TedBuckley
397766
10193
217
Jun 15, 2015 12:42 PM
TedBuckley
397766
10193
217
ForestLibrarian
Every god damn time, I swear.
hetriedtokillmewithaforklift
http://imgur.com/aMZ3s4T
mantysaippua
i just feel superawkward when the cat is there. I either push the cat away or turn away.
JustStopTalking
My cat just stares at me with a disgusted look on his face.
kaitoofrose
Is that Egoraptor?
zeradeth
My ferret steals my vibrator, no matter where I fucking hide it. He hides it under my mom's bed to add insult to injury.
TchallaVII
do you sanitize that?
zeradeth
Yes, yes I do. For cleanliness purposes as well as getting over the skeevies of 'this has been in my ferret's mouth, and it's touching me.'
TchallaVII
Omg has it left tooth marks in it?
zeradeth
No, but my watch has many, many tiny toothmarks
TchallaVII
that's cute
Prometian
EGORAPTOR
anakedgoober
Thought the cat was going to attack the precious
ForgetNorway
yuraf
from under the blanket.
olwynnyr
If I could favourite a comment....
IDontKnowHowToHuman
oneofthecalled
hahHAHAHHA omg hhahahahaha
NecraMancie
This is why I masturbate with the door closed. Mine *does* attack the precious!
Chaosdawn
I almost spit out my coffee.
TurtleBum
Spat. You almost SPAT out your coffee.
NecraMancie
This is why I masturbate with the door closed. Mine *does* attack the precious!
TheCochNessMonster
Well, shit idk wat to say
HalfJudPrince
Make eye contact and establish yourself as the alpha.
AmberValdez
This made me laugh way too hard
andraste
I'm so confused by the gender here....
yuurg
good
SpicedNipples
Does it matter?
SwoopMoot
Thank you for this comment
andraste
Yes. Lives hang in the balance
SpicedNipples
There can only be one
SpicedNipples
There can only be one
andraste
I choose this one
SpicedNipples
You chose....poorly
beautifulpeanutbutter
fapping is for all genders
mastermat
Love has no gender. And neither does fapping to deathcore dungeon porn.
getarealjob
I believe for females it's referred to as "slapping the box"
KingXizor
Shlicking though. *shlick shlick shlick*
SKELETONMAAAN
I call it fapping. Because it's just so fun so say and write.
THESHOUTINGTURTLE
BOTH MY FEMALE AND MALE ROOMMATES (3-BEDROOM APARTMENT) CALL IT "EATING CEREAL".
SKELETONMAAAN
Do turtles masturbate, though?
noxdracoria
As a lady I say "fapping" cuz everyone knows what I mean or "rubbing one out" cuz also understandable, or "masturbating" cuz I'm an adult.
RiseAboveRoyalOaks
If it was a girl I think fap would be replaced with "Schlick"
sonyablade
Ewwwww
gandraw
no guy faps under covers more than once though
Sasafras1500
True that.
PommedeTerreur
IT'S OBVIOUSLY A WOMAN WITH VERY VERY VERY SAGGY BOOBS.
BunniesMummy
Everybody faps, sometimes
seuratparrot
Cat is a boy, for sure.
andraste
That clears things up completely, thanks
TheMungoman
That guy looks like Arin Hanson.
RudyToo
I was thinking the same thing! +1
Dephande
I'm willing to bet mochi has done this
ninthjake
T'was my first thought as well.
thegriffin88
Glad I'm not the only person who noticed.
FabulouslyTiti
Same thing, first thought. ♥
signalswitch64
*Egofaptor
ShrubNinja
That was my first thought too! It looks like his grumphead.
Dephande
I'm willing to bet mochi has done this
KanshiTalon
PAT MY ASS!
Lockerkid
Willing to bet Arin has done this. Maybe Suzy too, I don't know
DrIvoRobotnik
looks about as smart as Arin Hanson
Splaterson
Anyone seen that picture of Arin giving Suzi oral?
FabulouslyTiti
waitwhat
Splaterson
there was a pic going around that looked suspiciously like the two. I cant find it anywhere. 4Chan had it
Xaldyn
IIRC it was only a picture of Suzy with... stuff... on her face. Turned out to be fake, just a very Suzy-looking person.
Xaldyn
You can probably still find it on Encyclopedia Dramatica's GameGrumps page.
MOTHERFUCKINGBOBROSS
That's a negative.
rykinpoe
Needs another frame where the cat attacks the fap area.
