Criwolf
41287
882
23
Oldest recording of pornography apparently is from Egypt. Content marked for mature. I guess Egyptians beat Greeks on this one.
Mar 20, 2022 4:24 AM
Criwolf
41287
882
23
Oldest recording of pornography apparently is from Egypt. Content marked for mature. I guess Egyptians beat Greeks on this one.
LeCoq1963
Egyptians must have had fewer ribs
DraconianMarshmallowPoink
HardTimeKillinFoulNews
It has been proposed as theory that these Venus statuettes might in fact be pornographic in nature.
Darkwell
So either worship or "worship." Seems legit.
JustSomePersonThere
Nope. There’s a stronger theory that says these were made by women for women to teach about pregnancy.
noWhiteHorseHereJustBatturuPrinsu
HardTimeKillinFoulNews
There are many theories. Most of them plausible. It's not about the "strength" of any given hypothesis.
ChosenChaos
Isn't "for ritual purposes" archaeologists for "not got the slightest idea what this was used for"?
WellWellWellLookWhoItIs
Yeah. Just like basically every building was a temple.
PackedCatMeowingPowerDensity
There is no evidence to support or deny it. But humanity knows someone has jerked to it. Same with Mother Mary statues or Venus ones.
HardTimeKillinFoulNews
This reminds me of what Miichael says in The Good Place, about humans who keep inventing more weird sex things.
PackedCatMeowingPowerDensity
Or heck, we jerk it to fucking insurance and cornflakes mascots. And I am talking the furry/scaly kind.
Anarric
Isn't that why they took away their e-surance erin (or w.e) because of Rule34?
PackedCatMeowingPowerDensity
Yes. Kelloggs however...
lordfwahfnah
Sphinxycat
Reminds me of the Bangles song. Walk with an erection.
Trankia12
iamspartan1262
It's a challenging wank but it can be done
JustHereForTheMemes0321
Perfect
EetWontFlush
Damn, them Egyptians be packin
Sentrisable
...she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys... Ezekiel 23:19-20
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YourAuntThatGrabsYourAssWhenDrunk
That's...accurate!
TheSlouchOfBethlehem
By design it's the most exciting thing people have ever done, I'm surprised it's not represented more.
paku9000
For a very long religionist time, pieces like this have been destroyed, the moment they were found.
TheSlouchOfBethlehem
great point.
420supercoolusername69
Is it? https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2161118/amp/Aboriginal-erotic-rock-art-proves--28-000-years-ago--men-ONE-thing-minds.html
Circe007
was fun to say men had only one thing in mind before feminism, now I dont want people c me like that anymore
LaronX
There is different between being a sex positive horny person and a selfish horny person
LyraTheLycan
Is.. is that a monkey banging a human
h4p10
I was going to say 'oldest found'. To add to your comment, think of all the shit prehistoric people must have drawn in the dirt.
fightfightfightlosewinfight
erotic cock art
420supercoolusername69
More Stone Age porn https://mobile.twitter.com/allancudicio/status/1278007677545840643
LaronX
Cool Twitter thread. Homophobia is really a monotheistic invention. And those aren't a white invention
marthafarquar
jesusisherelookbusy
phuzz00
DrSpatula
Bonchoman
Admins
OsirisWhite
The world's first pornography has got to be older than language itself. The first ancestor who conceived of drawing drew dick.
Speedmetal05
I seriously doubt that's the oldest.
sinkingotter
There's older shit too
ToSisPoS
Getting intense Oglaf energies here.
Barbiesan
Is he pulling her hair and slapping her ass. Lol
thatwoodguy
I'm sure oggh the cave man beat them to it
winchestersson
Hair pulling and spanking! Classic move.
flexstar
TheMeanGombeen
I am not an Egyptologist, (and don't play one on TV), but that second drawing looks modern and fake.
