FRIENDLESSCATLADY
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Today I went to my partner’s house to find him having sex. Literally in the act. I saw him on top of her in the dark. I turned on the lamp and heard him saying baby no. I saw him and her and I just started crying. I didn’t know that happened outside of movies but I saw it. It was with his ex girlfriend before me. We spoke two days ago about him moving in to my house and here I am trying to figure out how to get through the day. We just looked at wedding rings. I started looking at imgur five years ago. Just got my own account and now my first post. How do people survive this? Thanks y’all for the support and guidance. To be clear, I will never be with him again. I know many people can overlook this type of issue but I can’t. Trust is everything, and I gave all I had. Never cussed at him once and not much of any fighting at all. Never asked to look at his phone, emails, fb - because I don’t agree with it. I had sex daily with him but I travel for work so I guess he found the time. I gave him like four blow jobs a week in addition to any thing else he wanted because sex is important. I know too much information, but it is baffling. I loved him endlessly. It really is true that if someone wants to cheat they will regardless of what’s at stake. EDIT - Captain’s Log. Day three -still surviving. He called me trying to make things right. Appalled. Y’all called it. Nasty.
gunstargreen0079
Keep busy. Cant stress that enough. It will get better. It wont feel better now or soon but it will down the road. Trust in that.
LocoRojoVikingo
Surround yourself with loved ones, friends family. They'll help the most. Just focus on yourself and remember that you did nothing wrong.
Mybrainfartwaswet
You saved yourself future grief. It hurts, but will slowly fade. Keep your head and good luck to you.
theyregooddogsbrint
I’ve learned that in a years time, you’ll look back on this and commend yourself on how resilient you were. You’ll bounce back soon enough
YouHadMeAtAsian
Just remember it’s okay to feel what you feel. It’s perfectly natural and there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling that way.
FreakedFack
First step is accepting it happened and what you're feeling right now is going to pass, but it's okay to feel like shit.
QualityVal
Oh god op. Hurts sooo much I know. But there’s no way way around it but through it. And you can’t get “through” without “..rough..”
drincognito
I didn't personally witness it, but I know the feeling of having a long term partner cheat. Stay strong OP!
154cmsalt
So sorry. But don't forget who you are, do not take him back under any circumstances and remember what he did reflects on him, not you ❤
sahdad
Stay strong, he's gonna come crawling back to you, minimizing what he did like it was "no big deal". It was. Message me if you want to vent
sahdad
About it. None of us can fix it or make it better but we can listen.
Amazingamandaaaaa
Congrats that you found out before moving in and getting rings. I know it's hard to see now, and that your heart is broken, 1/2
Amazingamandaaaaa
2/2 but you are better off finding out early rather than later.
TotallyNotSociallyAwkward
For me it was a lot of drinking at first. As someone who did that. Don't do that. Find a hobby you didn't have time for and dive in.
taransonder
Same here, Please don't do that to your partner.
tiedyedteeth
fluffernutter20
Hey girl, tried to send you a message but couldn’t. It sucks. It’s going to suck. But you can get through it. Don’t take him back. 1/2
fluffernutter20
Do stuff that occupies your time. Work,Work out,reconnect with old friends.If you want to talk send me a message. -a girl who’s been there
waitingonmarta
Are you Ryan gosling?
fluffernutter20
No. But I wish I had a Ryan Gosling to tell me these things.
Eagerrangerdanger
The only thing that has ever helped me was time, it really does heal all wounds
salmiyan
End it, end it, end it; take care of yourself; treat yourself to healthy indulgences if you can; take your sweet time before having a BF
YaHeardTurdFerguson
What an asshole. I'm so sorry. My ex husband cheated, hit me. My boyfriend now... it would never cross his mind to treat me like that.
UrsaMaj
Amen, preach it girl! I'm a guy, and I have never and would never treat my partner that way. There are great ones out there. YaHeard!
YaHeardTurdFerguson
There are wonderful people out there. And imnso sorry for your loss. It will take time to grieve but you will get through this a smarter
YaHeardTurdFerguson
Stronger person. With self respect and self love.
Abaddon46
I’m sorry, did you just say 4 BJs a week and anything else he wanted? This guy doesn’t deserve you. You do you, awesome chick!
wilhelmklink
Who the fuck would think about cheating after 4 Bjs a week?? Fuck dat dude.
jaybirdscott22
I truly believe she is exaggerating. She prob gave him 4 BJ's one week once and as far as sex every day....that's just bullshit.
jaybirdscott22
But yeah I still agree what he did is shitty.
NightPainPoe
Some girls like to give head tho, so idk what your point is
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glear
????
