avanishprajapati
556331
14939
343
Either way it's still delicious
Whatchu writing on
Ampexian
I always knew it was made out of newts, delicious delicious newts
thegreatalan
misoraq
alliwantforchristmasisausername
How do we know that God's favourite number is 7?
Gawky
its a prime number, math!
melveys
Because it rhymes with heaven, of course.
Duskiewastaken
I'll never call that newtella.
Av8rgrl
Want a slutty costume? Dress up as my professors and then dump piles of barley on important things.
thoushaltnotpass
Is it a recent trend to misspell "barely" as "barley", or did it always happen and I was focusing on the "could of" and "it's" ?
TheOneTrueOpinion
Yeah I thought she was gonna get roasted for the typo. Her burn wasn't really that sick
enzio64
#8 But...it's a good marketing tactic. Are you actually upset companies are nice? Would you rather they be assholes on social media?
IJustCame
HaroldLostHisPurpleCrayon
How have I not seen this meme!? It's fantastic!!
CroppedPicturesOfFunnyFaces
He's worth his own weight in thaphireth.
natachan
But.. it's 36,500 not 365, 000...
fpdad1
The top quote was a response to the bottom quote
SidFinch168
Thanks for making me go back and look. I was feeling a little smug too!
OrionKaelin
Still, 36,500 nothing to scoff at. I'm looking at max between 12-15k with my current job. Not that I want to be a prostitue though...
owlest
the fuck kind of shit ass job are you doing
OrionKaelin
Food service.
owlest
how do you live with 12k damn son
OrionKaelin
Subsidiesed housing with 3 roomates so that rent is about $200 and cutting cost where possible like not driving a car.
GeauxGhoti
How many others get annoyed by the inability to respond to some of these dipshits?
Monochron
That assfish WIkipedia just gets worse and worse: " the bodies of assfish are soft and flabby, and their skeletons are light and reduced 1/2
Monochron
"This is likely to have resulted from a lack of food and the high pressures ... making it difficult to generate muscle and bone."
PicklesAreDope
Canada doesn't have an army? you mean that same army that's the only one to beat the US in a war? so remind me why your whitehouse is white?
Asshats
JadeMcLeod
MessageMeYourCats
*barbarism intensifies*
nclu
Slayman3909
diffloose
Anyone have the source of this pic?
PicklesAreDope
canada does have an army. Its pretty awesome. Think about it. We live in the woods and the temp is below freezing for 8 months of the year.
Unsupervisedadult
The last one makes me feel Canadian. I played lacrosse for years and love hockey but I don't say sorry a lot and love guns. So confused
1Lhell
You must have dual citizenship
BattyWhack
Canadians actually own a fair amount of guns so you're good.
jsmithy2334
Okay but does that one kid really not know how porn websites make money? Like are some people just not aware of how advertising works?
afterdinneromelets
I'll admit someone had to explain it to me... I was like 19 or 20, so legally an adult.
ThePrimrose
Or that a large percentage of people buy porn fully aware of the free stuff on the internet because of the quality and/or rare kink
RobotMassacre538
"I just thought porn sites were generous enough to want to give me a 12 inch dick and Russian women near me"
CorwinMacGregor
man, ain't nobody understand how advertising works!
Ichose2
but who clicks on that crap? I've never seen a normal ad on a porn site
TheGrubinator
People who are dissatisfied with having a three-inch penis.
ElfSIut
Your mom sure wasnt last night ;)
TheGrubinator
You want a 62 year old with no teeth an a complexion like sandblasted leather, go for it.
TheRuleOfFools
Im always confused as to how the ads are paid for. Anything my friend has ever seen has only ever looked like a phising attempt. 1
ArdentSlacker
There's a large segment of the world dumb enough for advertising to work on them. Look at politics.
TheRuleOfFools
Are people really that stupid as to click on an ad on a porn site that promises to make your dick bigger??
Mcshmile
They they weren't, they wouldn't be there
polymetricr
These are far, far better than anything on that shitty /r/roastme sub
EricFromAccounts
*sees a picture of a mildly attractive girl* "Huhuhu , fuk u SLUT !" (roasted!)
oleanderseeds
pick your roast! dumb, gay, ugly, retarded, slut, fat, porn star (usually cam girl), something about makeup, virgin, loser.
oleanderseeds
AKA, they really do suck and I wish they'd be more creative lmao
ProbablyQuotingTheOffice
I can't decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke... Boom roasted
theDpickle
realmdweller
Quarko
Fuckin hazzelnoots
JJSparx
RE Nutella - hate to point it out, but "noo" is not the same as pronouncing it "new", unless you're American of course.
