Serious question, imgur.

13blackbirds

5011

For those few in user sub who will see this, I have a serious question for you. (And a few pictures of animals in hats to keep your attention!)

I've been in a long-distance relationship, quite happily, for almost a year. My boyfriend and I are open and honest with each other, and we see each other as often as we can. When we see each other, we talk about literature, cats, puns, films, and are generally very silly with each other. He's in New York and I'm in Germany, so it's quite a trek, but worth it.

Today we were talking, and the topic of sex came up. To be frank (the squeamish may look away now), we discussed masturbation and how we fulfill ourselves while away from each other. It came up in conversation that, while masturbating, he fantasises about other women, including his female friends.

As a woman who has been cheated on before, this really, really bothers me. I understand fully that this is how men tend to work -- I mean, I'm glad he has a healthy libido -- and I know that he will never act on these urges, as we completely trust each other. However, the question I have is -- is this normal? I never fantasise about people other than my boyfriend; guys (and girls!), is it normal to fantasise about people you know even while in a sexually healthy relationship? It just makes me feel like I'm not enough, and makes me sad.

Thanks for your attention, and in advance, thanks for your answers! (I included a kitty in case snakes aren't your thing.)

beingapainiskindofmything

I'd say it's about as normal as watching porn in a relationship

12 years ago |

OMGFINALLY

absolutely and completely normal. More unusual to NOT do it. It means nothing about you or the relationship.

petranamib

It's completely normal to do so or not as you both do.

whaticallhilarious

With all the snakes, i thought you were going to end the whole "We're in a long distance relationship" summary with "we are both snakes" lol

LaddRusso

It's normal...but telling you was a rookie mistake :P

jademachine

It may be "normal" but it doesn't mean you should not feel upset about it.Knowing they get off to someone else is never a happy thought

Hi everyone! Thanks for all the comments :) I am actually 23 years old and have had a number of long-term relationships before, just never -

- with such an overly-honest guy before. It was news to me! Thanks again for all the thoughts, you guys rock.

Imactuallyblack

So I read your problem and I'm no expert but I think it varies from person to person. But on the real, Those snakes in hats are fuckin sweet

MeanWinchester

all I'll say is, & this may not be what you want to hear but, long distance relationships are a HUGE toll to maintain, move closer or end it

TinyboxTim

It's good he can open up to you like that but he should think about what he's saying. Common problem amongst us men

IRideUnicornsNakedInPublic

It's normal. :)

whtrchr

Completely normal.

Boog65

Well it's a good thing he told you because he is being honest. Also it is very normal and I would not worry about it.

stepbackbud

totally normal

emzillaahh

As long as you trust him, then I wouldn't worry about it. It'll only add unneeded poison.

ohcats

9/10 pretty sure that second snake has a mustache.

atimeforeeverything

I don't like the idea of my wife thinking of other men in that way, so why should she tolerate me doing it?

This made me smile. Thank you!

rue42

Its normal to think about other people, but the fact that he was insensitive enough to tell you is a huge red flag.

Everyonesfavorite

sometimes people can be overly honest, it's not a crime :-)

lurkerface

Completely normal. I'd actually be worried more if he tried to convince you that you are all he thinks about it would hurt that trust thing.

Mas84

What is masturbate?

jaijaikali

Its when you club baby seals.

Why would you want your boyfriend to think about you when clubbing seals?

Just asked husband if he thinks of other women while he is having sex with me. He smiles and says, "I'm not answering that question."

twounicorn

You shouldn't judge a person's likeliness to cheat by what they masturbate to. It's a personal preference, and everyone does their thing

Ja, ja, ja. Es ist doch normal!

stillcleaning

Perfectly normal. Healthy in fact, you should broaden your fantasies a bit of you are comfortable with trying.

Your boyfriend might be an idiot for telling you, but its totally normal for anyone, guy or girl.

unbeardedbanana

I would have thought though that it kinda stops when you're in a relationship?

DavidAmazing

During the honeymoon phase it does, but ive never heard of it lasting before

Maybe in one where you get to see the person on a regular basis. And if youre older. 17 year olds are incapable of mental monogamy.

Hell, I'm 24 and I'm incapable of mental monogamy. Sex and love are two different things that happen to overlap.

Ok, I like to think it stops. This story does kind of sound like it was written by someone very young/new to it.

For sure. I'm single now, but ive been in long relationships before and it does die down.

Good to hear, it's reassuring :P

jcoreyelmore

First off, congrats on finding somebody that's placing a premium on honesty with you when it comes to their wants/needs/fantasies. That 1/?

is something that is not super common at the start of any relationship, let alone a long-distance one (where fidelity/honesty is less 2/?

likely to be checked up on.) Now, I'm sure that this will probably strike you as odd, but I'm engaged and in a polyamorous relationship. 3/?

My fiancee and I are fully intending on spending the rest of our lives together, but we also are ok with each of us having sex and/or 4/?

relationships with other people. First of all, the most important component of that sort of relationship, or any relationship for that 5/?

matter is that we are open and honest with each other. She's bi and likes quite a few things that I'm not into when it comes to hetero 6/?

Comments (64)