GhostHessian
Huh?
charltok4920
Wtf
Abaddon46
Well that’s an unsubstantiated claim if I’ve ever seen one.
CekinDestroy
Blow jobs suck. I just want her to flick it and poke it for an hour. That's the best.
hitman35007
HAHAHAHA MADE MY DAY!!
GiNgErSnApBiTcH
he will try to get back when he gets bored by her again .. don’t bc it will just be a game of ping pong for him
Frothyfirefly
well i mean ill marry you if you want no biggie.
BunchaCrunchOfHuman
remember it wasnt about you. He was selfish but there are people in this world who will respect and deserve you. Stay strong
pastramionrye
Take these words to heart. It. Is. Not. About. You.
FuzzyNutSak
This
theyregooddogsbrint
THIS
surfturd
Yep
Norfolkanchancehere
Usual thing a cheater wants their cake and eat it. Just glad you found out before he moved in.
helluvasparkplug
THIS!! Selfishness and emotional immaturity. He confused love with infatuation & attachment - love is a verb, an active choice, & he (1)
Corin
But you just used love as a noun.
ellesbelle13
Love is a verb.
helluvasparkplug
didn't choose you. My ex broke up with me a few days ago; I suspected it had to do with this girl I'd been getting bad vibes about. I (2)
helluvasparkplug
feel your pain! I see your pain! And guess what, we can get through this. Day at a time. Therapy and time is a healer. I wish you well. (3)
SoberAndBored
Someone who will cheat on you once will cheat on you again. DO NOT take the fuckwit back.
FBKatB3TAdotcom
dont listen to his lies, he will try and blame you or say it doesnt mean anything. Be strong, be you. Be with out him
fmossthree
With time, keeping busy, and your head high
thedeepestshadeofmushroomblue
This. Nothing makes it better except time, but keeping yourself busy gives you less time to dwell.
Kyuukichi
For me it helped purging my life of anything that reminded me of them. Clothes, cards, messages, gifts, contacts, anything.
Kyuukichi
Makes it easier to break off all contact and to never take him back even if he tries to win you over again
Amazingamandaaaaa
I did the same, and lit the little shits stuff on fire! It felt better to get the rage out.
0lliecat
I did the same and totally redid my life. Got a haircut, changed a good bit of my wardrobe, even redid my bathroom & bedroom decor.
0lliecat
Also, changed phone numbers & blocked on all social media.
YouPeopleMakeMeSick
Married guy here. Sex daily, 4 blowies a week, and he still cheated?!
CekinDestroy
As I lay next to my wife and she says " I'm tired go Jack off..." Hes crazy to cheat. How could your dick handle it?
MysteriousHigbyBeamerHat
4 bjs a week?!? I'm lucky to have that in a year. Fuck that guy you deserve way better.
n1ckbr0dy
Plus sex daily? That dude blew it... GL, op.
donmclongshlongextralong
From experience. You are pretty dead for like a month. It gets better
uwantsomelightlyfriedfishfillets
I've been dead for 5 years now
warriorofdiscord
Maybe you need start looking inward, then. Maybe seek therapy. A person doesn't normally react like that for so long.
uwantsomelightlyfriedfishfillets
I've been stuck in a perpetual death cycle I like to call personal hell
warriorofdiscord
Yea, seek some therapy or counseling. That's my random internet stranger advice.
greentights
Took me about a year before I could be with anyone after that cheating abusive PoS. Still not 100%, but let's see
suretoast
Friends and family and to make sure I continued to exist as a human that first week. Eat, sleep, bathe. I just sort of shut down.
suretoast
6 years later I am almost 2 years into a loving relationship with an amazing man. Time & self-care. Don't push yourself either, just go slow
uwantsomelightlyfriedfishfillets
When you think you're ready, you go on dates with even more dirtbags. Turned me into a hermit. Now I just paint.
greentights
about 6 first dates with assholes. then with someone cool for a few months. then someone for about a year who became an asshole. shrug
kittythekat
Im not gonna sugar coat it...It's not easy to get through this. Find support, friends, family, and FUN. Find things that make you feel happy
mustardbangs
Commenting & upvoting for good advice but also bc I get excited by any mildly related usernames
kittythekat
YAY hello there username buddy! :D
dretastic
Be strong, find distractions, and most importantly don't take him back. If it happened once it'll happen again.