BreadyStinellis
That depends on what part of the US. Some pronounce the eew in new, some just say noo. I'm from wisconsin, our vowels are Scandinavian.
WhateverWhateverIDoWhatIWant
I moved from WI to STL, they knew I was from WI before I told them from how I pronounced "t-bone" and "bag".
BreadyStinellis
Yeah, anywhere I go people guess Wisconsin or Minnesota. And then I always get asked about cheese.
JaneSable
I felt like the Microsoft Office one was just douchey. I would feel pretty happy if they responded to a significant workload being finished.
airandfingers
It's not even the same guy. Just someone trying to score points by calling out Microsoft's social media activity.
JaneSable
Yeah, that's the even douchier part. A-B C yourself out, right?
Sugewin
Yeah it's like, nobody cares. We know it's a marketing thing, we don't need joyless turds calling a company out for being a company.
TheGrubinator
Seriously, if we really didn't like that shit, how the fuck has Wendy's become a fucking meme?
Sugewin
Besides, it's fun when advertising guys goof off.
TheGrubinator
Yup. Amuse me, and I have a better chance of buying your product. Bore me, and I'll be less inclined. That's why I originally went with (1)
BigBuckeyeDaddy
There may come a day when I do not find the word 'hazelnoots' hilarious. But alas, today is not that day.
melissalovegood
"Hazelnoot" is actually the Dutch word for one hazelnut. For multiple it's "hazelnoten". I wish it was hazelnoots.
h0d0r
kossuth
THIS DAY WE FIGHT
SvprHanc
Did I read it wrong, or did Nutella's FAQ say to pronounce it 'new-tell-ah'?
endbit
Australian here I', it's pronounced N'tella https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVm7Bclmm10
BrotherEstapol
Australian here; only ever heard it called Nut-ella ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
dontcallmeplath
It did. Yeah.
BigBuckeyeDaddy
You read it correctly. That was the 'burn' in that's the pronunciation advised by the company
SvprHanc
Ahh.. I get it now.. thanks for the patience, I get up to speed eventually..
kawaiimoogle
Nutella is originally Italian...so the u is pronounced like oo...confuses a lot brits and Americans
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
believe me, british and american pronounciation is just as confusing. i have the username to tell the story of my woes.
SaunterbluggetHampterfuppinshire
I have never met anyone who calls in Nootella, plus it doesn't make etymological sense, given that the idea originated in Italy, and not 1/?
haveanothergif
Do you even Romance languages
SaunterbluggetHampterfuppinshire
Netherlands where 'hazelnut' is pronounced 'hazelnoot', and even that's only singular. In conclusion, this is surely communist propaganda.
yourself458
Hello, you have just let me online therefor making your statement false as I am someone who pronounces it in that manner.
SaunterbluggetHampterfuppinshire
So what you're saying is, you pronounce it incorrectly. Do you pronounce gif, 'jif' as well?
yourself458
I am saying I pronounce it correctly and the way it is intended. However I do pronounce gif as gif.
SaunterbluggetHampterfuppinshire
I would say you are definitely pronouncing it the way it was intended, but it's not correct. I think they know this, and so it becomes 1/
HaroldLostHisPurpleCrayon
#6 seriously one of my fav memes. I crack up every time!!
Moonprayer
https://imgflip.com/i/1oi0sm
Dalumbr
Well to be fair they're both wrong, it's nuh-tell-ah. Source: Australian born and raised.
elbdms
Alas? I say hurray :)
mycatToastwasafatasshole
Studying for my chem lab final and one of our instruments to memorize is the Scoopula (which I pronuce gleefully as scoo-poo-lah).
hereforcake
I use spoonulas for my work.
SeeMyVests
We have a spoon-ladle that makes me giggle cause it's marked "spoodle"
Burke616
*noot that day.
dontcallmeplath
Roasted like a hazelnoot makes me snort each time I see that one.
mongoosebeep
Same!
digdoug78
Do not snoort hazelnoots.
SeeMyVests
How do you spronounce snoort?!?
AgamemnonsMemes
I laughed on and off for like an hour about hazelnoots.
UrsaUrsa
Deez noots?
obzervr
this shit has been sitting in my kitchen - not sure what it does - but Just so you know it exists..
dnzm
It's oil. You can bake or fry stuff in it, and unless I'm wrong hazelnut oil is great in salads as well.
CONCERNED101
Ravioli, ravioli, give me the hazelnootolie!
