MithrandirGi
96091
1402
40
May 12, 2021 10:34 AM
MithrandirGi
96091
1402
40
CommodoreSkippy
TRIBUTE!? You steal men's souls and make them your slaves!
chapterhawk101
What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets.
superbest
Somebody is fixin to get impaled!
Fastjack2056
Vlad the No-payinger
OliverClothesoff70
ClutteredDesk
Never fails to make me start cackling.
pattyymac
this is literally one of my favorite 4 panel comics ever
pdp1
Waluigi and Toad
prattlepro
meepmorprobotnoises
Vladislav the Poker
Athenawins
Bruh
Gamemaster64
but his eyes didn't close.
PackCake
Fixed..
ErniesWidow
cainofdreaming
jelladelta
Vlad: I wanna look lime a southpark cartoon. Barber: say no more.
FrostingACakeWithAPaperKnife
Fascinating history, the Ottomans.
LonelyHumanBoy
Too bad the Viziers had to fuck it all up.
RXJ235231
Vlad loves furniture stores because he can put his feet on all the ottomans he wants
TheFrostyFox
ClutteredDesk
This is without doubt, the dumbest non-political thing I've seen today. An upvote for you good sir/madam/other.
SamAuFoodVillain
My friend doesn't get this one...
Schulis
Vlad the inhaler...
Askingforafriend37
Tell your friend that instead of Vlad the impaler, it’s Vlad the inhaler.
JustAnotherVictimOfAmbientMorality
"How'bout a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pole disappear"
Shadowhawk000095
WizardCastingShade
what is this?
geekyredheadedpufferfish
Its from the movie van helsing with hugh jackman. Underrated movie imho
nspriest233
Better than other van helsing movies but mostly because of Jackman
Brennusthecelt
Vlad always makes certain people get the point.
jherazob
Obligatory:
razeyourchildren
LEON! HELP ME LEON!
AmHumanNotLizardMan
Gawrsh,Ssora, do ya think we oughta get up on the hydra's back?
TheSilverSeraph
Vlad: “Now bend over”. Ottoman: “Do I close my eyes again?” Vlad: “Sure”
Athenawins
Impayled
ligmabolz
And then he impaled him up the bum bum
steviEa
Whatever you say Elfo
CallThisAUsername
+1
Mikadomea
*what what in the butt clip*
MandrewJackson
I find it odd that Imgur loves saying men can also be the victims of abuse, but also love male rape jokes. ?
ChaosScythe
I don’t think there is anything wrong with said jokes if it helps people cope.
Dagordae
Yeah, it’s not a rape joke. Vlad the IMPALER’s nickname was completely literally. He impaled people. LOTS of people.
MandrewJackson
Yes, he did that literally. But the addition of bending over and closing your eyes adds an overt sexual implication to 'impaling.'
thedudeman519
Is this a rape joke ? I thought it was a reference to how Vlad the Impaler earned his name
MandrewJackson
Telling him to bend over and close his eyes makes the "impaling" pretty overtly sexual in nature.
MandrewJackson
Look at the other comment that explicitly states "up the bum bum." That's the whole joke.
SilereVitam
It's not a rape joke, it is a historical joke about Vlad of Walachia impaling a rather large number of living & dead people to intimidate 1/
SilereVitam
ottomans into leaving them alone, stop trying to invade periodically, & stop demanding tribute of Christian kids to turn to Janissaries 2/2
MandrewJackson
Not sure how you missed the double entendre that "bending over" and "closing my eyes" adds to 'impaling,' but without that there's no joke.
FaerieForHire
Not joking about it will only make us sadder. I don't wanna trigger anyone but I do make fun of the sexual assault that happened to me
FaerieForHire
Helps me cope
thedudeman519
I've heard something similar about comedians. "You know who loves cancer jokes? The kids in the ward when I go visit them" Along those lines
Protonel
Also vaguely remember something along the lines of "Making fun of the human state/situation? Is the core of comedy". Probably far off but eh
itscoldhere8monthsoftheyear
You're thinking of Vlad's brother.
Iaskquestionablequestions
The inrailer?
