macfett
60744
965
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I stayed the night at a friend's house under the condition I had to attend church with him and his mother. The congregation made a huge deal about me being new to the church and then the woman sitting next to me handed me a dish full of money. They kept saying how happy they were that I was there. My family was very poor (1 package of ramen for 3 people and government cheese poor) and I knew churches gave to poor people so I took most of the bills and stuffed them in my pocket. My friend's mother watched me but never said anything. I later put the money in my mother's purse.
TL;DR I didn't know why I was handed the donation plate so i took money and gave it to my mother.
Cptnlnsan0
you should be ashamed, that money is for compensating molested children out of court settlements
shiyal
The last church I attended about once a month they'd say if you are in need take what you need when the plate goes by. A lot of people...
shiyal
... would try to put in some extra on those days. It was a good church.
MarvaNipp
Wait. We're not supposed to take that money??
victoCorgiBaron
No, I think it's some kind of joke. Haha, very funny, OP!
Ihavemytowel
Don't feel guilty. That money went to better use in actually helping instead of prayers of help from people that don't act.
Thegreenpotato
Ive seen adults do that
whosthatgirlitsvern
My brother did that, spent it on playboy, and brought them to Catholic school show and tell the next week (3rd grade). I think you're okay.
designmajor
That was amazing.
MyFavoritesAreNice
When my brother was like 5, we gave him a dollar to put in the collectiom basket. He ended up grabbing a HUGE handful, made him out it back.
czme
Well along of the time the donation plate is for the needy and, well you did need it.
thornus67
op in action:
macfett
No coins involved, only bills (and none of those pesky Washingtons).
ReallyDontKnowWhatToWriteUpInHere
Apparently i used to take money from the little plates of homeless beggars in the street
TrenchMaster
I do it everyweek oh well
bendoverrover
I got one up on you. I stole money from a donation cup at a police station at that age.
AgolfHiller
Today on unsovled crimes
illegalacorn
Stole from a police station? Ballsy.
ObliviousGarden
About a month ago I got a 3 Musketeers from the gas station. Casheer lady told me to take a penny from the donation jar to cover (1/2)
ObliviousGarden
The one penny that I didn't have for the $2.01 price tag. Was willing to give $3 and get change. Lady insisted I take from donation jar.
HopeHubris
Yes, but the lady didn't want to bother making change
AngelicDirt
Good.
Doggoarchivar
i ones pooped into a bucket a statue was holding up
designmajor
Pls explain this business...
Doggoarchivar
there was this (look like copper) statue made out of 2 people, a woman and a little girl, the woman was giving water to the girl 1/2
Doggoarchivar
my poop was also in the newspaper ones but thats a different story..... looking back i had a great childhood
Doggoarchivar
2/2 the girl was holding up a small bucket where normally water would flow in, me and my drunk friend had the idea to poop in the bucket
LearnToMakeARouxImgur
It's cool man, that was just God working through you to feed your family. Divine plan and all. Nifty that :)
BlahBlahDinks
MsOverdose
Stole a teletubby Keychain from goodwill when I was 5.
GetUpOnOuttaHereWithMyEyeholes
Don't worry the church steals all the damn time.
Ihavewaytoomanyfavoritestosort
Most local churches are fine.
AgolfHiller
Mostly your virginity though
caribou3
UpsetFace
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TxjrHPHypA
Stienburg
Simpsons did it.
macfett
Being as this was in 86 maybe, I did it first.
thevortexmaster
When I was an alter boy I munched out on the bread of Christ all the time. Not much flavour
FragileReality
SweetSweatPantsOo
wantondisregard
When me and my friend were 15 we robbed a misdion box to buy cigarettes, i remember both of us saying we'd have no luck for this -
wantondisregard
As we were doing it, other friends called to my house to go drinking, wasn't there so continued on, later at the pub they got in a fight -
wantondisregard
Manged to get out and get to their car, got about 100 feet befote they drove into a wal, all ok but 2 of them ended up in hospital
wantondisregard
Never believed in karma after thay
thisplaceisnotforyou
And somewhere out there, there's a preacher who isn't gonna get his private jet or gold-plated shark bar. Jeesh
Ihavewaytoomanyfavoritestosort
Stop assuming priests make megachurch money, please.
TurtleOnTheRocks
Most preachers make about $40,000, you're thinking of megachurch pastors
BoopThereItIs
When I was young, the children's church had a little shop where you could trade "good kid points" for toys. There was a Littlest Pet shop 1
BoopThereItIs
set that was really big and valuable to my growing collection, but it cost far too many points to be attainable. When nobody was looking 2
BoopThereItIs
I switched the price tag on the toy set with something smaller and more affordable and bought the thing, very proud of myself. The youth 3
BoopThereItIs
pastor knew, though. He came to my house and grilled me while I was in bed. I never admitted it and got away with the crime of the century.
