've cried while attempting to reach my own, does that count?
doc303
Haha!! I want to say no. But i dont want you to cry again so yes. That counts.
Punnilingus
In all honesty I've had to restrain myself from saying "thanks" after sex.
iwearabunnysuitthecleanroomkindnottheplayboykind
Oh man, I thank my sexual partners. It makes them smile.
SgtSilverwater
But honestly, do you think Ikea is still open?
Elphienis
I want gogurt now
GirlintheTown
Is there any gogurts left?
ThinlyVeiledFront
Nope. You're locked in now. Shouldn't have gone for the quickie in the model 600 square foot home, asshole.
40ozinmylapandimfreezinmyjunk
Fuck, you stole my line!
8bitTunes
Pick up some gogurts while you're out
ChaosLierLen637
Not after what we've done in it.
ConfusedMalaysianBoyUsingTelephoneForTheFirstTime
#humblebrag
ADMIN1337
Yes
Vreejack
Let's go have sex at Ikea.
zeyn612
I thought about saying fuck you, but then I was like, crap that already happened.
XeeeeeenCastro
Sir we close at 9
Pyrajt
There's always one open somewhere
cwwazywazy
Closed at 9.
thatsnotright
Just like my girlfriend. Seriously, she's out like a light by 9....
XeeeeeenCastro
And 7 in Sundays =)
RonSwansonJunior
Congrats on the sex.
rttrovador
...And being white
HowDoIAdult
and having a penis
murderhobbit
None of those are bad things! But means a Kardashian won't sleep with you!
19wesley88
you say that like its a bad thing...
tezzeret890
So yea, no bad things