ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
32548
1601
175
Jul 15, 2016 7:57 PM
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
32548
1601
175
jackbos
Then you wake up.
404Ox
Ladyboy
KeyLimeGreen
But she's dumb as a rock.
cjpoet
Like my GF.
DeefBass
MIne can't cook...... at all......
UterusUterusGhali
OMG, do we know each other? This sounds soooooooo like me!! Except for everything you just described of course
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
I'm sure you're hiding some fine qualities somewhere
Th3Ozzmaster
Yeah you may get all that but then you also get an extra helping of crazy.
melancholicpetrichor
Can I say how happy I am to say this is my partner? :-)
Ilieoften
Gays, right? Gays...
KingPrickard
and then you wake up
LivingDecomposition
Had one; she also likes video games. Then she found someone she fancied a bit more.
Kitastrophe
She crazy.
SteveMND
Was building a strong relationship with what I suspect to be one with all three qualities, plus clever and smart. Then she met another guy.
PrisonGuard
Sinmiedo1931
...and you meet her when your 20, then break up three years later thinking "there's plenty of women out there" and now you're 35 and alone.
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Hindsight being 20/20 and all, there's always good ones that we fuck up with... And I'm only 34 so at least I have another year of optimism
PlzSir
terribletech
Ah, to be 12 again...
SolidestCurve
ಠ_ಠ
Tastefull1
The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVyk
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Yesterday I wore a schoolgirl outfit for my bf. Then after sexy times we made a dope stir fry together. It wasn't even Friday!
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Luuuucky
Glumerlink
when you realize trying to have a conversation with her feels like getting a lobotomy
MileyCyprusHill
Always upvote Gavin
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
The fuck happened to Gavin?
DaggenHossin
*panicked Gavin screams*
Cheomesh
I definitely would not want a woman who fucks like a porn star. Holy shit that would be shitty.
ParanoidWithGoodCause
it's called Buffering
BigPairOfJumperCables
Well, following the crazy-hot matrix, she's gotta be at least a 74 crazy...
Real7DollaBill
Mine cooks like a pornstar and fucks like a chef.
howsyerburger
ROFL
drKriegerSan
A Lisa Ann is nice in the kitchen, but a Gordon Ramsey in the bed is bitchin
sothishasbeenfun
Like Liz Lemon?
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
So she cooks ass naked in stripper heels and let's you fill her like a pastry... don't threaten me with a good time!
Killstealer
mine is a tad too far away most of the time, we go to different universities and right now she is abroad with family.
Killstealer
but I guess I am getting a good workout for my arms right now...
standards
Because every so-called chef you know cooks like old people screw?
tinybackpack
*proceeds to dice sexual partner then pan fry him/her*
WetAssOpposum
To be fair, these are pretty arbitrary units of measurements for levels of skill
PGTipsMonkeh
"You cook like old people fuck!"
itsGood4you
You should send Her in for repairs. Clearly they mixed something up at the factory
Temenos
Hard and desperately like she's about to have an aneurysm cause everyone around her is an idiot?
Frederf
Threesome?
TimBurtonsFavoriteVelociraptor
Sounds like story time to me.
ignimbrite
Service Kitchens. The end.
HedgehogOfTruth
Gonna need that extra breath when it turns out she farts like a pug after eating a family sized packet of "cheetos"
Shilohsunshine22
Can confirm.
freefl0w
Ok. Now you are trying to make her too perfect.
Mirawatts
I don't give a shit. If she likes to eat pugs as snacks I'll make that trade off.
PORTUGUESETORTURING
...is that supposed to be a bad thing?
Marriediguanas
Please stop torturing the Portuguese. You’re treating them like they are a porch of geese.
MathiasTolerain
Or not. This may vary well be someone's fetish.
ByTorandthesnowdog1
alltheusernamesthatiwantaretaken
Duckfan91
So, she's imaginary
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
I like to think of her as a not yet manifested figment of my imagination
Duckfan91
Optimistic. Good call.
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Till the bitter end
YesImProductive
Thats me. Goddammit. I've baked how many fucking heavenly cinnamon rolls and cookies and those stupid boys are fucking clueless. Fuck.
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Can't take the fastest route to a man's heart if said man is heartless
YesImProductive
Also, down vote me to hell, I don't care. I'm frustrated and you're the internet. Time to vent
IDontWannaShare
Maybe switch teams ;)
YesImProductive
But I like penises. Oh well. I'm gonna go to medschool in a year or two and deal with boys after
PallasCatgirl
So, she fucks like she's bored, faking it, and only in it for the money?
