quelin
1244
49
7
I was climbing the 5-flights of stairs to my floor of my apartment.
Earbuds in, audio book blasting away.
The eggs, boiled potatoes, bacon and 5 glasses of coffee sloshing upon my colon door.
A continuous release of snapping farts as I climbed my never-trod stairs.
For I never see anybody. Even overall in my apartment, just the super, the methhead, the homeless guy in the lobby and I have ever spoken. And then, only as we pass in the lobby. Everybody uses the elevator. I figured by evidence of the desiccated remains of cockroaches in the 140 year old brickwork of the stairs.
Nope, not this day. As I hit the 4th floor there passed not only a woman, but none other than a fond waitress of mine who serves bar at the nearby [redacted] Bar & Grill.
Not only had she no way of missing my enormously loud flatus, she had to brave 4 descending flights of stairs as it leached into her very pores.
Worst yet, it wasn't until after I happily called "Howdy!" to her as we passed each other and I processed her facial expression of absolute abhorrence that I realized what horrible start to a day I'd given her.
inredsharpie
+1 for [redacted]
CDsnutz
Coworker of mine lifted his leg and ripped one just as the client walked up behind him. She tipped us each $50 when we finished the job
tacobird
Usually, when I see that many words in a post, I do not read it. I am glad I read this one in its entirety.
REDACTEDREDCTED
roadsterdoc
Other humans are attracted to comfort. Seek her out again as soon as possible. No need to mention your flatus. You both know and that’s how
roadsterdoc
you have a unique opportunity to shine my friend, as there is no need to discuss it any more than other natural actions such as breathing.
roadsterdoc
She will be intrigued that you are perfectly comfortable in the human spacesuit you were issued.
FamSword
I've had some pretty good crop dusting moments myself. But this is some next level cringe. Thanks for sharing man.