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backet
they teach math in hogwarts, they need it to do the very basics of magic. no she's doing her hw, bam.
VinnyVinnVin
I lost it at "Can't opener". I always love these dumps
breakingcode
Also known as guy who just writes stuff and attributes it to his daughter.
Sheiryn
Damn kids have to grow up and stop being so innocently cute.
Fpt04
I don't think this dude is funny at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Doumdidoum
Do you laugh at jokes sometimes or do they irritate you?
EtidorhpaGanesh
How exactly does this guy make a living doing this?
dullgenericusername
Says in here that him and his wife both have regular jobs http://persona-magazine.com/2016/05/08/explodingunicorn
StephenBB81
My 7yr old got me Beer for fathers day "Mommy let's get daddy beer, it wont last long but he'll love it "
SecondaryAccount91
How many bloody kids does this guy have?
Cruxador
Four.
LurkingIntensifies
Cracking open a cold one with the boars.
WarDragon1984
#21: They did. Harry just never took it because it looked boring. Hermione loved it.
TemporaryUzername
r/thathappened
Terminology
For those wondering, he's a comedian and has already admitted he paraphrases, embellishes and flat out makes up a lot of these.
CloakerJosh
Calm down naysayers - Of course it's mostly embellishment, but isn't that just comedy? Light up, enjoy it.
18yearoldBlackDynamite
And then everyone on the train applauded
LadyBumps
Is it so wrong that I have similar, albeit made up by me, conversations with my cats?
Kaysmira
http://imgur.com/Pp5WcQv
LadyWidebottom
Your cats have been tweeting all about it.
LadyBumps
Explains that weird noise from under the bed. I hope.
mdzmdz
Probably just as real as those tweets
Ward666
About 21, they teach maths in hogwarts but for wizzard it's not the most important subject as they don't do science
jts1245
Math is very important for potions. If you don't get the portions right, bad things can happen.
Ward666
Yes #nothingtoadd
MissPammie
4yr old: "This is a disastrophe!" Because it was more than both a disaster and catastrophe that the computer game wouldn't load.
Acera
I too enjoy pretending my kids say things for followers on the internet.
isamario
During a walk a while ago, a young boy was riding a bike. I say in passing, "Wow, no training wheels?" He says "Yeah, it's cause I'm four".
MeanWinchester
Does he have five different children under 7? Or was this dump so long his children aged 2 years while I was reading it?
mdzmdz
http://www.psychologywizard.net/uploads/2/6/6/4/26640833/8529475_orig.gif
girafficdesign
https://i.giphy.com/3oz8xLd9DJq2l2VFtu.gif
geewhizzer
I think he's got 4 girls, one probably had a birthday recently?
MaxwellMurder87
Explains the birthday cake for breakfast
FISHFISHWICK
wanted to read these forever
fryedman
Strostkovy
Did he just upvote a fern?
fryedman
I guess i did
v
pillagebeforeyouburn
Hey big spender!
FISHFISHWICK
https://i2.wp.com/blogofdoom.com/wp-content/uploads/Terry_Funk_FOREVER-1.gif
ssbmjacks
yeah if you don't have a favorite color are you even a person?
JockMcSting
If you've only just made an account, can you even be that sassy?
ssbmjacks
lol i used to be @kurigoat
sticksosteel
You too can have weird, smaller versions of yourself if you procreate
girafficdesign
APenguinInATuxedo
No thanks. One if me is plenty
thewhifflingtit
Lame.
APenguinInATuxedo
Of
OTButler
They do teach maths at Hogwarts. It's called Arithmancy.
gubbstrut
Okay, you don't have to learn math if you know magic. Deal?
theloneponderer
I was thinking about fractions for potion recipes.
Eldibs
They don't teach even basic economics, though. http://www.hpmor.com/chapter/4
jimwormmaster
I had forgotten about that story, never read it, wanted to since Tropes mentions it so often. Marked!
HanFuckingSolo
... THIS IS amazing
CrimeThinker
I'm tired of it being treated like the Liberal Arts of magic.
LMeire
Well in fairness, Hermione knowing so much niche magic never seemed to come in handy for the plot. Also the fact the the MoM thought it was1
LMeire
more economic to give a child power over time rather than just reorganizing her day planner or something is pretty telling. 2
BronzeLeaguePro
Of their utter incompetency? Yes. If the goblins ever ally with the muggles for their next rebellion, the wizards are fucked.