PizzaSlutForever
Lidl! Love it
TanithRosenbaum
You're nuts if you don't use it.
HorrendousSpaceKablooie
nutty and fine!
JustBecauseIRockDoesntMeanImMadeOfStone
I spotted that too. It speaks to me. Something to aspire to. Got the nutty part down...
iwishiwasagoat
It's nut oil? But like, what does that do???? If you can find it in lidl it must be a delicacy somewhere tho
EpitomeofMediocre
Maybe for frying? I don't really know beyond that.
AfroSamuraiRM
It makes babies, or so I've heard.
pr0nty
I'd guess baking and drizzling over salads.
iwishiwasagoat
I was thinking salad dressing, but it seems a little the kind of dressing you'd get in a fancy restaurant...
pr0nty
You can get all kinds of fancy oils in stores these days. They cost an arm and a leg, but they're there.
Dunes8
I've never heard it pronounced "Noo-tella"
ApotheosisCM
I've only ever heard it pronounced "Noo-tella".
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
actually, it's /nuːˈtɛlə/.
GifAsInGiraffe
That's only for americans
TheGrubinator
No, that's for everyone if you're actually pronouncing it correctly. Says the company.
GifAsInGiraffe
No, that was the FAQ for the american website, the company and parent company have said so and that it is pronounced nuh tell ah elsewhere.
EmeraldMoreLikeUninstall
As an American, where do people call it Nootella? In Noobraska?
SuddenlySeymour
when I was a kid, the ads on tv definitely pronounced it "nut-ella". Maybe the company changed their mind in the last few decades?
squidcustard
In the UK the ads still definitely say 'nut-ella' and the pronunciation on the uk site matches. I don't know why the US site is different?
WorfRozhenko
I hadn't either until my 8 y.o. niece said it. I had to look it up and was surprised she was correct. Must have seen commercial or something
wolfcheese
How else would you say it? nuhtella? Which syllable gets stressed? It sounds like you're trying to tell Ella to climax.
Alvatore
Nut, ella.
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
yeah, because anglophones have are fucking dyslexic. and before you get confused, it's pronounced /nuːˈtɛlə/.
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
(i do realize the irony of misplacing a word in a sentence that accuses others of being dyslexic.)
TheGrubinator
I DON'T UNDERSTAND LETTERS THAT ARE NOT PART OF THE STANDARD LATIN ALPHABET! ...I feel better now.
Randomgamerdude
"/nuːˈtɛlə/" - This explains absolutely nothing except maybe that linguists just want to fuck with people.
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
if you made the slightest effort to learn the notation, it would be pretty obvious. i know it from highschool foreign language classes, btw.
ffilm
But what does "anglophones have are fucking dyslexic" mean?
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
it means that i contracted it by studying this godforsaken language for too long.
haveanothergif
Hell, I learned IPA in middle school. Took less than a week to memorise all of the English-applicable symbols and common diphthongs.
haveanothergif
Honestly, it can't be that hard.
Randomgamerdude
I was more mocking the use of specific symbols when spelling by sound (I.E. "new-tell-ah") doesn't require native speakers to learn anything
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
they really should learn something, though, because if you actually say 'newtellah', you're still pronouncing it wrong (depending on accent)
FckyourselfSarah
#3 52 weeks in a year, -1 for holidays, -2 for vacation 49 weeks, 5 days a week = 245 workdays, x 200 a day = 49k
rauche
Where did you get 200 from? It says one guy a day for $100.
FckyourselfSarah
Assuming $200, for 49k/year that's 20 times a month. Assuming 4 times a month, that's 5 regular customers who can afford 800 a month for sex
FckyourselfSarah
Googled prostitute price, seems that 200-300/hr is common in the US.
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
that assumes you're not done after 2 minutes, though.
FckyourselfSarah
I wonder if prostitutes pro-rate?
e1c53da
They do not. One made an AMA on here awhile back. You pay for a block of time; if you're done in 30s, not their problem. She said most 1/2
otterlily
#3 is still more money than I make in a year.
L1ota
365 × 100 does not = 365000. It's 36500. Maybe Mr. 100 dollar a day hooker should stick to handy j's.
ImHereToGetDownvotes
Well then, time to switch jobs!
DoctorSvenHoek
http://imgur.com/rpzbtMg
ImHereToGetDownvotes
Dude... the joke....the joke...dude.... I was telling him/her to go fuck strangers for $100 a pop not seriously find another job.
