ArsidAlijaj
374922
8487
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Feb 28, 2017 12:36 PM
ArsidAlijaj
374922
8487
327
helpusdrzaius
don't even get me started on mormon jesus
SethMeadows911
Is it just me or am I the only person who hasn't seen a jesus painting with him having blonde hair?
codiesm55
Why is this getting so many up votes? When it doesn't seem to be right?
TheEntireScottishNavy
Actually, there are multiple Buddhas. The fat one is named Hotai. The one above is the first buddha, Siddartha
ThatsMySecretCapImAlwaysHorny
Maybe he was Vorlon...
waiwode
He has always been here.
SaltyPorcupine
Meanwhile, at the hall of the Super Best Friends....
lokishadowgirl
he wasn't Aryan, that's for sure
fairybug
Blonde? Maybe slightly-light-brown. Is that really what people think blonde is? Because, if so, I'm fucking platinum over here.
KingKelloggTheWaffleHaggler
I prefer being called Platinum than blonde...lets take this and run with it.
blueknot
Not black/African; dark-skinned middle eastern.
KaneVel
Raelic
He was middle eastern, and by many accounts small, ugly and hunched. The church made him beautiful and white
zeitelement
MRW someone depcits me as a blond white dude:
ErikaLight
Why does this not have upvotes
KaneVel
What is this from?
HereticsAllOfYou
Fat Buddha is actually Hotei: a Buddhist saint. There are also many versions of the Buddha with Siddhartha just being one of them.
MichaelScar
And the modern depictions of Jesus are based on Cesare Borgia
HereticsAllOfYou
Depends on which depiction you mean. Icons dating to before the fall of Rome depict a bearded Jesus as well.
MichaelScar
Yeah I just snopesed it too, turns out it's false all together, they just look similar
JoeinCanada
True, many people do not realize "Buddha" is a title meaning "enlightened one" and that we all have a Buddha nature that needs awakening.
eetsumkaus
my Buddha nature is already awakened *pats fat belly*
cloudstrifle
fun fact: ppl think he's white due to artists depicting him as their own race/nationality & da vinci and the gang being super popular.
JoeinCanada
Actually the Buddha did make a non-depiction rule. For decades he was represented by an empty chair or footprint. Then someone got an idea.
rando53
You can't really blame medieval and renaissance artists for depicting Jesus as a white man.
rando53
Like really, if that upsets you, I dare you to look up medieval depictions of the classical era.
Pandarakun
Not black, brown.
slightlyautisticjesus
WHEN IT'S BROWN IT'S COOKED. WHEN IT'S BLACK IT'S FUCKED!
KaneVel
ProstheticDong
Jesus's greatest miracle: Maintaining a milky white complexion after living in the desert for 33 years.
ForestRed
The secret is to exfoliate regularly
CosmicIceBear
Cheomesh
Can't remember a blonde Jesus the whole time I was involved in religious stuff.
Hyero
I've never seen a blond Jesus.
Yetiphobia
Hit me up on Facebook
PoliticsToday
I've never seen a blonde Jesus. He's usually a dark-haired, tan dude with a beard and a Jewish nose.
TheDeanofLean
The Bible said Jesus didn't have the beauty of the world. So he probably looked a super average Jewish guy
IrateCanadien
30 years old and still living with his mother? Sounds about right.
JayEnfield
He also probably smelled super-bad once those special spices from Asia ran out.
CuntCrotchula
ShreddedKylo
That username tho
Taur622
drcklm
I imagine he would look like Alberto Rosende with long hair
BarlaVon
angryscreechingnoise
he was mistaken for john the baptist, who lived in the desert and ate locusts.
liliantbn
Jewish became lighter while in Europe. The ones from that time would be darker. Like other people around them.
mandadadada
Plus more work outsidr
TheOfficialFirstGentlemanOfCatPresident
Jesus literally looked like what a Middle Eastern man would look like.
skelitor120
I think the only thing more "racist" (if you can even call it that) than assuming Jesus was white is insisting he had to be brown.
skelitor120
(because then it ignores the fact that people in the Middle East have all kinds of complexions, colors and looks beyond their "stereotype")
TheDeanofLean
He was an average Jewish man in the first century. He would have been brown.
skelitor120
Or he could've been paler, or darker. Most Syrians/Palestinians aren't brown.
