potatowizard1
55482
2824
68
Jun 25, 2016 10:51 PM
potatowizard1
55482
2824
68
BumpusMcPhumpusAngeletes
A recent one from my game. "I don't care if it's a frosty Minotaur, it's not immune to cold"
UndurDanSters
DM: The door wont open. Druid: I awaken the door, and threaten it with fire until it opens.
WhowasJesus
My DM said there was a sticky slimey goo on the wall... "I lick it" rogue
ShouldersDeepInAHorse
"No, You can't equip your staff with a frying pan on the other end."
Vadar217
#5 "don't be silly, of course not a HUMAN woman! We have 600 genders, not 3."
squidnib879
I'm playing a necromancer who makes bone puns. Dm makes me roll performance for everyone's reaction
malekdeneith
Wall of Horses? Dunno about D&D but it sounds like something that'd fit in MtG ;P
EliteCore
#12
ScruffyBlackTemplar
Heresy? Heresy where!? WHERE'S HERESY!?! HERESY?!?! HEERRRRESSSSYYYYY!!!!!
DeathToHeretics
DID SOMEBODY SAY HERESY?!
Angaram
"Sir, I don't care if it taste like strawberries, please stop eating the monster."
Phazonite
I love D&D. I wish I could find a group that actually gave a shit and wanted to really play more than once an eternity
MyLuggageAteMyHomework
+1 for horceror
ChiefSokka
One from my personal campaign "Should we strip them?" "I assume you already had"
WarpedSpeedo
MyLuggageAteMyHomework
"I roll to give the mayor a blow job." *rolls 20*. True story. Player was a dude
GoldenFireHawk
One of my favorites from the game I DM for: "I'd like to seduce the tree."
DrWolvesbane
"Can I cutting words the door?" "Sure" "Your mother was a yew and your dad an oak" *The door swings open in shock.
DrWolvesbane
"With my strength of 4, I attempt to lift the latch!" *Nat 1* "Your wrists snap and the latch sits firm"
TheVakarian
I'm in a game where one of the women in the party fucked an owlbear.
MrShifty
I have a twitter feed where I have a lot of similar out-of-context game quotes: https://twitter.com/TheGameTable/
CaptSlowShow
"No Bryan, you can't carbon date your enemies."
UrsaUrsa
xD
sundayturkey
#8 is 100 goddamn percent a campaign i've been in. Plot critical npcs died to fumbles. Monsters died accidentally. We took credit and ran.
berzuh
#2 sounds like the quote of some guy who is about to sacrifice himself to save other people
wylantar
I don't know if im so giggly because it's 4am or what but I laughed at almost all of these
WhyWasentThisTakenYet
"The beam slices open the roof and a bunch of gold falls around you, in a kind of golden shower"
shadowfox
*Player necromancer looks at huge structure, then the dm, then at his sheet* How much do I have in climb...?
YouWontLikeMeWhenImTriggered
I can literally hear all of these things being said by my DM +1
ZOMGod42
We were in a dungeon fighting a small horde of undead children: "We're fighting a diddler! A necro diddler! Diddlemancer?"
TheThingsTheyCarried
Angaram
"I take off my clothes to confuse the enemy!"
Virtuoso
"What was it like being turned to stone?" "Well... at first I was afraid..." - Felonius the Monk.
UrsaUrsa
Thanks for the genuine laugh :'D
Virtuoso
I got told off by the DM for breaking up the serious atmosphere. No regrets!
UrsaUrsa
Every party I've played with had a relaxed atmosphere and many comic relief moments :) And I wouldn't want it any other way :D
DocVolt
I never played D&D nor I do know the rules but I still find these hilarious. How do I start playing?
THEdrakespirit
find a flgs (friendly local game store) and they might be able to set you up
SonicDH
Finding a group is the hardest part.
jadespider
finding A group isn't too hard. finding a group that shares your playstyle is harder..
Doublegood
It's easier if you dm. Then it's just a matter of grouping people who mesh.
comacomacomacomachameleon
Remember: it's only as fun as the group you play with, and what your DM will allow.