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
100 a day ain't so bad, and considering it's sex you just gotta devote what, an hour of your day to it?
valentinevar
But also $100 * 365 does not equal $350,000
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
More than minimum wage I guess.
valentinevar
That's true, but not 6 figures
ImHereToGetDownvotes
Assuming 1 hour of foreplay and sex a day (average sex only lasts 10 minutes), almost 14 times more than minimum wage.
01011000010000100110101001100111010000110110010000111001
it is exactly the amount mentioned in the previous post. degrees don't matter. dignity might though.
ImHereToGetDownvotes
Fuck my dignity. If anyone wanted to pay my big ass $100 a day for 10 minutes of trusting, I'd seriously consider it.
01011000010000100110101001100111010000110110010000111001
No no. They have to actually look good and work for that look. Keep a diet and work out a lot.
valentinevar
Well, they say everything has a price. 6 figures is a big difference vs barely above minimum wage.
ImHereToGetDownvotes
$36,500 is 60% more than minimum wage. Sure, 6 figures is better, but $36,500 for an hour or less work a day is damn good.
01011000010000100110101001100111010000110110010000111001
there is no six figures. 365 times 100 is 36,500
StonedLikeACheatingMuslimWoman
I googled the bony eared assfish, and this is on the wikipedia page: It held the record for the smallest brain-to-body weight ratio 1/2
imhoots
2/2 until your mom.
StonedLikeACheatingMuslimWoman
of all vertebrates until it was discovered that Republican congressmen have an even smaller brain-to-body weight ratio.
WhoseDevelopmentIsArrestedAnyway
Well played.
TheMajesticHarpyEagle
As a massive biologist I am wondering how I never heard of this fish before.
Tchukkelz
Being a bigger biologist doesn't mean you know more about biology.
TheMajesticHarpyEagle
Massive biology nerd* I cannot english.
Tchukkelz
I got a kick imagining a gargantuan man pondering the previously unknown existence of a fish
TheMajesticHarpyEagle
Lol
Shmewkey
/a/izdcA
BonoboHandshake
You better back the fuck up, because according to the National Sports of Canada Act of 1994, both Hockey and Lacrosse are national sports.
QuirkyWallace
See? Don't you diss Canada about hockey it is serious shit the few we care enough to fight about!
IHOPEYOUDONTWASTEYOURTIMEREADINGTHISNAMEBECAUSEIWILLMAKEITLONG
We're good at doubling up even tripling up on our National Xs and Ys.
robbienutz
madjo
Is that the new Nimbus 4000?
Pfunk90
You must be Canadian.
BonoboHandshake
How could you tell?
Thalarctos
Holy shit, are you a rude Canadian?
BonoboHandshake
Nah, I'm one of the most polite, we Canadians just take Canada very seriously
jp189512
i seriously thought you were bullshitting then you back it up with a source and i was like :O take your upvote good sir!
Beautifulabella
And we can use the same rinks lol what else were we supposed to do all summer
Trustmeiminaband
Basketball was also invented in Canada
fudgesickle
It was invented by a Canadian but it was invented by the Canadian in the USA
Kelushia
No it wasn't, it was invented in Springfield, Mass.
RampagingBanana
You are right but it was invented by a canadian
TachyonCode
And Canadians were invented... in Canada.
RampagingBanana
I mean if you want to get pedantic, Canadians were invented in British North America in 1791 when Upper Canada was established
FillerNameToFillTheBox
Ice hockey?
fruust
Grass bandy?
FillerNameToFillTheBox
Nah, it's a joke where if a Canadian talks about Hockey, you ask if they mean Ice Hockey, because other types exist.
fruust
I know, but as a Swede, bandy is the sport most similar to field hockey we have. Therefore grass bandy as a counterjoke
BonoboHandshake
Ya that's what it says in the legislation
Ashilino
Nah.. Fuckin air hockey, oh wait that is a thing
BonoboHandshake
I actually had an air hockey table as a kid
zFUBARz
Oooooo Look at Ritchie Rich over here... No seriously, Ritchie, can I come to your parents and play?
TachyonCode
War isn't a sport, however, even though the Geneva Conventions tried to make it sporting. And professional athletes get paid better.
TheGrubinator
Well it may not be a sport the way YOU play it.
JohnCalvinCoolidgeJr
So you're saying Canada hasn't won the Cup since making it a "national sport".
MrRidiculous
No but we took the gold every 4 years
nell1990
America hasnt won the olympic gold medal since 1980
BonoboHandshake
That's cold dude
WarrioRx83
To be fair almost every American team is half Canadian in terms of players and the World Cup they wiped the ice with everyone
AkLonewolf
you mean.. ICE hockey?
fabuji
*screams in frustration* woops so sorry about that man...
lollymj
Oh, you went there.
