BottomShelfVodka
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@HileyNoteson Yoooooooooooooooooooooo
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Deaf cat Magoo (short for Oogala Magoogala) tax.
trigonman3
#10 now look here, mister
surroundedbytwits
#1 I’m so very sorry. I found your lost bird in my cat’s poop this morning. My condolences. RIP.
TinyOctopus
Tiny octopus has a business trip all next week, flying on Monday, flying back on Friday. WTF is this adulting shit?
kminkov
#18 Sorry for being a Ross, but she stars dating a guy named Paul Stevens. If they intended to have Bruce Willis play himself, they would've credited him that way. IMO an appropriate joke would've been "hey, this guy really looks like Bruce Willis!".
Badsequence
hizbit
#40 Obviously a chopping board and a WOOD CHOPPING BOARD are two totally different things....
Totallyscrewedinaustin
#5 I need this on a t-shirt lol
Santac99
#1 “Poorly trained you say?” Republican cocks gun.
atrielienz
#23 Does it mean Get Fucked? Cause I feel like it could mean that.
erinmoore2821
It's definitely get fucked.
BottomShelfVodka
Better than the actual answer. +1
epicurusaquinas
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
#25 "i'm back. they didn't have it." 'aw.'
bozonebum83
Florida man builds gigantic wooden boat to ride out impending hurricane, steals all animals from Miami Zoo
BottomShelfVodka
Amazing.
Moonfeets
#49 but can I though? I'd never pay again
TI99Kitty
Right? I was thinking "You say that like it's a bad thing."
daychilde
#5 ADHD here. I'm not even in charge of that
DietCokeIsMyDrugOfChoice
Right? Lol random music just starts playing and only stops when it wants to, apparently
HileyNoteson
#27 yoooooo
BottomShelfVodka
Yoooooooooooooooooooooo
mithiwithi
#13 My personal favorite is "Florida Man arrested on two counts of incest, claims his daughters got him drunk".
Idonotbelievewehavecompany
#15 I about spit out my burrito at that
Allusernamesaretakensoichoosethis
#6 uhm... need a banana for size?
RadiDaddy
#29 Yes.
staceyjorgenson31415
👍
BottomShelfVodka
TI99Kitty
Same, despite the deficit of pixels.
Snuggelapolous
#9 I used to live across the street from and evangelical church covering as new age and hip. I named my wifi "The Fisted Moose." I chose it cuz my friend thought it was a good name for a dive bar and I knew they would hate it.
UserNamesArentEasy
#38
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
WaterUnderTheRocketAppliances
sfbiker
#40 - we have a great wood chopping board like that -- I'm forbidden to use it for actual chopping, and we only use it for making a cheese board (but never cut cheese on the cheese board!)
FuzzyX
I don't know how they can call it a chopping broad if you are not allowed to chop on it. It would be better to call it a cheese board than to risk a deceptive advertising claim.
sfbiker
You can ask my wife about that, she sets the rules on what can be used, and what's is deemed "decorative" and can't be used for its intended purpose.
zorroboracho
#41 you’re missing a scapegoat, because “get this, the United States government gave me syphilis.”
onlyhalfghost
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuskegee_Syphilis_Study
Mynamedoesntmatteronlylifematters
#29
HawkmanXLII
#1 You found my pigeon! His name is Rudager.
MayMayz4DayzYo
His name is Bart.
CorGoBrrrr
BottomShelfVodka
Ohhhh. I didn't try that name. Of course!
OptimisticMisanthrope
#24
prosper020
WaterUnderTheRocketAppliances
#23 It means girl farts. The driver forgot her thong.
LoopStricken
#29 Yep. Do I win a prize?
doshka
You win a year's supply of smug self-satisfaction.
EroticZombiePants
It did take a little bit.
renmiu2
Where?? @-@
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Above "you spot"
EroticZombiePants
Hint: It's not a black cat.
LoopStricken
No, if I tell you, you'll steal my prize!
TI99Kitty
Hint: look for a blurry spot.
ragingzealot
#23 is God First. It's intentionally designed to look like the gluten free logo for some fucking reason.
GeneralDisorder
Gordon Frohman... In the flesh.
SnailsAgainstTungstenSpheres
Gluten First. Ramen.
BottomShelfVodka
Oof. I actually prefer the Gluten Free answer.
Foxsayy
You could insist you heard it as "God fucks" and just roll with whatever it looks like makes the most uncomfortable.
FenyxKnight
Read it as "Good Fight"... been playing too much PvP lately lmao
SchlappaDaBass
Bummer
NZSheeps
They use the gluten free logo so as not to be confused with Pastafarians
digginlife
Long live the Flying Spaghetti Monster
babutner
It's like those HE>I stickers. To me it looks like it says HEK, which I find quite humorous.
bb84president
I read them as “HEKI” 🤣
maverixirevam
Which is also funny, because as a Japanese speaker, I read it as HEKI too, which means basically “I’m OK”
felizcompleteanus
I thought for years it was like a surfing brand or something....the design just looks "cool outdoorsy gear" to me.
macrolet
You aren't far off, I suppose. They run a shop on the north shore of Oahu (surfing destination). The best part is their genius origin story: "The idea for the logo came in 2003 while trying to think of something clever to put on the main screen of a Nokia phone."
thricebakedxyz
I never knew what it was or supposed to be. He is great than(>) I. Religious?
CyanideBreathMint
Marketing reason
EroticZombiePants
Well God has celiac disease.
zombiejedediah
I'm really tired of religion.
Why TF not people first?
3Davideo
Ah, so blend the two to get God Free.
CyanideBreathMint
Free😂 the one thing God will never be.
3Davideo
Free as in Gratis or Free as in Libre?
CyanideBreathMint
Both
jerbern1
I misread that as God fist. Thought maybe it was a band.
smashpro1
Reminds me of a badass game on the PS2, God Hand.
BottomShelfVodka
I'd buy that album
TheMightyMollusk
Erupting God FINGER!
Zeterai
It can be. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCommUSH4Ro
feryooday
it’s like Godsmack, except you curl your fingers in before you hit them
feryooday
thus making it Godfist