SomebodythatIusedtonope
85701
3074
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[image] Life ain’t a straight line
May 28, 2024 1:22 PM
SomebodythatIusedtonope
85701
3074
21
Ramb0Brit3
This was me at 27 after my divorce. I then met the woman of my dreams, and remarried 3 yrs later. Been so happy together for over 20 years.
TheN8
Fuck that toxic nonsense. We're currently looking for plots of land to build a multi-generational he on for us and my parents.
peppymints
I want my kids to stay with me forever if they want. No need to leave and struggle. Save your money. The house will belong to them one day anyways.
Orkekum
my sister is 35 and lives with our mum, it works out for them
gummyloaf
Bold words about where someone lives from a person named after a trading card game. Can’t really go back home when your parent Yugi Mouto lost 3/5ths of your ass in a lake
ArgentXero
Becsuse living with some dude you're only dating for security isn't the same thing?
CloseupCaptionReaction
And if its a woman? Does she treat them differently? Are men supposed to achieve something by 30? We aren't our parents and our world is not the same as 40 years ago. We changed priorities and the way we live.
dingybasement350
Its almost as if the costs of living are so outrageous that a lot of people can't even afford the cost of basic necessities.
Ivain
After failing out of college I moved back in with my mother and sister, who were living in another country by that point. After getting over my slacker attitude I actually started helping them out, because they were in poor health (my mom with terminal cancer and my sister with general poor health and recovery from various surgeries). My dad also showed up eventually but mostly to take over the place while mom was dying. After she died he fucked back off with his 'new' girlfriend.
Ivain
I might mourn the lost years in which I could have been doing something for my own development, but my sister is now living with what I expect to be her long-term boyfriend (it's only been 2 years) and in her 2nd year of college, something she never thought she'd have at the time I moved in, so I'm calling worth it. Now to just take care of myself.
SpaceHaggis
Returning to homebase to resupply
masterbot
I moved back in with my dad because it's easier to take care of him , it cost me more then rent would I can tell you that
Jimmytheeel
And yet somehow I feel like this girl has *never* lived on her own...
MeowMachine12
Or is she does, someone else still pays for her rent, food and phone but she thinks she's independent because she has her own apartment lol I know people like this.
Raventhief
I generally need two hands. One for my cane, one to actually do shit.
CptTacolicious
I need 2 hands as well, both for my cat
Neferium
Should be a personal choice. Lived with my parents till they passed away and was never a problem, I love and adore them and it was wonderful having my best friends around. I won’t tell others how to live tho.
Pelican3
My son’s getting divorced. They sold their house so we let him move in with us. I’m getting accused of “making things too easy for him”.
LurkerWerewolf
Tell them you missed the line in the damn manual you were presented with at his birth that said you were supposed to be a heartless bitch once he moves out and has his first major upheaval in life. What is wrong with people…
theraininspainfallsmainlyontheplain
Multi-gen family households used to be common in the US as well, and we need to return to it. My neighbors are doing this. It's economic, they have the room. The grand-babies will always have someone to watch them. They're a close knit family, and it's really nice.
Mikeythefireman
These replies make me tear up.
Y’all have amazing support systems (or you are the support system) and society would somehow ridicule you for it.
I’m proud of all of you.
-Random internet Dad
Lassannn
Jesus was living at home with his parents at 30.
Spootybutt
If it wasn't for my older brother letting me crash in his basement, I'd be homeless right now. I lost everything in the span of a couple of years. I'm not ashamed, but I am humiliated. And I do feel like a failure. But I'm glad I have his twin size bunk bed to sleep on every night instead of a homeless shelter
SploogeMcDuck316
Growing up I was fed this lie of the American dream. It broke my spirits when I graduated college and the only jobs I could get were near minimum wage. Worked hard, got a 100k job in my mid 30s. Spirit broken again because I still can't afford a house despite living at home, im single, in my mid/late 30s because starter homes are 800k to a million and they go up 20k every year.
Bigemedic
I'd be impressed he has a good enough relationship with his parents.
Dannyalcatraz
I’m a 56yo attorney, currently unemployed, and I live with my folks. It’s a big house. Because of my Mom’s mobility & hand strength issues, I’ve become the main cook, her driver, and her driver.
