Well That Escalated Quickly...

Story time:

So last night at around 8:45pm I'm headed off to play hockey like a good Canadian boy. There was blowing snow causing limited visibility. Once I'm on the double lane highway and we get into the 100km zone (60mph for you yanks), I begin to speed up. A vehicle from behind (turned out to be my teammate) begins to pass me...but just as he gets in front of me I see his brake lights light up and he swerves into my lane. I quickly pull to the shoulder and stay in control of the car. Turns out there was a semi truck doing about 70kmph with no lights on.

I, being a good citizen, called the local police service line. I used their casual line, rather than emergency, just to inform them of a westbound rig with no lights (turns out he almost caused many accidents). The line was busy, I remained on the line until I realized I was going to be late to play so I hung up. There's no reception in the arena and my phone died in the meantime.

I had a fantastic game and drove home. I arrived to my wife and mom both in tears in my house, friends from all over sending me and my wife messages trying to figure out what happened to me and if I was dead or not...here's what happened on their side:

Turns out my phone call was forwarded to an emergency line. The police constable on duty then tried to return my calls. He couldn't get through to me. Using my phone number he tried to go to my house, we just recently moved so he actually went to my old house that my friends bought. He told them he's looking for me, they directed him to my current home. Those friends start calling their friends and family trying to track me down. (remind me to update my driver's license with my new address).

10:00pm. The officer then went to my current home where my pregnant wife is taking a relaxing bubble bath (lukewarm...don't get judgy on her lol). The doorbell rings repeatedly, sounding almost frantic. We've had creepers in the past try to freak my wife out in the driveway, so she freaks out, gets out of the tub and hides. She starts getting phone calls from a blocked number. She starts loosing it. She texts my mom to let her know that someone is creeping on the house, my mom drives down and nobody's there.

My wife checks her voicemail and it's a police officer saying "Hi _____, we received an emergency phonemail from your husband but have been unable to track him down since he tried calling, we just want to make sure that he's okay, please call us back".

This is her biggest fear...that I die in a car accident. When the police try to contact a spouse, in her mind, that means death. She looses it. She starts to call EVERYBODY asking if they've seen me or if they knew if I made it to hockey or not. Because of the blowing snow, nobody came out to watch the game, so no friends or family were at the game (other than the ones, like me, on the ice).

Finally after an hour of stress and speculation, I come waltzing through the door like a total shitwad: "Babe! You shoulda seen my sick dangles on the penalty shot I snagged cuz Josh is a lazy chode!....Why are you crying? .... Mom what are you doing here? Who died?!?" *silence* "YOU DID!"

The news made it all the way to New Zealand that I was pushing up daisies from a terrible car crash...

tl:dr - tried to inform the police of a safety hazard on the highway. They didn't answer so I gave up. They tried calling back but my phone was dead. They freaked my wife out by saying I called for help, and that now they were looking for me. My family and friends all thought I was dead.

FP Edit: Thanks guys! Send photos of doggies

Updated my license today! Thanks for all the messages!

Yes, I misspelled "losing it"

Fact: "I might be having sex with a ghost" sex is 12% more enjoyable than makeup sex.