ruffmuff
238886
12176
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Dec 27, 2015 8:57 PM
ruffmuff
238886
12176
119
felquist
If grizzly attacks. Say prayers
EchoOfSnac
Don't forget the most basic survival tip, OP!
imsoboreditsnotevenfunny
as a New York City resident who recently watched The Revenant, I'll stay right here.
Goingsick
Cougars will stalk you for miles without you even knowing. They watch to see if they can take you. If you see one, it prob doesn't want you.
ToniBedalov
Favs this in the city. Never goes to mature ever. Goes to park. Almost dies of alergies.
Ryebread91
Isn't this a repost, just the order changed?
ffilm
Partially. I have several of these saved, but not all.
eggmuffin
Important to know: You lose more heat into the ground than to the surrounding air, when sitting or lying down. Insulate your sleeping place.
eggmuffin
Sleeping on the bare ground can land you with a case of hypothermia, even in the height of summer.
Skuffie
As an Australian reading the spider chart I laughed.
StefanTheZog
Lol hobo spider.
rukeman
These are all great but when the time comes I won't remember shit.
undertheaurora
Also talking while hiking (or blowing a whistle periodically OR playing music) will limit your chances of coming across or surprising bears.
undertheaurora
And bears will "false charge"...which looks like a real charge. But if it's a false charge you need to take an aggressive stance...
soltao
"If cougar attacks: stand and fight". Mmmmmmm...
nottoodistantfuture
Leaves if three, let it be. Leaves of four, eat some more.
EnterOmega
Until you find an exception and vomit to death alone in the woods
DrScheperle
Climb a tree? Climb a tree!? Don't y'all know bears can climb fucking trees!
Smmack
Bear attack w/ no bear spray. Instructions unclear. Step 1. lose clothes, Step 2. live with bears step 3. become bear.
ILieForPoints
When asked why am bear, give them this list.
pontypool
Yes, but how do I kill the zombies?
anacctnamedphat
For the love of god. Don't use poison ivy as toilet paper... I know because of.... A friend...
Flyndaran
I'm not allergic to urishiol, the main irritant. I've rubbed it on open wounds. I wouldn't like using unknown biologicals as TP anyway.
Corrodias
I'd be in trouble if I went outside. I can hardly tell any plants apart, certainly not any of those 3 listed from a dozen harmless plants.
ffilm
I knew a guy who swore he was immune, and to prove it ate some. It nearly killed him from mucus membranes swelling up. Only skin was immune.
Flyndaran
I've rubbed it on open wounds. No reaction. Far fewer are like me than your dumb friend.
greenbrier
That's not what poison ivy looks like in PA
greenbrier
The poison ivy I'm familiar with has three shiny dark green leaves with jagged edges. Looks similar to strawberry.
[deleted]
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TheFartistFormerlyKnownAsMatt
When poison ivy is in vine form they look similar. Virginia creeper has 5 leaflets in its leaf. Also when it doesn't have leaves you can
TheFartistFormerlyKnownAsMatt
2/2 tell it's not poison ivy by the circular leaf scar that is left behind on the vine.
flyline
Step one: stay on the couch ! End
Sobayarea
Want to add some excitement add some beers, after a few making it to the potty is a grand adventure!
NotAPsychopath
Step 1: Live in the UK
Gonz000
Don't know about the rest of you, but step 1 is professor oak ;-p
mirria
http://media.oglaf.com/comic/rangerron.jpg
Randomice
Or....rule #1: Only go camping where they have five star rooms service.
flyingbacon7
Love the fact that none of the gear lists says Toilet Paper...no one wants to use their hands or leaves.
Flyndaran
I'm a tough rugged insensitive bastard, but fuck that single ply public restroom hole demolisher let alone shit falling from trees.
Kobol
Snow is best if you're really roughing it. If you're going to use toilet paper bag it and bin it, or dig a hole and cover it up.
amalgamreynolds
"Stand and attack." Read: prepare to be killed.
MrSpindles
Also lists credit card at the top of list for survival equipment. Load of nonsense repost.
Freebackrubs
1. HEY, BLACKBEAR! 2. How are things? 3. Is this your phone? I'll just drop it here for you. 4. K, bye....
gestun
"Say hi to your mother for me"
Infestedfuckinwasteland
free tip, don't try to fuck the bears.
Flyndaran
Animals eat what they're used to. As long as you don't look too easy to pass up, most won't kill you for food.
Dearslay
TewserBerry
If it's brown stand down, if it's black fight back, if it's white good night. (Bear)
MoonShadow10
spoke w/a fella from WV the other day who hunts blk bear, he said if have unavoidable run in, to bop 'em on the nose (don't curl up in ball)
IFUCKINGLOVECAPSLOCK
Beware, if you play dead for a grizzly bear, you might find yourself carried off into a cave. Also there are brown colored black bears.
iConfirmAnythingAndEverything
In Churchill,Manitoba residents leave their house and car doors unlocked incase of a polar bear attack. Attacks are common.
