CptRobotNinja
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First time I've asked anyone out since I split up with my wife. She was perfectly nice about it, turns out she has a boyfriend I was not aware of. In the end it was good to at least stretch the old social muscles and put myself out there. My execution definitely could have been better I'll tell you that. Call it a dry run for next time.
LET ME LOVE YOU!
Most Viral Edit: Thank you for enjoying my pain. This and other embarrassing moments available all the fucking time when you purchase a life time subscription for our "Friendship" plan. Looking for something less permenant? Ask about our "Awkward Lunch", "5th Time Passing in the Hall," and "Unnecessary Bathroom Conversation" packages. Decorative Pervert bringing you all the best cringe since fucking forever man, it just never ends.
Derpburger666
First time?
westPAguy
Starfury42
Personally if I had to go back to the dating scene I wouldn't have any idea what to do. Been married way too long.
Stevioactive
cre8majic
Having a sense of humor about it and not being terribly self-conscious will take you far in social situations.
Flowerlady0
Decorative pervert. Like a plant?
CptRobotNinja
Yeah exactly
Flowerlady0
? you are a nice plant ?
CptRobotNinja
Lol thanks I try
StorytellingSalem
Get over and away from the word “awkward.” Its just a poison from youth that you dont need in adulthood anymore.Im proud of ya!Roll the dice
StorytellingSalem
Again n again n again till getting shot down dont phase ya no mo- just cause you got good taste in women! Keep strutting homie! WE’RE ROOTIN
StorytellingSalem
ROOTING* FOR YA!!!
ididntgetthejobatfruitloops
Im afraid you already shot your wad on what was supposed to be a dry run,if you will,& now you're left with somewhat of a mess on your hands
Moridin23
Good job! Make sure to try again soon; rejection happens to all of us. Don’t let it get you down
ForestNinja101
It’s good that you took the chance and asked. It takes real courage to do that and still be decent even after being rejected. Good on you!
mondayaddams
I'll go out with you!
CptRobotNinja
A look at your profile shows that you are very cute and hence I assume this is a trick
ChickenChickenBurningBright
make sure you get her to answer your "how do you rate my asking you to touch my peen" on Surveymonkey.
CptRobotNinja
If I'm any judge of things, me running at her aggressively, dick first was very seductive. Trust me. It was hot.
Raz0rking
Well, could have been worse
Betterbecauseofthem
I'll go out with you. But I hafta warn you - I will put out
CptRobotNinja
I eat saltine crackers during sex
sylvanarius
That is someone's fetish.
ajohnson8353
Do you share them?
CptRobotNinja
Absolutely not
Betterbecauseofthem
I just noticed your handle - I'll definitely put out and I'll catch the cracker crumbs like a hungry bird ?
CptRobotNinja
Nice. Get the mayo and play a gregorian chant, let's get weird
Betterbecauseofthem
I prefer peanut butter. It takes longer to... Clean up
maxzero
Remember this: It's almost always better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done. Nice job, maestro.
TheYodajen
Congrats on it tho. You did good.
BigIrv5151
Good for you, man. We've all been there. If you never take the risk, you'll never get a date. Keep your head up. You're on the right path.
thesmelge
I genuinely don't understand where people even get the opportunity to take the risk.
BigIrv5151
I've met women at the grocery store. Just say hi. Talk about Corn Flakes. Then ask her if she'd like to sit down for a Starbucks.
CptRobotNinja
Yeah I expected to strike out a few times. I'm rusty at being sexy
RustyNeX
why do we fall Bruce?
thesmelge
That's easy. Cos life enjoys just shitting all over certain people constantly and unendingly because they weren't miserable enough already.
CptRobotNinja
So we can get dank ass bat powers?
RustyNeX
Ligamaballs
davebeastly
RISE.
RustyNeX
RICE
jesse2020wayne91831415
Best advice for nutting up and meeting women. If you stop jerking off you still have a sex drive and it makes you irrationally bold and more
jesse2020wayne91831415
Likely to approach women. At least thats what I've noticed in my personal life.
noReallyIamPrincessBob
Everything to gain, nothing to lose but a little face. Good for you! Maybe next time?
Ulgroth
Ah yes. The rejection because of a boyfriend. Is it true? Who knows but u live with it being possibly true or a lie
CptRobotNinja
I dont give it much thought honestly. Either way she's not interested, the answer is no. Time to move on.
4554073
Bottom should be red. Their loss, not yours. Heads up and next.
mthornton91
For 99% of us that stuff def takes practice. I’ve never had a confidence problem but absolutely botched my last attempt. Gotta warm up.
CptRobotNinja
Yeah I used to be reasonably proficient but I'm about a decade.out of practice. Gonna take some work to knock the dust off
mikeatc
“You miss 100% of the shots you DON’T take”: Wayne Gretzky.
belongsinamuseum
-John Wilkes Booth
[deleted]
[deleted]
Marmz2016
I miss 100% of the shots I DO take! - Stevie Wonder
FunkyMonk8675309
Way to take a fucking shot brotha good for you!!! I'll let you borrow some of my cologne next time it's called sex panther
jhackofalltrades
You should try my fave cologne, DoesThisSmellLikeChloroform?
CptRobotNinja
Is that the stuff that works every time 40% of the time?
TotallyNotASerialKiller
It always works sometimes.
burg14
I heard it's illegal in 9 countries
laiskamato
Has to be the stuff that has that one in a million chance. Then it works 9 times outta 10!
ramshackleackle
It's a million to one chance sarge, but it just might work.
laiskamato
:Dwang!: Pingg! "Huh? Ah-ha!" Swoosh! Kaboom! "Whee!" :splash!:
FunkyMonk8675309
Close 60%. Also it's illegal in 9 countries and made with real bits and pieces of panther... So you know it's good.
in70x
I’m not gonna lie to you man that smells like pure gasoline
Richardza
60% of the time, it works every time.
criablelurst
Pretty sure most women would rather not chop up a panther for cologne.