Noahbalboa82
Lot of driving, eh?
Dannyalcatraz
LOL- I meant to say wheelchair pusher.😜
Noahbalboa82
... Technically correct. Ok, carry on
Imadethisaccounttopost
Remember, living with your parents was normal until the great america dream happened in the mid tonlate 40s with the huge economic boom from the War.
It is still very common in other countries and cultures.
ImgurNeedsMoreSmartass
Plot twist: He's an orphan
4chanrefugee
Real strength's in adOpting, not in clinging to pride...
ElbowDeepInUserSub
Plot twist twist, she's a trust fund baby.
thevoiddancer
People who promote toxicity are scum. No matter the gender or whether they are PoC.
cow042
At 33, I just moved back in with my parents this weekend.
TherapistHere
What happened?
NotaCPA
This is called a strategic retreat my friend. You're ok...deal with your troubles, find your centre, make your goals....and GET BACK OUT THERE! 40-year-old divorced wheelchair user. I almost moved back home, but that is an extremely toxic place. bought a small place and took 3 years to get my shit straight. Wish I had supportive parents during that time...or all my life.
Emuc64
No stigma in that. You have parents that allowed you back in. Do what's best for you and your fam.
quade
I'm 48 and I moved my vision-impaired, wheelchair-bound mom in with us. Technically, I now live in my mom's basement.
BrianFarr
Same here!
Magjee
Now that is a good kid <3
nclu
When circumstances left me as a single father at 25 I moved back in with my parents. It's hard to describe how much easier having grandparents around made raising a child than 10 years later being married and raising children as a couple without grandparents in home. Normalizing multi-generational housing would do so much to support young parents and is rarely discussed because of the dominance of the nuclear family ideal around here.
Medellei
There's a not insignificant portion of adults that cannot be around their parents for any length of time due to right wing brainrot. Living with my parents would cost far more than alone.
nclu
I'm aware of how toxic many families can be, internet stranger. Lots of irony in that the isolation of familial atomization is one more contributing factor to people falling down those rabbit holes. I hope that we can build the best architecture to support chosen and found family as well. I also find the idea of co-housing to build community very appealing.
quade
FWIW, My Boomer mom has already come around to the idea that Trump is full of shit. She won't believe Biden is "good," but she's now open to non-extremist ideas.
nowinsituation
I moved out at 28 (but I worked F/T and went to school P/T, paying my way), then they helped me with rent till I was 30, then my sister helped till I was 34; now I have a professional degree, own a business, own the commercial building that the business is in and have commercial tenants, own 2 houses, rent one out, and pay more in taxes than the average American family earns per a year.....so, don't worry about it...just keep trying
darkninja2992
32 and finally moved into my own apartment a couple months ago. Lived with family the entire time before, full-time work and class, got a degree (design tech.), that went nowhere, few years later went for a different degree, (I.T. support) but nothing local was available work-wise afterwards. Somehow ended up in an engineering technician positon. Not living great but i'm living on my own
adrianontherocks
Thanks for paying taxes
nowinsituation
I also rent my 2nd house at cost to the tenants b/c housing is insane right now and they are super cool....but my point was - it doesn't;t matter where you start if you have a good support system- like parents that will take you in as an adult- I started at 23, addicted, broken, depressed, and in what seemed unsurmountable debt...got a job doing unskilled manual labor and 5months later -started taking community college classes,....
rkingesd365
This shouldn't be something we thank people for, but I agree with this comment regardless.
adrianontherocks
Gotta provide positive reinforcement of some kind
q2grapple
Funny how living with your family in most cultures is seen as no big deal at all, where in America it’s considered a complete loss of humanity. I would have loved an extra few years with my grandparents before they passed away.
KleptoKea
Ego, pride, selfish individualism, superficial materialism, and portraying illusions (or delusions) of success. Apparently Americans are addicted to all this.
Thisisabigmistake
We need everyone to buy the same things that your family already owns again. One fridge is enough for 6 people? Why not have 3 fridges by having those 6 people split into 3 homes? Or 6 homes and now we're selling 6 fridges instead of 1.
morelikeconsham
having your parents dominate every aspect of your life (and your spouse's life, and your children's life) well into your 50s is also normal in other cultures. As is not having privacy. No thank you. My parents can stay on the other side of the country and give me a month's notice before they visit.