EverSoSlightly
Strangely, mine rarely does. She just distractedly disapproves.
iwearabunnysuitthecleanroomkindnottheplayboykind
That's when my cat gets kicked out of the room.
punnygirl88
It's funny because it's true
KatimusPrimeTV
Hey, it's better than actually having a cat attack you while you're having sex...
MikeyTheHero
fap area. +1
rawrbadmonster
EVERY TIME! I'm always so horrified.
grapesforducks
That's what I was expecting, heh.
hermionejeangrangerweasley
me too! No, kitty, No!!!
AIDSBurgerInParadise
Arena*
beacon2245
http://0ldcore.cfw.me/images/comics/50/9e4c8f158f2694411729fe1ed5a62da21099138867.png
mmmmmmShaiHulud
or the futile 'Elbow nudge' manoeuvre
Lindargh
http://hiddenlol.com/lol/38094
hornyninja
HauteChocolate
Why does he stab it
JapanGuyJoe
Surprisingly not an ultra-high quality ms paint production
charlietrundlethegreat
You da real MVP
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
Mans Viscious Penis?
charlietrundlethegreat
You mean there are non-vicious ones out there too? Also, I fucked your mom last night with my vicious penis.
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
She wrote me a letter, I know. And marriage is a more non-vicious penis, in fact some would consider it tamed.
AnonresponsivE
420th up vote right here
Hushkababa
Just one more, where he's enjoying it.
decarnatedame
Or the cat is plastered to the ceiling.
Hushkababa
Why not both?
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
Why both?
JediRedBeard
I had a cat attack my morning wood while I was asleep. I have never experienced a greater adrenaline rush nor flung a cat further in my life
OPmakesOC
It thought you wanted the pussy
Iloveanonymityandilovebeingnoticed
My biggest cat (15lbs) leapt from the top of a cabinet, near the ceiling, onto my sleeping SO's boys. He (cat) was flung across the room.
DerKeksinator
The fact that you flubg a cat more than once is desturbing enough
frykshon
Ahh the grand ole sport of cat flingin! A family past time since 1996!
JediRedBeard
You must have never been attacked by a cat before.
DerKeksinator
Oh, but i don't fling them away, they'd get more agressive, thtas stupid
Flyndaran
Timmay is a clumsy 17 lbs. I know that the sound of skin tearing is very similar to cloth ripping. I would die rather than hurt him ever.
MoreSoupForYourArmPit
Like this?
NSFW!
jtgs
ouch
AmbiguouslyPunny
*faps* *circumcised*
AHorticulturistIsJustANerdyGardener
dunedog
Daddy, why did Vision push Wash off a fence?!
MoreSoupForYourArmPit
Fantanstic, I will shamelessly steal this for later usage!
thisusernamehadbetternothavebeenchosenalready
How does he just wiggle it with such speed
IDontKnowHowToHuman
I think it's his finger just pretending to be a boner in order to tease the pussies.
TheRicM
Well, that's no fun at all
ChaosGodOfPleasureAndExcess
Nope, unless his finger is thicker than that cats arms, then that's a cock.
IDontKnowHowToHuman
Maybe his hand was just in his shorts to wiggle the wood around like that.
Quest4Life
Who masturbates under the covers anyway? I dont want a wet spot right where i lay my but all night long...
SpicedNipples
Flip it over when finished
ReposterCallerOuterMan
remove the covers when about to spunge
mjso23
Keeps the sound of the vibrator down if you have other people sharing walls.
Emac94
Vibes are loud, yo. Covers stifle the bzzz.
GetYourPantsOffNow
Well, I don't exactly want to get some on the ceiling again... Oh wait, I thought we're talking about guys here. You make a good point!
badgesweedontneednostinkingbadges
The sock prevents that.
GetYourPantsOffNow
Hmm but what do I do if someone walks in? Do I say it's my dick warmer or should I just fap under the sheet?
IDontKnowHowToHuman
[opening sequence of American Pie]
FromDenmarkWithHate
You sit in your computerchair in front of anal gaping porn that you've downloaded in ear sahttering 1080p!
suddenlyrelevant
While the rest of us just ffwd-wank to xhamster videos.
Popyseed11
Xvideos all day erry day
Iassann
Look at this pheasant watching anything other than glorious 60fps 4K.
FromDenmarkWithHate
Gimme a break! I only have 2 TB bandwidth cap!
Lugh314159
People who live with their parents and no door lock?
EroticZombiePants
You don't immediately clean up with a wash cloth after?
Quest4Life
No i immediately fall asleep because this is the only way i can get to sleep at nights :\
YourbestfriendMichael
I have tissues lying everywhere to properly keep everything clean while I'm doing the deed.
revelator
So you're like, the Dexter Morgan of fapping?