FunkyMonk8675309
But 60% of the time it works all the time
criablelurst
https://i.redd.it/9oryv9cw8fb21.jpg
CptRobotNinja
I heard it stings the nostrils. I gotta get me some of that
Hapsdinersdumpsterfire
I gotta be honest, it smells like pure gasoline.
ramshackleackle
Smells like that time the raccoon got caught in the copier.
AdelineThatsMeYo
It drives us girls wild!
AlabamaNerd
CptRobotNinja
FunkyMonk8675309
Works every time
100percentnotarobot
I need to smell this
physcistwithbiceps
I thought it was 69% xD
FunkyMonk8675309
Insert ohmy.gif
physcistwithbiceps
Insert horny jail meme
overa32182
That shit actually roars when you open the box. Don't ask how I know
GuyPilot
Banned in over 27 countries!
Shickzilla
W4RG4ZM
That shit'll turn you into a sexual tyrannous.
qwygl
Yeah Good job dude, dont take it personally and just learn from the experience! Just remember to keep yourself happy and wear sex panther.
tazedconfused
This leads to questions
Madamdeceit
Acqua Di Gio - white/silver bottle. They’ll never turn you down again! ?
MaliciousGrim05
I totally missed the "down" in "got shot down" on first look and thought you got shot for asking a girl out.
IamNotFunnyNeitherIsMyUserName
Awesome! I don’t know why we all worry about rejection. It’s tough but keep going!
howamistillpooping
I thought I asked a girl out...when I confirmed it was still happening, she had invited her sister and her BF, sister invited their parents
WhistlePig
Oh no..m
thissitestealswhatcouldvebeenmyproductivity
They know you can’t skin all of them. Safety in numbers. You picked a smrt one.
GeraSol13
Looks like you were planning on dating a girl from Latin America, as a Latino I can tell you we sometimes are "family oriented", and loud.
CptRobotNinja
Oh man that sounds reprehensible lol
howamistillpooping
I mean it was still fun. And I explained I wanted it to be the two of us. We discussed a do over. Can’t tell if she sees it as a date though
VagisilToothpaste
So then say "this is a date, k?" Gotta be clear w/ your intentions.
RamosIsANerd
Sounds like she panicked, hopefully she had a good time she'll be more chill the 2nd time round. Good luck.
rubypilgrim
actually, this is prob a great first interview. If you can handle the family, she might be worth a second date! Better that than falling-
howamistillpooping
Well here’s the thing, I have known her and her family for about a year already
rubypilgrim
welp :D
rubypilgrim
for someone and then discovering you hate their family.
rubypilgrim
also gives you a good trial run at learning if your communication and social styles are compatible.
Morsalbum
mate reread the comment again, "her sister, her BOYFRIEND, sister invited parents" pretty sure there's no point of a trial or 2nd date rofl
Morsalbum
unless that's her sisters boyfriend, but that wouldnt make sense cuz he'd write "sister invited parents AND HER BOYFRIEND", not originally..
Assetspelledbackwards
Why ask one out? Just cover yourself in cheese and run through the street. They'll flock to you!
MindyTheTeaboo
This is a very true statement
arsecheese
Because she was ‘the one’! Now there will have to be many more ‘ones’.
IWouldDoThings
*crosses out cheese, writes in "mexican food"*
Breebz91
*Crosses out "Mexican food", write in pasta ?*
pastramionrye
Hahaha. If he’s trynna get a wife maybe.
DaveTheScientist
Oh my god her fucking face as she falls backwards.. shit kills me!
Dravit
It's true; apparently women love the thrill of the cheese. Wait, maybe it was chase.
pastramionrye
No no. You got it right.
ILikeQuiteHeavyMetal
Or put a plaster on your leg, girls will wonder what happened and talk to you
CptRobotNinja
The police were very clear I'm not allowed to do that any more
JCBalance
You can still do it with clothes on
IfWereStillAliveInTheMorningThenWellKnowWereNotDead
You’ve got a great sense of humour and probably smell great too.
CptRobotNinja
I mean you're not wrong
Assetspelledbackwards
But in which town? Just drive to the next one over.
CptRobotNinja
Then I gotta drive all the way back home with her in my trunk
Assetspelledbackwards
Nah, just strap her to the hood of your car. She can help clear traffic to get home faster.
CptRobotNinja
IHateToSayThisButILoveYou
"stretch the old social muscle" ,"put myself out there"
Heroasteral
CptRobotNinja
Are you suggesting that me gesturing invitingly to my crotch was not seductive enough?
UKMonkey
Not if you were wearimg underwear.
mondayaddams
It would be enough for me! XD
pastramionrye
Name checks out
effigyoma
Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem
IHateToSayThisButILoveYou
Did you try adding some glow sticks while you gestured to increase visual stimulation?
CptRobotNinja
I decorated my love salami with glow in the dark puff paint
AsiagoTheSuperVillain
If you did all that and she stuck with her bf, then she doesn’t deserve you.
BikeCookie
Next time try pastrami, there are more options for sauces.
AnAbsoluteIdiotApproaches
I appreciate that you've got to live up to the name. Helluva mental image!
CptRobotNinja
I didn't spend 5 years in pervert college for nothing
IHateToSayThisButILoveYou
Attaboy
CptRobotNinja
Your encouragement is both inappropriate and deeply appreciated.