Nath1194
Nice way of putting it.
Living in Cyprus over the pond here, totally a normal thing. 100% culture to "care for the torn elders" kind style and respect your roots. No one would be shamed.
But I've seen Hollywood... Different culture right?
Avrgjoe80
I'm fortunate enough to be doing just that..I don't have relationships or anything, but I wouldn't trade it for anything..I spend every moment I can with them..
hotaru251
I am lucky to of gotten a house prior to the boom for cheap (former landlord didnt pay his fees so city sold it to me for $1) and I have had a mexican family living next to me and theres like 4 generations of family in that place. They love it & have a great time (and i get free mexican music during summer when they throw parties)
Imadethisaccounttopost
Blame the "American Dream" due to the late 40s economic boom.
Before then, living with family was traditional
ILuvMyUserName
We work well as a community when we're communal. All that freedom & independence we finally achieved... lost something REALLY important. Having multi-generational lives under one roof kept the novelties of change from losing the run of itself.
StellarJay77
The answer is toxic independence. The idea that you need to reach some arbitrary level of self-sufficiency to be considered a successful human and even worse if you don't reach that bar you're not worthy of support (aka by conservatives as a handout).
DJTrickyM
Iirc at the time after wwii it was super easy to get enough money to live on your own with just a basic job, compared to before and today at least...so that combined with the suburban experiment led to this "rugged individualism" mentality that persists to today.
marsgoose
Americans are used to a more luxurious life than any other nation, ever increasing property values is part of maintaining that lifestyle into retirement. What else gains value after you spent 30 years farting in it besides your house? Same way forever growing population is necessary for social security benefits. Both of these are completely unsustainable.
Fairemont
I had the perfect family life growing up. My parents are as close to ideal as I could ever ask for. Moving out was one of the most difficult things for me because we were that close. Not everyone has that, nor do they understand that, since so many people in the States come from broken families or from parents that aren't that great.
Besides not understanding that, living in larger family.units is far more affordable, and it takes away a lot of burdens life has.
Snooj
My mom finally moved away from the country and into the house next door to us. It's the best.
Arbitrarynamehere
Saves a lot of money and you get to hang with your family before their health declines to the point of it not being a great experience to be around them for too long
Tumescentpie
It is almost like capitalism impacts society in a terrible way or something. The profit motives of banks and the real estate industry is what caused it.
MerriMod
Do other countries have the whole "the instant you turn 18, we're kicking you out of the house - you're on your own" attitude? Or is that just our special flavor of stupid?
reindeercrossing
Seems to be pretty common in the Nordics at least. Some people even leave home at 16 to go study at highschool or vocational colleges located in other cities. We are expected to be very independent from our families, but having lived in Asia for a large chunk of my life, this feels a bit wrong to me.
MerriMod
Leaving home is one thing, but it seemed like a common thing (or at least used to be) that parents would actually kick their kids out of the household entirely as soon as they turned 18 with no safety net. It happened to my buddy back in high school and he ended up enrolled in the Navy just so he had somewhere to go.
VaultGirl69
I struggled a lot after moving out from my abusive home situation at 17. I'm not proud of going through that, especially at the expense of someone else who is struggling. People are so cruel.
DukeLetoofDune
I'm so glad I moved in with my granny for a few years before she passed. We didn't want to put her in any home or anything, so I volunteered to live with her in my mid 20s. Loved that time with her.
Aeonika
I lived with my grandparents in to my 20s and I don't regret it for one second.
unluckyandbored
The capitalists don't want everyone under one roof. They want those 3 kids each to go out and get their own car, their own mortgage and pay their own bills, buy all their own food and generate more wealth for the already-wealthy. They don't want us sharing resources.
MatrimBloodyCauthon
It's also a wise fucking financial decision right now if you can share expenses that way.
TeaOverdose
almost 40 and i have to live with a younger sibling because we can't afford to go our separate ways. at least we can still play videogames together.
