thunderclapjohnson
514354
11638
376
Mar 31, 2015 6:57 PM
thunderclapjohnson
514354
11638
376
pastramionrye
I love this greentext. It's my fave.
WriteitCiteit
I love the elegant design of "fat people stories" picture
Fentanyl
Greentext, but I still respect foodbro for keeping his chill for that long. I myself would have flipped shit in a week and created chaos
JohnathanJacobJinglySchmidt
I'm a little disappointed its over
Broadmoor
That is an epic tale.
KongMD
Too long, DID read. Worth it! This could definitely be a movie, tbh
ToastedVanilla
Foodbro sounds like a stud.
A911owner
I have a remarkably clear picture in my head of what each of these people look like.
TopsunPB
I dont have one on OP and M When OP is present I imagined I was looking through his eye and in 3rd person he was me. M was just a late comer
OnlyBurtonGusterGifs
I love how OP and Chillbro are just on lookers in the whole thing.
hampstermom
Things heat up "chillbro bails"
RanRanBobandy
As always, team chillbro
Stunfiskisundoubtedlybetterthanyou
I love how Chillbro has no overall relevance whatsoever
MC182
OP doesn't either. I think I shall call him, Storybro.
Y0UJUSTL0STTHEGAME
Greentext is the best
PaperElemental
Somehow I feel like this would be more delicous without it
norwayman
just read this all without zooming. the comments section seems big now.
Krindi
First thing that came to mind after reading that was "Your eyes will get stuck like that!", dunno why.
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
Its like you have to manually un zoom your eyes.
ItsACreamspiracy
As a fat girl, let me just say, fuck her. Being fat doesn't mean you get to be an entitled bitch.
TopsunPB
This story is by more than 90% chance made up just for the lols. I've never seen anybody like that.
FeliciaSexopants
I have.
DazzlingNoMore
Is there a stereotype about fat girls being bad? The ones I know are angels. And fuck doradus, this dress thing made me cringe
Kickasstodon
Well I have heard that the fats tend to be liars.
faresmax
i read it every time it shows up , and +1 it too
washyourhandsplease
Yea, I know its a repost and all but I just cant help myself.
blumpkinfarmer
Who gives if it's a repost? You don't watch reruns of tv shows if they're on?
intooblv
Never gets old, never gets less satisfying. I pray to the Old Gods that every word is true. I want to believe.
hippy80
You are not alone...
[deleted]
[deleted]
noonerspisms
i'm so glad i got to see this.
notsosilentbob
omg, I'm crying. Too funny
Dooood
I also read it every time. You can't NOT read it.
prettierandyoungerbutnotanybetteroff
Yes :D This is one of my favorite greentexts.
kvasimodo
I didn't read it again, and I downvoted it. What does that make me then?
Badsequence
Whelp that makes you Doradus or Doradus's new victim/mate!
Pytherz
For some reason i imagined Foodbro as Khal Drogo...
Efreeti
I imagine a cross between Harley Morenstein and a young Jon Favreau
TranceEnding
Yes haha
easteregg
Omg same here. Except blond.
TheMexicanThatCould
TL:DR don't stuck your dick in crazy and learn how to cook
IsMyUsernameAlreadyTaken
*your dick in fat
Cassiraa
tl;dr read this shit because it's worth reading.
USD1
everyone should learn how to cook, it's part of being an adult.
BenTheHokie
As a guy who knows how to cook. Yes. Learn how to cook. Fucking delicious.
twistedviking
The first time my (now) wife came to visit, I made BRT buffalo shoulder, bacon mac and cheese, and homemade ice cream. Locked it down tight.
adam1111
She's not crazy. Crazy people are interesting and usually great in bed. Doradus is just a spoiled vapid halfwit child.
Nihzlet
Equating 'crazy' with 'interesting' can be VERY dangerous. At least you put 'usually' before 'great in bed', though...
adam1111
I always find crazy people interesting.
SomeGuyWithASword
Do you mean that I shouldn't learn to cook or is there a comma missing somewhere?