TheDeanofLean
We're talking first century here. Not present day.
jhs2595
Doesn't hurt that he had the most run of the mill job, either; Carpenter
aPokal
Read that the oldest scripts of him say just craftsman. But if you were not a smith, it was either mason or carpenter in the times as one.
parallaxHero
Think he was a good carpenter? The whole time he's like "I'm the son of God!" Well right now you're building a SHED
aboxofcheezits
Did you just say "Meow?"
GundamCustoms
Which makes me wonder why he always looks skinny on crosses and stuff. He had to be jacked to be a carpenter without power tools
TheDeanofLean
He spent 40 days in the desert without eating though so he probably lost a lot of muscle then.
GundamCustoms
Maybe during that period but he would've had time to recover afterward
jhs2595
The dude flipped over some stone tables, after all. The scrawny look is to convey the pain and humanity during the crucifixion.
slydragoon
Right, this is a guy that literally walked cross-country for years and was able to flip stone tables. He would be both lean and ripped.
GundamCustoms
I've never liked it. To me it makes him look weak and helpless when in reality it was his choice not to retaliate
JustSomeGuyWithAComputer
And he lived woth his parents until he was 30.
DarthFutuza
Doesn't say he lived with his parents, he just didn't start preaching until then.
JustSomeGuyWithAComputer
You don't get the joke because you're not Jewish.
DarthFutuza
Lol.
TheFlyingTrapezoid
So seinfeld
HolyThunderPunch
Something something John the Baptist had to make himself appear ugly so he would be uglier than Jesus.
goldengoldblum
realityofthesituation
http://imgur.com/LYtNDWM
KaneVel
Seth Rogen?
yawkeyharwitz
Super Sayain Jew
yawkeyharwitz
Why can't I find a super saiyan Jesus gif?
cogitoro
So he probably looked a super average Mizrahi Jewish guy*. An Ashkenazi Jewish guy would have stuck out like a sore thumb in Ancient Israel
flynnski
especially bc he would've been a g*d-damned time traveler.
Tylerm1
https://imgur.com/4r3kGUI
Kitastrophe
I like to think he looked like a darker, bearded Oded Fehr
rshini
...that would give such sacreligious thoughts
PoeTayToe
I am now laughing hysterically as I picture Jesus looking like metatron from supernatural
ZachNanamus
iwearlittlesocks
DoublevBomb
When I was like 4 or something, I put it together as "ancient jew was probably an ancient jew". The art everywhere looked weird considering.
DownvoteMeWhenYouFeelOffended
As we all know Jesus was asian.
Slipp0
This is priceless. Thank you.
MTFRJones
markskayff
A mix between Jackie Chan and Jesus
tangopianista
Impossibru!!!
candiduscorvus
When the Euros think Jesus was white, the blacks think he was black, and those who actually read the Bible are like uh, he was a Semitic Jew
PropainAndPropainAccesories
I have never seen a blonde Jesus depiction.
Yetiphobia
Never used to (I'm Catholic -- we grew up with icons everywhere). Now, you see them a lot, especially in Jehovah's Witness stuff.
MacClay
I have. But I've also seen African and Asian Jesuses as well.
cogitoro
I've seen it but only in (some) Latin American depictions of him. I think it's because fair features and skin are admired there.
weberton
Since when is Jesus blonde
lovepuppy415amnd
Lol that was the first thing coming to my mind
eclecsys
rocketturttle
since white baptists
redbagelpuppies
Certain cultures depicted him that way, because that's how they looked.
btwfact100
Seriously! Have you googled Jesus and looked at images?
Dionysus187
blond is closer to yellow or white than it is to brown.
avidatheist
Yeah. There's like 1 in 5 pages.
MetalPsychologist
Do a google search for brunette
grandpasonlylivingheir
Google Jesus images.
kerouazy
In every picture if him. Dirty blonde is still blonde if BLONDE is in the name
browsib
Since the year 0
weberton
Well in the year 0 he didn't have a hair color. He was dead.
larichdump
There is no day zero.