MisterSmithster
^This.
bronsonlug
https://youtu.be/c709rGYW8v0
mikehawksweaty
^this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. There are other fish in the sea but even better is learning to enjoy an unattached life
Violoso
Not necessarily true, BUT...Once a cheater towards a specific person, normally it always will happen again. Ppl only change with a new start
jrellis462
I agree you have to end it but surely people change and grow
BigAZNMan
Yeah and he'll probably do it to that ex he was caught with too.
hojizzbar
Even if he didn't cheat again the trust is gone and it would undermine whatever was left of your relationship through constant fear
MesserAuditore
Preach. Cheaters never change.
ReconPete11
My girlfriend cheated on me while she was gone for 1 month, and right now she's seeing the new guy in the bed we used to share. Keeping busy
Pieala
Amen. I married a man who never cheated on me, and I never on him, and it was never even an issue cuz we both knew we were gone if that 1/2
Pieala
happened it was all over. We had an out: get the permission of the other FIRST. :) Talk to a good, trustworthy friend a lot.
IdeaOfLove
My dad cheated in his first marriage, but not his second. People change (not saying she should take him back, though.)
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Ulricmag
Please... DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. That is a golden rule for mental presevation. Be strong OP.
dopamine14
Do not. take. him. back. Even if he swears to be faithful, you'll always have doubts in the back of your mind.
LaPincheMiss
And you’ll be right to. Your emotional, physical and mental health are more important, save yourself
munichredman
True. Never go back. There are literally millions of other people out there.
Saldus
At least 7
admiralcrackbar
Billions even.
Ulricmag
They Are Billions
Fistouille
Dozens even
zagz1073
it took him 3 years to get caught. still tries to see me once a month. I know I’m a bad person but it’s cause I love him, what’s his excuse?
Violoso
I don't mean to be cruel, but it's because you are apparently a sure thing. An easy lay. Get away.
zagz1073
I know what I am, but why would you continue to risk your relationship with someone you love for something like that? How can he do that?
Violoso
Most of the time for the challenge it presents. He also just may not care about getting caught. Either way, he's a piece &you deserve better
itsBuddy
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Doggoagogo
1) STD checks. 2) Half of any shared bank accounts. 3) Full dog custody. Good luck.
Ifyourenotfirstyourelast
*half of any shared accounts + costs for STD check
LetsGoWVU
Full dog custody. THIS. (Also STD checks but don’t give up the dog)
whatevernamewhat
The name "shared bank accounts" makes me depressed as fuck
Superpandabus
Both people are full owners of any ‘shared’ account. Take it and close it. If you feel like giving half back get him a money order.
Superpandabus
What I’m saying is don’t leave it open.
SpecialContainmentProcedures
4) My vengeance services are available at a reduced price for all cases of infidelity. In 24 hours I can have a recording of him apologizing
mxjxs91
Deadpool?
SpecialContainmentProcedures
And when he says sorry, you'll believe it.
CurrentLevelOfAdulting
User names checks out.
SpecialContainmentProcedures
Of course it does. Who would lie on the internet?
piratealice
THIS! Get tested for everything. That's the first thing I did.
0lliecat
I did too, then he called me weeks later saying that I had given him herpes. Uh, nice try mister cheater.
Brainsplosion
Depends when the cheating happened. You need to wait awhile for certain tests.
WowThisIsFun
I had to give the cheater the dog because she was holding the dog over my head. Had to break all ties with her and that meant the dog too :(
OnlyBegottenDaughter
I had to do the same thing but with an abuser.
gnarlyverts
Ohno poor doggo
Rapturr
We're u afraid of the dog peeing on u. Dat could be scary I'd break all the ties in the house but I need them 4 my suits. :(
breakingbig
Can't tell if has autism or really bad at jokes
0lliecat
I called the cops because he held my dog captive (and gave me a black eye). He then threw the dog over the balcony & got a restraining 1/2
0lliecat
Against me (idk how?). Dog is fine, she’s snoring beside me & will be 12 in a few weeks and has a wonderful new daddy.
JeepJoop
https://media0.giphy.com/media/l3q2A93zxqHnFDkuQ/giphy.gif
MetaSomma
0lliecat
Yeah he is a piece of work. No idea where he is now or any of his family. We were together for 4 years. Quite a lot to cut out but I 1/2
goldensky
FUCKER THREW A DOG OFF A BALCONY?
0lliecat
Yeah, well. He was a piece of shit. She landed and rolled down a hill. She went to the vet the next day for a checkup & make sure everything
celestedrake
Restraining order laws need to be fixed. Also protective orders and similar... Abusers currently can use the system to file restraining (1)
celestedrake
orders against their abusees. My bro had that happen to him, when all evidence showed he was the victim... (2)
quattroformaggix4
What an asshole! My ex girl followed a similar playbook. I thank my kitty for showing me that if her behaviour wasn’t good enough for a cat,
quattroformaggix4
why was I tolerating it? I’m glad you got out & got fluffy custody. Be well, belly rubs from my snoring old girl & me.
thebillyofthewest
I thought you meant your ex "she's snoring beside me & will be 12 next month"
0lliecat
Nah I hope the ex is dead in a ditch somewhere and can’t hurt anyone else. Wishful thinking though.
