Ghost Stories

So I'm hanging out at my usual haunt when I hear this group of teens in the distance. I float through the wall and ask what they're doing here in the middle of the night, and they immediately start screaming and run away. Probably thought I was the cops or something. Damn junkies.

This one was embarrassing. My mate Dave had a party that night so I had to cover his haunt for him. Standard bump-in-the-night job, but when I get to the first kid, he was already 'bumping in the night.' We stared at each other. I floated back out. It was awkward.

Ok. Let's get this clear. Demons don't exist, it's just a more aggressive type of haunting. Honestly, some ghosts are just assholes with no sense of style, so they go all macho and start clawing people and calling themselves 'Belethor the Defiler' or whatever. There. Are. No. Demons.

Well, except for Jeff, but he's cool about it.

Nursing homes are usually the best gigs. You float through the walls, scream a little, move plates, and when the residents tell the staff, they just double their medication. No exorcisms or ghost hunters or anything tricky. Usually.

Yeah... So... Not my best night. Doing some basic jumpscares, and suddenly, this lady starts having a heart attack. Now I'm no doctor, so I don't know whether I should wail at a carer or flick the lights on and off or call Dave, and then she just up and dies. Worst part was that SHE started to haunt the place. The lady was constantly nagging me about my more modern haunting techniques, so I moved on pretty quick from there.

Apparently she died in a fire back in the 60s. She carried her weight though and we became good friends. Considered asking her out, but I didn't much like the constant burning smell.

Do. Not. Do. This. I cannot stress this enough! It takes sooo much time and planning to get everything right: Observing their viewing schedule, picking the right show, getting a creepy walk prepared, and then BAM! All of that down the crapper in one press of a button.

Worst week of my afterlife. So, this young guy and this old guy come in and start throwing around their holy water and reading out of their books and yelling 'Begone, demons!' Me and Janice had to hide in the vents whenever they were around. Assholes. I was one crucifix in the face away from quitting.

We usually got along pretty well, but she was going through some stuff with Jeff at the time. So, I hit him with the paralysis, make the lights flicker, and suddenly Janice comes in with her half-burnt face and creepy walk! I confronted her and we started arguing, all the while this poor dude's lying there forced to watch all of this. I made it up to him later though. Made a jello-cup come to life and foretell his death. I think he was happy with it.

Just when I was starting to get a grip on everything, had the patients on edge and the staff scared of late shifts, suddenly these jackasses with cameras and microphones swarm in and start recording everything. From then on there was always some group investigating the place, and I couldn't get a moment's peace. Me and Janice decided to go our separate ways after that. I still catch up with her though. I hear she and Jeff are dating.

Dave told me about this one and I leapt at the opportunity. Man, I owe that family so much. They were a great bunch. A hippy, spiritual, 'psychic' mother; a skeptic, alcoholic author dad and a pair of creepy twin girls who would have tea parties with me. I was really burnt out after the hospital job (No pun intended, sorry Janice!), and I really needed somewhere where I could just be me, y'know? Work on my own hauntings without anyone telling me what to do or peering over my shoulder. I honestly did some of my best work there, but it never really got the appreciation it deserved because it wasn't a high-profile haunt.