turningthei
158191
3403
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Feb 25, 2018 8:58 AM
turningthei
158191
3403
108
TwistedAttitudes
*struggling to think of self instensifies*
PleaseDontBanMeAgain
But what if you're being funny, vibrant, creative, passionate, intelligent, optimistic & talented specifically for that person or group?
squishcat
intelligence cams still serve others see, i think we are ignoring the extent of a persons usage.
AnonAnonson
Not useful when the law of attraction decides first impressions and interest at a distance
rhombusrightangle
I was taught valuating myself at anytime is wrong. Only other people, usually authorities, are in at position to make that judgment properly
ryvenheart
I'd rather be appreciated for what I do than for what I am. What I do is 100% in my control. What I am is not.
Spikelf
Not sure I understand this. At base level what makes you attractive is traits others want right? So that’s already a give.
Formalis
Last girlfriend pretty much only wanted me because I had money whilst she was unemployed. “Inbetween jobs” my fucking ass.
SorDavos
Make some Goddamn tea, then
jayar1st
Empathy is a quality.
TellMeImAGoodGirl
I mean, it's still all about how you make them feel. You're funny = make me laugh. Creative = interest me/make me proud, optimistic = 1/2
TellMeImAGoodGirl
uplifting, passionate = you excite me, etc. I don't see the problem as long as they're giving you these types of feelings in return.
fairybug
I feel like both are important, honestly.
JohnnyVarlow
Everyone it so confused by 'thats tea' and I love it. get with the cool kid lingo my dudes
Oseirus
Meanwhile I'm sitting over here trying to think of *anything* worthwhile about myself.
krennnkalis
So funny gif aside, I think a healthy balance of both is important. Relationships are symbiotic (mutualism)
Treefur
Because that's what guys need to do in order to attract women. We have to define ourselves in ways that we are better than the competition.
tomyironmane
They don't give a damn that you're a good person. You have no intrinsic value beyond what you can do for them.
mattsall
And then they fucked
JustAReallyConfusedDuck
Yeah so my "best friend" showed my a picture of someone pretty on Instagram and asked: "why don't you look like this"... So...
downwithJesus
Jesus, because that's a different person? Why can't they look like you?
Onlypostcuteness
I have trouble with this too. I can't identify positive traits in myself others would like or love. I'm not sure I really have any.
MultiplePersonalitiesProfile
Both can be seen as serving. Funny makes me laugh. Intelligent inspires me and can help me think about solutions etc.
Tigrastic
Both are important. Maybe they just place a lot of value on acts of service as a love language, so that means a lot to them. True for me!
tomyironmane
There's also some of us who don't get compliments much. The world defines people according to certain roles. Men are by their utility.
tomyironmane
If you have hurts, troubles, worries, this reduces your worth as a person. If you have problems, this reduces your worth as a person.
BarryInTheStreetsOliverInTheSheets
I can't tell the difference. The traits i have somehow scratch an itch they have, therefore isn't it me doing something for them anyways?
derwulf
It's a semantics shift, basically getting you to think that you intrinsic value, not just service value. It's to boost confidence.
BarryInTheStreetsOliverInTheSheets
Gotcha. Yeah i figured it was a therapist playing a (helpful) mind game
battlepants
I'm no expert on the subject, but I assume that all comes from being business oriented. You need to sell yourself on what you can do for >>
battlepants
the company in order to get the job. They don't care what you are, only what you can do for them. And for some, dating is such a foreign >>
battlepants
concept that they just have to apply what they know.
DasBeaker
Wut
GuW69
I cleaned my life from people who only wanted things from me and never gave anything back, gosh did I have some energy thiefs in my life...
GuW69
It was easy to identify those who used me for doing work, it was harder to find those who drained me emotionally and never gave back.
Solkanarmy
"that's tea" ?
zomnoms
Truth. Usually spoken it's just T, but it's evolved into expressions like "spilling the T", now it's "tea".
chiechien
That's so book
HandoB4Javert
That seems sound advice.
legofham
They should see if there is a job out there where they can help people with their problems. If only I could think of such a job.
HandoB4Javert
Politician?
EvilMoo
Funny: you can make them laugh, creative: you can make stuff for them, intelligent: you can give interesting conversation/solve problems etc
EvilMoo
It all comes back to what you can give people in the end.
minuteye
I don't even think it's about what you give people, it's what parts of you they see. A totally internal trait others won't notice.
KungFuGsus
sharing does not equal giving.
AlwaysandEventuallyHannah
I disagree. All of these qualities can be phrased as something innate OR something you provide I think is a better point. And you should 1/
AlwaysandEventuallyHannah
be aware of which way people value you. Also sorry for the notifications, my keyboard spazzed out for a second there 2/2
fnhngest
that seems like reaching and being pointedly negative to be honest
NicoVII
Only if you are stuck in thinking in terms of that division. You don't have to follow that logic.
squishcat
nah it’s the truth. There are people that look at everything as something the benefits them, or twists it to do so.
LupusIgnis
Just like there are people who like, for instance, compassionate people for their ability to be compassionate, not because they can benefit.
NicoVII
I disagree, I think the second category (what you are) is just the first category (what you do for me) in disguise. How do I know you (1)
NicoVII
are funny if you don't amuse me? How do I know your creativity or your enthusiasm if you don't share them with me? What I value more (2)
NicoVII
than ideas about what people are, is the moments and emotions that are shared. Everything else is holding people to a standard. As if (3)
NicoVII
saying: "I like you because you're funny, so you better not stop being funny!" (4)
tomyironmane
Point made. On the other hand, you gotta start somewhere. And society as a whole turns men from human beings into human doings.
tomyironmane
... so... you know... baby steps.
NicoVII
Hey, ho, where did the men come from in this thing? Personally, I kinda like human doing. It has more... agency, than human being, I think.