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Send me your funny/weird reason you dumped someone, so I can make an Imgur version! (will credit you)
sauce: http://funnypicturenow.com/funny-reasons-for-breaking-up/
This one is my own "why I dumped my ex" story. If you have a funny story about why you dumped someone, inbox it to me and I will credit you if I publish it in my deal breakers series!
EDIT: inbox overflowing, thanks for all the support!
Part 1: http://imgur.com/a/NUGxd -this one looks like poop, but the others are better
Part 2: http://imgur.com/gallery/OaRQ4/
Part 3: http://imgur.com/gallery/Z2XPh
gammaraycharles
The fingering my yawn one, also didn't help that she liked to have sex with her ex. (Found out later)
NotRick
I walk fast. If you cant keep up, im not coming back for you
yourbassist
My grandparents do the location announcing thing. Longest road trip of my life. "Oh, McDonald's in 10 miles." Grandma, we just ate!
impoverishedWASP
Oh god my dad does this when he visits me (we live in different cities).
Butters25
Why do I feel like almost all of these were not the real reasons and just some pet peeves of an ex?
TacoPuncher
Cause it's better to say, they had the same deo as my mom. Rather than, the smell conditioned me to get aroused whenever I smelled my mom
steeeeeeeve
Sounds like good reasons to me :) Clinging to a bizzaro just because you're scared of loneliness is a path to slavery
RaefWolfe
Some of these would drive me crazy. Probably 'last straw' stuff.
Aggretsuko
yeah or the girl realizing his head was too big was for body. wouldn't you have noticed that as soon as you met him ?
ryanstreet
I had 17 missed calls from her after I forgot my phone at home when hanging out at a buddy's house.
lolbtw
Did she think you were dead? Like why would she call you that many times?
ryanstreet
She thought I was sick. I didn't understand it either. But we were all young and stupid back then.
pushyourluck
i detest those girls. i'll call once. if he doesn't answer, he's not going to answer if i call again and again.
Snackandwhack
I once dumped a guy because he couldn't use crucial correctly in a sentence
BlueBomber05
I crucial this comment so much
SnoopDogeyDoge
That was really crucial of you
scouttrooper
Im gonna need an example
MyDragonHeartedSpirit
Come on guys, it's crucial we get this right!
CatsAreAssholes
#7 were you dating a 5 year old?!?
SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE
I dated a girl like that. Nothing on the menu looked as good as chicken fingers and fries. Not the reason I broke up w/ her but it helped
iprettymuchonlypostcats
My boyfriend will almost always go for the chicken tenders and fries if it's offered on the menu. That or a burger... always
ImAlwaysContentWithCatContent
i'd say that's been a person with an eating disorder.
PrincessMerida
For that one, I felt guilty because I am very picky about my food. I like mild and simple.
GuardLLama
I dated a girl like this when I was 6. Uncultured pig couldn't even break out into fish sticks or PBJ sandwiches. So embarrassing.
mistersteel
She said she hated Boromir. Vehemently too, it wasn't his some passing dislike.
CultivatingMassMac
That's such a Boromir thing to say!
Candymostdandy
He wouldn't stop buying small $3 bottles of soda from gas stations instead of bigger ones that were cheaper and then banging hookers.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhi
I married a man who always buys the convenient store cokes. The struggle is real, so annoying! I luv him doe.
GiraffesAndCrystalMeth
"... and then banging hookers." i snarfled my greyhound!!!
MyDragonHeartedSpirit
You what your whoseit?
GiraffesAndCrystalMeth
i inhaled my glorious vodka and greyhound beverage in a most inelegant manner ;)
GiraffesAndCrystalMeth
criminy ... *GRAPEFRUIT JUICE!!*
76Tromboners
I once broke up with a girl because she said she didn't like Forrest Gump
allahuakbar95
that's acceptable
NotTennesseeTom
We weren't dating yet, but I stopped talking to a girl because she didn't like scrubs.
ClassicFumiko
I don't like Forrest Gump, but I feel for semi-legit reasons. My name is Jenni and hearing that quote from this move for the past 20 years
steeeeeeeve
I did the same mistake... But have you watched that movie a second time?
76Tromboners
I've probably watched FG over 50 times and its still my favorite. There are valid criticisms to any movie, but I had to draw the line.
AgentKipHackman
I bet you hate movies that are universally loved...
76Tromboners
I got that reference.
imper1um
Most of the time, the final breakup reason is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Usually, there are a host of other problems.
accipiter
Dude who broke up w/Antoinette because she wouldn't go by Tony is a dickhead. Don't ask people to take nicknames they hate since you're lazy
turbulentlizard
Also, Tony? Why the fuck would you try to call her by a male name, and not like Anne or Annie.
Dunes8
Though there is "Toni".
FrigginCornflakes
When I was a kid, there was an old lady next door whose name was Roxanne but went by Rocky. Really confused me as a kid.
MundaneFacts
Maybe he hated the name Antoinette. Like if I hated someone's name it would be hard to get along with them.
caralily
I don't much care for my boyfriend's name because it doesn't fit him. But, I've been dating him for 2.5 years. Just get over it.
iwaspromisedsnacks
I can't stand my friends kid b/c they named him same name of the guy who made me miserable all thru school
MundaneFacts
My suggestion would be to hang with the kid often, so that you associate the name with him and not an asshole bully.
iwaspromisedsnacks
that is a good idea but i sorta dislike childrens in general
RunsOnBatteryPower
"She eats her corn one by one, but with her peas, she scoops 'em."
ashipthatshipsshippingships
That shit would drive me insane.
Tattooedtom
I just saw this episode!
JCLII
Whenever I break up with someone for an odd reason I think about this scene. haha
iwonderwhatthemaxusernamecharacterlimitis
or that whole show really
JCLII
Oh yeah, def, but for some reason this one specifically jumps out at me.
