confuesitron
31989
617
22
Feb 20, 2025 4:49 PM
confuesitron
31989
617
22
CommentDiver
I. READ. THIS. EVERY. TIME. THIS. IS. POSTED.
pdp1
Thatsabigburrito
Disapproves
Globecuckpls
I'm just waiting to see if we get to match the OOP rant with a Karen meltdown in real life posted online somewhere. This has a lot of "I yell at minimum wage workers" energy.
TBF chipotle is shit, don't eat there.
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
You know, I honestly don't know whether this is a true story, or something somebody made up as a creative writing exercise. But honestly, I don't care. If it is a wholly made-up story, they made it up well enough to be plausible.
nailpounder
I'm sensing hostility, and also, I want a burrito, but not one like that.
rabbihimself
I read this every time I see it. It’s an internet gem.
Kaysmira
A world heritage post. Needs to be preserved in the archives.
rockyoulikeaHURR
Reminds me of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioH53m2cod4
RevRagnarok
I went to a place once that they dumped all the ingredients you wanted into a big stainless steel bowl as you were going down the line. Then they stirred them all up and put it into the tortilla.
Perfection.
clayartist64
"This is the end...My only friend, the end..." --Jim Morrison of The Doors, perhaps about a shitty California Burrito that had one end filled completely with Spanish rice.
gnomedeplume
look at this guy who never had a Tall Burrito before
SomebodyalreadytookMyPants
Years ago my son and I ate at a "Burrito place" in a food court in Washington D.C. My six year old needed to tell the guy who made his burrito how good it was, this 17 year old kid comes out and explained his burrito construction process to us both. pretty mut play that first rant in reverse and that's what this guy described.
shameofslate
The hiring process at Chipotle…
“Do you know how to fold a burrito?”
“No.”
“Have you ever even seen a burrito?”
“No, I can’t say as I have.”
“Welcome to the team!“
Xerxes4242
"Do you know how to trim meat?" Not a clue...
KalypsoKirin
So my man...
You eat a burrito with a fork. Why do you think they give you a red chili and a green chili sauce with the burrito? For you to just unwrap and pour inside? If the sauce went inside, it would be served inside. You are doing yourself a DISSERVICE not eating your burritos fully smothered.
mondomar
If you are not a fan of efficiency in a fast food place make it at home
Kassimila
I feel so in tune with this person
AdeptusCannibus
I would have it sent back…through the air..at their face.
RoboVik
the terrible flight characteristics of a burrito are rendered moot by the minimal amount of thrust and guidance required for successful intercept at close distance, e.g. the basic calculation using 10:1 target distance to burrito length
halliemeinecke
You have a spring collection of hats too?
Shilzy
I always eat my burrito with a knife and fork because I cover it in salsa (Hopefully tangy tomatillo salsa). Who wants burrito juice dripping down your hand? Who wants to ad salsa as they go, applying a little to each bite? Have you ever accidentally bitten on a piece of tinfoil? Fuck that noise. See you hell!!
Hevach
Nothing wrong with using a fork on traditionally non-fork foods, however a fork will not salvage a foodcrime as dire as the one described herein.
Shilzy
"Foodcrime" I love it...
BadPunsAplenty
"Hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilanto cavern"
Freebite
Oh you mean soap bog?
MantisTobagganMD
StillNotYouTube
There are dozens of us!
TwitchFox
Did this to a guy who came in & flipped his lid that the 4 of us couldn't stop & take his order RIGHT NOW 'cause he wasn't gonna use the self help kiosks. Was supposed to be a super slow day that turned out to be a mad busy lunch rush. Line of cars wrapped round building, lobby packed, 20 min waits, on the last backups of cheese/lettuce, proteins running low meaning someone needs to cook soon leaving 3 people up front to keep making items, our 10/30 min breaks not being able to go out on time
MendoncycleSmith
Sigh. I now fight the urge to correct any server who doesn't get this exceptionally basic concept. The internet has ruined me, because a burrito rolled in the above manner is just awful, and so delightful when done properly.
halcyon742
I started at the beginning, skipped to the end. I think I know how he got there
HillOfBeans
You should read the details. Hes very descriptive.
arajad
This reads like one of those rants Maddox used to put up on The Best Page in the Universe.
ThatGuyFromJustSouthOfTheMiddleOfNowhere
Just eat it sideways /s
Spotafire
the funny thing is, this guy argues about "A chance to get a bite with two different ingredients" but a tortilla is an ingredient, so two different ones is pretty much a guarantee.
BellsTheorem
9 layer burrito
ConstantBitRate
the fork story is new to me, the rest is "repost"
+1 for the repost :)
thekeyofe
FWIW, some burritos are either too big to eat with your hands or are so covered in sauce that trying to eat it with your hands wouldn't be worth the ridiculous mess you'd make. In those cases, you would eat it with a fork, but that kind of oversized, oversauced burrito is not what this post is describing.
HighSorcerer
No burrito is too big, but I agree about sauce-covered. Put the sauce IN the burrito ffs, that's what the tortilla is for.
LadyNaween
yeah I never read the fork part either. Glad I decided to re-read it. laughing so hard I am crying. So glad I am not wearing makeup today
HunterArtisanFarmer
Some folks just need a good meal to sort their day out. To these folks a shitty burrito is a a meltdown inducing event.
HunterArtisanFarmer
Also “You are an idiot. Let me further explain:” is a hilarious opener to a rant.
Hevach
See this is the thing about ongoing misery like stress, or chronic pain. You get really good at dealing with all the daily shit but it's an absolutely finite resource and you cannot accommodate further suffering. Spine grinding bone on bone day after day for five years? Yeah I'm used to it let's go jogging. Small poke from an unflattened staple? Tears and impotent rage for two hours.
mthrndr01
As a Californian stuck in Buffalo, every emotional support burrito has been a catastrophe.
HunterArtisanFarmer
I feel this in my soul. I live in the middle of nowhere. If I want it I have to cook it. On the RARE occasion I pay for food, if it sucks I feel cheated in ways a spouse can’t accomplish.
IDownvoteKhaby
Somewhere on the internet is a confession bear saying that a customer was being an asshole so I packed his burrito like a roll of Lifesavers.
ItSeemsYouHaveSufferedaTerribleFate
Always thought about that when I come across this. You'd have to go out of your way to make a burrito like that. This person clearly has some writing chops, but I could totally believe it if they like this 100% of the time and the type of person to be an ass to a restaurant worker. That burrito was made with spite - not idiocy
RoboVik
I wonder if the burrito is not a victim of intentional ineptitude. "Least I could do." A philosophy of minimalist general disobedience, if you will. Demoralize and disrupt through annoyance and irritation. Task or action technically correct, but barely acceptable levels of competency. Technically it was, in fact, a burrito. Despite the customer's outrage, it's...still a combination of ingredients resembling the advertised product, which has been artificially enhanced for promotional use anyway.
CgnCalling
You are goddamn right. True spite takes effort. And that thing did take effort!