Todayisnotmybirthday
once you have started... you must continue!
ImakeEverythingAwkward
I do it in my pants
tooomanysteves
Cut up an old sheet to catch the wetness; female or male.
SoisSage
This is totally the reason why I cannot get out of bed in the morning. (not wet, just nasty)
JT1984
I put a towel down. Or roll off to one side, I'm nasty, and have a queen-sized bed.
PleaseLoveMe
I do. Was caught masturbating when I was a child by my mom. It was extremely embarrassing. I absolutely cannot cap without covers. Am girl.
PleaseLoveMe
*fap* curse this auto text
ThatRussian
Grandma caught me....
SanAnStrangler
Never had that problem...
ArdentSlacker
have a bit of cloth on hand to catch it.
PuppyDontCare
.....women?
agirlisnoone
If you don't put the covers on the ghosts of your dead relatives will watch you
CopperWench
See MBMBAM for reference
Gingrvitis
As a man who sweats profusely...swamp ass is a bitch. I'm just to lazy too move afterwards and lay in my own self pity...and jizz.
nomon
I feel your moist pain
drGrafenberg
...who don't get wet?
Lookmanobrain
under the covers is a must if you have a noisy vibrator...
[deleted]
[deleted]
noxdracoria
That's how it is for me too, just rubbing one out quick is not messy, but I know some ladies that have to work a lot harder to get off
KlaatuBaradaMumbleMumble
I... have to put a towel down every time. No penetration at all, but my vag makes copious amounts of lubricant any time aroused.
PuppyDontCare
....or are already wearing a pad? ...or are fast enough?
drGrafenberg
So many questions!
HoliBug
Methinks thou dost not comprehend gravity, my good sir/madam.
PuppyDontCare
If you were right then every woman would leave a red stain every month every night during period.
NachosFlandersStyle
I don't produce any noticeable wetness when I masturbate. Not an issue at all about sheets/covers.
plainwhitesarah
I do. Every damn time.
Repiglican
We do...
FFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK
Go on...
twofortuesdays
see, the username makes it better and worse.
drGrafenberg
Clit only?
NachosFlandersStyle
Yeah, more or less. My vagina doesn't do a lot for me.
Clitastrophe
Luuuuuuckyyyy. I have the opposite problem, way too much.
BangForTheBuck
That's the best problem
ASongOfPissAndFarts
I know right! I wear my batman costume to masturbate in front of my neighbors sprinkler at 3:32am every third Tuesday of the month.
BreoganHackett
Igetthatrefference.gif
HalfJudPrince
Does a cat also interrupt you?
pixieinflight
I knew it!
LaBotte
Note to self, turn off the sprinklers system tomorrow night....
JudgementalPepper
I wonder if some legend out there actually does this as a lonely contribution to imgur, and we'll never know about it.
LaBotte
I bet some already done it.... and they have post it .. but no one will ever believe them and we'll all assume it was just a reference joke.
JudgementalPepper
Imagine the news headlines if he got arrested.
firedove
As a girl, I spread my legs open to fap. Sometimes my cat lays between said legs and curls up. No kitty, no!
MosDeaf
and puurs
Kyuubles
I'm surprised/disappointed by the lack of creative pussy jokes that could have been replies to this.
OhDearFantine
I relate to this ... oh kittie you make me feel dirty :(
thebakerstreetirregular
stroking your pussy, when your pussy wants to be stroked.
Blanxmarx
Kittyception
hetriedtokillmewithaforklift
"Smells like dinner!"
xprimed
In the same thought, thankfully McDonald's discontinued "fish McBites"
SteveHarringtonBabysittingServices
My dog will watch the porn too. It’s like why dog why?!
youhavemail
Do you want a wet cat
jmartkdr
You can't play with your kitty and your pussy at the same time...
LanieCakes
Yuuup. I hate it when mines does that to me too.
Nadodan
Well in that case just pet your pussy till they get off
IMissYourMusk
If it was possible, I would give you all of my Internet points.
Evyreid
You win
123somethingcreative123
Double the pun, double the fun!
AsYooouWiiish
Sometimes? Mine does it everytime, but wants nothing to do with me any other time. Fuzzy Bastard.
Parafairy
I have to kick kitty out of the room for that now.
Whty706
Yes kitty, yes..?
Vanteyo
My cat decides to sit on my chest and stare into my soul. Any mood I'm in dies.
newyorknyc
That's my potpie!!