Talmorean
He eats his Snickers with a fork and knife Jerry! A fork and knife!
RabbiKirschbaum
How fo YOU eat it? With your hands???
Teh4ChanHacker
When my ex would have a stomach ache, he'd say "My STUMMY hurts." He was 25.
youngfairydust
Reasonable. I despise when men talk in baby voices or say things like that. It makes me feel like the "manly man" I chose, is a 4 year old.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Teh4ChanHacker
lol
MoleGrips
... I say that and I'm 27. My wife looks after me well though
Teh4ChanHacker
I'd clench my teeth and leave when I'd hear that ridiculousness, after telling him to call his mother for stummy help if he spoke like that.
BenSwol0
Kid I grew up with, his parents made him say "fanny burp" instead of "fart." Lasted through adulthood. Also, mother made him sit peeing.
skwawkward
We had to say "toot." I think my mom forgot about the rule by the time I was 10. My but NEIGHBORS had to say "boof" while living at home.
AngryAndConfused
In the UK fanny means vagina. Your comment upset me deeply before I remembered the U.S. meaning.
Teh4ChanHacker
LOL. Semi-related: you know who else makes you sit peeing? Dudes in prison.
TurningTurningIntheWideningGyro
Why?
Teh4ChanHacker
Because they want the toilets in the cells as clean as possible. You wash clothes in there, or make drinks, jailhouse spread, etc.
TurningTurningIntheWideningGyro
That makes sense, thanks.
everyoneiskungfufighting
I say I have a "rumbly tumbly". I'm 49 and happily married.
Teh4ChanHacker
You must have a very patient partner.
everyoneiskungfufighting
We're both very patient. She texts me whenever she poops: "I'm pooping".
Teh4ChanHacker
See, that's exactly the kind of shit I'd be running out of the door from. (kek at shit)
everyoneiskungfufighting
I learned a long time ago not to sweat the small stuff. Life's too short. I look at the whole package.
ninjakittenz
Haha, my bf and I do that too. If we're both home then we high five afterwards. It's good to be comfortable talking about poop.
everyoneiskungfufighting
bigrong
She gave away my dog because she was jealous of him.
breakfasttimeallthetime
Damn! That is insane
BombasticBalderdash
What the fuck?!
GuardLLama
Dude. That is NOT Funny. That's unforgiveable.
IDevelopGamesAndShitButMainlyGames
This is one of the few valid reasons here. You should have sued or something.
OlRockTheGoodAg
Did you put that bitch in the ground?!
iwaspromisedsnacks
Holy fuck. I'm so sorry :(
PolarBears91
Did you get it back!?
peridotite
That's a valid reason to commit manslaughter in 14 states, not to just break up with them.
HiveTyrant444
....wait seriously??
impoverishedWASP
What the actual fuck. You can't just do that to someone!
tomyironmane
The only reason she would not be harmed is because injury and death are too good, too *quick* for her... and would spoil *proper* vengeance.
MrJacinto
That bitch.
Thorschickenlemonnoodles
WHAT THE FUCK.
Brightandshiny
Kill a bitch
zegerman5682
WTF? Did you get your dog back after the fact?
THERESNOMORECHOICES
Ummmm. No. I hated my SO's dog but I took care of her nonetheless. Just like I would have any of my own.
RabbiKirschbaum
That's nit a reason to break up. That's a reason to kill!
frodoandmangos
Did you get your dog back?!
Thorschickenlemonnoodles
commenting because i also need to fucking know
SteynTrain
For real, I must know!
frodoandmangos
Cause if not I will go straight up Liam Neeson on that bitch.
CaptSlowShow
I hope you're referring to the girlfriend and not the dog
iCHACHA
commenting because i must know too!
Sinna45
We still need to know
okrout
Same
Lucass84
Not cool!
Mec26
Them's murderin' motives, right there.
veronicamarsdestroyerofworlds
Justifiable manslaughter?
strawberrycocoa
Holy Christ, that's terrible. :( I'd press charges for theft after dumping her.
erick1293
http://imgur.com/xV3w8qm
iSoulend
Wait what
Jayhatesspidersandshit
http://imgur.com/3bXF4oC this is an acceptable reason
Mydogisafraidofhisownfartsanditsfunny
so was the 8th floor walk up.
LetMeTellYouHowIPlannedToKillYouBeforeYouEscapeMrBond
It's just a contamination and a waste of sugar.
Beepity
Also:
AllHailSagan
Jesus Christ, absolutely.
NonCottonCandy
If my gf did that I'd just eat the crumbs
Atmosphere2
agreed.
TheNextMsFrizzle
My roommate does this. Along with many other things that Piss me off. Like eating loudly and not respecting that is my room too
TheDarkLordOfTrees
HEATHEN *hyperventilates*
thegreatblacksby
Agreed.
wintermute93
Honestly a lot of these are acceptable reasons. Shovel fork? Moon landing truthers? Jesus.
imtotallyserious
I just found out a friend of mine (now merely an acquaintance) doesn't believe in the moon landing. I can't believe some people...
PackedCatMeowingPowerDensity
The wife of my friend believes in alternative medicine that her mother practices. That girl has EVERY IMAGINABLE allergy.
MrJacinto
Bullshit, it's just coffee
RerackTheFingWeights
I bet they'd dump the asshole that leaves breadcrumbs on the butter stick. I hate that shit.
laserkatt
What in god's name is a butter stick?
RerackTheFingWeights
ComeOnAndSlam
What kind of troglodyte rubs the butter straight onto the bread? You're supposed to cut off a couple slices and place them on the bread.
breakfasttimeallthetime
I knew a girl in college who would do that. She'd open a brand new butter stick and smear it on top of her food. and it was shared butter
RerackTheFingWeights
bruh
Jayhatesspidersandshit
Thats the worst too. Or the person that leaves crumbs on the counter after making toast
RerackTheFingWeights
Or the filthy heathens that don't wipe knives after spreading PB on bread, getting chunks of it in the jam. I have problems, apparently.