Vlascia
Actually, most recent estimates are that he was born in 4 B.C. so he would have been very young if there had ever been a year 0...
bemibet
The Children's Bible I had growing up showed Him as blonde haired and blue eyed - astonishingly white for a middle-Eastern Man.
alsoAzrael
Same here! It took me a long time to realize how weird that was.
2DollarBillsAreEvil
Not blonde blonde, a dirty blonde. But I have only seen him depicted this way a few times and I was raised catholic. Mostly he's a brunette
MidiArbite
Only time I've seen him even close to blonde is that joke image with Ewan MacGregor as Obiwan being called jesus.,
GreenEggsAndSpam
Like with sassy highlights for when he returns?
umbrellamaker
I work at an art museum and we have a ginger Jesus
LordStarkillerHimself
GINGA JESUS!!!!!
AntonioAdorno
Yeah as a Roman Catholic, I have only seen him depicted as a tan to dark skinned male with black/brown long hair, and beard
umbrellamaker
Northern German works, Catholic and otherwise, can skew to a blonder representation
JustSomeGuyWithAComputer
Since the LDS church found him.
MetalPsychologist
You colorblind? http://lmgtfy.com/?t=i&q=LDS+Jesus
emmm333
So Jesus had to be pretty white ...
JustSomeGuyWithAComputer
Yes. Why da fuck you makin fun of that?
MetalPsychologist
:)
emmm333
And don't forget the piercing light blue eyes shown in mormon portraits.
MetalPsychologist
Ha. Nope.
emmm333
In the 60s, the mormon church still taught that American Indians skin actually got lighter as they were taught 'the gospel.'
emmm333
The Jesus portraits in every mormon church I was ever in were MUCH blonder than any of the photos shown in your search.
Hellstorm99
Recovering Roman Catholic, have never seen Jesus depicted with blonde hair.
aPokal
Like did you try a more extreme sect or did you leave the church?
Hellstorm99
Just stopped going. Believe in the faith of it, not the obedience. If that makes any sense.
kuriosly
As another bad catholic, I understand completely
BlueElephant92
same here, he had always brown hair in the pictures
HighlySexualLobster
Evangelicals. Roman Catholics wouldn't be privy to bottle blond jesus since we tend to come from swarthier stock.
shinjiKuuun
Washington DC basilica - pankrator mural
HighlySexualLobster
This it?
Good find if so. Seems rather inclusive since jesus has fetal alcohol syndrome in the mural.
shinjiKuuun
That is it. It looks normal from the front angle. it's on a curved surface
kuriosly
Reason is Catholics have had to ignore the separatists a bit
iShouldBeWorking42
Didn't you hear? Blonde ist das neue braun
Shltles
JagdPanzer38T
what.. reference?
Deunderscoremoralize
I don't get that reference... can anyone explain please?
aPokal
German carnival is not-subtle satire and is "Blond is the new brown". Brown is our word for Nazis.
AegonTargaryenTheSixthOfHisName
It was on FP a few days ago. German parade with lots of floats. One was Marie La Pen (Le?), Trump and a few other leaders including hitler.
gugugaga13
MeezyRogueHero
Dat reference, igotit
Hwy61B
I don't recall seeing him depicted as blonde either
TanstaaflTovarisch
I've seen lighter shades of brown a few times, never seen blonde except in things like this.
motorwaffle
We're just not going to talk about Korean Jesus, then?
KaneVel
Korean Jesus ain't got time for your shit. He's busy, with Korean shit.
PleasePMMeYourFeet
Studying?
CheshirePhoenix
And driving horribly.
MsHunnyBunny
Koresus.
Larkins
....and they both speak English.
mordaedil
Technically, since they are in heaven, they both have the Tongues(ex) ability applied to them and additionally
mordaedil
they now resist electricity and lightning 10 points and they are immune to petrification and polymorphing.
flyingmonsters
LiterallyAuschwitz
The true language of heaven.
flyingmonsters
Why wouldn't Jesus be able to understand English? He is God, so logic dictates he would be able to.
bruudwin
oh no now they both speak japanese translated to english! http://www.mangahere.co/manga/saint_oniisan/
azizlight2
Engrish!
soggywaffle1234
Would you be able to read it in Arabic and Indi?