Xsiah
What a wild ride
ImNotCreativeEnoughForAGoodUsername
...This last one raises some alarming questions...
kesterke
Yeah I was on board until a bed got brought up
BoopThereItIs
It was in the afternoon and my mom was in the room, lol
AGGRESSIVELYPEEINGINBUTTS
dont feel bad, I pee in butts.
HannibalCheese
Username checks out?
SquidJesus
I'm a squid.
DoMyJeansLookFatOnThisButt
But do you pee aggressively?
angelsichor
He does
IonlycommentTroyandAbedgifs
is there any other way to pee?
firagablitz
Passive Agressively
Yakofalltrades
That's the only way to pee in butts - @OP , probably
ItsDownVoteMan
Mr. President? Didn't we tell you last night that you're limited to Twitter only?
StabbyMcMurder
I see you everywhere and I support your cause..
AGGRESSIVELYPEEINGINBUTTS
Me and @asspickle are going cleanse usersub with my glorious healing pee pee and plug the full up bums with cucumbers. No one is safe
GrannyLlama
719Matmat
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
What in the fuck Japan
AGGRESSIVELYPEEINGINBUTTS
fuck you, i watched that whole thing
bizmarke101
As did I
ParanoidWithGoodCause
better than making change with it
TheGiantTater
... I've done that... Several times... I'm going to Hell aren't I?
AgolfHiller
Were you poor?
AgolfHiller
Were you poor?
Laaub
I think they just just breaking larger bills with the money in the donation thingy.
JWowwBooty
Several years ago, I worked at a pizza place during that ALS ice bucket craze. We all did the challenge and a lot of people put money in [1]
JWowwBooty
A jar for donations. Total was $59. I stole the money and never told anyone. I was so unhappy with working there, putting in 16-hour days[2]
JWowwBooty
And being paid less than the other managers even though I had been there longer. I was so poor I thought I needed that money. I regret [3]
HelpHelper
Nothing
JWowwBooty
It now, but I've definitely reaped the bad karma for that theft. Wasn't caught and no one ever knew, but karma always sees.
Xsiah
Is Karma the name of the hooker you paid with that money?
AgolfHiller
yes, it's also his moms name
Manonthemountains
God does not need money and your family did.
Ihavewaytoomanyfavoritestosort
The money is never statwd to be "for God," it's to keep the church running and help give to charities.
IAmTheBadW01f
Three pastors meet and start talking about how they decide how much to give to the church. The first pastor says "every month, I take (1)
IAmTheBadW01f
The money I earned, bring it outside, and draw a circle. I throw the money up, and whatever lands in the circle I keep, whatever lands (2)
IAmTheBadW01f
Outside the circle I give." The second pastor says "I do the same thing, only I donate what lands inside and keep what lands outside." (3)
IAmTheBadW01f
The third pastor says "you're both overthinking this. I throw my money up in the air, and whatever God wants he takes!" (4)
thekittel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGeZOirMixY
gluttonygreedpridewrathslothlustenvy
Churches do tho, to pay pastors, pay for missionaries, etc. The money is not for God, it's to equip people to spread their faith.
DefinitelyNotDavidDuchovny
When you spread his name but he doesn't give two shits about your well-being
squiddlyDOwrong
That username though
dutchgoldservecold
...exactly why you shouldn't give it to them
HolyUnholyCannoli
Yeah but they don't need a handful of bills from 1 plate and the kid did
DefinitelyNotDavidDuchovny
When you spread his name but he doesn't give two shits about your well-being
strugglesnuggler
Choir boys don't molest themselves ya know
DefinitelyNotDavidDuchovny
Whoever downvoted you has no sense of humour. I spat my food out at your comment :)
nicetomeetme
It's the wealthiest company in the world. They can afford to pay salaries
BlueSorceress
Maybe the Catholic Church is, but not all churches are part of a big organization. Small town churches can struggle to make ends meet.
gamewarrior48
This is also true for Catholic churches, as they don't share one large pool of money. Yes some are very wealthy (overly so), but others (1/2
gamewarrior48
Can struggle to make ends meet
cathoderaysunshine
"Why does God need a spaceship?"
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
"What are you, my accountant?" - God
AgolfHiller
Can we make God memes like this. Please memelords bless us with thy memes
TankEngineer
God put Evangelicals here to test my faith