Catchiest20Two
The "right now" is the important part. Living with parents has always been an option, but not as much as a necessity until now. Late stage capitalism is pretty great /s
iRegretThisUsernameAlready
And a significant reduction of various kinds of waste and duplicated effort that doesn’t need to be duplicated if you live on the same property. The same number of people in a single household can get by with fewer cars, appliances, lawn mowers, etc., etc. and contribute a fraction of the time & effort to keeping one property clean and renovated, depending on their occupations and such.
NotyouGuillermo
Americans are such simps for capitalism and often don't even know it. Multigenerational homes spend way less money and can afford a much higher standard of living, but capitalism culture tells Americans that it's better to have 5 people struggling in 4 houses than be an adult who lives well with their parents
PectorialMuscles
Ngl it's super shameful to live with my parents despite having a pretty good base to jump off of because of it. College was shit and useless for capital ventures, but being able to build my own life up without the risk of homelessness is pretty fucking dope, and I will include that this kindness from my parents will absolutely be paid forward to others in need when it's possible. Our European work-life evolution is pretty wild, but it's good to look at WHY Europeans evolved this crazy work ethic
PectorialMuscles
And also, being able to look at HOUSES at my baby age without too much income is way better than being in a stupid apartment trap cycle that makes people on the edge of poor for life. Been there done that
TomatoPepper
in south america is because is really hard to middle class to get real independence from the parents ($$). i'm an engineer, and i took help from them until like 5 years after graduate .. thankfully...
dustygamedev
It's all about painting the false picture of the American Dream. It makes America look "weak" if people are working three jobs and still can't afford to live on their own.
Alpine262
It is weakness. But not of the people but the government and country as a whole.
spinbutton3
It isn't weakness, often aging parents need their kids near.
darkninja2992
I wonder if some people realize just how much would be fixed by raising wages while preventing price hikes. Or even just controlling price ceilings better. If one job paid enough, then the other two jobs would be open for other people. When people have spare money, they spend it, which fuels economy. Things build up and stabilize from there
zFUBARz
Not to mention the cultural and innovative benefits of people actually having time to create, make art, follow passions etc. it's hard to plant a tree you won't get to see the shade of when you're trying desperately to find an edible dandelion to survive one more day.
IAmTheBadW01f
It's considered a personal failure rather than a systemic one
Hyperboi
By some, but I'd like to think Americans are becoming more aware of the hellscape they inhabit little by little
EekumBokumEekumBokum
Repubs ignorantly hang on to the Bs in some places.
ronnyhugo
many still believe that the hellscape in question is still the best in the world.
echoawoo
Nah, they can't be bothered
Raikupath
I think it's more of a general thing. People from all over the world are slowly realising what a mistake capitalism is and how awful it is for the vast majority of people while a few can just do whatever they want.
AnonKneeMoose
We’re basically back to Feudal serfdom without any of the moral structure to hold leaders accountable.
Axianamos
I'm 33. I make 55k per year. I live with my mother because, she, at a little over 60k per year, can't afford to live on her own either.
dustygamedev
Team work makes the dream work! *sobs in corner*
spinbutton3
This makes sense, y'all both benefit. I hope y'all are doing ok
tommiCookieHero
Also, most likely she assumes that her "man" pays for everything.
RooGryphon
Not me if I had a girl in a relationship... they WILL get and hold a job as well.. I REFUSE to be the sole source of income and burn myself out in the process in this relationship. Pull your weight girl or I'm out
PandAnomoly
This kind of depends. I know of a girl who made plenty of money and her husband worked at the local CVS part time cus she needed him at home to take care of the pets and do the chores as she would work up to 7 days a week for at least 8 hours a day. She loved what she did (she worked for a video game company) so it depends on the needs of the house. She didn't demand a warm meal coming home, but would expect the house to be kept and pets fed and watered.
Emuc64
Considering it's a dual-income or more for a household, it's the new norm and kind of expected.
ChainmailleAddict
IMO, there's a massive difference between someone who doesn't contribute any rent as an adult and someone who either pays rent or else genuinely takes care of their parents.
PectorialMuscles
Very bigly, but I think the post is just noting that living with parents at all is shameful for us, whether or not we contribute meaningfully. I still feel bad despite actively supporting our business and contributing significant gains to household income, and seeking out ways to earn more and not be a deadbeat within my own means.
MarkySpaceMagnet
I moved in with dad, after mom passed. My house is paid for, and I'm renting it out.
