JustAnAbidingDude
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Confession: Just because I'm a guy doesn't automatically mean I'm down for sex at any given moment. Maybe it's because I'm a programmer and spend all day in my own head. Whatever the reason, I'm rarely ready for a spontaneous offer for sex.
I realize most guys are gonna read this and think "you're crazy, I'm ready to go all the time". I was like that in my 20s, I guess, but at 35, not so much. These days if my wife asks for sex out of nowhere I'm like, "...err, I was just about to fix that leak under the sink."
Other people will read this and think "what an asshole, I *wish* my SO wanted sex of any kind. Trust me, I know how you feel, I've been there, too. It's miserable and lonely and my heart goes out to you.
Still others will say, "yeah, this is common sense, no real confession here." I disagree. In our society (well, US society), from everything to books to movies to TV, there's an expectation that men should be ready to go at any moment.
Anyway, so that's my confession. I'm not a testosterone torqued vag slayer. I mean, I am, you just gotta warm up the engine a bit, unlike most guys.
ragin2cajun
I had to explain it to my wife this way: Physiologically men are always ready, but if you want us to really enjoy it, we need foreplay too.
mountainofpuppies
i'm in my 20's and i've never wanted anything spontaneous, i need at least a bit of cuddling/while etc to get in the mood
Litebrite78
I am 38 and had this same conversation with my wife. So you are not alone @op
rd1652
Try explaining that to my wife.
SwankyPotato
+1 for testosterone torqued vag slayer
rogerWillCo90
I know this feeling and in only 26. Wife is pregnant and we go to bed and she is talking about her back pain and heartburn and stuff then 1
rogerWillCo90
2 jumps right into asking for sex and I just can't. She is too tired for foreplay and I am in sympathy support mode, not sex. It sucks
rassingpedersen
You know what, i agree with you.. "in the mood" is not a constant for men.. please understand this girls..
Jarmake
Yeah, I know what you mean. I need something to get in the mood too, like my wife accidentally touching my peepee while turning sides at bed
Vectorman2
That's seriously all it takes! Doesn't seem like it would be that hard for them to figure out
lavendermilk
As a girl, I understand that: I'm not as ready at 28 as at 18. However, I'd love to seduce my BF. I want to fondle that softness!
Neondragon4
I'm with you there, @OP. After a while, you don't have the urge to fuck everything with hole.
OutdoorHuman
Testosterone torqued vag slayer. Now that's one for a bumper sticker
Cptmike
it's hard to get yelled at and deal with your SO and still find them attractive. I wouldnt know but ive heard rumors
Hoagiefest
totally normal. like u said society constructs the idea that men always wanna bang. believe it or not most people don't wanna have sex 24/7.
CuriousInIndy
Preach!
TotallyNotAnAlt
This isn't as uncommon as you'd think.
Vectorman2
It's not uncommon, it's just never talked about seriously
LesLesVegetables
Vag Slayer. This should be a parody band of Slayer.
hats4bats
My SO us the same way, so we prepare. If I'm in the mood, I inform him and see if he feels up for foreplay. If not, I excuse myself... 1/2
JustAnAbidingDude
I've found that maybe getting a subtle hint throughout the day helps, instead of just hey wanna fuck
hats4bats
And fix my own problem. Foreplay is me getting him going. It's easy if he's in the mind to get that way. if not, I get nothing.
bunnyrut
um, foreplay? you may not be in the mood right now, but some foreplay would get you there.
PolishPancakeWithCanadianMapleSyrup
Agreed! Does no one on this site know what foreplay is?!
JustAnAbidingDude
Well that's a bit of the point, isn't it. I'm saying that instead of just "hey, want sex", some men like to be revved up, too.
PolishPancakeWithCanadianMapleSyrup
It didn't even occur to me that people have sex without mutual foreplay. I couldnt even imagine having sex so dry and limp! LOL
fake1user
Crap, I'm 61. I need three weeks notice and medication.
watersslady
SereniteeF
At times I wish I could give many upvotes in direct correlation to my laughter.. sadly I have but one to give and it is yours.
polkadotnurse
RagingButtholeDemon
I know them feels @OP. Sometimes I forget to jack off, and when I do I sometimes lose the mood. Programmer here as well
JustAnAbidingDude
Tbh after a long day of working on really complex shit sex is sometimes the last thing on my mind, if at all
newworldtraveller
Samesies. Just got into an argument the other day and got called ridiculous for wanting romance and passion & not just being a human dildo.
RobertEmmet
I'm sorry that happened. Fights are so awful; we say the shittiest things to each other in defensive moments.
newworldtraveller
Thank you for the sentiment.
newworldtraveller
Definitely. It was something like a 3-4 hour argument, me telling her what I needed, her telling me what she wants... Exhausting.
Adiktedgottaregisternow
I need to meet guys like you.
arewevenom
I've faked cumming so I can just go to bed and to make her feel better...
RobertEmmet
http://imgur.com/cBUcuHV
nsfwlifestyle
I have that issue as well. I'm trapped in my head all the time. It sucks. I've talked to my So and she gets it and gets me going.
JustAnAbidingDude
Communication is key for this sort of thing I've found
FrancoUnAmerican
Communications AND her getting you go is good ( wha'Ts the term for pre-sex fun ? Preliminaries ? )
Cptmike
i tell her "
DynamicWeight
Foreplay.