SaveAChocoboRideAnAirship
When I was cheated on, an older man told me: "Any man who cheats on a woman is no man at all. You'll find a good man who will be faithful."
mteainside
wow
vegeta420gokublazerbieber
The problem is thwt women are attracted to men with options and men who mistreat them. Women can have sex with anyone they desire
timtimbisley
Ok nice guy
vegeta420gokublazerbieber
Not at all. I'm a poor example of our species
suretoast
Wtf. The flip side of this is men are always down for sex, which leads right into the fucked up idea that men can't be raped. Stop it.
vegeta420gokublazerbieber
I just meant generally. Of course nothing is 100%
rusrsdude
I think they're attracted to the confidence, not because they have options. And no. Women can't just have sex with anyone they want..
vegeta420gokublazerbieber
They seem very competitive. And I've seen people with too much time on their hands mske tinders using pics of the most unattractive girl..
vegeta420gokublazerbieber
They could find. And still hoards of men would want to meet. Although I apologize if I spoke in absolutes. I just meant generally
Spudders
I'm of the firm belief that when you enter into a relationship with each other, you make a promise. One that you never break. Thought my 1/2
Spudders
dad had the same philosophy, then I found out 5 years ago he was having sex with multiple women after my mum injured her back, even a 2/3
Spudders
woman that let my dad stay with her after my mum kicked him out, while her husband was at work. fucking scum.
suretoast
Sorry, that sucks :(
rusrsdude
Sorry you had to go through that dude. Hope you're feeling better about it now.
aznanimality
Man card revoked
mylifeshouldbeafuckingnovel
Fucking this.
itscayde6
ProphetOfTheFirstClaw
Not to be a party pooper, but that really isn't that profound.
VolvoSupportTeam
Yeah, but it was kind of him to say that.
ProphetOfTheFirstClaw
That's true.
JabroniousMaximus
Probably wrong post to say this, but your username is awesome. #savethechocobos
SaveAChocoboRideAnAirship
Thanks, fam! I made a bumper sticker of it years ago!
JabroniousMaximus
Thats awesome!!
Somethinginthewoodshed
Gentleman’s honour
rusrsdude
"So are you saying that they are women?"
rusrsdude
J.P. " :/ "
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CanadianJEh
Why would that matter?
denimdenimdenim
Can you point out where these faithful ppl are? I'm having a heck of a time finding one! :(
toastedspikes
They are there. Bad luck I suppose. At least you can say you're faithful, and you can't possibly be the only one.
CrimsonFucker17
You and me both. Hang in there!
ThatRandomCanadian
In relationships already.
Flyndaran
Hopefully, in a mirror at least.
denimdenimdenim
For sure! Which is why I can't figure out why it's so difficult not to find the same? We're all surrounded by the same temptations, its easy
MrSmilingDeath
Gonna be weird to take a mirror out to dinner though...
Baruder0
Always tell the girls I know that men don't cheat, only boys do. too many idiots think cheating proves their manhood
dumalalee
My wife always tells me that shes always had boyfriends but I was the first man she was ever with and that makes me feel really good.
suretoast
Thank you, you just gave the words for my current relationship.
pookieeatworld
Wife her again. That's pretty special.
Hermokrates
But would that statement work for a woman? Or do they get a pass?
SaveAChocoboRideAnAirship
Nobody gets a pass for cheating.
Curiousone545
It does work. No, women don't get a pass. Cheaters ruin lives, male or female
IKnowYouHateMeYes
Let's be honest here, cheating on its own (without the mental abuse and trickery that some cheaters use to pretend they didn't do it) 1/2
thecrimsontit
That's quite an ignorant statement. Getting cheated on can lead to massive paranoia and major trust issues in future relationships
IKnowYouHateMeYes
No, no it isn't. You would have to be mentally broken before the cheating for that happen. Developing massive paranoia from getting 1/2
IKnowYouHateMeYes
2/2 does not ruin a life. It hurts and is bad, yes. However, it does not ruin a life. That's a massive exaggeration.
Shohanna
Tell that to the women who get STD/I's from their man cheating. Tell me, would you have sex with a woman who has an STD for life? No?
darkdragonempress
It ruins a life in that it can mentally destroy someone and ruin their trust. Which in turn can cause issues in their next relationship.