To anyone who notices:

I dont even know how to do this or what my intentions are. Part of me thinks Im doing this to fish for attention. The other part of me is crying out for help. And the last part of me just wants to spill it all out for anyone who is willing to hear it.

A little about me:

My name is blah blah and Im from yadda yadda, some shit state. In a couple days I will be turning 27 years old. That age was always a big deal for me when I was in high school because as pathetic as it sounds, my aspirations were to be a famous rock star that would succumb to alcoholism and excessive drug use and die at the age of 27. I know that sounds super lame (and for the last 6 years I have come realize how stupid and childish that was) but i was into bands like Nirvana and The Doors. In high school I was the emo kid that always loved to party and was the center of every party I went to. I had no limits on what I would do (except for meth because fuck that noise).

After I graduated high school I went on a trip that changed my life (well for a while). I went on a mission trip to China and Vietnam (even though at the time I didn't really believe in God). The trip to me was just a vacation or a chance to travel somewhere exotic. While on the trip my eyes were completely opened to a whole new world of christianity (dont worry the story isnt focused around God its just part of my trip to where I am now). When I returned from my trip I realized that I wasn't happy with where my life was going and that I wanted to make a change.

I decided to enlist in the U.S. Army. I worked hard and graduated basic training. Then moved on to advanced training where for whatever stupid fucking reason I decided to smoke pot on a military base. I got caught and got discharged. For me getting kicked out felt like a freedom to me, but I think it was just a gateway to fall back into bad habits.

After the military I was homeless and jobless but I could always find a place to crash and friends that would support my habits. I kept working shitty part time jobs just to make it look like I cared about my future.

I started dating a girl a had known for years. She was mildly ok with my drug use and partying but rarely partook. After a couple close calls with death and the law I decided once again that I wanted a change in my life and I wanted to be with this girl. I started going to church again where I rededicated my life to God. I quit using drugs and started taking the steps to becoming a youth pastor.

Without getting into too much detail (mostly because this is already getting longer than I thought it would (thats what she said)). I had a falling out with church higher ups and they asked me to step down as a leader. I quit going to church all together and fell back into drinking.

At this point that girl and I had been married for a while (I know im skipping around a lot im not very good at this). After 3 years of marriage we had no common interests and didnt even sleep in the same bed. I fell back into drug use and decided that I wanted a divorce. Left my wife earlier this year and moved into a friends basement.

While working part-time I met a girl on tinder who I instantly fell in love with. Things were going pretty good. I wasnt making a ton of money but I was getting by. My hours kept getting cut at work. When I started struggling a little bit with bills I was asked to move out of my friends house. I scrambled to find a last minute place to live. Which is where I currently am living. In a friend's mom's basement. Sweet right? To make things even better, my car broke down leaving me with no way to get to work. And even if I did make it to work its not like I would make enough with my little amount of hours to fix my situation. So I can no longer afford anything as my debts pile up. My girlfriend doesn't want to be with someone whose life is a complete disaster.

So here I am. Soon to be 27 with no job. no money. no future with sticking around for. and no one but you guys. If you made it to the end thank you for reading. If you want to message me you have a couple days and I would love to talk things over with people. This is obviously a fake account but I will check this one frequently.

TL;DR if you didnt care enough to read it through then there's no point explaining it here.