MisterGrammar
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
TharrickLawson
Well if you learn how to cook by sticking your dick in crazy, let us know :)
umpbumpfizz
No, it's definitely "don't stick your dick in crazy AND learn how to cook". It's one or the other. Not both, definitely not on that order.
wispr
Oxford comma, 'muricans won't see anything wrong with that sentence.
CarnieTheImmortal
Texan... immediately went "Well that's ambiguous wording... needs a comma."
NotSoSmartAlek
as an adopted 'murican, I do see everything wrong with it.
twistedviking
Or people who've been on the internet long enough to be able to translate shitty grammar on the fly.
BetterUserNameThanLastTime
No there are many 'Muricans that use the Oxford comma. I just use it because it makes more linguistic sense.
captainclutch
As an American native to the South, I see a problem.
ProgMetalMan
Connecticut Murican here; me too
Queeditch
They should do a movie based on that story. I LOL'ed at seduction attempt failed because she has fallen asleep. Brilliant!
BonJohnny
a stranded whale will be just that, a stranded whale. if its awake or dead doesnt relly change the fact.
Zachthebat
Too many overweight people would complain about the depiction of the bitch unfortunately. Everyone's so offended by everything!
boobookip
I am overweight and I would enjoy the fuck out of this movie.
twinly92
Somehow I think that even if she was awake the seduction attempt would have failed
cuillere
They sorta did. Check out "Let's Kill Ward's Wife". Note: SORTA DID.
CharmingAndSexyGentlemanStarshipCaptain
SJW will be so furious when they see the movie.
Pryotra
I would pay for double tickets to watch this movie. 1 for me, 1 for a gallon of popcorn. Not even fat, just gonna enjoy the movie that much.
SomebodyStoleMyCarRadio
It'd be better than 50 Shades of Gray
MrAwesomesauce101
Anything is.
Stronghans
As a food bro, can confirm missing ingredients are enough to get me steamed.
evastria
I know right? I buy cooking chocolate a lot and I have to keep an eye on MrEvastria getting into the bakery cupboard to munch on it.
TwoBitGreaser
The delusion is strong with this one.
Polismack
Foodbro is a kind of guy i'd like to emulate. I'd love the chance to break up a house party. I'd only look angry on the outside.
MC182
I'd like to emulate his apparent cooking skills and love for cooking.
TheMungoman
I know the feeling, man. There's something oddly cathartic about being able to rage at someone and knowing that you are 100% in the right.
blainetog
Nothing odd about it.
Polismack
Maybe turn off all the power in the house from outside first then slam open the door and shout "GET OUT" like Caesar (The ape)
giamoose
I've done that...
Polismack
You. I envy you.
CenturionDias
Foodbro is my personal hero. Sounds like a cool-ass dude, and I love to cook.
Agorbs
I'm the pseudo-foodbro in my group of friends. Usually if we're stoned as hell I'm the one whipping up amazing snacks out of almost nothing
HellkerN
Samesies, except we just drink instead of smoking weed.
AesirSRW
I've done that lol. I do NOT like my whiskey time being interrupted.
intooblv
Inside: "Tee-hee, look what I did!"
Tyranarogue
Damn, I thought that I was supposed to expand your replies, thinking you had left a secret message in here.
Polismack
Actually yeah whenever I get mad thats literally what I'm like in my head. It's like a release to get righteously mad and get to rant.
thundrlipz
from img 1 I pictured foodbro as the dude from Epic Meal Time.
GoldenTGraham
Brolama
I saw foodbro and immediately remembered the story. Foodbro is best bro.
MotleyPoo
Brilliant, decency wins again.
Eldibs
I haven't seen this before. Why have I seen a thousand tumblrs and twitters, but not this glorious entertainment?
Badsequence
You are not alone this was also my first time reading this epic tale of angst, lust, desire, rage and revenge. It was fucking epic.
Hagabadla
Check out /r/greentext. Whole subreddit devoted to these.
seloh77
The one time I decided to read one of these green text posts its long as f*ck ... But totally worth it!!
IsPepsiOkay
Any time there's a long af green text post always read it because they're always fantastic.