ThatTransformersDude
Maybe
Larkins
If there were sub titles in English...then yes.
juliendg137
DrippySpaffMungeBimp
Why would Jesus speak Arabic? He would speak Hebrew and possibly Latin and/or Greek, but most certainly not Arabic.
ZombiesHateComputers
Aramaic
Cheomesh
Aramaic and/or Hebrew. Arabic isn't a thing yet.
Nuntius
Actually, Arabic was first spoken in the Iron Age. The Nabateans spoke Old Arabic along with Nabatean. Both languages are Central Semitic.
Cheomesh
Well, OK, Old Arabic.It's like me asking why Beowulf is speaking Modern English though.
Nuntius
Don't get me wrong, the person who said that they would be speaking "Arabic and Indi" was completely wrong as well. I was just clarifying :)
DSToast
A middle-easter Jew really
ImStraightOkStopLookingAtMyUserName
I get the Kung-Fu outfit but please explain why Buddha isn't eating a fortune cookie.
puruwin
Is that a pun?
Howtogrowwood
I always said if Jesus came back he would go to either a synagogue or a home depot
ThatTransformersDude
I wouldn't be surprised if he turned around and said "shut it down!"
thundercactus
"This synagogue is in the perfect place for a new Home Depot" -Jesus, book of Bob-Todd
ThatTransformersDude
"And so the lord said, them mexicans will pay for your arby's meal, cause is their fault your cousin left you for your brother" - Larry 4:12
ronkooby
orangeorangutan
a beautiful epitaph
IHaveAMemeForThis
JonDJew
so Jesus looks like me!
Budborne
W-was that on purpose?
DSToast
The world may never know.
Attaroo
Middle-Easter? Oh, that explains the bunny things then
TinyLiehon
Isn't Mordor located in Middle-Earth's East?
roseHyacinth
Came here for this comment. Thanks
ChrisTallant
Same.
Koshunae
It kinda doesnt. Im still confused as to why easter has rabbits and candy eggs.
reversebacon1
I believe it's bc the Catholics used to use the egg for the symbol of christ resurrection and fertility and the bunny was used bc of its
reversebacon1
High reproduction rate. The day moves every year bc the pagan calendar works off different stuff like the Jewish calendar.
ColonFilth
I think that's the joke.
kibateo
i dont get it
Mailvirgo
That's right.
AegonTargaryenTheSixthOfHisName
Easter bunnies.
kibateo
oh middle EASTER. My eyes auto corrected it to middle eastern and i never noticed the missing letter
AegonTargaryenTheSixthOfHisName
haha yea it took me two times, too.
Vidikron
Consider that one-liner stolen. Thanks
Howtogrowwood
I always said if Jesus came back he would go to either a synagogue or a home depot
degenerator
He couldn't have been black. He knew who his father was.
jocloud31
Yeah, and he knocked his momma up and got the fuck out.
tehzpoon
I have never even once seen Jesus depicted as blond.
Jupman
sephardic jews are the middle estern jews and Ashkenazi are the European jews.
AtomIndigo
Whoa, wait. You mean to tell me he wasn't Korean?
Momomo08
DSToast
I know it is extremely surprising, but yeah I don't think he was.
Mcnk
Source?
GylfieTheOwl
Two evangelists once spent half an hour telling me how Jesus was reincarnated into a South Korean woman.
thundercactus
I know 3 Kims that would disagree
AtomIndigo
Did you tell them that Korean Jesus ain't got time for their shit?
ThatTransformersDude
What? No, Jesus is blonde, blue eyes, fair complexion, loves guns, and hates the poor. Everyone knows that.
jayar1st
I've never met anyone who actually thinks this.
iuploadbearpics
Ooh you're so edgy
Melanisia
*Republican Jesus
Robodevil
Especially nail guns
memberwar
http://www.thepaincomics.com/Jesus%20vs.%20Jeezus.jpg
thundercactus
American jesus is actually just chuck norris in a robe
SaltyInternetPirate
And he takes your health-insurance money, but doesn't cure you because to him everything is a pre-existing condition. youtu.be/TGHswiBPtZU
iuploadbearpics
Triggered much?
SaltyInternetPirate
If I hadn't found his video in my favourites, I'd never remember his name after such a long absence.
ThoughtfulSatan
I mean, he always said carry a sword. So he probably would like guns.
