sonof
484315
14191
249
We laughed and laughed. Then realized we could tell no one. So I tell everyone on Imgur. Thanks for being there.
Jan 5, 2017 3:53 PM
sonof
484315
14191
249
We laughed and laughed. Then realized we could tell no one. So I tell everyone on Imgur. Thanks for being there.
BigDaddyHall
One morning at breakfast my then five year old asked, "Mommy, were you having nightmares last night?" I nearly spit out my porridge.
MDSpencer1
I heard what I thought was geese. I got up to close the window to find out that it was my neighbors having sex on their back yard
lucidlilith
The comments are better than the post.
sonof
I'll admit that
BlackFrame
Once when my wife and I were doing it my son knocked on the door and asked if he could come in when we were done exercising.
ihaveatinyPP
My first time with my girlfriend we were camping and her 7 year old had his own tent. We were into it until we heard "mommy are you alright?
iputthefiresout
One night my 3y/o woke up to my wife and I having sex, asked why was mommy going "uh uh uh". We said she was having a bad dream
sonof
15 years later they will remember
iputthefiresout
A year later she still occasionally asks. My wife is always mortified
Oooodie
Congrats on the sex!
Loudscreamingorganism
Friends of mine had to remove the clapper from their bedroom because of a flickering lights situation lol.
sonof
Clap on, clap off
MooseFoxx
Fuckering lights.
rev1027
Son walked in on my wife and I when I had her legs in the air. Told him I was fixing Mommy's legs and he accepted it and walked back out.
QuixoticelixirMama
Lol. I love how they will accept the craziest explanations.
kewlchey
I thought mom was being abducted by aliens. Never asked though. Just accepted the fact.
DelicateMenstrualQueef
One fateful day, your son will make the connection. And it will be hilarious.
PaleChixAreMyFetish
InsensitiveComments
Try using the Dong-hole In boxers for less loud slapping.
mydadlooksatvaginasallday
My then 3 year old step-son walked in on my wife (then fiance) and I in the middle of the night and asked "What are you doing to my mom?"
owlest
how did you asnwer
mydadlooksatvaginasallday
I did a barrel roll into the sheets and his mom got off all fours, comforted him and said "it's ok Elijah, we were just playing!" Mood gone.
TibetanTerror
Our daughter asked why we were clapping in our room...
lucidlilith
Oh the imagery....
VodkaReindeer
The worst thing ever is to hear your mother giggling in the middle of the night. I'm still trying to convince myself that I was hearing thin
VodkaReindeer
gs.
PaleChixAreMyFetish
You were definitely hearing things...
InfraredSnapper
That doesn't have to mean sex. Often means definitely no sex.
clearwall
Better than having wake-up sex and the kid walks in the room and you have to lay on top of her while she tells him to go watch TV for a bit
ImaginarySuccess
I hate that. Then you get the guilt trip of "I'm not in the mood. Just finish so I can go to sleep." So frustrating.
MsAnnVeal
Went to a party and met a great storyteller. He told a story about his obnoxious neighbors having loud sex. 1/2
MsAnnVeal
Got a long great with this guy and started chatting. Found out that he lived upstairs from me. I was the neighbor. I apologized.
CydonianCyborg
Wow, what a ride.
MsAnnVeal
That is what he asked me to stop yelling at the end of the sexy time.
SluttyToast
Nice.
MsAnnVeal
I love your SN
TheDreaded1
"Daddy, I heard owls last night." "Hahahahaha! Really, sport?" "Yeah! They were fucking each other's brain's out!"
darkoshen
Ok, now stop it.
shakinbones
Lucky you, ours walked in on us wrestling with my wife half off the bed and her feet in the air. Our clothes "fell" off.
sonof
You got some splainin to do.
shakinbones
Ya, and I don't think he bought it.
Rifneno
If not, be proud. There's adults who think the world is flat and vaccines cause autism which is somehow worse than smallpox.
shakinbones
Confirmed.
azazyel
My cat hides behind the bathroom door when the Misses and I go at it
Unverified
My cat likes to watch
PxC4
You were pounding on a pussy so of course it was afraid
zydration
I just read thru all of these other comments about married couples and their kids, and then this. +1
crackblind
Reminds me of just after I got engaged and my wife forgot she turned her ring inward. Not a fun dick grab. Finally can share that somewhere.
igotausernamejusttotellyou
TheKarmaMonster
Son opened our door after the lock didn't actually lock. Never forget my wife fully tied/bound up roll off the bed with her legs bound.
lucidlilith
????I'm dying????????????