Jayhatesspidersandshit
Or the asshat that doesn't clean the microwave after shit splatters everywhere
KeepYourDickInAVice
I totally agree. Having butter/PB/jam/nuttela? wipe the damn knife!
incognitoMode
Yeah, an acceptable reason to end a life as well.
Amythyst
99% of juries wouldn't convict.
myexpectationsaresuperlow
This one and the finger in the yawning mouth one. Bitch I'll bite your damn finger off.
lolbtw
But you can't! Believe me I've tried. Oh my god how I've tried,
ComfortablyNumbDK
Oh god, yes! Was seeing a girl who did that to me. Drove me nuts!
jahupa
I have a friend that did that. He stopped when his finger started bleeding.
wxldfxre
shovel fork = deal breaker for me
Teh4ChanHacker
I'm glad I'm not the only one.
impoverishedWASP
Same. Table manners are very important to me. I don't want to be embarrassed by my SO at dinner with friends or family.
XLunaLoveGoodX
My boyfriend eats like that. He doesn't when we are at a nice restaurant or at an important event though. So I can deal with it.
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
Shovel fork is superior way to hold fork.
AntonioStark
Also a good way to get your knuckles rapped.
AdmJota
It took me a while to figure out what that even meant.
KlausKinski
im not Americoon what does it even mean to eat shovel fork? like this?
wxldfxre
yes!
sowetoninja
relevant
Mjupi
For them not believing in the moon landing is a very valid reason
butteredbread
7/? to have a degree in space engineering (yeah satellites and the bunch not aerospace) and he comes to visit my family. I go out shopping
butteredbread
9/? landing. He is stricken at first but then thinks better of it. He waits a couple weeks. He's at his parents over an hour away. I call
butteredbread
14/14 else say that a person you are dating doesn't believe in the moon landing please check on that! 16 year olds can be idiots.
StonerAlex
I went on a tinder date, conversation went to interesting TV programs and she told me about this interesting "documentary" she saw about 1/2
StonerAlex
how there are other beings that live with us on earth for example the lizard people. I laughed like it was a joke and she looked upset...
butteredbread
over my room so I thought they actually knew I didn't believe in any of it. Well years go by, like 8 years. I meet a guy who happens
butteredbread
5/? this over the course of a week when I was 16. We had done a trip to florida and the NASA viewing area and had photos of everything all
butteredbread
4/? My whole family is freaking out because they raised a crazy person and I thought it was hilarious at the time and "stood my ground."
butteredbread
3/? I for no good reason at all (like many 16 y/o's) sai "they're right! Never happened" I then just regurgitated what they had said.
Sc1003
Amen. I could never be in a relationship with someone who thinks the moon landing was fake
OlRockTheGoodAg
I don't think I could even associate with someone like that...
Sc1003
So far I haven't had to, but I know they exist. Benefit of being in a technical field, I guess?
butteredbread
13/? I almost trolled myself out of my now marriage! We all laugh and it's that crazy story I have to tell. But if you hear it from someone
butteredbread
2/? "documentary" about the all the reasons why people say the landing didn't happen. My dad who is an engineer walked in and laughed at it.
butteredbread
12/? in the moon landing!" and I am confused at first look at my family's uncomfortable faces and it clicks.
butteredbread
11/? and nothing. We go to my family's place for dinner and nothing. We pass around the rolls and he says "SO apparently you don't believe
butteredbread
10/? to clarify plans and he says "we need to talk" and then won't say why. I'm freaking out because we're moving in together. I pick him up
butteredbread
8/? with my mom at one point and they ask him how he feels being in a serious relationship with someone who doesn't believe in the moon
butteredbread
So funny story. I 100% believe in and support space travel. 16 year old me was not rebellious at all. Yet I watched a conspiracy theory 1/?
CrystalShipsCometh
Did not read title at first. Thought for a second that OP was describing the worst ex of all time
princessbunnie
I actually thought it was cute things that made someone fall in love with that person until I got halfway through the list
BeaglesLoveBlueberries
Lol; "she wore the same deodorant as my mother"! Calm down, Oedipus.
[deleted]
[deleted]
KellyanneAlternativeFacts
A perfect match!
CrystalShipsCometh
Seperate you are midly annyiong. Together you can rule the galaxy while chewing with your mouths open
Liloya
It got a little weird when his ex turned into a man, didn't it?
CrystalShipsCometh
Yeah that was the part that got me thinking
xero1589
That's when I finally read the title, "Woah, wait, what am I missing?!?!"
Volcanuz
Thank god i wasn't the only one who did this. I was thinking "wow she has a mole he thinks talks about shops.."
Hugohog
Love you boyfriend <3
Abbadoll23
That makes it so much better.
CeeJayTea
Y'think that's bad? I thought it was a coherent story at first, one that I was just too stupid to follow...
Applehead3
Same! Or maybe we just didn't catch it.
CeeJayTea
Somehow that thought is even worse... So since we're already friends now, how about rooming when we get to Camp Dumbass?
ShamrockFury
She said "They need to put all the gays on an island so they'll eventually just die off". The silly things we end relationships for...haha
lolbtw
Okay but do you count bi people? Because they might not die off. Evil plans should at least be well thought out.
ImAlwaysContentWithCatContent
this is one of the few legitimate reasons on here to leave someone IMHO.
ShamrockFury
I told her that they'd probably love that anyway. Apparently Bosnians aren't very tolerant of gay people. Who knew
ImAlwaysContentWithCatContent
whereas i'd say there are intolerant shitbags of every nationality, i agree that it just sucks to find out you went out with one.
