NurseJoyButWithoutTheJoy
130450
2360
71
...but be understanding if the answer is no. This extends to medical diagnoses in general, but mental health concerns can be particularly hard on your relationships. Caregiver fatigue is a real thing and the folks in your life may sometimes need a break. This is why it's so important to have a good support system, so you can allow people time to recharge their energy and empathy. You probably already know this as "drawing healthy boundaries." Your friends and family want to help you in every way possible--make sure you do the same for them.
Caregivers, this is your reminder that it's okay to take a respite. And, if you plan on not burning out, it's necessary. Take care of yourself too.
BoopityBee
Fuck people, they'll just throw it in your face later anyway. Better to rely on yourself and people you pay to hear about your shitty life.
PippinTea
I had a friend that I helped for hours a day and eventually needed to stop. I took her to the hospital twice. I eventually had to stop 1/2
PippinTea
Because she wouldn’t actually take any of my advice and made up excuses and manipulated me. I found out she told me different than others.
NurseJoyButWithoutTheJoy
There is a difference between helping and enabling; boundaries test that difference. Good on you for taking care of yourself.
PippinTea
It was definitely one of the hardest things for me to do.
RedWingedBlackbirds
Thank you @OP. Dealing with more than one person like this and I struggle just to stay afloat myself. I've started avoiding them
Shrimpsh
I agree that every one needs a break but that's why we develop a support system. Its not weak to need help, and that goes for both parties.
littleladyluna
I have PTSD. My mental health is my responsibility. My bf is caring and supportive but he isn't my counselor and I dont make him be it.
NurseJoyButWithoutTheJoy
Sounds like a healthy support! Glad you have him, and it sounds like he is lucky to have you too. It does get better with time and work!
zylokun
If you rely on others to help manage your mental health... You need to back the fuck off. it is exhausting. Fuck you. I have other shit
SpiceSlag
I started doing therapy to not put that pressure on my friends. I see them a lot less as I get older and I want those occasions to be fun.
Carefuler
Continually relying on someone else for your mental health does not really seem acceptable.
Baeloro
Working on changing houses as we speak. Live in is just too much...
lex4well
I'm trying to find the right systen of meds, counselling and doctors, my loved ones are definitely tired of me, I'm sorry. :(
NurseJoyButWithoutTheJoy
It's okay! They love you and want to help. Trust them to tell you if it's too much. Tell them you appreciate them, I'm sure it's mutual!
CotterPyke
My wife was like this. I was responsible for literally everything she felt and she blamed me for every thing in her life. I had to get out.
Boost2RS
I'm probably an asshole now because I cared so much about making everyone feel better when I was younger. Got burnt out.
kiwisurfer
from the comments i see so many others are dealing with the same problem, easy to forget other people are in the same boat.thanks 4 posting
MaDragon
Thank you - I needed to see that this morning.
TCGView
I rely only on myself because I know mu issues can be exhausting for others.
NurseJoyButWithoutTheJoy
You are a caregiver to yourself too. It's okay to ask for help, and people will be glad you felt safe asking them. We like to feel useful.
lamontyoudummy
People with MH live in the world with families. Do you insist cancer patients handle everything between themselves and the drs only?
lamontyoudummy
It's ok to need help from your families and friends, and it's ok to need a break from being the caregiver, too.
lamontyoudummy
I hope those of you implying that the sick shouldn't be a burden are never caregivers.
disemboweled
This shit is a two-way street. Also, being a caregiver is also a choice. I get the sentiment, but this should be framed around it being
disemboweled
okay for a caregiver to sometimes put themselves first in these unfortunate situations.
Improbabilitydrive42
Having an alcoholic parent, sometimes it's NOT A CHOICE when you're a kid- It's a matter of survival.
disemboweled
That's not being a caregiver. That is called child neglect and abuse.
EmporioIvankov
That's what it's saying.
omglolbah
Do communicate to the person about why/what you are doing though. Leaving someone wondering why you stopped responding is not a good idea.
NurseJoyButWithoutTheJoy
Good point! Effective communication is key.
CabanaBoy3
Family and friends can be an important part of the support process...just shouldn't be the only part.