ThatTransformersDude
Yea, Jesus wanted to make sure we took care of the poor and sick with swords. Not that liberal love and acceptance propaganda
BubblesSayingDecent
Did it go like this? "take care of the poor and the sick. Use a sword" if so then Jesus sounds like a dictator to me.
Xathraphor
I'm pretty sure it was sarcasm.
ArtOzz
Dont forget the gays, he hates the gays man.
ThatTransformersDude
He hates anyone who isn't accepting of american values, which is why he changed his place of birth to Texas.
azizlight2
But not the bisexual hot women of course!!
thundercactus
"And bring forth thine lesbians so that I may watch. And the lord was contented."
TimmyDans
Hates figs not fags...
ElRadis
Gave him a rash
AvariceAeternna
Naw, got pissed because they weren't in season. Cursed the tree never to bear fruit again.
Mcnk
And he rode on dinosaurs
IHaveThePerfectPuzzleForYou
He rode on an ass. Yo mama's ass.
OneHitlerPerDayKeepsTheJewsAway
Mcnk
So wrong. He good his nailholes thousands of years later
ThatTransformersDude
No he made dinosaur bones to test your faith in him.
browsib
Everyone knows the earth is only 5,000 years old!
ThatTransformersDude
Excuse you, 5017 years old, don't go using them sciency facts on the good book.
browsib
And flat.
KckUNjUbR6GMwpnD
The fat "Buddha statues" actually depict Hotai, a Chinese monk. He is not the Buddha, much like Santa Clause (based on a monk) is not Jesus.
Insomnia297
Here's a skinny Buddha /a/LEwPA
manimatr0n
Patron (Buddhist equivalent sorta)saint of bartenders, so he's close enough to Jesus for me.
sharkhugs
It isn't there a difference between "a Buddha" and "Buddha"?
JPBStory
I thought it was symbolic fatness to show that starving oneself isn't the way and was one of the rejected old techniques
RockyKev
Buddha is a title, a state of mind. There's a guy who took the title as his identity as well. Hence, the fat statue is Buddha, but not.
quickhand
Budai is considered by some to be a Buddha, possibly the future Buddha.
BoxesofFoxes
He is also a sort of...facet? Of Avalokitesvara, the Bodhisattva of Compassion.
BoxesofFoxes
As is Kuan Yin.
itisntisit
Saint Nicholas was a Bishop not a monk
TheDarknessInTheHeartsOfMen
Its more than that. The Buddha requested no true likeness of himself he made. He wanted people to remember the teaching not the man.
eetsumkaus
so...you're telling me this image on the internet LIED to me???
HalTheMisinterpretivePornStar
I thought santa was based on Odin
JoeinCanada
Well truth is that people behaving benevolently to children by giving them toys seems to be fairly universal. Good humans like happy kids.
mordaedil
Technically, he's based on Norwegian gnomes.
KckUNjUbR6GMwpnD
That too. Also. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus
MHfromNH
Odin, Jólnir, Langbarðr, Joulupukki, nisse/tomte, Ded Moroz...
KaneVel
Sinterklaas...
MHfromNH
well that's the same as St Nicholas. Saint -> Sinter/Santa, Nicholas -> Klaas/Claus.
makamaka1
To white people all asian men are either fat buddha or Jackie Chan.
StillBankingOnTomorrow
As a white person, I disagree. Also think that's a pretty racist statement that isn't funny enough to claim humorous intent.
mormacil
Coca Cola made Santa fat, till that he was skinny.
butler12
Actually it was the illustrator Thomas Nast, I think. Haddon Sundblum was the artist for Coca Cola Santa, that came much later.
TheAncientSea
Coke has made lots of people fat
ICantDrive
They also made fanta sad
ICantDrive
That was horrible I'm sorry.
CSJones
That's a weird way to spell "awesome."
KaneVel
They also made him wear red.
[deleted]
[deleted]
KaneVel
In my country the red clothing became standard only in the 60's. Before that it was dark clothing or furs.
mormacil
Opposed to? I thought he took red from Saint Nick.
KaneVel
In my country the red clothing became standard only in the 60's. Before that it was dark clothing or furs.
mormacil
What country? Because santa is like a 19th century invention.
