unevenbutter
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My wife and I just miscarried
I have so many emotions and I don't know how to feel or what to say about them. We passed the first trimester so we thought we were safe. It was the worst feeling in the world not finding a heartbeat.
Thanks for listening.
TwistedPsychosis
Been there, dealt with that. Be strong, you will be okay.
Slytherwin
I'm so sorry
DotCarvell
Karma, buddy. Karma.
chamaila
OP, feel your pain. We went through similar. It's very painful and traumatic. These hard times will only make your relationship stronger.
DaleApplegate
It hard. Been 4 weeks for it us, 3rd time, thinking of giving up, too hard. Remember she still has hormones and needs lots of love.
silkblackrose
*hugs*
Twinklepot
So sorry OP, to you and your wife.
unevenbutter
Thank you. She is finally sleeping.
flyingpterdactylgirl
Keep talking to each other. Support each other. That is the most important thing right now.
BeautifullyFrank
I am 11 weeks pregnant, and this terrifies me.
unevenbutter
I understand. We kept going as if everything would be great. Do the same. I'm sure it will be. Best to you. Congratulations.
ICouldUseANap
Every pregnant woman, who really really wants her baby, panics about everything every day. We all did. Just keep your dr appts and be brave.
Ellioru
16 weeks here and I worry about it 24/7. Can't wait for it to be over.
BeautifullyFrank
Why does it have to be so LONG! I have a 14 month old, and running around after him is making this pregnancy feel faster. Thank goodness.
okayyymovingon
24 weeks here and having bizarre contractions - PETRIFIED of preterm labor and still birth
BeautifullyFrank
How's it going, any explanation for the contractions yet? Really early braxton hicks?
okayyymovingon
yep! just getting ready for the great escape i guess! the baby is measuring a little big so they did say he might come early!
Bowserbowsingtons
It's really common to miscarry on the first baby, not sure if that was the case but these things happen so much more often than talked about
Bowserbowsingtons
I know your pain and the next time can be so nerve-wracking but YOU CAN DO THE THING. i promise. I'm 30 weeks now!
51CorgisInABar
Consider therapy for yourself and your wife. People don't talk about the fact that this happens, and there are great resources for help if
51CorgisInABar
You need it :)
hunnybear61
I know exactly what your going through, me and my wife found out last friday. What's most irratating is when they
ThatMomentWhenTheUsernamesPerfectlyDescribeWhatYouNeed
@OP I would seriously consider getting couples counseling for you and your wife. It's a really good preemptive.
unevenbutter
Thank you. Our small group at church is ministering to us greatly and our pastor is going to counsel us. I never thought I'd be strong..
unevenbutter
Enough for this.
ThatMomentWhenTheUsernamesPerfectlyDescribeWhatYouNeed
I'm glad to hear you have support around you. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for your wife and you. Best of luck.
darkoshen
So sorry for your loss. We had 4 miscarriages but none as late as 4 months. So, six pregnancies and 2 children. My sympathies. It's a sad.
unevenbutter
Thank you. I'm so sorry for your losses. But congratulations to your two beautiful children.
darkoshen
And we have grandchildren. And a comfortable life. At one point, none of that seemed likely or even possible. We persevered. You will too.
backinthe90s
I'm up voting for support, not because I like this. I do not like this. I wish you the best of luck in the future
ChefExcellence
Well put.
ShutUpImWorking
i'm upvoting you instead of the post because i feel bad upvoting such a bad situation... @OP sorry for your loss.. don't give up
theSungamer
There should be a "I support you in this situation, but upvoting doesn't feel right" button.
probablynotadog
I had a 2nd trimester miscarriage 3 weeks ago, placenta abrupted. It is a sadness unlike any other. Keep each other close, love and time.
unevenbutter
It is honestly the worst thing I have ever felt. Thank you. Hang in there. Message me if you need to talk.
bluehold
I've been exactly where you are. My condolences to you both. Love your wife. It's even harder for her. Don't let her think it's her fault.
unevenbutter
We're both making strides in trying to believe that it is not our fault. Thank you friend.
ICouldUseANap
I confessed to my shrink that it was my fault because I carried a kitchen chair to the bathroom to change a lightbulb. I hid that burden. >>
ICouldUseANap
My shrink told us that daily tasks we do in life are not the cause. So, you are not to blame. Allow yourselves to be not guilty. Try.
m2nasty4u
Sorry for your loss op. We have been there. Our son would have turned 10 yesterday if he survived. Be there for each other
unevenbutter
I'm so sorry to hear that. Thank you for your care.