SpotlightKryptonite
Radu “the handsome”
TheInitiated
The Impala
ThePowerOfIncredibleViolence
Brad the impaler.
Daeyelle
Islav?
jokexplainer
Step brother *
TheGhostMinx
"Step-impaler, what are you doing?"
DeepThought420
Just curious: how did it end after all?
tlyfurQueen
Vlads head was put on a pike for display. Thats how it ended
HouseofWolves312
Where's the head, then? Would have to be buried if that was the case, he was royalty after all
Akaszkronos
He looked into the sun. Then he met a blond chick in London.
DVSBSTrD
The Austrians betrayed him.
bvngholio
He became Dracula.
IamTheBestAtDonutEating
He won a series of strategic battles, but ultimately lost. He died in battle, was then beheaded. His head was put in honey & sent to mehmed
IamTheBestAtDonutEating
His body was desecrated by the ottoman soldiers too, and believed to be dismembered.
HouseofWolves312
Maybe, but there's 0 remains anywhere
IMadeAnAccountForThisFuckingSobStory
Short version of what we know is he won by picking some very one sided battles and pulling a scorched earth policy on his own people.
IMadeAnAccountForThisFuckingSobStory
Turks routinely entered towns to find them abandoned with nothing of use save the roof to keep rain off. When they got to the capital 2/3
IMadeAnAccountForThisFuckingSobStory
They apparently found fields and fields of impaled citizens outside the walls making a close siege camp impossible cause of the rot.
iliketrains1990
I heard it was impaled captured Turks?
HouseofWolves312
Indeed, but Turks and italians spread the idea that he killed his own ppl. No archaeological evidence supports it. Lotsa dead turks, though
kakivara
When he was a boy, they sent him to the Turks. But you know that they didn't like him because all the Turks were jerks. When Vlad returned
kakivara
home his wrath for his ancient foe had spurned, but the ancient art of impalement was something that the boy had learned. OH, HOW HE
kakivara
LEARNED! He learned, they burned and burned and burned. Rotisseries of corpses turned! He's so glad, oh he's so glad he's Vlad! Source: Gwar
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
So, the Ottomans raise a massive army and invade. Vlad does everything possible to delay and destroy the enemy army, using scorched earth >
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
hit and run, and fear tactics. Leaving "forests" of captured Ottoman soldiers impaled in his wake. The Ottoman main force left, but left >
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
behind a token force under Vlad's brother (who was loyal to the Ottomans) Vlad defeated them twice, but never decisively, and his brother >
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
provided a bit more popular than him. As he already had a brutal reputation. He then sought support from Hungary to aid him in securing his>
SometimesISayHistoryStuff
territory and push back against the Ottomans. But they did not want to attack the Ottomans, and realized that supporting Vlad would make a >
adr1an
Vlad's victories (skirmishes) over the Ottomans caused disproportional losses and slowed their westward expansion. However, 2 centuries ...
adr1an
... later they finally managed to get rid of the last of his dyansty - which is even more surprising considering the balance of power.
comixthomas
The Turkish attacked Wallachia with a superior army Vlad the Impaler won some very unlikely victories and became a famous military hero
comixthomas
I read his wikipedia article after writing this and it looks like this first post is oversimplified to the point of being misleading.
comixthomas
My bad, if you're curious please read the Wikipedia
comixthomas
He was eventually captured. His daughter paid his ransom and since his grave was found in Italy he apparently retired there
HouseofWolves312
Err.. What? That's not what happened like.. Historically
azarza
apparently there was no tomb under the Romanian grave.. story now is daughter fled to naples with headless remain s
meepmorprobotnoises
What happened... historically?
HouseofWolves312
It is still a controversy - known facts are he was betrayed by noblemen who ambushed & killed him with Ottoman support.
Scaramucci
Didn't he retire in Transylvania?
FallenJester
Yeah, he later went to England though to chase after a redhead
HouseofWolves312
He was betrayed by nobles and murdered, like most Romanian rulers in history. His remains were never found though
comixthomas
His grave was found in Italy in 2016
Scaramucci
Excuse me I watched enough Dracula documentaries to know this is all bullshit.