Theory89
This is still seeing it through the lense of a person's value being tied to their productivity. I'm a 34 year old living at home and chip in what I can, but I'm signed off sick from work and can't cover my whole cost of living.
Salticido
Yeah, I think it makes sense to pay for any damages, contribute for groceries, help with chores, & stuff like that, but there may not even be any point to paying/collecting actual rent depending on the parents' financial situation. If people are just expecting rent for the sake of, then I feel like that's the same cultural attitude that got us into this mess of everything being unaffordable to begin with. We can let people live without trying to extract profit from every situation they exist in.
NotyouGuillermo
I had to move back in with my parents bc I got so sick I was only to be out of bed an hr a day, and only awake for 2. I basically didn't exist for 2 years and needed care. So many people treated me as a failure as an adult bc I was living in my parents home and not working and like I WAS DYING. But don't worry, since I spent zero money being unconscious I was able to save the money for a down payment on a condo and now I'm a "success" which is ridiculous
textilelover
This right here. And are your parents the kind of people who recognize that you are an adult and give you the same courtesy they extend a housemate, or are they still trying to say "my house, my rules." Which, to be fair, if you're not contributing anything seems reasonable.
Salticido
If it's their property, it seems reasonable even if you are contributing something (assuming the rules are reasonable otherwise). It's like having lease terms. You don't get to do whatever you want with the place just because you pay rent.
textilelover
Well, sure that's why I mentioned the same courtesy they'd extend a housemate. There are always house rules when you're sharing space.
Salticido
I was referring to the "my house, my rules" part, not the courteous housemate part.
Mairoa
Yeah there is a massive gulf between the two. It's common for American parents to be controlling af in these situations
Chereazi
It's because the US focuses on property over people. You're a success if you have a bunch of empty houses and are on drugs 24/7 to deal with your shitty life. Nobody cares if you have a good happy life, that just has no monetary value.
StellarJay77
Americans have lost the plot on what it even means to be happy and fulfilled.
NeverConfusedForNaught
Yup
niknights
Now we have to figure out how to give monetary value to that and sell it to the unhappy folks for premium.
JustLettingPeopleBeWrong
What's...BetterHelp?
DoingItWrongSince1980
He already mentioned drugs.
ViscousCousCous
*looks at all the Xboxes, iPhones, and casinos*
niknights
I feel that has too many extra steps.
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ViscousCousCous
Take your soma!
Redyls
still live with my dad at 40. right as i graduated college the financial fall out happened and my parents company went under. then they got sick. multiple cancers, strokes, aneurysms, organ failures and blindness. worked for them full time for free for over a decade to help them pay off all their stuff and keep them from starvation and homelessness. i couldnt abandon them. mom died a few years ago. been judged/treated like shit for doing all this whenever i tried dating. no straight line indeed
IIikethecutofyourjib
Wow. How admirable. You're a good child. I would have been ecstatic to date someone with such a big heart and such dedication.
notyoubizness
Well, they probably DID think you were incredible, noble, amazing. But almost nobody wants to take on that kind of lifestyle, where they become defacto care takers of somebody else's disabled parents. Admiring your incredible dedication does not exceed wanting a life that has a little freedom.
zerosava
Understand exactly what you're going through. Moved in with parents in 2018 to help my mom take care if my pop who had Alzheimer's bad. Everybody I knew acted like I was taking advantage of them and freeloading instead of what I was actually doing, which was taking on an extremely hard, stressful job that doesn’t pay anything because if I didn't, nobody else would and my parents are not going out like that on my watch. NFW. Anyway, there are people out who will see the real you. Be patient!
WammoJammo
Your parents lived with you not the othe way around. You took care of them, they weren't talking care of you. Anyone that treated you poorly because of that are antisocial pricks.
sauronater
I've been in with my parents for about a year at 30 after I had to have an emergency surgery, missed a month of work, and got pounded with medical debt. I haven't even attempted to date. Apartments are so pricey and I'm not having roommates again
BklynPunisher
Hang in there. Whoever didn’t stick around is NOT worth your time. Currently in a somewhat similar situation. No help from my siblings but it’s ok. At the end of the day I stepped up and did what needed to be done. When the parents are gone we can hold our heads up knowing we did the right thing. You’re awesome
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
AyatollahBahloni
Shiva H Vishnu, you acted like a compassionate human being and people are throwing shade at you? What is wrong with people today? 🤬
Evern
Thank you for looking after your parents. I sacrificed years after university to care for my terminally ill Mom alongside my Dad. It allowed her to stay at home for more than a year longer than she would have without me, and even when she had to be in 24/7 care it meant I could spend time with her and care for Dad as he learned to be a solo adult. People (including a sibling) try to judge - they can all get bent. There's nothing shameful in living together to care for one another.