FrancoUnAmerican
thanks I really tried to remember.. now I feel uneducated and a bit dumb :P
DynamicWeight
It happens to me all the time. And I am very undumb. ;)
PokoOnoandtheJamJams
I'm 31. I couldn't get hard the first time I tried to bang a recent date. I actually stopped and thought "so this is ED" for a moment
RobertEmmet
I had that the FIRST time I tried to have sex. I was 19, but I was so in my head and stressed out, it just wouldn't get there.
JustAnAbidingDude
Yep, have had that once, too. Was clearly stress related but still freaked me the fuck out.
Adiktedgottaregisternow
As a girl who loves long foreplay, that's cool.
missleadinginiformation
Not when it goes soft within 5 minutes when you start the action
Saranghae89
If it keeps happening tell your Dr. They'll give you something for that
missleadinginiformation
Sure but its not great when you then have to time sex. Definitely not sexy when you are in your 20s
Saranghae89
Not great when you can't perform period. Friends bf takes something a few hours before nighttime. Has helped a lot. Before he had bad ED
missleadinginiformation
Before bed? I only take these over the counter pills but only like an hour before sex. What is it called?
Saranghae89
Think it's levitra. An erection won't occur until sexual stimulation occurs. My understanding he takes it about 3-4 hours before bed
outlawjosey
The brain is the real sex organ.
CorneliusCornwall
*thinks sexy thoughts*
JustAnAbidingDude
No truer words
BrightStarEm
I think my SO is the same way, when i try and flirt he gets noticebly nervous, idk how to accomplish it subtly.
TheSneaky
Underrated comment of the day.
SonicBoomYourFamily
On you, maybe.
SonicBoomYourFamily
Jesus, no love for a Big Lebowski quote used in context! What is this place coming to?
thatpatguy
So... I should lick her brain?
UncleGus
Lick her right in the brain.
outlawjosey
Do the alphabet, makes them crazy
thatpatguy
outlawjosey
Nailed it!
tinybartender
I always wondered if zombies are really just horny.
bachnessmonsta
WELL FUCK EVERYONE WHO GETS THEIR IDEAS AND MORALITY FROM POP CULTURE IM YELLING
RosegoldEverything
1) Chill. 2) It's really not unreasonable for people to form ideas based on popular culture. It's extremely natural to do so, really.
RosegoldEverything
Whether it's beneficial or not is another question, of course.
LeahShine88
outlawjosey
Keep it down, bro. It's early.
bachnessmonsta
ᵒᵏ
outlawjosey
thanks
JesusCrossProduct
Why would I get my idea and morality from pop culture you're yelling?
Oleur
I WISH I COULD.
aidslord
I agree with you but like that's kinda he point of pop culture??? Haven't you ever wondered why cartoons are so ideology charged?
meatmcchubby
Agitates me to no end to hear, "Men are like microwaves and women are like crock pots."
Vectorman2
Even that would be true if women realized that a microwave wont work unless you TURN IT ON FIRST!
gdubh
Or just push the right buttons.
RobertEmmet
Yeah, that's a super reductive and shitty simile. Nobody's an object.
RobertEmmet
What the fuck? I'm at -2?? I was agreeing with them!
midd1eearth
Sorry bro. Such is imgur
RosegoldEverything
You contradicted yourself while being offended. If it's a simile, they're not being called objects, they're being /compared to/ objects.
RobertEmmet
I never said that they are being called objects. I didn't contradict myself. I just said that it's an unproductive expression and that
RobertEmmet
nobody's an object.
RosegoldEverything
Unproductive, perhaps, I think I agree. The inclusion of the irrelevant bit about objects was a throw-off.
Affray
Women are big and full of hot meats and men make everything taste weird?
peridotite
They make everything hot on the outside and cold on the inside?
CorneliusCornwall
Well I do emit radiation.
PoweredbyOSengine
You should probably get that checked.
CorneliusCornwall
Nah. I'm a human night light! My bones hurt
PoweredbyOSengine
If I had it, I would link a pic of the glowing Mr. Burns.
Mirisido
So men get used until they fail and women are given as gifts then sit on a shelf told, "I'll use it one day"?
AJMansfield
I don't know what kind of cooking you do, but I use my crock pot at least every other week.
meatmcchubby
It means men are ready to go at the push of a button and done in minutes but women are slow to start and take a long time.
Affray
I think they are referencing the bit about crock pots being put away and never used. This is about food now, as all things should be.
WaitWhatPleaseDont
I use my crook pot at least twice a week, but I'm gay. I don't remeber where I was going with this...
InsertPotatoHere
I'm not gay and I still use mine a ton as a college student. Throw shit in before classes and eat when I'm home. Cheaper than eating out.
Affray
Maybe you just haven't discovered something about yourself yet. You already have an aversion to eating out...
InsertPotatoHere
While I do like your wordplay, I quite enjoy eating out in both senses. Unfortunately, it's quite expensive... In both senses :)
Evilgojiberries
Goji is 25. Goji has those days. Goji also has days where Goji could fuck a vacuum cleaner if it looked at Goji right. Thank you for sharing
Idkimadeanaccountjustforthis
You actually made me lol. I completely understand..damn sexy vacuum cleaners.
JustAnAbidingDude
I call my vacuum "Linda"
LordNoodles
Oh I thought that was the dishwasher
lnboxMeYourPUGS
@LindaDee
WhatzitTooya
She's not going to answer, she's busy fighting ISIS.