AkLonewolf
bizzarro2102
No. If its not on ice, that's when you have to add an identifying noun.
AkLonewolf
bizzarro2102
Also that image was hilarious so +1
bizzarro2102
I'd like to refer you to the comment you replied to. If you are talking about field/ball hockey, you have to say field/ball before hockey.
AkLonewolf
hehe no worries I only said it as a reference only to that image.
BarryAllensSole
Irony: an aggressive Canadian
Bystandr
Ask the Germans how non-aggressive they thought we were on Vimmy ridge.
YUNoDie
They're all aggressive when it comes to Hockey.
TheGrubinator
Yup. It's like a switch.
BonoboHandshake
There's dozens of us
giitsok
They're all in the prairies too...... I'd be angry too if that's where I lived.
caniskitty
I live in the prairies and can confirm that they're angry for no reason other than they're self-absorbed little shits. 1/2
caniskitty
They think the country owes them something. 2/2
sizlon
thank you, i was going to say the same thing.
AstartesLibrarius
And technically, our de facto National Sport is Baseball. But we didn't make a law about it so we can say whatever we want.
BonoboHandshake
What about football
AstartesLibrarius
The MLB and it's associated programs and such still make more money than the NFL and it's associated programs.
Camelspotting
You have a source for that? That's honestly pretty surprising.
AstartesLibrarius
Upon research my information is as of 2010 outdated, with the NFL having taken the lead and maintained it, as of 2016 making almost 1/2
BonoboHandshake
That's surprising as an outsider
iceyboob
Yeah I agree baseball is soooo boring even espn is cutting their baseball experts
blazerz
I thought curling was canadas national sport
KarmaRaven23
Invented by the Scottish, actually.
enderlord99
Technically lacrosse is the national summer sport, and they don't have much summer. So it's mostly hockey even.
MoistenedAnus
Ice lax
hailshinra
I can confirm this. May fifth and it is three degrees in my city. Kill me.
EatMyThunder
Unfortunate. 25 here
DevonNickols
Reached 30 in edmonton booyaga
BonoboHandshake
In the town I'm from, the jocks would play lax in the summer then hockey in the winter
zsefvgb
So all of dual and semirural canada?
BonoboHandshake
Ya, basically
etcnotect
In Manitoba lacrosse isn't very popular
PowwerOrb13
You guys don't get summer though, just endless heat and not snow
enderlord99
Over one third of my total points came from that comment. Somehow. Thanks?
PicklesAreDope
watch yourself bitch, our summers get up to 40c and wet as fuck
Whatnameshouldipick
Summer? I thought they mostly played box lax anyways
CanadianKnowledgeMachine
Box lacrosse is the better one anyways. But the season usually goes from March/April to August. Field is May-August
FlemishExposition
HEY NOW. Field lacrosse is the fucking raddest. Don't make me smack you with my long pole.
DevonNickols
I played big stick too love me some field cross brah
CanadianKnowledgeMachine
You mean your little love taps? Field hockey has more contact than field lacrosse.
BonoboHandshake
Source: http://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/n-16.7/page-1.html
putzcommander
Wow. I bet that law was written by a beaver standing next to a mountie.
MyPornNameisVitaminD
Mountie isn't a title....it's a position :D Source: Am Canadian
putzcommander
Not sure how my statement implies a title. Its not a position either technically.
MyPornNameisVitaminD
+1 for sauce!
MediocreMrFox
Holy shit. Laws.justice talk about a powerful web address
Baroonz
Canada has a national sports act!? Americans are stuck with boring ass obergefell v. Hodges and plessy v. Fergeson
pickleweaseler
Lawyered
Blurr7face
Bilingual AND bi-sport-ual! Take that, world.
GravitationalTimeDialation
It's not like america doesn't have alot of spanish and german speakers, or have 4 major league sports or whatever
AnotherLowski
America doesn't even have an official language.
GravitationalTimeDialation
You are forgetting about native americans dude
GravitationalTimeDialation
Thats me assuming you are talking about a language originating in america
AnotherLowski
There's dozens of native american languages, but none of them are official. Neither is English. It's only a formality, but still funny.
BonoboHandshake
We just need to make CFL football a part of it too
CanadianKnowledgeMachine
Maybe if the CFL was any good..
AstartesLibrarius
Hey, you gave NFL greats a place to prove themselves. People like Warren Moon and Doug Flutie might've never played if not for the CFL.
BonoboHandshake
It's alright