BobotheButtClown
Was hoping for a 'two pussies between your legs' joke. Was disappointed.
chubito33
To be fair. ..I would probably do the same
TattooedWife
I chase mine away with my wand
FilmMagician
Your cat is a lucky man
frumpster
Theres a pussy joke here I just know it
ButterfaceTaintClown
Then it purrs.
TheRicM
You should write for those sexy novels
CliffWestern
Jesus! Don't you people ever close doors!
KillingTheJoke1
Cats wouldn't do that. I'm going to have to review your evidence
Tempro43
Username seems appropriate
IDontGetThings
Did you say that because of your username or were you being serious
KillingTheJoke1
Did you say that because of your username or were you being serious
IDontGetThings
Honestly I forgot I was logged into this account but it worked out quite nicely
IDontGetThings
...unless you were being serious. Were you?
graehall
I had a girl over once, she was comfortable lying naked in my bed after a fun night. Aishka walks right up to her, and starts sniffing her v
KillingTheJoke1
Aishka was his sister
graehall
More likely her sister, based on my history. My shameless sexy history.
chaosdagger
I was once having sex with my girlfriend after we got a new kitten. Thing sneaked up behind me and licked my coin-purse mid-thrust!O.O
bentwrenches
I recently had a pit bull stuck his nose in my butthole mid thrust.
kawaiibrah
Today on Things I Wish I Hadnt Read: Chaosdagger gets genitals licked by cat
CanadianOneDollarCoin
+1 for coin purse
becausebugeye
Oh, I know the feels, that wasn't a fun day
supraman21
Well did it feel good or what?
chaosdagger
Actually it scared me half-to-death...
Widget88
Were you all like
ThatMomentWhenImgurJokesAreOnlyFunnyToImgurians
Naw he was like
WoodlandMel
I laughed too hard at that
graehall
Hah, I remember she made a joke about pusssy sniffing pussy. I never saw her again though. Man I'd forgotten that whole thing.
ThatMomentWhenImgurJokesAreOnlyFunnyToImgurians
like how you casually name your cat
Canoeinmypocket
In my head, Aishka's not the name of your cat, but that of your foreign roommate.
serenityred
My cat bites my neck when I moan
TheBioluminescence
Wat
heartinlandslide
I am 103% certain that is someone's fetish somewhere on the internet.
Mystic5523
STOP TELLING MY SECRETS TO THE INTERNET!!! :'(
Mylovelyladylumps
Same!! Too hot to close the door so leave it cracked damn cat comes in
notme222
Lousy cat, you're totally blocking the camera!
triflersNeedNot
Mine will rub their heads up against the end of the Hitachi. No thanks Kitty, I got this, I do not need your assistance.
triflersNeedNot
Since this is blowing up:I have been married 10 years and I am using the same Hitachi I got 2 boyfriends before I met my husband. Go Hitachi
VodkaReindeer
Did you know that Hitachi was really upset about its brand being associated with sex toys.
WittyAttemptAtAUsername
Yeah, they make hard drives too, guys...
triflersNeedNot
Stop being so fuckable Hitachi.
fleXbad
http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8464/8346357329_636da89abd.jpg
Moefassa
Being a Japanese company, I'm sure they sort of had to say that. But trust me: when they see their sales numbers, they don't give a fuck.
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
Is it easier to spot your name on a list as a Japanese person V and American person? You know since they can only see a select few names.-.-
Xist3nce
I'm trying to decipher this, what did you mean here?
LaBotte
As a male.. WTF is a Hitachi... **google images** Oh, I see ... http://imgur.com/8oId15Y
BluHaze
They insert the whole thing down to the cord.
LaBotte
I would normally say I will need proof but ... for this, I'll search my science references myself later. Thanks.
Looovebythemooon
I like to freak my cats out with my hitachi magic wand. Then they leave me alone ;)
HoliBug
Or doubles the awkwardness by kneading on your thigh and doing the kitty stare of this-is-serious-business-right-meow.
Jennalele
My cat will curl up,at first, then notice the movement and pounce my hand, and then to really kill things, crawl under the sheets squirming.
muffleupagus
Or starts cleaning itself.
ImgurnariumOfDoctorGiraffus
"Jealous?"
HoliBug
Bruhbeans
Please stop
IDontKnowHowToHuman
...or does it not matter as long as it's all up in you face?
HoliBug
Now that is a massive set of ginger bells! LoL I think you should have replied to 'ThirdCharm', though.
IDontKnowHowToHuman
Do you prefer pussy to be hairy![]()
Yodaloid
oh god