EchoTempo
Too true, most things i do are improv and thankfully my DM enjoys it, otherwise i'd have a lot more dead characters.
o11c
In particular, it is *not* about the dice.
Threatonis
Start by watching critical role for alike an episode or 2, then go to any local gameshop and pick up the players hand book, also /r/LFG
Veldareth
If you're European or an American who can play during EU evenings - find a couple of others and I'll DM for ya.
dunedog
There are two rules: 1. The GM is God. 2. If there is any confusion, see rule 1.
Gaidenninjacat
In actuality the D&D community has Rule 0: The GM is ALWAYS right. That being said, if your GM is a dick hes a bad GM and you need a new one
necrontyr525
rule 0.5: have FUN!
Gaidenninjacat
Well its not a rule, D&D is a game, So if everyone isnt having fun its not really a game is it? Thats the truth behind having fun.
Shepsus
1/ I would honestly start with the board game "Zombiecide" it is D&D light, as it has maps and story for you. If your friends enjoy it, look
Shepsus
2/ into buying some of the D&D books and create your own characters.
baduhenna
Find a D&D Adventurers group near you. Google that actually, seriously.
CorneliusBreadington
I'm a local coordinator for D&D Adventurers League. Call your local game stores to see if they support AL play!
BumpusMcPhumpusAngeletes
Check out roll20.com, there are plenty of groups looking for new players and you can specify ones the welcome people who are new to the game
Nobahdi
And then give up once the 4-5 slots are filled by the 50-60 people looking to join.
BumpusMcPhumpusAngeletes
Nah, you just gotta keep trying. I've only had that happen like, once
Thetacobelcanon
Roll20.net
RalphBrandsma
.
KharnApproves
.
samvimesbootstheory
.
Pootisborn
roll420.blazit
401klurker
.
BumpusMcPhumpusAngeletes
Thanks, my bad
Tellagraff
There is an app that can help you find groups. Its called Meetup. The group I used in Pasadena was called the Pasadena D&D Meetup.
Tellagraff
Game shops will sometimes have GameDays where you can join a table playing.
KevinMilligan
Get some friends first
HailStan
I want to try and make one on Roll20.net maybe you can join?
hanzvondoom
Do you live Vancouver?
Ifavouriteanimalgifs
Omg do you have a group in Vancouver?
hanzvondoom
I do yes, we play on 4th at drexol games
Ifavouriteanimalgifs
That's super awesome.
brettma
Not you
Ifavouriteanimalgifs
Oh :c okay
Fairdinkums
Lmao. Savage
IFUCKEVERYTHING
Bravo
Aathole
God how awesome would it be if we started one of those " where are you from" threads. But at the end instead of just seeing who is near you1
Aathole
You have found a dnd group
Mtmerrick
I am going to start this thread when I get home.
pickleddinos
Keep us posted
Aathole
I hope you do start this thread
cliM001
Wait can u play online?? Like over messaging or Skype? Is that a thing?
FallingTowardtheSky
Yes, on https://roll20.net/
SuperiorPosterior
"Don't worry guys, I read a book once!" "You now know that there's a road leading to a chaos temple that is paved so it spells out 1/2
SuperiorPosterior
2/2 'Illiana is a dumb doo-doo head.' There's also a small path to Queen's Grace just East of where you are. Congratulations."
ScruffyBlackTemplar
"dumb doo-doo head" hmmm? http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/855/340/23b.jpg
chopper35
i attacked a red dragon with my broadsword. i rolled a crit and it bounced off of it. i was new to dnd at the time and they didn't 1/
chopper35
tell me red dragons were immune to physical damage. i panicked, and jumped off the bridge we were fighting on, and fell 100 ft into a 2/
chopper35
ravine. after they left the fight and went into town to prepare for an invasion, it was revealed that i survived the jump and washed 3/
chopper35
ashore just outside the village. i had plate armor on, so it took all the fall damage. before i healed, i took out 6 invaders and 4/
chopper35
killed a manticore. then my team mate saw me, and blew my cover. the enemy (the infinit) thought i was dead, but after he blew my cover 5/
chopper35
they all turned their attention to me. luckily, after they knocked me out, i was too heavy for anyone to lift. they couldn't 6/