Curiousone545
#goals.
PixelSprite64
peepsmcgeeandthefilthy
I really laughed my ass off!
MistressLyda
That is impressive if she did it on purpose, and scary if not.
TheKarmaMonster
She just panicked and went for it. Little scary at the time but it still gets laughs
gloatingweasel
Did he see you?
TheKarmaMonster
Yes, but since the bed is high and I was behind her standing on the floor it just looked like I had no shirt on
Hayatev3
"No, I ran and left her there"
Glode
nightster07
Imagine waking up to that.
Lynava
loungeking1
HOOOT HOOT!! Okay I'm done. NIght, night hun.
TygrF
^^^ singing backup on 'Sympathy For The Devil'
sonof
I had to think about that for a minute.
TygrF
I love to make 'hand grenade' jokes (toss it then wait a bit for the 'splosion)
kraquepype
nthimguruser
Where's that version of people replicating this?
KittyWeeg
http://themetapicture.com/media/funny-owls-imitation-guys.gif
DrGladhand
http://imgur.com/KoWn68D
DeannaZone
beautiful
TrippingOverAspirations
.
teneyenet
tracerbullet6
.
KittenItaly
OMG he's so freaking cute!
ShadowLightning9510
Adorable birb
TurtleX
What a cute birb
ShadowLightning9510
EyeOfTheTiger11706
Omg I laughed so hard
EyeOfTheTiger11706
Fantasticko
Officially my new fav gif!
WeirdDadGuy
The post above was great. This however made me laugh and almost lose it.
teneyenet
FelixTheAnimator
Our kids thought we'd been eaten by monsters once.
darkoshen
Does nobody else get the humor in this!?!? Honest lol here. ty
FanOfGelatin
Nope!
FanOfGelatin
Care to elaborate for those of us this joke was lost on?
PacoNPepe
13 year old walks by door and says, "Can you guys keep it down in there?" No sex for weeks...
Kittybitters
At 13? Oh come on, kid. They can wear headphones.
justonemorethingtoremember
Mine yells from her room "OR YOU CAN JUST GO TO SLEEP"
DirtyMicrowave
lmao. Seems like you've got a chill kid.
justonemorethingtoremember
Sometimes. Until she says "maybe I should just bring my BF home and wake you guys up while screwing" FUCKING negative! She's 15
PaleChixAreMyFetish
Say the same thing to him whenever he's in the bathroom the little shit...
PacoNPepe
she....
PaleChixAreMyFetish
Ok them hide all the AA and AAA batteries in your house.
BeardUp
Who sounded like an owl? Who? Who? WHO?
DrawJerz
You,that who.
Jammiepak
WHOOO is your daddy ?
WilwoWaggins
Who let the owls out? Who who who?
swampdonks
The white winged dove. whoo baby whoo, baby whooooo
Terminal56
FouseyTube
TheUnsolicitedDuckPic
Whooooooo are you who who who who
IYKWIM
(New day rocks, new day rocks) i'm in the wrong environment
dangerjr
There are dozens of us!
corbynDallas
Fuck i love imgur
Astrix02x
This comment hasn't had enough love
clearwall
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CtPRY7-WEAAGWUp.jpg
IjazSSJ3
Always upvote New Day
aerojovi83
BECAUSE....
IjazSSJ3
NEW, DAY ROCKS...
aerojovi83
Give me a chance to post one of my favorite gifs http://imgur.com/G07UQDp
ub3rmike
This comment is booty.
IjazSSJ3
BOOTYO'S, They make sure, you ain't booty
Simplyfun
I bet the whole thing was a real hoot.
ProbablyDrunkAgain
Chillingworth
caseythefacey
I used this picture as a reference for a painting...and now it's tainted
Dolba
Pun game level: Great Grandfather
Simplyfun
What's that you say sonny? I can barely hear ya....
