wisearse
91582
2886
48
Sep 6, 2020 10:39 AM
wisearse
91582
2886
48
waterdragun
At least once
EedDaPooPoo
My best friend when I told him my wife was pregnant: "You've provably had sex at least once. Or, at least someone has."
unhelpfulrobot
The look that says you manage a small appliance store by day and you're the cream of the crop by night...
Northernwest
You mean "prove your WIFE had sex"
InternetExplorer2001
Damn dude +1
belseykran
@jro2244
Copperbrat
Nothing says "pops" like a shirt tucked into your chorts.
TheElusiveEnchilada
I think they are called "fuck trophies."
WaffleBrat
I prefer cum pets
Seethreepeeoh
It's also about puns. Continuous unabating puns and wordplay.
theeAndikrist
He had the bod before the baby.
youcann
+1 for raske briller
ciscoxing626
You all may not have free healthcare but those rooms are holiday inn all the way!!!
Neoeon
I see you have a sex trophy. Congratz on the sex.
bigsasimo
dkwspecial1
If this bro wasn't twice my size I'd swear he robbed my closet.
sevrono
I would use a papoose because I hate having to carry things, I'd rather wear them
OneUpperSteve
A baby proves your wife had sex. A paternity test with that baby proves you had sex.
Kbantar
It proves your sperm was used. It doesn't necessarily have to been used by the conventional method. (Turkey basters exist.)
OneUpperSteve
True, I tried to write a better worded post. I ran out a room, retyped, closed my eyes then hit send.
sombrerohorsewagon
phoenixforce75
Love the cargoes. They never go out of fashion no matter what your kids will tell you.
TwoBitGreaser
New Balance, tite
ALovelyTime
I just time-travelled to 2006 which is the last time I heard someone say “tight”. It was glorious, so careless and free. Thank you.
Fargus57
I like NB shoes. They are the most comfortable shoes right out of the box with no break-in needed that I own. Nikes/Adidas are the worst.
RisingSol
Awwww shit. He got them white New Balance.
alittlekinkinthenuts
KentheP
I always knew Will Riker was going for it.
Sta365
This is excellent
Thisnamethingisdifficult
Doesn’t prove the dad had sex at all.
SavagePatchKids
Just ask Joseph
YayItsMillerTime
My neighbor's wife seems to wanna put my religion to the test, just sayin
wisearse
That maybe so, but holy shit. Not everything you see in memes or jokes is 100% fact. Don’t take life too seriously. Calm down.
DeanSledgehammer
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jVKwd4Cs4tg
rlopez2431415
Ummm woosh?
KnotsAreMySpecialty
Oh man ive been going to "fuck myself" at the behest of internet strangers for years thinking I had to! Thanks for freeing me
AllAroundSad
That maybe so, but holy shit. Not everything you see in the comment section is 100% serious. Calm down.
Thisnamethingisdifficult
Calmer than you.
idklolwut12
Also now you get to determine the thermostat setting and no one is allowed to argue because youre the Dad
DREAM88RUNNER
I'd just have sex with him cause of that Bod
hoopsnek
those glasses are next fucking level
bg562
Idk pit viper are pretty disgusting imo.
VonKripplespac
Pit Vipers, Mac69 would approve.
ssss11
anyofmany
even better those glasses are next level since the 80s
pxlphile
PatternsinChaos
That's some hitman hart level confidence
jjw9
Hell yeah ... “kill it!”
BaBaDuuk
Hi next level, this is dad
MrCoolWhip
You can only wear them as a dad tho otherwise all the ladies would be too wet
NotSingleCatLady
Oakley does a Sutro frame that is next level from those even
Phearing
https://www.yeahhhtheboys.com/collections/yeahhh-the-boys-gears/products/macho-mans
Wales4
Very macho man esq
STGxDante
I think they are heatwave
Thormaehlin
Heatwave Visual makes a similar pair.
laton
Baby should have a pair also
KetchupCatsup
Something Bret the hitman Hart would give out.
cardboardwhales
It proves he had sex
Targe0
They are Proof he also maintained eye contact and now has Dominance.
CPatricoo
Theyre how you get the sex in the first place
FloodingWaters
The baby proves he *had* sex. Those shades are proof he will again!
InternetExplorer2001
Every man receives a pair of new balance shoes when they turn 35.
md22mdrx
Oh gawd no. Worst shoes I’ve ever owned! I’ll take Keen any day over New Balance for everyday wear.
LongtimeLurkerFirsTimePoster
Buying in widths IS nice tho!
OffendedSkeleton
I resemble this comment!
thenewteddy
what! I'm 35, nobody told me! (cries)
CaptainRedHat
Then we get a new pair and a pair of jeans shorts if we buy a Corvette
ReverendBeef
But they're so GD comfortable.
wickednoreaster
I've been wearing NB shoes for years, and I'm only 27 and don't have kids. They're not the white ones, though.
Orang3lazaru5
Holy shit...I actually got my first pair at 35.
notaninvestigator
Who do I call if I haven't received mine?
InternetExplorer2001
Your Congressman. Person. Congressperson.
astrangehop
... dammit, someone gave some to me.
TheSiskoIsOfBajor
Neither a father nor a male, and I've been wearing NB shoes since 14.
ssss11
I didn’t. But I’m real fuuuuuckin jealous rn.
FuckThatUsernameIsTaken
but do you have a child ? you must have that too for the shoes. But just buy the shoes yourself. Way less expensive
meauho
Neither did I but free shoes would be awesome
thebigsexyfrost0
Been waiting on mine for 11 months, this sum bullshit...
JoebraCommander
I had a pair, they wrecked my feet. Also old enough to remember when new balance was inexpensive and comfortable.
smidkid
Fuck that im 37 and still wear air max
7thor8thcaw
Also 37, also have some Airmax's, though my most comfortable shoes are Under Armours.
smidkid
Yea the under armour gear is good quality nowadays ill never be too old
needtwoknow
If they're good enough for NASCAR pit crews, they're good enough for me.
adamSparkleFurlong
Turning 35 next week...I'll be anxiously awaiting my kicks
WookieLapDance
I went back to wearing adidas shell toes.
PinPointSnarkuracy
Wait... where's mine?
Broccoliisbest
Someone literally gifted me a pair at 36. They're the black ones though.
jewnoguat
I’m looking forward to it next year then.
professionalConfirmologist
Nay, tis only thy fathers. Source: am 36.
MantisTobagganMD
Cool. I'm 28. That's about the time I'm gonna need a new pair of sneakers.
wisearse
Should get a fresh, crisp set with any purchase of ride on John Deere mower
DimwitF
To really make the fashion statement, swap those out with a pair of Tevas.
lifeisadadjoke
Suddenly I picture white shoes with grass stains.
cjmackenzie95
Got my first pair when I was 21, not a dad though
housebread
And thank god for that. Those fuckers know comfort and reliability
junglerat
35 here ... Where my pair of new balance!
frischcode
I didn't get mine until 37. And I think I prefer Rockports.
needtwoknow
frischcode
What? I like comfortable shoes.
ninjastyle
Played golf with my dad yesterday. He showed up rocking the white NB.
atjr630
And that gives us the power to grill like a boss.
BuyMeBonestormOrGoToHell
I'm doing it wrong then, I'm 51 and have black Asics.