I'm in far deeper than what I can handle

As the picture says. A story about my feelings and love.
PS. The girl in the picture is not related to this.

So a little over 7 months ago I started talking to this girl that lives about 40 minutes away with a car. It was first just supposed to be me photographing her as I was learning photography. But I never got around to it an we talked from time to time. About 2 months ago she lost her best friend and girlfriend (She is Pan, don't judge). We started talking and about a month ago we started getting more intimate and cute with each other. I finally built the courage to go see her. And spent the night there. I'm 17, a virgin and pretty awkward normally. The night I got there I barley even touched her and we talked allot. But the morning after I actually cuddled with her. And for me that's a big step. And I knew that morning I had really strong feelings for her. Which is new for me.

And it's new cause i've been an emotional wreck for the last 2 years since my dad passed away in cancer and these feelings are new to me.

So there I am, in bed with a girl I really like and I really don't want to get up. Cause that meant I had to get ready to leave that day. And I really didn't want to. I didn't want to get on the train on my way home to a borderline alcoholic mom and a step dad that's an asshole. I wanted to stay in that bed forever with her. And now I can't stop thinking about her. I don't know what her feelings are towards me but I can guess she doesn't feel the same. cause that's just my luck. So now she has invited me to her new years eve party and I wanna go, cause I get to see her. But i've never been really drunk in my life and I don't wanna make a mistake cause of the booze. But I can say one thing for certain, I love this girl and I'm to much of a chicken shit to tell her cause it might scare her away.

Questions and tips are more than welcome.