Drewcas
SarcasticCanadian
icantthinkofausernamesoyeah
Hell of a GIF
SarcasticCanadian
only the highest quality gifs for me
NGuffinMuffin
HA! I get it! (I'm saying this to act dumb by the way)
TobascoPanda
ARealHumanandNotaChatBot
Where has this been all my life!!
Dredd243ForMeBB
shouldbedoingmylabwork
Speaking of hooters, iwas banging my baby moma sideways from the back. the baby begun to startle so she just popped her hooter in her mouth.
shouldbedoingmylabwork
I slowed at first wondering if this borderline "wrong" but then I was about to nut so grabbed her traps and really let the rocking motion2/3
shouldbedoingmylabwork
Abet soothing my little Lily Lou during our technically meah0.a
browsib
Oh, you...
SuperiorPosterior
Well if that don't just get yer gizzard gurglin'
gregorclegane
sonof
Hooters were involved
Vectron
Whoooo? http://oglaf.com/chauncey/ (nsfw)
OldIronsides
When my sister was a baby, when she cried, a screech owl would come to the window and look in...
Simplyfun
I'm happy for your happiness!
spiritualbeingonahumanjourney
Owl owl owl it
kenshinlives
fuck, you need more points for making me say that out loud
Ravenuser
OneZebraInAHerdOfWildebeests
You owe us all? Gimme gimme
ARealHumanandNotaChatBot
Friend had similar thing happen except the 6 yo called 911 and said mom was being hurt. All the cops in the near by area showed up.
TeddyBearLord
What a cockblock
NeuroMortis
*copblock
ARealHumanandNotaChatBot
Yup. Ever better is it's a small town so everyone knows everyone. Dispatcher asks the kid what sounds they were making. He grunted loudly.
GreenLantern15
Did the dispatcher laugh?
MyNameisAvailable
So they knew what it was, the force was just a bunch of perverts and wanted to watch..or join.
finstad4
Owl be damned
ThirstyBeaver
Ours started crying thinking there were ghosts in the house.
Jowanee
Ooo I'm gunna tell my kids it's ghost if they ever hear me
ThirstyBeaver
On the one hand, it'll keep them from barging into your room. On the other, it might be the cause of them barging into your room.
TheGodOfBeards
My son knocked on the door one night and asked if I was making that clapping sound. He asked me to stop because he couldn't get to sleep.
jqdao3
Payback is a bitch for when he was an infant.
kenshinlives
The reactions they'll have when they're adults and make the connection at a random moment.
tastytampon
So true. 20 years later I realized I walked in on my parents going at it doggy style. Still can't scrub that image from my mind.
uusseerrssuubb
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) you were gettin it
BababaMoooya1
Lol
knifeskills
I hope you told him mom was applauding your performance.
CaptainMorgan02
Please clap
EnivrezVousDeVin
Rip poor jebbo
highexpectations
Wow
Bystandr
If it sounds like a white guy running in flip flops they say its the good kind.
xxbike87xx
Is somebody stirring mac&cheese? Make me a bowl too.
corbynDallas
So disturbing
HouseMouseMN
Ugh exactly. I was hungry/horny & half way through sex I started fantasizing about Kraft Mac n cheese
donkeymoney
What a great euphemism!
MsAnnVeal
I applaud your booty and or hand smacking all booties.
ThatswhatIwasthinking
That's what I was thinking
TheSecondOneWasTakenToo
Were you laughing all day?
thatstrangenoise
Did you give him the clap?
[deleted]
[deleted]
CairoLen
sonof
Did you tell your friends or anyone?
kittycatsarefreakingCUTE
Lol. This is soooo mild compared to the shit I share with my friends.
NotAfraidToOffendYou
If you are afraid to tell this story to your friends you aren't very close
18KONG
I told everyone I know so I could GET HARD, it's my fetish
jorgepropel
Bless you, you sick bastard.
Kabe59
I have no idea why you are getting downvoted
18KONG
I think I get why
Ceracuse
Bad delivery of joke
TheGodOfBeards
I think I told some people at work. But I work on an assembly line so over 8 hrs you tell everything you can to pass the time.
Ampzor
Same working in a kitchen. When I was a chef, when times were slow we talked about everything. Sex lives included.
