I don't know what to feel anymore...

A few months back I broke up with my fiance (we had been together about 6 years) because the relationship became too toxic and abusive (physically, emotionally and psychologically) for me to handle. Even though I loved her dearly I couldn't keep fighting with her so one night after a big fight, I broke things off with her.

While we were together we had had talks about suicide before and I had brought it up in private to her sister and mom to make sure they were aware of it, but we had many nights of me talking her down from her suicidal frame of mind. I suggested that we go get help together but she constantly refused and told me that I was her sole reason for living and that she would have nothing to live for if I left. I called suicide hotline for advice, I tried talking to her about it when she was in a good place, I tried everything I knew how to. However with how things were in our relationship, it just got too difficult to maintain what we had and I was forced to leave because I no longer had a relationship with my friends or family and she was an emotional and mental wreck. I understand what I did was selfish but after 6 years of trying to fix things I just wasn't able to keep it up any more.

The month after our breakup we didn't talk much (hardly at all) and she unfriended me on Facebook but she kept her privacy settings on public, so I would check her Facebook page regularly to make sure she was still posting and that she was still OK. I was in a weird place where I still loved her and cared about her and her well being but I just couldn't continue with what we were doing. I knew I had hurt her and wanted to know that she was still alive and well.

About the 1.5 month mark, after posting several breakup posts per week, I noticed she stopped posting on her Facebook wall and started seeing posts from her family and friends about how she'll be missed and how she was gone too soon. I had a complete breakdown. I called her mom and sister in a panic and her sister explained that she was gone and explained about an upcoming memorial service for her. I didn't go to school or work the following week, I broke down and have spent the past few weeks in a drunk stupor trying to make sense of everything. My family is encouraging me to seek therapy or psychological help to help process what's going on, but I just feel like this is all my fault.

I keep telling myself that I had no way of controlling this but I feel like I could have done things differently and that she would still be here if I had stuck with our relationship. I'm a fucking mess right now and honestly just need a hug and someone to talk to more than anything. It's 4:05 am and I haven't been able to sleep in weeks. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm stuck in a sort of daze.

Her memorial service was yesterday... I didn't go. I couldn't go. I'm scared that her family will also blame me for driving her to this. I don't want them to view me as the monster that drove her to this. I have a huge swell of emotions washing through me and the only outlet I have at 4am is you guys. I feel guilty and selfish and remorseful. I don't know what to do or how to handle any of this. I wish I could just turn the clock back and fix everything. I still loved her and wanted the best for her. She was an amazing person and I wish things could have worked out.

I'm sorry for the long rant, it's late, I'm hurting and just needed to let some of it out..

Tldr; fiance said she would kill herself if I ever left- we broke up and she actually did it. I feel like a selfish piece of shit and that it's all my fault...