JuanTea
You have to pick it though like Hermione did, well obv others did too but it wasn't mandatory like DADA
ermergerdwerrfers
Yeah it was an elective like Care Of Magical Creatures, muggle studies, ancient runes.
blinblambloo
If I were at hogwarts I would be studying ancient runes
disidi
I'd be all about potions and tinctures,just love the mad chemist vibe.
mikekearn
Hell yeah. Arithmancy and Ancient Runes sounded way better than CoMC. Of course, I also like calculus. I may not be the standard.
kenta89
What do wizards do before hogwarts? Like, how do they learn to read? Homeschooling?
pickledelephants
to be fair, as a muggle I knew how to read before I was ever in school.. it's not out of the relm of possibility that they learn at home.
dingofdong
But it also isn't out of the *realm of possibility that homeschooling isn't terribly reliable; sure some parents would be great, but as in <
dingofdong
> the muggle world, some parents are utter morons who shouldn't be put in charge of so much as a lemonade stand, let alone a child's <
dingofdong
> education. Given that everyone at Hogwarts seems to be able to read and write fairly well, I'd argue for the existence of some kind of <
dullgenericusername
I always wondered that. They must have non-compulsory wizarding primary schools/homeschooling or maybe muggle schools for basic literacy.
kenta89
Perhaps, but then the wizards should know alot more about muggles than they seem to.
AOCsUnshavenChode
i believe 10% of these
Momof2needsabreak
I have 2 daughters ages 5 and 7. This is completely believable. I have conversations like this all the time.
Irishda
My half sister used to respond to every question with "What do you want me to do? KILL MYSELF???" before busting out laughing
SomeThingsAboutKittyCats
Lol what? That's so weird
Irishda
That's why i believe ALL of these
osteofight
Yeah I can do this too. 3 year old: can I have some of your coffee? Me: no it's bad for you. 3: don't punish yourself
AOCsUnshavenChode
exactly. If kids were like this all the time, parents wouldn't complain so much about kids
TheWetLustyArgonianMaidRIP
They start out boring/annoying, then are fun from 5-11, then they become little cunts. Then you finally get rid of them at 18.... Hopefully.
DrSparken
Where is all the time implied? We see 6, 5, 4, 3, and 2-year old. What's more likely; 2-3 kids that have aged and thus this is a year+, 1/
DrSparken
or they actually had that many kids on such a regular basis? 2/2
morningxafter
That was adorable. Also damn those are some clever kids!
Vesane
I didn't even know that "virus" applied to humans until like year 9 or 10, and these kids raised even more on computers do?
ZOMGNO
He commented once on how much was real. He paraphrases and adds clarifying sentences a lot.
ZOMGNO
My tweets are a mix. Some are real, some are exaggerated, and some are made up. http://persona-magazine.com/2016/05/08/explodingunicorn/
untrugby
Which is a CYA, about 2 of those tweets are real, 4 exaggerated and the rest made up
Porecomesis
I think he's said some of them are made up entirely, some of them are inspired by OTHER kids, and some still are real. Hard to tell.
OptimisticDownvoteLover
He has many kids, 2,4,5,6 year olds...
imhoots
"Breakfast food"? "Breakfast food"? That negates anything clever.
dm6776
Yeah I wonder why all of them are comedic geniuses
Thearchitectofyourdemise
Kids can just be sassy wee cunts at times
dm6776
"at times" is the keyword. If one of my friends on fbook said that their kids said one of these things I would believe them, what I 1/2
Terminology
Sure, but he posts between 5 and 10 of these every single day. Kids say the darnest things, but not like that. Much of this is fake.
dm6776
Don't believe is that all of his kids are just sarcastic witty funny little shits on a daily basis.
ILikeUsernamesMakingFunOfNoMoreUsernamesBeingAvailable
I like how they have a pig for some reason, just around the house.
Diddyu
*naked pig
freddeStar
My family also has a pig around the house. Me. It's me. I'm big and a half.
Harkencur
Emergency rations.
fogosh
Future food
Eldibs
I had a pig for a while for some reason, and that reason was bacon.
Beagon
It's a thing hipsters do nowadays.
iceph03nix
Pot belly pig have been raised as pets for a while now...
DotSlashNatalie
Well wouldn't you want homemade fresh bacon?
gotmilfquestionmark
Would you want bacon from your dog?
Turbz
That's stupid, dogs don't have bacon....duh.
whyisexistance
He won it in a contest
IMGURN3WB
Babe?
MisterDildy
Pot belly pigs are good pets, just outlandish in prices
Therealslimshadysits
Not sure where your at but my man piggie smalls was only 120$
MisterDildy
MyMan!.gif
AncientSeraph
Pretty decent pets. Like dogs, but not.
ThatShipleyBoy
I had 2 Vietnamese pot bellies as pets for 8 years, great pets and loved them like crazy. Had to move to the city and couldn't take them :(
Godogan
Soooo, bacon?
Diddyu
Naked bacon.
abitskeptical
Yeah wtf tell us the Vietnamese bacon story damnit