ShamrockFury
Yeah, but she was hot and she let me touch her naughty bits. So, it wasn't all bad
ImAlwaysContentWithCatContent
the more it sucks to leave. i had to give up INCREDIBLE sex with one person because he was way to clingy. still miss that cock sometimes.
everyoneiskungfufighting
You could do worse than Paul Dano. No homo.
MyDogJake
Really? That guy creeps me out. Great actor, but I can't not see his characters.
JesusToldMe
He does look girlie
sicarius92
http://media.salon.com/2010/11/boardwalk_empire_recap.jpg
everyoneiskungfufighting
echocall
People are licking mustard off their hands and grunting in public and I can't even get a date..
LynxTryFours
Of all of them, The mustard one worried me the most. I picture someone with a disability doing this.
Howdoilife
Ikr why is it so hard to find somebody special near me when all I do is sit at home on the internet? Someone should sit and internet with me
TheRealCavedog
You have to realize that the one licking mustard off their hands was a girl. It's much easier for a girl to get a date than a guy.
Stribby86
Step one: be attractive. (Weeps softly)
Teh4ChanHacker
Thank you for making me picture this.
unitedhello
Animals.
AncalagontheBlack
This is a really depressing post for someone who's never dated anyone.
ch0wda
I'll date ya!
feedingground
Maybe we've been doing it wrong all this time...
Cthulhukitten
Sometimes I secretly judge people and wonder why they have a girlfriend and not me.
ahabeta
I know, who puts mustard on french fries?
Bristolian
She must have had a pretty face or an rocking rack.
Bristolian
*a. For fuck's sake.
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
Go out and find the missing piece of your rib
FloodingWaters
have you tried licking mustard off your hands and grunting in public? you never know...
echocall
No, only in private.
FloodingWaters
gotta get out there. no one is gonna stop by your house to see that. you must bring the show to the people. If you lick it, they will come
ThirtySevenInARow
That's what She said
ThatJerkYouKnow
... That's a good point. I bet if my wife started licking mustard off of her fingers in public, she could find some one way better than me.
SpittleFart
PHRASING!!!
FloodingWaters
it was not an accident. It's like a sexy Field of Dreams; a Field of Creams, if you will.
IAmTheBadW01f
We should accept this as an Imgurian mating call....we would just have to put in safeguards so that we didn't get boring slobs...
TheWayADrillWorks
"Ravioli, ravioli, give me the sexuoli"
IAmTheBadW01f
I like you. You're a good kind of weird.
TheWayADrillWorks
Thanks I guess?
TheRicM
I might actually dump someone just for the mustard on the fries part, that's so weird
demonic
I guess you're against mustard on pizza too?
TheRicM
Mmm, mustard on pizza!
SaltAirFreshWater
To be honest duck sauce on pizza crust is delicious! Don't judge me.
echocall
I've never tried that. Is it tasty?
demonic
it's awesome :)
echocall
I like mustard on fries. I usually just apply it straight from the bottle to the food though
NevynK
Not any wierder than ketchup, mayo or ranch to each their own plus mustarf is 0 calories so its healthier
NevynK
Delicious mustarf closely related to mustard but much tastier
TheRicM
Mmm, mustarf
ThisMayBeMyLastPost
I'd go on a date with you. Unless you live too far away.
horsebananas
People and their impossible standards!
echocall
Upstate NY
ThisMayBeMyLastPost
Norway here, bit too far i guess.. Sorry.. :(
echocall
I fee like you knew the odds of me being in Norway..
ThisMayBeMyLastPost
I kind of knew, but I was hoping I was wrong.
bearfightlive
I actually launched a website full of these a couple years ago. Never went anywhere but it was fun... www.thatswhyidumpedyou.com
PamelaSplooshPoovey
Even Hitler had a significant other. I don't. I am less lovable than Hitler.
Linzoisboss
The underwear thing is so weird to me.
thatzunpossible
Like....I understand if you're in the moment but NEVER?
alyssaadlerart
is it blue or white?
impoverishedWASP
I once went out with a guy who wouldn't even take off pants for sex. He was really self-conscious. But it was still weird and I dumped him.
Brandycream
Surely people that do this are hiding something? Piles Maybe?
halfpint42
Or he's a never-nude...
Brandycream
Oh dear, poor never nude people.
FisterMantastic
There's at least a dozen of them.
ThirtySevenInARow
I like how it's a picture of tighty whities. Because you know if someone does this, that's what they have to be wearing
GavinScreaming
These are all from reddit and the actual comment said socks, not underwear
AddictiontoPerfection
...can socks be considered underwear? Think about it
takeacatnap
Ah yes, the rare never nude.
kk28
My boyfriend does this about 70% of the time and it drives me crazy. Like goddamn I'm full nakey, why can't you be?
thatoneyanderezelda
Lol full nakey. +1 for making me do the giggies
maaaaadness
For a quickie it's fine, but if you're all, "I wanna lay you down on silk sheets and make passionate love", you gotta ditch the gitch.
oyvindjs
A lot of this is sadly and simply really poor self esteem about their bodies.
OldWiseWizard
I never take my suit off during sex ;)
adh247
Isn't this something a transexual would do if she was trying to hide the fact that she didnt have a weiner? think about it.
veronicamarsdestroyerofworlds
If a guy refused to remove his undies, I'd automatically assume he had genital warts...
SquiddlyDiddly
My friend refuses to take his shirt off... i thought that was strange until I read the underwear one.. jesus christ.