Smeghead2911
Sorry OP, keep fighting! My wife and I took 2 years to conceive, right now im staring at our 4 day old daughter. It will be worth the pain.
igglesnort
Hubs and I have been trying for 3 years. Your post gives me hope.
unevenbutter
Congratulations. That's so exciting!
wolftael
Very sorry. Been there. Support each other. Don't let people tell you how you should feel or when you should be done grieving. Sending love.
WhySoCereals
Sorry for your loss. My wife had 4 miscarriages the last year and a half. Tomorrow we get to find out the sex of the 5th. Hang in there!
unevenbutter
Oh congratulations to you. Please tell me what you find out. Incredibly exciting.
ICouldUseANap
My heart's melting that you're reaching out for comfort and support. When we miscarried, it wasn't discussed very much. No books. So alone.
WhySoCereals
We found out it's a boy. Hang in there!
lovemytwocats
I'm so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is one of the most heartbreaking experiences in life. Stay strong. You have my sympathies.
shitsoupkisses
Sorry for your loss, OP. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your partner. People don't talk about how hard this can be for men.
0Dash8Dash
I never talked about it. I didn't have anyone to talk to. If you can op. Do talk to friends. Be there for her. But talk too. Best wishes.
unevenbutter
Thanks. Please reach out if you need to talk. I've felt that pressure to try to bottle it in to be strong but my wife lovingly reminded me
unevenbutter
That this was my child too and I need to grieve.
0Dash8Dash
I've been depressed for a long time. Diagnosed as severe. Possibly this was a start. I don't know. But this isn't about me. It's about you.
unevenbutter
Thanks for your honesty. Message me sometime and let's talk about it. It's never too late.
0Dash8Dash
Took her away. She's laid up in A&E For hours. Surgeon walks in 2 hours later. Looks at her. Said to nurse. Prep for surgery now.
0Dash8Dash
I've never talked about this. If you need to talk please do. Be there for her. But do not neglect yourself. That was my mistake.
0Dash8Dash
Thank you. Your grief is still fresh. Mine is several years old. I nearly lost my wife during her miscarriage. She collapsed. Ambulance came
51CorgisInABar
Good for you, and good for her. That's the right approach. I don't know what you've done so far, but many people have reported that
51CorgisInABar
Naming and giving a proper funeral for the infant have them a better sense of closure. Consider talking to a therapist about it :)
Wineoceros
Sending lots of hugs and love from Texas. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I wish I could do more to help.
unevenbutter
Big hugs from a big state. Thank you. It means a lot to me.
MadameRainbowPants
Heart broken for you OP. Hugs to both of you. :(
ifeelaneedforsheeppuns
Been there and I feel for you. All I can say is make sure you're there for your wife she needs you so much right now.
Nameymcnamename
We've been there too. Keep talking to each other, don't bottle things up, be honest and patient. Everyone deals with this in different ways
SaySomethingClever
Husband went and got me takeout from my favorite place, a basket of candy, movies, a heating pad& motrin, and cuddled me all day. It helped.
theycallmetaco
to you and the missus, from all of us here with you: http://imgur.com/jCVKmcm
lngtmlrkr
This. 1,000x this.
TheRealMisterSavage
+1 best fucking card
unevenbutter
Quality. Thanks for this.
unevenbutter
Thanks everyone. It's been an emotionally overwhelming day. Thank you for your love and support.
SPONGEBERB
ONE LESS BABY, THATS A WIN FOR ME
kitterkat
Don't lose hope! My cousin miscarried 3 before she had her little girl. She's 1 1/2 years old now.
kitterkat
*times
straightcreepen
and I think it might be a good book for you and your partner to read. 2
pinkeye82
Miscarried 2 weeks ago. No one knows. Talk to her. Cry together. Hold her. Let the sadness take you, then take your mind back. Strength. <3
CheshirexKitten
I'm sorry for your loss, take good care of yourself and best of luck to you in future endeavors.
mwoodman
I've lost two, OP. My advice is to resolve to let your pain drive you into each other's arms, not into private isolation. Grieve together.
TotorosWhiskers
I was here too, op. Made it to 11 weeks. No heartbeat at the next ap. Now I have a 14mo baby is asleep next to me right now. 1/2
TotorosWhiskers
You will never forget, but I promise time does dull the pain. Love each other, and when you are ready, try again.
TheStinkyPossum
L&D nurse here.I care for people who have a miscarriage or stillborn.My heart goes out to you.I cry right along with my pts.Hugs to you both
Vaelrynn
It might sound bad but my mom miscarried before me. Without that I would not be here. For me it was the most important moment. Sad but true.