RiddleportRain
It's amazing the complete lack of empathy on this post. You have depression.. peace out. Jeez it's sickening.
Smack94
I've had mental health problems including two suicide attempts. One thing I absolutely can't stand is people indulging in their illness and
Smack94
using it manipulate people
candiduscorvus
There are few things as selfish as a drowning victim. There will drag down their own mother to try to get out of whatever they're suffering.
katinkasnazzlefrass
I needed this!!!! My BF and I are on a “break” for this very reason. His depression has been manageable without medication due to his (...2)
katinkasnazzlefrass
and I’m drained. Mentally emotionally and financially. We live roughly 100 mi away from each other and driving up there every few days (...3
katinkasnazzlefrass
to be berated and used like a maid finally cracked me. I’m spent and he can’t seem to grasp that. I love him but I can’t do it anymore. (End
Oddiun
I’ve Told friends to stop coming for more than support if they wont see a doc, I’m not qualified for anything beyond a vent/rant session
Rakkndon
Wish I could tell my mom I need a break. Severe depression and paranoia. Possible undiagnosed bipolar.
inyourheadunderyourskin
Protip:. Don't ever rely on someone else for your mental health and well-being.
Lizaderp
Not even your therapists. Their job is to work WITH you to cope, not wave a magic wand for a cure.
Jonataurus
Thanks for the tip. I'll just go do that now.
lecrinkle
Friends are great, but they're not medical professionals.
numonster
Please, yes, how do I tell my accidental housemate this? It's been over a year, I need my space back...
numonster
Please note: there is a psych involved (rarely), there's also physical disabilities too. Accidental housemate is really not well. Nor am I.
CptnRayHolt
how do you have an accidental housemate? Is someone living on your couch?
numonster
Started out as a "can I stay for the weekend" and snowballed. They have their own apartment but are too scared to be alone.
CptnRayHolt
sounds like a shitty situation, especially if you care for them. But if they aren't paying rent, you can ask them to leave
numonster
I'm trying to ease them back to their home but failing. There's no one that can help (their family is dead or far away & friends are tired)
Halbig
Happened with a friend of mine who went through a rough couple of months and called me constantly. Finally he pulled himself together >
Halbig
and got on some antidepressants. Suddenly he was all better and wanted to stay at my place a few weekends for college football games like >
Halbig
nothing ever happened. I told him I just couldn’t deal with housing him because I was so worn out from being his shoulder to cry on for so >
Halbig
long. Not even a “thank you,” just anger because I wouldn’t let him crash at my place to get drunk at the games. Burn out is even worse >
Halbig
when there is a complete lack of gratitude or even understanding.
InsipidYouth
Boy my girlfriend could take a note from this....
cow042
My ex had severe depression. I got burnt out and she left me because I was no longer the same person she started dating
Lizaderp
I've dated depressed people though to know that I can't. It brings me down. I need people who know how to cope. We need to help each other.
e0jay
My ex had high functioning autism, but was also a lying asshole with violent tendencies who blamed it on his autism. I left after 10 years.
notaverycleverusername
Oh, was it my ex? Because you described him to a T.
Lizaderp
Naw it was mine. The gaslighting sociopath, right? Hair like Charlie Sheen?
SleepySambo
I'm in that same situation right now with my current GF.
TheTurtleBard
Been there, man. After the umpteenth time trying to talk them down, I snapped and they haven't talked to me since.
SteveCarlsburrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgishatedbyCecil
Recently broke up with someone who has depression, they never got medication or went to talk to someone. It became tasking and i couldnt
SteveCarlsburrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgishatedbyCecil
Do it any longer. I felt burdened and like i was their parent. It should of never gotten to that point...
thefatlonelyjew
You're wrong. It's "should HAVE never".
NickRivieraMD
arrrrrrrrrgh
MyHouseOnMars
My first boyfriend was clinically depressed. I got burnt out & we broke up messily and now I'm the one with depression. He's doing well tho!
cow042
I got burnt out and depressed and am slowly recovering since she left. But her leaving sunk me deeper than when I burnt out.
thefatlonelyjew
Learning to say no in those situations is not something we're ever prepared for :(
ObliqueRay
Did she go to a doctor for medication etc?
cow042
Yes, she was on meds that stopped her panic attacks and had therapist.