Tofubutton
I don't know if I've ever taken my socks off for sex.But I've also never had a girlfriend with her own place,so parents were always an issue
TacoPuncher
I could be wrong, but I heard like a certain sect of Mormons do this
UsePNGnotJPEG
All Mormons have holy underwear that they need to wear at all times, but some individuals might not follow this as closely as they should.
thatoneyanderezelda
Mormon here, I do not yet have my garments. But I would not wear them during these moments. I wouldn't ever wear clothes during that anyways
PuttingTheSensualBackInNonconsensual
I think that's only when they're trying to make a holy Mormon baby.
soleilange
Guys, he was a never-nude!
aprilludgateduire
Like how does a guy do sex without taking off underwear I don't understand. Unless he's like wearing a thong or something lol
SparklingCockWaffle
Do you not understand men's underwear?
zbaerenlovesme
But is that hole really big enough? Or am I misunderstanding penis size due to my husband's massive cock.
Tofubutton
You pull the waistband down under your ball sack....
coelacanths
If it can't fit through an undies hole how does it fit in your vagina?
zbaerenlovesme
Roughly awww yissss
notirrelevant
I do that "finger in the yawning mouth" thing to my cats all the time. Never gets old.
fuckweaselry
My husband does this to me. I'm going to show this post to him. Maybe he'll stop? Or I'll just end up killing him in his sleep...
whossayingimnot
My wife did this once. I bit down ..
DUSTANDECHOES
My girlfriend does that to me; it's one of the many, many reasons she's a keeper.
ImNotAnActorIJustPlayOneOnTV
For a second I thought this meant you are a cat.
gingersnap731
My bf and I do it to each other. It's a game now.
Shovi
I do that to my cat as well, will she break up with me now?
identikit
I do it to my friends and shout "Yawn rape!".
humblegrumblebee
I'm glad i didn't queef
ThirtySevenInARow
this is going to be my new thing. Oh yeah baby
MundaneFacts
That would be funny once, but would get old so fucking fast. I'd try to bite your finger. You'd think it was funny, until you lost a finger.
nzey
Then have some manners and cover your mouth, problem solved
MundaneFacts
It's not against my manners to yawn with an open mouth, but it is bad manners(and unsanitary) to put your fingers in my mouth.
nzey
Fair point about the putting my fingers in your mouth, but where I'm from it's poor manners to not cover your mouth. Honestly seems like an
nzey
2. easy solution if somebody is actually annoying you by doing that to you.
CopperViking
I do it to my dog
Teresasaurus
I used to do it to my husband. Now I only do it to my dogs.
Shaelai
I do this to my husband. Unless "God damn it" is an exclamation of joy, he doesn't care for it either.
MundaneFacts
Has he filled for divorce yet? It's have already filled for divorce.
ntavenger
*filed *filed
MundaneFacts
Thank you. Also *I'd.* fucking Swype.
Iamsonewatthis
My fiancee does it to our dog only she uses her whole forearm to fuck his day up.
TheNonInsestuousJaime
I had a girl I was dating do this to me it's THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER!!! I dumped her to for that same reason...
sweetnaivety
that's why you're supposed to cover your mouth when you yawn..
[deleted]
[deleted]
MundaneFacts
Probably
MiguelZarazua
I do it to my gf all the time. She doesn't quite like it, perhaps I should stop haha
cinnamonster
Me too. After reading this I feel kinda lucky she's still with me ^_^
lisabisalovescats
Haha I do it to my dad. He's tried it on me but I don't flinch. Lol
notwastingtimeiswear
You and all these toads replying that they do this are all evil spawn of Lucifer. Jus' sayin'.
anarchivist
I think it's supposed to remind you to cover your mouth when you yawn
ObituaryHat
My ex did it to me all of the time, and I absolutely fucking hated it.
sweetnaivety
you should cover your mouth when you yawn, I mean, what if a bug flies in your mouth instead?
ObituaryHat
Sometimes I wouldn't cover my mouth completely and he'd do it.
guatemalanwatermellon
I do this to everyone. I'm a lil' shit. :D
InglouriousBarsteward
My girlfriend and I are big fans of yawn rape.
iwhipmyslowlorisbackandforth
How do you not get the shit bit out of you?
notirrelevant
They rarely bite down; they usually look a bit surprised to find something in their mouths, eject it with their tongues and move on
wolfpackpgh
I do it to my dog when he's sleeping with his mouth open
MuchGingerWow
It's polite to cover your mouth when you yawn!
Unicornhornforcats
My bf and I do it to each other. I'm winning 45-18 lifetime.
notirrelevant
and how many of those 18 were with his finger? :P
overlysarcastic
She was a close-talker, and had man hands.
leeuhnotlayuh
We had a customer where I worked that was a close talker and I was like you guys she was so close I thought she was going to kiss me!
MaegorTheCruel
make a wish http://imgur.com/CTFKZRU
VampireTeaParty
Didn't come true...
amoenissanna
As someone with freakishly large man hands, that is just mean! What am I supposed to do, lop them off?!
vauhtihirmu
Nah, just find someone reasonable. The upside is that you'll automatically drive away some of the unreasonables!
Seriouslyigiveup
My friends call me man hands. I need new friends.
Seven7greens
That fucking episode had me staring at my hands for 5 minutes!
FlatPlutoSociety
Poor Mova.
Robvp
Dolooooores!
ThatDataGirl
Seinfeld ftw!
LuuKen
Her breath smelled like grim reaper death. When i offered a mint she said: "i don't like the taste of mint"
guatemalanwatermellon
IT burns uuussss.
MrJacinto
Acceptable reason
Ichigokitty555
I know someone like this, and theyre scared of the dentist :/ I feel so shallow but I have to stay atleast a meter away from them
hypnicjerks
i know a girl who matches this description D:
wooosharksinspace
Haha, obviously not.
iprettymuchonlypostcats
I hate mint.....
noodleshoe
You can eat parsley to neutralize breath also
pmunkyandpals
Do you brush your teeth??
iprettymuchonlypostcats
they make non-mint toothpaste
pmunkyandpals
TIL
iprettymuchonlypostcats
Not very many, but they exist
JaelTentpeg
What do you use? I'm allergic to mint and struggle to find a non mint toothpaste w fluoride. I'm stuck with toms silly strawberry for kids.
tomyironmane
"I don't like the smell of your ex boyfriend's dick. Seriously, do you fucking clean that filthy fucking sewer?"
raveracer77
should have responded with " do you like the taste of dogs asshole?"