JustCallMeNippleCat
This sounds exactly like my first roommate ever. She was the type of cunt to throw her shit rags in the trash can, expecting me to clean it.
Killertomato84
I roomed with a couple guys from highschool once, one's gf (now wife) literally left an overflowing pile of bloody tampons in the trash(1)
Killertomato84
Because the light bulb burned out in that bathroom over the toilet, and nobody realized it until the smell of putrid blood filled the room
JustCallMeNippleCat
Oh, that's nasty...
Badsequence
I loved this whole epic saga. I especially loved the fucking names man Foodbro, Bonybro and fucking Chillbro it's classic. Good shit man.
d0uble0h
I've seen this before but never actually looked it up: What is Doradus a reference to?
ShadowFairy
I'm assuming dora+ plus= doradus
IdidthissoIcouldvote
A giant fucking star in the magellanic cloud (hence that term being used in the description of the party)
MrAwesomesauce101
I wonder if OP in the Greentext was possibly an Astronomy/ Astrophysics major by any change or just an enthusiast.
theslothmonster
A very, VERY large star
rattbaggs
I'm gonna assume it's a reference to S Doradus, a hypergiant.
Daviosy
That sounded a lot cooler before I found out you meant a star.
rattbaggs
Hey, to be fair it is a pretty big star!
FunCinnabun
I thought it was because it sounded like Doritos...
ProphetTenebrae
tl;dr Ahab wins this time.
Planesareawesome
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj3BHrX1bUFX191jyqn405A thanks
blumpkinfarmer
That's a brilliant fucking comment right there
ProphetTenebrae
Probably one of my best.
DingDonger56
Legit lost it. That was great.
ProphetTenebrae
I'm pretty great.
Shoryukant
Lol'd Heartily. Here, young adventure, take this upvote.
SexyFred
Well played sir/madam, I died of laughter but came back as a ghost to upvote.
100PercentGradeABumblebees
Lost it. XD
ProphetTenebrae
It just came to me... possibly because there was a Moby Dick post earlier. So, that user should get partial credit for reposting that.
abnrib
Fuckin mic drop.
ProphetTenebrae
But that might damage the mic.
goofgoose
So does that mean she's dead?
ProphetTenebrae
Beached.
magicalmysterytour
i just got reprimanded for LOL at work
ProphetTenebrae
Reprimand them for making you work on Saturday.
JonSnowForKing
am I the only one who doesn't get this comment?
ProphetTenebrae
If you're not familiar with Moby Dick, it won't make a lick of sense.
GavinScreaming
god bless you
renairetairider
Oh you
max22imus
Hahaha you're a genius
ProphetTenebrae
I have my moments.
ChildCrippler
So my friend doesn't get the reference...
Silvermane
Moby Dick?! How could he not?! Read a book people.
Switchlife
From the book moby dick. Its an old classic that from my understanding is about a crazy old captain trying to kill a whale.
neohippie7319
Viewpoint13
Bruh
MrSteveRogersNeighborhood
You're a clever bastard...I like that
ProphetTenebrae
I can assure you, my parents were married when I was conceived but otherwise correct.
ExodusDei
I love Moby Dick. And now I love you.
ProphetTenebrae
Well, this is awkward. I'm not sure how my wife will take the news.
SPLITYOURLUNGSWITHBLOODANDTHUNDER
RELAVANT!
ProphetTenebrae
From Hell's heart, I stab at thee.
thunderclapjohnson
warmbeans
This is perfect.
SPLITYOURLUNGSWITHBLOODANDTHUNDER
YES! RELAVANT!
IDevelopGamesAndShitButMainlyGames
Maybe it's because I'm from Egypt, but in the US, is there really an assumption that, if I talk to opposite sex, I'm flirting with you?
TheWitchKing0fAngmar
I love this
Hujijiwatchi
This is glorious
ElPoloDiablo
Jesus...
triSARAtopswasalreadytaken
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
Clos12995
Ha
captainasspirate
Whatever this is or wherever it came from i want moar
fudgepuppyorangecake
Fuck I love mastodon
Efreeti
I would love them if they had regular vocals.