KillerEnigma87
Same boat, i needed a break and i was an asshole.
Imfromvenusapparently
I worry that my husband is going to leave me because of my depression, but it's a hard problem to fix.
amagiciannamedgob
You don't have to fix the depression, you just have to make sure you both deal with it in a healthy way.
MarieAntointitty
Ya have to want to help yourself badly enough or he will leave. It almost happened to me. Sought therapy, went on meds. Best decision ever.
MarieAntointitty
If you can work on yourself first, it helps later repairing your relationship. Have been together 10 yrs and we are closer now than ever.
Imfromvenusapparently
I'm on meds and go to therapy, I want to get better. It's just my paranoia mixed with anxiety.
MarieAntointitty
I sincerely hope you find the peace you deserve. Anxiety is a real bitch- which is most likely causing your paranoia. Keep going, friend!
Imfromvenusapparently
Thank you. I'm a functioning mess and my husband loves me dearly and vice versa. That love really does help bundles. Oy vey. Fucking brains.
thefatlonelyjew
Just remember he wouldn't leave you because you have depression. The reason people leave is because more energy is asked of them than 1/2
thefatlonelyjew
2/2 they are able to recharge for themselves. Talk talk talk talk about it.
quietlysinister
More importantly, don't just talk talk talk to ONE person about it. If you can find a professional all the better; it's their job to listen.
HurtYou
My ex wife has depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Being the go to guy to do a majority of work ended up with me burnt out and divorce.
conflictmuffins
Shit. This just made me realize that my recent development of anxiety/agoraphobia must be super hard on my poor friends... Eeek!
conflictmuffins
I'm going to arrange something super special for them. I can't believe that I didn't realize how much I rely on them! Thank you!
NurseJoyButWithoutTheJoy
Your self awareness is key. Even just telling them how much you appreciate them can be enough!! They help because they love you!
koopaya
My situation is reversed. I'm bipolar. I work, but it's from home, so I'm also responsible for chores and watching kids in addition 1/2
koopaya
to working 30-35 hours a week. I'm getting burned out, and I don't know how else to convey it.
BrobiwanKenobro
How did you get diagnosed as bipolar? I think I may be confusing depression for bipolar myself, but my mania is... light
Myowngrampa
Youy sound like me
koopaya
My mania is extreme—I'm type 1. The diagnosis took awhile. I'd be happy to discuss this, feel free to PM.
LatchHookRug
Type 2 is hypomanic (not as extreme as full mania), so it's worth looking in to.
Solivoid
Real question. When did you find out she's like that? Did her immediate personality / charm seem to make her "baggage" worth it?
HurtYou
Everyone has problems. I'm a bitter cynic & misanthrope but we made it work. She got worse over the married years & it just became too much.
cow042
With my ex (5 years) I knew, but my feelings for her were stronger. If she wanted to be back together I wouldn't hesitate.
NickRivieraMD
People usually hold back the most offputting parts of their personality at first, otherwise it's awfully hard to make friends.
Solivoid
Tis gonna be a bit random, but I said the same thing to a writer-friend of mine: "you cannot expose your characters' bullshit--/1
Solivoid
/2 --on their first encounter! Nobody will like them, including, and especially, the audience!" <:
Solivoid
/3 either way, we're talking about a guy that got MARRIED. How long do you need to date someone until you marry / expose their faults? <_<
NickRivieraMD
Couple years, at least, in my experience. A LOT of people get married before that.
OKiluvUBuhBai
Once you’re in love, sometimes you’re just in love, and marriage is what you’re “supposed” to do. More years go by and you realize,
OKiluvUBuhBai
Depends on the person but the answer/reason is multilayered. As someone w low grade depression I’ve become amazing at hiding it. Am learning
OKiluvUBuhBai
To be more honest sooner. But also no one wants to be friends w a downer. Trying to teach myself a new balance. Source: burned out an ex
OKiluvUBuhBai
From him trying to fix me. Also, some people want to be rescued/fixed, and some want to rescue... it’s not a simple answer, really.