Katrin931
Shit. This one could be me but I brush all the time. I just really hate mints. It's mostly bad in the mornings before I have a chance.
freakybender
Man I thought I was the only one...
boats92
Eurgh, mint.
AllIHaveHadTodayIsLikeSixGummyBearsAndSomeScotch
If you brush all the time you probably don't have grim reaper breath.
DenimBeard
If you eat with your mouth open I will walk out on you.
AndritosRetardos
My ex was a loud eater, but I got her to stop by telling her it bugged me. Talking works, people!
ChangedMyName
My sister would hit me when I chewed with my mouth open. Now it's one of my pet peeves too. Sometimes violence is the answer
Atalung
My sister hates when I come home on break as I yell at her when she chews with her mouth open
helagos
That's how my parents taught me not to chew with my mouth open. I would get one verbal warning and then a pop to the back of the head.
Morgatr0n
I have a coworker whose eating sounds can accurately be described as two wet plastic bags having sex.
squarrel
There have been times where I have had to actively suppress myself from vomiting because of this.
itwasthedog
Yup
NotTennesseeTom
My roommate bites his spoon when he eats cereal or soup. There has never been a more annoying sound.
Whipcrackincheddar
Mine slurps, grinds his cutlery against his plate, smacks his lips, chews with his mouth open (whilst lip smacking) and clicks his toes.
squarrel
No. No no no. Not okay.
DenimBeard
MINE TOO. ITS THE WORST THING.
actuallyMikeTyson
MISOPHONIA FOR THE WIN
Supernerdtastic
FUCKING GUM & MOUTH BREATHING GRFTAGajdsiofadfoa h
typicaljennifer
Yep, same here. I've been trying for years to find some relief from my personal hell but there is none to be found.
ScourgeOfAges
Hello, my brothers (and sisters)!
goldensky
Oh my gosh yes. Lip-smacking makes me want to punch said lips in the face. Same with crying babies and snoring.
helagos
I was so happy when I figured out there was a word for the inhuman rage and urge to kill when I hear someone smacking their lips...
SweetToof1890
unfortunately in some countries eating with your mouth open is a sign of courtesy (showing you like the food)
Supernerdtastic
That is why if people of that country are in a restaurant where I might be eating, FOOD TO GO NAO PLS
sorryfornocapitalssorryimsorry
that is unfortunate
jediprincess
i find it is easier to get the food into my mouth if i open it...but i do chew with my mouth closed.
feralsprite
My sister-in-law and niece don't just chew with their mouths open and smack their lips, they also pant and try to talk while eating!!!!
DenimBeard
My room mate is a slurper, everything he eats he slurps off the utensil. I want to hit him constantly.
passbuspass
my roommate does all the above THEN wastes half her food because shes a goddamn princess. *breathes into paper bag
Dawnstempest
Those people get under my skin.
DenimBeard
I feel like we have the same room mate
Gink0
This chain of horrid manners is really stressful
Summersky
Time to commit murder.
ILiveHereNow
Pretty sure my brain would explode having to listen to that
kanybal
I feel ya. My bro-in-law is a fucking loud eater, he makes me wanna puke. But I can't exactly dump my brother-in-law...
notavampire
I have the same thing with my sister-in-law. She is despicable for other reasons, but it makes it worse. It is so unsightly and ungraceful.
Dawnstempest
They are going to the special hell.
SEXYWHALE4LIFE
Pretty sure I would have murdered them by now
deadeyesatan
shotgun - the only solution to this
Kalooki
My housemate does this and I can hear her over my headphones o.O why, oh God, why
feralsprite
I'm so sorry; so, so sorry :(
riffifi
My housemate did that too. I told him nicely one time and he got all grumpy, saying I was a posh... No I'm just not an animal.
Kalooki
Yeah! Why do people get so offended when you point things like that out!
Bugofbelgium
Talking can be done if you're not a complete slob though. Like short sentences/replies/confirmations.
feralsprite
No. Just, no.
oljace
I one time broke up with a girl because she was an evil bitch trying to ruin my life....also she was into feet.
erick1293
http://media.giphy.com/media/eN0uSi8w6JkYM/giphy.gif
selfishellfish
i'm not into feet but i think men who are into feet sexy :)
theflyingnun
I had a bulimic, kleptomaniac, compulsive lying, foot fetishist boyfriend for awhile. I think they would be perfect for one another.
chubito33
For a sec I thought u were taking about my ex Kelly, but she wasn't into feet, she was a bitch but not a weird bitch
imnotgoingtodebateyoujerry
Oh no. My name is Kelly. Now I'm thinking over all my past relationships to see if I was a bitch.
chubito33
go by Kells or Lee, cuz by my calculations ur 87% more likely to be a bitch if u go by Kelly
elijahriley
Feet are the most common body part fetish after the basic boobs/butts/penis/vagina. Not that weird.
sweetnaivety
Ugh I can't stand feet, I have never found them attractive and a foot in my face would be a turn off, the exact opposite of a fetish
JukeMasterFlex
It's feet though...literally nothing sexual about them..
SKELETONMAAAN
Don't try to understand other people fetishes...
BakeryBitch
Yeah but have you ever had your toes sucked on?
JukeMasterFlex
No, because there isn't anything sexual about them, all that's gonna do is make me ticklish.