JackTorranceAtTheBall
wadenelson1
The right person will come along for a valuable person like you. Patience, Grasshopper.
Okebel
Try latin or asian women. You'll get a completly different reaction.
pretengineer
How does one simply try this? Is there an app or website for that?
mrmob
I think the simpler solution is to be clear about and look for family-oriented partners, regardless of culture (tho latin and Asian and BIG on that) - having transparency about your priorities when dating is vital to success and not wasting anyone's time.
pretengineer
Thank you for your advice. All the "family-oriented" girls I've dated are eager to marry and have children, both of which I am not ready for given I am a student and parental caretaker
zwomally
Not quite the same story, but my mom lost our house when I was 20 and just moving out. After 3/4 years I got a place with her to help support her and it’s been 6 years since then. I had two long term relationships and thankfully both were understanding about my situation. As someone back in the dating scene I’ve had to use the phrase “No, my mom lives with me” quite a bit.
PrncessVespa
I own a house, my bf lives with his mom. It simply isn't an issue. Anyone who is going to pass judgement for someone doing what is right by themselves and their family is a giant pile of poo. Sorry you've dealt with that and hope you find someone who deserves you.
ChewyTheWookie
Consider it a filter to screen out crud people that are not the quality you deserve. To be very clear, you deserve people like yourself in your life. Those rejecting you were probably not born that way. They have certain beliefs and values they learned poorly. They don't represent all people raised in their culture. There are also other cultures where you would now be considered the best catch for life. You can find them while caregiving or once you have recovered from caregiving.
urboyevan2
You’re a good person.
ongabonga
you followed your own values in the only way you could, everyone who judged you or treated you like shit can go fuck themselves, they don't deserve your time. don't let them discourage you, the world is full of assholes, but your keep looking, you'll find someone who deserves your time. no straight line
nopo
My brother moved back in with our mom during covid. Now that she has cancer, hes been helping her out by getting her to the doctor, making sure she takes her meds, and generally running the house for her. While he doesnt really have time for dating, he's been getting a lot of attention from asian girls because they see it as a sign that he'll take good care.of them too.
hiiamluciole
well, i am not asian and i also see that a caring partner is important. In France, when a man is diagnosed with cancer, sometimes his wife leaves him. But it's 7 times more frequent if it's the woman who is diagnosed. When you build a relationship with someone, it's better not to do it on quick sands.
nopo
Sure, but its like a whole cultural thing. As for bailing whrn your spouse gets cancer, i can understand why someone would do that. I wouldnt be able to handle it, myself.
adrianontherocks
See that’s especially ridiculous because you made those choices to support your family. You were helping them. I get the judgement if you’re 40 and live in your parent’s basement and don’t contribute and are just a slacker and a mooch. But if anything I feel like people should admire your loyalty, compassion, and commitment- you likely won’t leave when things get rough
CloseupCaptionReaction
Slacker and mooch. Maybe those people who you're judging are in a deep mental hole and aren't able to do the things you expect from them. Life is not a straight line.
textilelover
Or they could be entitled little fuck nuggets whose parents enabled them or they could just suck. I'd say it's 50/50 in my experience. We should 100% grant grace until we know the reality, but it's naive to think everyone who lives with their parents as an able-bodied adult is beset by mental health issues.
adrianontherocks
People in a deep dark mental hole aren’t slackers and mooches. People who are just mooching and slacking off absolutely do exist and those are the people I was referencing.
nopo
I am one of those people in a deep mental hole that is a result of autism and a lack of access to support programs.