Vaelrynn
Somebody basically gave his life for me and I am thankful for that and all the pain my parents went though to still give me a chance.
designerfox
Thank you for saying that. I didn't even know I needed to read it, but here I am at work trying not to cry.
designerfox
My husband and I wouldn't have our beautiful daughter if I hadn't miscarried. I often wonder what that first baby would have been like...
designerfox
But we are so grateful to have our daughter after that heartbreak.
BoJoTo
Fully realize that this is probably far from her/your mind, but she's SUPER fertile right now if you want to immediately try again.
BurgerBuns
My ex and I miscarried. Don't let her feel for a moment that you somehow blame her for losing the baby. Hold her. Love her.
SPONGEBERB
She's your ex for a reason Beetch
PaperRockScissors
I've been there before with my wife. Feel the sadness as deep and as long as you need to. Then remember there's lots in your future. 1/2
PaperRockScissors
We now have a little boy and a brand new little girl. Good luck, and know that I feel for you. 2/2
tenthousandvine
My mom miscarried 3 times, and was told that she couldn't have kids. She said fuck that, and had me and my little sister. Don't give up.
unevenbutter
Good on your mom. Congrats for being alive. Thanks for the encouragement.
tenthousandvine
You're welcome, I hope it helps. Don't give up and remember to be gentle with yourself. My thoughts are with you.
whyisausernamesohardtothinkof
You don't have to know what to say or how to say it, just tell her you love her, and show that. Don't let her feel alone, and find 1/?
whyisausernamesohardtothinkof
Your comfort in her, if you are Christian, pray for peace of mind with her. Understand medically that this early in, it wasn't either 2/?
whyisausernamesohardtothinkof
Of your faults, something didn't develop. Grieve for your loss, understand that it's legitimate. Also know, there are many people 3/?
whyisausernamesohardtothinkof
Sympathizing and empathizing with you. 4/4
unevenbutter
Thank you so much. We are Christians and our church family has been overwhelmingly supportive in praying for us and caring for us.
whyisausernamesohardtothinkof
You're in my prayers as well. I lost many babies before finally carrying one to term, and I depended heavily on prayer and scripture 1/?
LurkinNSmirkin
When we miscarried, we took a whole day to just hold each other and cry. Just remember you didn't do anything wrong. Neither of you.
FrancoUnAmerican
I'm so sorry for your loss @OP, we're at our 7th miscarriage in 6 years... never easy... I'm really, really with you...
psalms27
we're here for you OP
straightcreepen
There is a book (Tiny Beautiful Things), that is actually a collection of advice columns a woman wrote- one specifically speaks to this 1
abetteridiot
That's the one by Cheryl Strayed, who used to write the „Dear Sugar“ column. No idea why you got downvoted, those are beautiful and 1/2
abetteridiot
2/2 heart wrenching in a way I haven't read anywhere else before or since. http://therumpus.net/sections/dear-sugar/
OmgPleaseSendCoffeeASAP
So sorry OP.
seuratparrot
You're reaching out to an anon group w/ pain many of us have felt before. Being familiar with those feels is not enough. Thx, sorry. Thx x2.
MoFrigger
OP, my wife and I lost one. The baby was wanted & anticipated. We were heartbroken. A little time and a lot of courage. My thoughts r with u
unevenbutter
Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a difficult thing to handle. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do this but my wife helps me..
unevenbutter
Believe otherwise. She has been amazing.
MoFrigger
Sounds like you picked a good woman. It's hard at first but it gets easier. I promise!
TailBiter
You don't have to answer, but can I ask what is done in that situation? How do they remove the would be baby?
unevenbutter
Two options: 1 have a D and C which "surgically" removed the baby. Or 2 take a pill that will naturally cause the baby to come out. With 2..
unevenbutter
It can still leave some stuff so a D and C would still be necessary. We're doing option one because it's quicker. 30 min compared to 24 hrs
TailBiter
Thanks for the information. I thought the body would naturally try to get rid of it. Sorry you had to go through that.
Bowserbowsingtons
It depends on how you miscarry, they didn't find a heartbeat so i'm assuming her body didn't naturally start the actual miscarriage process.
unevenbutter
I think it can but its still kind of early so we wanted to start the process of moving on. Thank you again.
Bowserbowsingtons
In my case I was already evacuating the baby naturally so the hospital let that finish before deciding to do a D and C - and we didn't.