BakeryBitch
But what's sexual about legs, and necks, and mouths, and all that other fun stuff? Don't play this game with me, tiger.
MundaneFacts
Nothing innately sexual about butts or boobs.
JukeMasterFlex
There is, read what @delaneige said.
delaneige
Yes. These body parts show that somebody is sexually mature enough to reproduce. Biology makes humans more attracted to them for this reason
MundaneFacts
That's fairly secondary to attraction unless you are attracted to 13 y.o.s and NOT 12 y.o.s
BeerStoreGuy
Still pretty gross to a lot of us
helagos
It may not be that uncommon, but it's still weird. I honestly don't see the appeal at all.
RapCatTheRappingestCat
As a bartender, don't be that person. As busy as we look, you can't fathom the amount of multitasking we're doing behind the scenes
eveninthefuturenothingworks
"Can I get 6 shots?" "Of??" "What's good here?" "I'll come back when you're ready." Every. Fucking. Night.
CancerPagurus
People not ordering everything at once, but break up the order.... gah!
madmacknt
And fuck people who order cocktails that no one has ever heard of, then looks at me like I have six heads when I ask what's in it.
riffifi
I had a drink with a coworker lately, he asked for a cocktail that wasn't on the card, so he made a list of ingredients for the waiter 1/2
eveninthefuturenothingworks
Or tell you you've made the drink wrong and they explode when you correct them
riffifi
It was happy hour, so very busy time. I felt the need to apologize for his behavior, but the waiter told him to fuck off. 2/2
Salpinus
Is Moscow Mule unheard of to ask for?
eveninthefuturenothingworks
Not at all. But not every bar carries ginger beer.
sirwilliambillion
No, if your bartender doesn't know what it is you need to get to a better bar asap
Salpinus
:D That's comforting. One of my favorites!
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Salpinus
It's an awesome drink! A version i enjoy too: White rum, ginger beer, 2 drops fireball (no more!) and some sourmix. yummy :)
Tyrosine68
Shovel fork and chewing with your mouth open are both reprehensible. I've seen people lose their jobs over this, not just relationships.
imgurleygirl
After reading comments I am scared for my future. I had a lot of mouth problems and from preK till I was 18 I ALWAYS had some sort of 1/2
Tyrosine68
In my experience people will give you a pass if there's an obvious reason for a breech of etiquette.
imgurleygirl
gear in my mouth. I also at one point had a very intensive jaw surgery. The majority of my life it was almost impossible to chew with 2/3
imgurleygirl
my mouth completely shut. I don't always chew with my mouth open but it takes A LOT of focus to make sure I don't screw up and do it now 3/3
sweetnaivety
people don't usually fault others for things they can't control, at least good people. Especially if you're trying so hard.
imgurleygirl
Thanks! Hopefully people stick around long enough to find out there is a somewhat valid reason.
EchoOfSnac
I could never occupy the same room as my sister if she was eating because of the disgusting chewing and smacking noises.
LivingInYourIntestines
I dated a dude once who chewed with his mouth open - and the fucking soup dribbled down his beard and spread everywhere. Nope.
SwedishRationalist
Koreans chew with their mouth open all the time, it's totally ok in their culture.
SwedishRationalist
I don't understand why this statement is getting downvotes, because it's true.
wigglyseaurchin
It's true :( I want to be culturally sensitive and not ethno-centric, but daaang the sounddd
MitchBeaucannon
Good for them.
cirstaff1
Really?? That was considered bad manners in my Korean upbringing.
SwedishRationalist
That's strange. My friend's Korean wife slurps and smacks constantly when eating, just like most Koreans I met when I was in South Korea.
cirstaff1
Weird...it's considered classless/rude :/ I was taught not to make noises even when slurping up noodles or soup.
SwedishRationalist
Oh really... Interesting, I must ask some Koreans about that. I thought it was considered normal and acceptable since so many do it.
tanebou
Can someone explain the shovel fork thing?
SteveMcSleeve
http://www.howdonkey.com/pics/55/hold-a-fork.jpg I think
ohshitausername
yup
tanebou
Thanks! That's awful!
usernumber84
It's natural for toddlers, with much more grip strength than dexterity. It needs to go around kindergarten, but some parents don't care...
Tyrosine68
My oldest son's daycare taught the kids to hold their utensils properly.
Apocalyptusbonbon
I literally dumped someone for that loud chewing thing. So unattractive and we could never go out to eat.
impoverishedWASP
A friend of mine broke up with a woman because he didn't like the way she chewed, and another because she genuinely believed in mermaids.
Moriarty
My ex did the fork thing and genuinely believed in bigfoot. Or at least the possibility of bigfoot, which was enough.
Tyrosine68
I get that. I couldn't date / friends with an anti-vaxer, someone who doesn't believe in evolution, etc. I think that's basic compatibility.
impoverishedWASP
Oh definitely. It would drive me absolutely insane and I would spend all of my time trying to convince him that he's wrong.
Tyrosine68
Exactly. I was very close friends with a girl who believed in psychics and I constantly had to restrain myself. Dating would be 10x worse.
SurfSwitch
I moved someone off my team for chewing with their mouth open. I received too many complaints and he had to go.
SlowlySilentlyNowTheMoon
I wish someone would fire those two bitches at work who constantly snap and pop gum all day. You're in a professional environment, leave 1/2
SlowlySilentlyNowTheMoon
the freaking gum at home! We're in a cube farm and the last thing anyone wants to hear is your trashy chomping, smacking and gum popping!
pastramionrye
Yes. This. Fuck people who weren't taught correctly.
FatherDale
Who taught you? I was in my 30s when a gf taught me how to hold a fork correctly. It is teachable, if someone just tells you.
Tyrosine68
Like all table manners, I was taught from early childhood. You can take etiquette classes, that teach manners including this.
FatherDale
Not available in the socio-economic class I was born to.