Cheomesh
*ahem* "Ohhh yeah ohrrr yeah...uhhhh yea..."
ZachPutland
Cooking for the money too
fredgiblet
Aaaaaand she's a lesbian.
LynxKitty
Bi, actually
heartygizmo
Who'll do a threesome?
LynxKitty
Duh.
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
He's a noob, forgive him.
EverInquisitive
That would be too good to be true.
fredgiblet
If you're female.
RoboticKitty
Brian stop stalking me!
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
I'm Blake actually. No restraining order yet?
SolarHedgie
Wait. What did I do?
pmmemynudes
I look like a snorlax and cook like a grandma. Close enough?
ParanoidWithGoodCause
you mean you eat like Snorlax and look like a Grandma
StoicJ
These are called Unicorns
[deleted]
[deleted]
iDrinkDrano
Tis
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Better chance finding a four-leaf clover in a bed of poison Ivy
Keairan
I've come across a unicorn woman before: A gorgeous black Waffle House Waitress in North-Eastern TN, where it's over 90% white people.
TheRealScotchie
I thought a unicorn was a single girl who is exactly bisexual....?
dogmatix
I found one of these unicorns! Intelligent and wonderful personality too. She moved interstate about a month later. Visits are not enough...
thebonemaster
dam right,
AGROOVYASSASSIN
StoicJ
"Unicorn Things' is apparently
thekillion
And a crazy level over 9000...
DefinitelyNotMadeOfBees
...sounds like another plus to me.
RandySavageIsMySpiritAnimal
Delta2Almanac
Thank you. If you hadn't posted this I was going to
ifavouritesexystuff
That's a tranny. You're fucking a dude!
tep4
idk man, in your in to sex with horses... you do you
furiouslumberjack
Apparently my wife is a unicorn. Neato.
Huckingfell
You can fuck a unicorn?
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
The neck bearded Fedora wearers have been fantasizing on this one for awhile now
StoicJ
Quiet man, that kind of talk attracts... bronies
hyznbrg
I feel like I know lots of girls like this, maybe not the most beautiful girls in the world but a good 7 or 8/10
ItalianRedT
We get frightened easily
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Wanna sugar cube?
ItalianRedT
Hmm. Yes.
TheMediocreThor
I call mine wife. #humblebrag
discclaimer
and now you're a unicorn fucker, @OP. you miscreant.
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Majestic creatures are simply irresistible
StoicJ
ILikeToCallItLostWages
I got one
sadsack13
I had one :(
ILikeToCallItLostWages
All that tells me is you're good enough to get another one.
sadsack13
made my day
notsureifishouldbeincognito
Nope, it just turns out they have HPV and a raging cocaine addiction
TzarCowski
I am totally okay with both.
iDrinkDrano
Apparantly my SO is a cocaine addict with HPV
Camelspotting
Sorry you had to find out like this.
iDrinkDrano
Doesn't matter, had sex
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Sharing is caring
TrstmeImAnEnginer
The cocaine or HPV
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
Why not both?
JackCornsby
This... So true
SankingDragon
HPV doesn't harm men.
katanatripsis
It doesn't cause them pelvic cancer the way it does for women, but it still affects them.
furiouslumberjack
Except for the genital warts, throat cancer and being a cunt for giving it to women.
Xaldyn
Ignorant people like this are why schools need to teach sex ed.
Siwieweah
Hpv can cause penile cancer in men.
furiouslumberjack
And throat cancer.
Siwieweah
Dayum... And maybe rectal cancer?
MotherLuna
Yeah...a bunch of warts on your dick just makes it ribbed for her pleasure, right?
ShootyMcShooterFace
ThatAintRightItsAllLeft
The ol' French tickler
AlltheAnswers
And passing it along to every girl you're with in the future makes you super-popular, too...
thatrat
Yes it does...
SankingDragon
It only causes cervical cancer - which by the way, men can't get.
branje1824
Men can get mouth and neck cancers caused by HPV from going "downtown" on ladies. Not as common. Source:I used to do high risk HPV testing.
frogs2345
It causes genital warts.
MotherLuna
..oh boy. No, HPV is most noted for causing genital warts. Only a few strains are known to cause cancer.
Itsyourboi
Can't wait for you to get it then -_-