JohnSmithterms
Yes. Quite so. Puffs pipe. The lack of a z shape made by their arms for those walking like an egyption is a dead give away.
carrot1sie
The first image depicts the goddess Nut, who is the vault of the heavens arched over the god of Earth Geb. They are separated by the air God
Bonemamma
Its part of the Turin Erotic papyrus 1184-1153 BC ( mild recreation as the original has some damage)
JohnSmithterms
So it was in fact not an original. Just as i suspected my good fellow.
mrsdowneyjr
Yeah, not ancient
mrsdowneyjr
And I felt dirty zooming to check
mrsdowneyjr
The original is ancient but this is more recreation than original here
Bonemamma
Its part of the Turin Erotic papyrus 1184-1153 BC ( mild recreation as the original has some damage)
mrsdowneyjr
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5e/Turin_Erotic_Papyrus.jpg
mrsdowneyjr
Some damage? It's almost more recreation than original
Bonemamma
I mean the whole thing is over 2 meters long the pictures only show parts of the fragments
mrsdowneyjr
I went through and looked at the whole thing, not just one pic. It reminds me of the Bayeux tapestry
zsuzsicica
The 2nd image looks like a different painting style altogether. Not so angular as the hieroglyphs you normally see
Bonemamma
Its part of the Turin Erotic papyrus 1184-1153 BC ( mild recreation as the original has some damage)
johnnyspanglish
Damn they were into their hair pulling even back then
Jeager7
Epic
Chimichanga007
SassySailor
Source?
Bonemamma
Its part of the Turin Erotic papyrus 1184-1153 BC ( mild recreation as the original has some damage)
IliveIdyeIliveagain
PeteThePerv
those are some long dicks
ratcamper
Are they?
VCJunky
wtf that guy is sucking his own dick
PerpetuityPhoto
There are two types of guys in the world. Guys who will admit to attempting autofellatio, and Liars.
Hexxxxxxxxx
I can't help but laugh at the lone person downvoring every comment like this.
PerpetuityPhoto
He's in the second type category.
friendsofsandwiches
I'm sure there's some cave paintings out there that did it first.
HonestCommentFarmer
They say Akhenaten removed one of his ribs so he could suck his own dick.
RoyalWithChz
Tbh, I’d not be surprised if that was true with how his figure is always represented in art.
SanchoPliskin
Just like Paul from the wonder years.
NuclearMonk
I thought it was John Denver in Vietnam
micwithoutthek
Wouldn't you if you could?
badthaught
Apparently it'd feel more like giving a blownob than receiving one due to how the inputs work, which may be a plus for some.
Hexxxxxxxxx
I dont have a dick,but if I did 10/10 I'd try
CitizenPrime
It doesn't feel like someone is sucking your dick but rather that you're sucking someone elses
Dionysus187
Its more like sucking than getting sucked. I hear.
duckshooter
I wonder how he got a few his ribs removed in that Era.
GuitarBobMonterey
And then got his knees & feet sewn on backwards.
VaultGirl69
My ex could do this. Very tall, lanky programmer with bad posture and well... gifted.
duckshooter
Your comment brings this to my mind and I am not proud of it.
VaultGirl69
Lolololol
LordNergal
If cavemen could do brain surgery and have people survive for years after, I'm certain Egyptians could remove a few ribs ;)
duckshooter
Whaaaat
LordNergal
www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/1000-years-ago-patients-survived-brain-surgery-but-they-had-live-with-huge-holes-in-their-heads-180948185/
LordNergal
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3876527/
LordNergal
https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/stone-age-surgery
LordNergal
https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/31/health/ancient-egypt-medical-knowledge/index.html
LordNergal
https://brill.com/view/book/edcoll/9789004418295/B9789004418295_s004.xml
LordNergal
Nature: "You have a head injury that will cause swelling and death." Humans: "Time to take these two rocks and invent brain surgery."
duckshooter
GadenKerensky
Autofellatio, and it is possible IRL, it just requires low body fat levels and a lot of flexibility, not possible for even average people.
IamNotAshamed
Or a longer dick
Larktonguesinadicecup
I was 25ish, had a six pack and did yoga regularly. It wasn't any fun though.
GadenKerensky
It's a lot of effort to contort that far, and that's before getting into the debate about whether it feels any good. "Sucking vs sucked",etc
Arcian
Nobody's dick is that long, not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick... thus, the name.
Barbiesan
I have a friend that could, saw him do it once
Arcian
Yeah I know it's possible, I just wanted to make a New Vegas ref- wait, what do you mean, you *saw* him do it?
xBenoitBallsx
It ain't gonna suck itself
AGiantTransWoman
It must be Marilyn Manson, according to my highschool classmates.
GeneralAnubis
Ezekiel was right, Egyptians had them donkey dongs
JustSomePersonThere
Is that the “with the emissions of a horse” guy from the bible?