Tyrosine68
I grew up well under the poverty line and I was still taught manners. Classes are available to adults as this is not an uncommon problem.
Neednoggle
My girlfriend's roommate chews with her mouth open. Between the first and last bite, her lips do not touch each other. Ho lee fuuuuuuuuckk!
InboxMeYourBeards
I wish my coworker would get fired for smacking her food
mateysaidwot
ALL MY IN-LAWS ROCK THE SHOVEL. My own fault. I was too nervous during pre-wedding dinners to notice what their hands were doing.
TickleMeFlymo
Shovel fork makes you look special.
IndigoWendigo
What are thy, 5?
benephon
I didn't even know I was holding my fork wrong until I was 19 :( I hold it correctly now but it was so damn comfortable the wrong way
wigglyseaurchin
But if you hold it overhanded you could elbow someone in the face :(
yougonelearntoday
It bugs the FUCK out of me when someone smackstheir lips. If I waswas to go one a first date and they did that it wouldn't work out
sweetnaivety
I must be immune, it doesn't bother me at all. We have a friend on our skype call who chews loudly into the mic and yet I never notice until
SEXYWHALE4LIFE
This is my biggest pet peeve ever. I will kill over it.
yougonelearntoday
i have made death threats in my head when im around people that do it
sweetnaivety
(2) everyone else complains about it. I just say, "oooh what are you eating, you're making me hungry!"
DoRyu
When I was little I thought lip smacking was literally slapping your own lips. It never made any sense to me as I'd never seen it.
wigglyseaurchin
I literally get the heebie-jeebies when I hear people smack their lips. It's made me leave restaurants.
iamagrocerybag
My dad does that, and chews loudly. I love him but I never sit opposite him to eat.
yougonelearntoday
my brother does is, if i bring it up he just does it worse to annoy me so i'll leave the room
creatingusernamesgivesmeanxiety
Yet you're proof that he's gotten laid at least once
iamagrocerybag
3 times in fact. My mum can't stand it either but somehow she gets by
creatingusernamesgivesmeanxiety
Maybe it was something that was cute and endearing at first when the love makes you dumb
EchoOfSnac
I used to eat with the shovel method. Somebody pointed it out to me in high school and I automatically never did it since.
candystripeacancerward
I hold my fork the shovel way just because I'm so cack-handed I can't function when I hold it properly :(
ThePterodactylSlayer
As a shovel former myself, this does not make me feel good about my future
Plesley
this is why i don't eat in front of others. I hate having people comment and judge how I eat (or how much).
scabab
using a fork the way it was originally designed to be used is unacceptable now? huh...
[deleted]
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scabab
well thats just poor ergonomics
RichardWolff
If my employment is ever tied to my fork technique I will probably just kill myself. Fuck everyone who cares about that shit.
trustmeimalinguist
Originally designed...how many years ago? We do/use a lot of things differently today than we did over a thousand years ago.
lyricallove
My husband came from an abusive childhood and nobody ever taught him how to use a fork. I'm pretty much the first person who has 1/2
lyricallove
ever brought it up. I don't really notice it much anymore. I tried helping him, but 19 years is a long time to secure a habit. 2/3
lyricallove
Honestly, if people are going to judge him because he doesn't hold his fork a certain way, they need to get a life. I know manners are 1/2
lyricallove
are important, but holding your fork incorrectly is one of the least rude things someone could do.
Moriarty
For me, the fork was a symptom of a larger problem. He acted as though I was out of his league and like he was stuck "below" even after 2yrs
xRocketman52x
I am already fascinated. Can you please give us an example where shovel fork got someone fired? Honest curiosity.
SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE
No exact story of this happening, but you won't even get to sit in front of clients if your boss sees you doing this.
Plesley
what is 'shovel fork" ?
Alkymysta
http://www.howdonkey.com/pics/55/hold-a-fork.jpg
mrgrape
Oh, prison fork.
Plesley
oh, like a kid. Thanks =D
actuallyacoolusername
You're not supposed to hold kids like that, either.
AwardWinningName
Commenting to check back later
ShitWasLitFam
he replied
Jardok
You're the best kind of person.
Tyrosine68
If your job involves social functions with clients your employer may expect impeccable table manners.
tinycrocodile
or even just a modicum of manners. i mean who the hell holds the fork that way (if your fingers aren't hurt). maybe its bc long fingernails?
notsocrazy24
I use the shovel thing to hold my fork when I eat ramen, it makes it easy to twirl the fork around and get the noodles on better. then 1/2
sweetnaivety
as a girl with long fingernails, I can use a fork properly just fine. my nails don't get in the way of doing anything at all actually.
pisshole
Shovel technique is actually very common in norway.
SteveMcSleeve
I think they mean holding it like this http://www.howdonkey.com/pics/55/hold-a-fork.jpg
notsocrazy24
again, that's me eating ramen alone in my apartment, so maybe that means nothing.2/2
Tyrosine68
Same for cellphones. I had to fire an assistant once because she kept texting during business lunches (with clients at the table).
shadowex3
... Seriously? I've got to check whatever mine does in case it's an emergency I'm getting called for but even then I'm apologetic.
freegiant
She didn't respond to a suggestion or warning not to do that?
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NeoHelios
I guess some people just can't be reached. I'll delete my comments so as to not continue offending. Apologies. Go back to your manners...
AxelYamanaka
People are dying in first world countries, and here you are worrying about people having shoes. SMH
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsTheBabyAteMyDingo
People are dying in third world countries, and here you are, worrying about those who still worry about etiquette.
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HeyCasButt
If humanity was required to elevate everyone to the highest standard of living before attempting to progress further we'd be nowhere.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsTheBabyAteMyDingo
Let me put it this way, just because some has it worse than you doens't mean your problems are minutiae, or something like that..