Bbbrrr000ccckkk1
Wait, Santa isn't Jesus? So who do I pray to for toys?
rbudrick
Muh fuckin santa on the cross n shit .
thebluelion
TMYK.gif thanks for sharing
DoctorDumpster
Santa is based on Odin.
oslsblnrkrak
I thought it was based of Buddai
andrewbert
Yeah same. I've been scrolling through these comments seeing if anyone knew his name. Yours sounds about right. ,
LokiShinigami
Santa is based on the Patron saint of Prostitutes and Jesus has nothing to do with Christmas . . .
KckUNjUbR6GMwpnD
edgy
DarthSedition
Santa clause has many influences including motherfucking Odin...
MobileUserGundam
It's a bit more complicated than that. He's generally considered A Buddha, and some consider him a previous incarnation of Maitreya.
FireElemental
He is not generally considered a buddha by anyone not from the West. A god of abundance, yes, an emanation of Maitreya, yes; a buddha? No.
tinymarshmallowbutts
Can someone explain what you mean to my friend?
JamesWonder
There are many reincarnations of the Buddha. Hotai was only one of them. He is the chubby one, and the only Buddha to eat meat.
DreadPierateRoberts
Thought was a bohdisavvta
MobileUserGundam
Some consider him a bodhisattva, some a Buddha, some don't see a distinction between the two.
UnPossibleMagician
But when when there's no other choice, pick Depends.
Sauroctonus
But isn't there a difference between a Buddha and THE Buddha?
FlamboyantTitans
Yeah, the buddha was an Indian prince who achieved enlightenment, thus making him a buddha. It's kinda like Avatar the Last Airbender.
boneapetite
Word, shout out to Siddhartha.
Idonthavealottosay
Awesome beans
UnnecessaryAlgebra
The Indian Prince that you know of as The Buddha, Siddhartha, was the first to reach enlightenment so he gets a "the".
Sauroctonus
So Buddha is also a title, but he is known as Buddha because he's the first?
UnnecessaryAlgebra
That's my understanding of it. I looked it up and it means awakened or enlightened one. The fat version is a Chinese guy not Indian
eLeSDi
Santa is based on the amanita muscari mushroom and the elves is based on the jewel/ machine elves you encounter in higher dimensions - TM
GundamCustoms
Santa Clause is a movie tho...
JoeinCanada
Absolutely correct and thank you. Yes, he used to have a sack full of toys he would distribute to children. Giving is better than receiving.
PopperScopper
Anal.
CreativeToAFault
Saint Nick right?
CatBlaster5000
Both according to the gentleman above.
JoeinCanada
Somewhat, though he did it all the time rather than one day a year. He made the toys himself. He liked to see the smiles on the children.
CreativeToAFault
I Only know because that's partly where my name came from
maximsk
Partly?
mormacil
Sait Nick with Father Winter (UK) and a pinch of Nordic elves.
bayardthebloodhound
Well Santa is based off someone else.
manimatr0n
Santa is based on a dude who punched motherfuckers left and right at Nicea.
Saprophyte2
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinterklaas
KckUNjUbR6GMwpnD
You're right. Santa is based on the Greek Bishop Saint Nicholas. I confused.
LokiShinigami
Patron saint of Prostitutes
mormacil
There two Saint Nicolas, but he's also heavily influenced by Father Winter and the Nordic elves. Old stories depict him as tiny(dwarf).
AnyaJenkins
You mean Turkish
DrYoloMcSwagmasterIIIEsq
No, Greek. Turks were still in Central Asia at that point
JoeinCanada
The modern American version of Santa is based on paintings created by commercial artist Haddon Sundblom for Coke Cola begun in the 1930's.
MoncoMonoco
Just the red color
KittenMittensofSteel
Yes, the cartoon-y santa. Prior to this he was depicted much differently.
avidatheist
Not true.
bayardthebloodhound
We the picture is based off a dude from the 30-40s time.
avidatheist
No, it's not. That depiction of santa has been around since before Coca Cola existed.
AvariceAeternna
Aesthetically, I believe so.
MoncoMonoco
Just the red color
avidatheist
Nope. You can find pictures a white haired fat guy dressed in red for santa from before Coca Cola was even a company.