Pencillin
Why do they not walk everywhere with a large caliber revolver?
CarlSag
Why unlocked?
poppywoppy
so one can hide from the bear in said unlocked car.
hungriesthippo
If the bears have access to shelter and transportation then they are less likely to attack.
iConfirmAnythingAndEverything
if a person is out walking and run into a bear, they can run and hide. In this case.. the closest possible door. Still there are fatalities.
zshep
I swear I thought a "Dutch oven" meant something else
FlatMattress
I did too
HailHector
One thing missing off "essentials" list. Beer! Because camping without beer is just sitting in the woods.
ffilm
You will never get the upvotes this deserves.
cdhunt6282
while I agree with you, what's so bad with "just sitting in the woods?"
Nysarius
some people arent like us. they dont enjoy being in our true home, being with our true environment.
JJAbramsBetterNotRuinStarWars
I feel like the animals one is gonna get someone killed. Can anyone confirm the validity?
webimgur
Fails to mention the universal predator deterrents: Winchester, Colt, and Smith & Wesson. Don't leave home without one.
StillChasingFireflies
As someone who encounters such critters. Do not run from bears, then you seem like prey. Talk normally, be calm, and slowly exit the scene.
brobinson2001
This. Talking and acting like the bear isn't a predator confuses them. They're highly intelligent, you not being scared makes them go wtf??
IFUCKINGLOVECAPSLOCK
Yeah, a grizzly bear might just carry you away to tenderize if you play dead. You're better suited with a gun. A grizzly bear's gotta eat.
NiceLegsDaisyDukesMakesAMAAANOUTOFYOOOUUUU
Ran into a black bear and her cub with my dad as a kid. Can confirm he did the 'make yourself look big' thing and the bear left.
MajinCry
Your dad was a kid? How old was your mom?
Kaysmira
Whyyyyy does it say to spread your legs for a grizzly? I'm not a wildlife expert but I can't see how that could help anyone.
JJAbramsBetterNotRuinStarWars
Except the bear. ; )
ominousdusk
http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/poacher-savagely-molested-and-raped-by-grizzly-bear/
gawdeenie
Maybe the article skipped it but he didn't say anything about being raped, just that it ripped his pants off. Misleading title
Strikyre
It's to make it harder for you to be flipped over. They will likely paw at you. You don't want your front facing claws.
Kaysmira
Ok, that's a possibly that I wasn't able to think of, thanks.
Strikyre
No problem! :)
HailHector
Black bears will leave. Grizzlies don't care. If they're hungry, you're dinner. Bear spray does work. Just high power pepper spray.
tgholland
I took a (US) government bear training, and they pretty much told us exactly the same things
MyBrainIsPlastiDipped
And if the training didn't work, the government still doesn't get any complaints. Convenient!
WinstonsLeftTesticle
1) Never ever climb a tree to escape a bear, they are excellent climbers. Also cougars react to movement, so if you see one, your best stay
WinstonsLeftTesticle
still until it goes away.
Morrigi
It's only black bears that can climb well. Grizzlies are very poor climbers and if you find yourself treed by a polar bear, you done goofed
WinstonsLeftTesticle
3) If you don't believe me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPnp3fLOER8
WinstonsLeftTesticle
1)Every single bear is capable of climbing... and no 4 meters will not save you it's not a safe mark... maybe if the tree hasn't got good...
WinstonsLeftTesticle
2) grasping surface it will be adequate, but grizzlies have been documented climbing to tree tops. So no.
Strikyre
Cougars are ambush predators. Unless they're rabid, if its clear you see them, you're big enough they "probably" won't attack.
Strikyre
The stated bears are omnivores, and generally non-predatory. You're trying to appear less energy-efficient than berries.
Strikyre
And moose... They can't climb trees. They can outrun you, but you're probably more agile. Duck and cover won't work well.
Strikyre
Or I mean it'll work, but only about as well as it works against, say, a 20mph automobile collision with your balled-up bonesack.
fourcharactersorlonger
I read boned-up ballsack
Strikyre
Wolves you treat like you would a strange dog. They're pack animals and if behaving threateningly, you again want to be energy-inefficient.
Nysarius
you know your shit. what would you do if it was an alligator? (i live in florida so i encounter them often)
Morrigi
Gators are dumb and don't give a fuck. Fortunately, they're ambush predators and can't chase you for any real distance.
TheosaurusRx
Stay away from mama's nest. Run like Forrest if it charges. Beat the hell out of its head whilst praying to the swamp gods if it grabs you.
brobinson2001
Run. If attacked, go for their eyes. Gators just simply don't care. They'll latch on and hold you down until you drown.
Strikyre
Pretty much what the others said in reply. Gators have worked out not giving a fuck about calorie efficiency. If one gets you it knows;
Strikyre
A) Spiral of death will kill you, eventually. B) If a limb comes off, it still gets a snack and net gain. So, avoid getting bit.