KinkyLaxBro
Keep your head up bud, you'll see the light
nopo
Im working on it. And slowly getting better.
discitus
Same for me. I didn't even consider autism a possibility until last year, but my life experience is basically everything on the list for diagnosis. A lot makes sense, and why normal people's coping methods don't work at all for me. But I still don't have a good way out, like an employer who will tolerate me.
nopo
I was lucky and my family has plenty of money to spare to support me with my inability to hold a job.
ThisIsYourLifeNow
40 and living with my dad. When I moved in 10 months ago it was because my ex used me as a debit card and descarded me after I had a burnout. I had 4 jobs to support her parental leave for 4!!! years. Now my mental health is destroyed, my body is destroyed, my mother died 4 months ago, my dad got a cancer diagnosis in january. Loyalty, compassion, commitment, no one gives a crap about those things. Every women sees you as the problem that caused the divorce. You deserve it because you are a man.
migratingotter
Not all women are this way. You picked the wrong woman. Next time pick someone not for looks or dependence, pick one that is self supporting and independent. And don’t have sex from the start. Have a relationship first so you don’t confuse good sex as compatibility. This goes for women as well.
ThisIsYourLifeNow
I still have a full time job. Alimony is so high, I cant afford a place on my own. All my savings are gone because I had to use them up for my ex. In the end, its my fault, I should have done what all man are supposed to do. Leave when it gets hard and just shit on my tiny family. I am on the brink of suicide, already made plans, I just need the last kick and I am out of here. Nobody cares about you, once you cant do things anymore as you are supposed to. Its hard to realise, but I would give
ThisIsYourLifeNow
any young man who thinks about marriage one advice. Dont. It gets you zero advantages. It only makes things worse later on when divorce hits you. And it will. And if you are married, never give more than 80%. No one will give a crap. No one will thank you later at all. Women only want to have kids. Once they have what they want, you have less priority than the dirt on their shoes.
reindeercrossing
Apparently your ex now represents "all women"?
I feel bad for you man, and I hope you manage to get back up on your feet, but this is a logical fallacy.
Don't fall down that bitter hole, it won't help you in the long run.
skarreslave350
Hang in there man. There is still lots to live for. It's true that some women want to make plans for you not with you, but good women do exist out there. This will pass, you will find good again. Be good to yourself and look for joy in your own actions. I've been down there before as well. Don't give in to hate and sorrow. They are not worth it.
janeQdoe
You say 'all women' but .... you're describing a particular set.... If you just see marriage as transactional, then of course you will be disappointed. It's supposed to be about goals that you share, compromise, etc. It goes both ways. I think finding a way of letting go of some of this anger could really help you see better things and better days.
BigWhitsterX
Been there brother. System gamed in favour of the woman (uk here). Don't give up. Keep ploughing on. Met the gil of my dreams when I thought all was lost. Don't want to spund all mystic and rainbows but it finds you when you stop looking for it.
DasSpasseste
Big yikes, dude. No wonder she left you, I would start hating certain aspects of someone who would give up on their dreams to support me. And to shame her like that, she's the mother of your children! Children that you wouldn't be able to care for at the moment! Life SUCKS, and you made some dumb decisions, YOU did these things to yourself! YOU need to get out of it! And stop spewing hate on someone who was also trapped and hoped for the best. You made the rules together and both lost the game.
LurkinNoodle
LoL! way to kick a guy when he's down, cunt. Not all women are women. Some are bitches. There's one in your mirror
ThisIsYourLifeNow
Sure, all my fault.
LurkinNoodle
Read most of your stuff on this post. Trust me, its not all your fault. Cant blame your for trying to chase the dream and getting filled with resentment in the process. You have to realize its not helping you now though .. you need to let go of the bad thoughts, find joy in any little things, even seeing the sun rise on each new day, even walking, some people are blind, some cant walk, your are not the worst off in this world, so appreciate the little you have, cling to that and wait it out!
DasSpasseste
No, it's not anyone's fault. It's the consequences of your actions. Relationships are hard work, and no one should stay in one that makes them unhappy. 20 years of companionship and all you do is resent her for ... Taking your money?? Money comes and goes.
It's not ok, it's not an ok situation! But she's a person who deserves your respect. You both fucked up. And you need to figure out what kind of person and father you want to be. And work hard on that. She was unhappy and you missed the signs