GeneralAnubis
Yep lol
JustSomePersonThere
Lol what a card!
Feanordidnothingwrong3000
beaubrent
Literally everybody has tried this.
Skawomplious
I have not. I can't even touch my toes, I know damned good and well that I won't reach.
pdonettes
I seriously doubt that any woman has tried to sick their own dick…
RuBisCO1
I seen flexible women eat themselves out.
TheAziz
Ever been to Thailand?
slyvic
But has any woman not tried to suck her own titty?
Ghlargh
Every woman i know has tried to suck all the dicks they have attached to their body...
Dondarian
Not with that attitude
SithElephant
I would be _considerably_ more worried about his knees, on seeing that in person.
Peachcappuccino
The other guys dick is the length of his whole torso?!!
NoSirIDoNotHaveBoloneyInMyPants
Which looks to be growing out of his ass. Those ancient Egyptians had a weird anatomy.
TaintToucher
His own huge dick*
NuggetThief
let's not pretend we haven't all tried
SlimSam
You would do it too if you could.
snoffler
I FWB'd with someone who could do that. Propped his back against the wall and let gravity do its thing
JustSomePersonThere
Oh wow you’ve dated some talented fellas!
Sxualhrssmntpanda
Talented fellaters
4vie
Ah, the male counterpart to the cunning linguist!
Sm9yCg
You would if you could...
G0MeatCube
Ha you wish
Lollooooo
You're only envious
MadamPuddifoot
His knees are also going backwards
Pasander
I was flexible enough to do that. Like three decades ago. Now I'd need a longer dick, hahah.
marteney1
A tale as old as time
Hexxxxxxxxx
13/10 if you could I bet you would.
NuclearMonk
If you're trying to think of things to record first in history, this is certainly a contender
TheMeanGombeen
Because he can.
Freak0zoid
onecowboytoo
Ron Jeremy does it in at least two movies.
LightStriker
Admit it, you would if you could.
superpaul79
Someone better endowed than I am once told me that it's more like giving a bj than getting one.
Jackamabob
VCJunky
TheDarkGreenWizard
scanerang
Yes
Easykehl
TheAnswerWasAlwaysMoreLube
I heard it has more the feeling of sucking a dick than getting sucked so... I guess score for those into that.
cryborg
Nile long m-fer
Woooooooooooow
Good.
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IMainReinhardt
Luke!
TheEuphinator
I mean if it's long enough why not?
fbutt09
Prince has entered the chat
Can1sRex
I have a friend who can no shit do this. Dude is hung
IamNotAshamed
Because it feels 90% like sucking a dick and 5% like getting your dick sucked. The other 5% is discomfort.
G0MeatCube
Sounds like your dick isn't big enough
Sinister992
Yea, this. I can do it; way different feeling than when my GF does it to me.
Larktonguesinadicecup
Yeah. This. I used to be able but it wasn't worth doing. Not even for novelty. Maybe if you actually like dicks.
Splittmark
You could always cast your dick and then suck it and then dildo yourself with it I'll see myself out
mentallychallengeaccepted
Does such a thing even exist? A group of men who like dicks? No... no it's just to extreme /s
SpikeWolfwood
They're just very good friends.
dEXm64
Yup
LightStriker
So you don't jerk off because "Yeeew touching a dick"?
LurkerOfDarkness
So 95% good.
LooseyGooseyBrett
We've all had that dream
quzar
Personal preference may place the negative of sucking a dick higher than the positive of having your dick sucked (especially when you weigh>
magicrhombus
I dunno, same could be said for handies, couldn't it? It is just different when it is yours.
quzar
Since you replied to my first of two comments, you skipped the part where I say 'weigh in the discomfort of the position you have to be in'
quzar
>in the discomfort of the position you have to be in). ... Hypothetically of course ...
CorydorasAfavorplease
I mean I know if I could comfortably eat myself out, as a woman, I would 1000% eat myself out because I'm betting I'm actually good at it.
sureasyourebornyourenevergoingtoseenounicorn
Ok, but what if the cavemen were furries and that was the first?
TheBestSpiderQueen
I mean…emulation of beasts has always been a thing in shamanistic cultures. Totemic spirits and all that
HonestCommentFarmer
Egypt sometimes worshipped cats...
Sauroctonus
Sometimes? Only sometimes?
HonestCommentFarmer
It depends on the dynasty.