UnrealPie
I use to work assembly line before I got promoted and this is accurate.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Rocket350
Sounds like the Marine Corps. No filter, and boredom will generate extreme creativity.
TheGodOfBeards
To me the people at work are like internet people. They will never know me in real life.
betamail
But I do know you, Dave.
WhatIsAHontasWhyShouldIPokeIt
Bueller?
barbos007
Donkey
ThatWizardCameFromTheMoon
Joe?
barbos007
Donkey!
badmagic
Steven?
NotInClass
Yup, a beer after work is about the biggest step
TheGodOfBeards
Never
Cheomesh
Patrick?
barbos007
Donkey!
yehstan
That takes me back to this past summer when I was landscaping. I work in a cubicle now and I miss those days of just BSing to pass the time.
TheGodOfBeards
I would take a cubicle anytime. But as I'm sure you know...the grass is always greener on the other side. That's a landscaping joke.
dpidcoe
I'm an embedded software developer but do a lot of work out in the field supporting our systems, so I get the best of both worlds :D
yehstan
Nice one. The uncensored BSing is the thing I miss most but not enough to wish I was still there. I do not miss being constantly exhausted.
OfficialUsernameChecker
my son once came to the door and asked why mommy was making those noises. He thought she was hurt and was scared. She is not quiet.
ZeeX10
Time for a ballgag.
xeoda
Kinky
erisande
I'm embarrassed to admit I was once that child. I remember knocking and asking "Mommy, are you okay?"
VizenFatale
"I'm perfectly fine now get to bed you little shit!" -Most probably me if I have a kid ever knock on the door during sex
wrathofthekraken
Been there. Kinda weird to think about a time that a woman moaning worried me
OfficerFuckYou
Omfg I did that when I was six. My mom said she had a stomach ache and dad was working on it for her...is that why you're naked mom? No ????
Cheomesh
Time to teach them about sex, then.
MadMerlyn
My parents never had sex. It's amazing how frequently they were practicing wrestling moves and rearranging furniture in their room though.
amop
just saw mr fantastic, p relevant
OfficialUsernameChecker
I think my 6 year old is a little too young at the moment
Cheomesh
I think I was only about 7 when I got the info, honestly.
ElaynePurdy
My mom's always answered any questions I have so I learned about those things at about that age. Because of that I never thought to (1/2)
ElaynePurdy
Experiment on my own. Imo teaching them early keeps from unsafe sex. (2/2)
shartsicle
My daughter has known almost everything since she was 4. Sometimes, they're ready for more than we give them credit for. Avoid the taboos.
Mewtank
If they're young enough to ask, you can give them little bits of info as they get older so they're not overloaded with info.
SuperiorPosterior
I'm not a dad yet, so I'd wait on an actual one's advice first, but this doesn't seem like a horrible idea. Not sure how it'd pan out though
jackbinimbul
I honestly disagree. Never too young. Just make it age appropriate.
Mewtank
I think as long as they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know. As you said though, make it appropriate for the child.
OfficialUsernameChecker
I understand your position, but every kid is different. My 6yr old with severe ADHD isn't ready cuz he wouldn't sit still long enuf to learn
RobErtE87
This is when you realize that when you have a child, sexytimes are over.
SardonicGrin
Nope just time to up your game.
uhhMurdok
You don't deserve the down votes bud.
notwhitetrashbrittany
Netflix has more of a negative impact on my sex life than my children do.
Cheomesh
I have one and no, they haven't been over. Not until work stress started climbing, anyways.
OfficialUsernameChecker
That's the kicker
Cheomesh
People like to rag on kids, but work and school have done worse work on my sleep, sex, and general happiness than my daughter ever did.
LanceSackless
Nah, thats just when you start implementing the ball-gag
ABillionDucks
I would wait until they are a little older for that.
MrNameisme
Of good lord
coznestersmiff
Christ
MrNameisme
Of good lord
OfficialUsernameChecker
Of good lord
OfficialUsernameChecker
Of good lord
MrNameisme
Of good lord
MrNameisme
Of good lord
OfficialUsernameChecker
Of good lord
OfficialUsernameChecker
Of good lord
MrNameisme
Of good lord
MrNameisme
Of good lord