trumpsdildohelicopter
64733
3122
89
Nov 8, 2017 9:33 PM
trumpsdildohelicopter
64733
3122
89
Winterous
"Jeremiah"
tripleplayw14
So Darius was a lvl 40 pokemon?
BobLeuMoche
Press R champ
SHUTUPWILWHEATON
"Fuck off" I say politely...lol
BaronSpaghetti
"6’5 gigajew jock"...yeah. That didn't happen.
DarthSlappy
duckshooter
Fries bwekfast
NullSecc
atTheRealMAD
If real
GlowingKhawk
9.5 on the dismount. -7.5 for excessive use of tardbros
[deleted]
[deleted]
akmarksman
Naruto weeb/tardkid...not much difference??
Prompegutten69
sy
Prompegutten69
i think he led a happy life
loveplusultra
Holy shiy
RemiRixJones
“...undertaker’s downsey cousin.”
HankHell2400
Thank god I wasn't the only one that lost my shit at that description.
TheClayKnight
I didn't get that part.. mind explaining
SluntBiggums
The Undertaker is a wrestler in the WWE.
NotMyUsualOnlineName
Is, was, haven't watched recently to see if he stayed retired.
TheClayKnight
Ohhhhh that makes sense, thank you.
InsaneK9
You look like the head of a mushroom.... ya know?
roadhunter
Stopped reading at gigagjew. Really don't care what they say after that.
SluntBiggums
Stopped reading at stopped reading. Really don't care what you say after that.
ShepardSR2
and then the whole short bus clapped.
OshyuOshyu18
I love green texts
Henchman1
"a sound like a bull getting sucked off by a shop vac in front of a fan". Oddly specific...
halosk8ingking
Yeah but we all kno the sound
Henchman1
Apologies, a "broken fan".
BlacksMcNutt
It really does make a hellish sound
MerToo
Don Martin (may he rest in peace) would have known how to onomatopoeiarise it correctly, I can only guess: SCHLOOOORPURGHHMOOoOoOoOoo!
PepsiFluxX
I like to think he went to great lengths to find the audible comparison. Hopefully he didn't get gored in the process.
AdmiralCPD
Just for clarity, what exactly does a bull being sucked off by a shopvac sound like?
CarlSaganRulez
Bit like an bison being fellated by a leaf blower.
Kangarou
Like a speak and spell on 'wookie' trying to go super saiyan
ColostomyBrag
Like a tardbro powering up to super saiyan
NickNoltesStuntDouble
Perfect response. +1 for you!
DavidBrooker
Ever live on a farm?
NickNoltesStuntDouble
Wtf kinda farm did you live on?! I’m concerned. Blink twice if you’re in distress......wait.....How many times did you blink?! Fuck! Aaaagh
FilthyRapscallions
Some peoples genius is just the ability to ad lib the most oddly specific analogies or descriptions.
MerToo
they simile like a cracked-out thesaurus in a pun comp
Un0riginalComment
That's why I read the comments on imgur
Marikhen
Kinda like when I first described driving the Mako in Mass Effect as akin to being an epileptic in a greased up bath tub at a rave.
Techtronic
Send help. I can't stop laughing
NopeNopeNotMe
. Damn straight
ohhappygofuntime
Wanderingmaniac
Why am I the only one who gets triggered when I see someone start a conversation with "be me"!
GiveKevinSomeSpacey
You tell me
Wanderingmaniac
Looks like I am.
Quebeker
the hp help keep track of what's going on
ShittyHomestuckMemes
Tardbros for r life
v
Poodlestrike
"Jewfag?" Fuck off.
DixonHillPrivateEye
Yeah, kinda hard to empathize with the anti semite
DixonHillPrivateEye
Aaaaaand we both have negative points. Nice, imgur, nice.
Poodlestrike
You'd think homophobic and anti-Semitic slurs would be a pretty fair game to call out but *shrug*
burritohs
My favorite is the on about the fat kid and his old man friend
MOMOnica97
The closest I ever go to having a tardbro was when I was eating lunch and got up to get a drink and a special ed kid ate all of my fries.
jimthecanadian
Same guy? Same guy.
ineffablyintangible
Clever girl
CWadeFromDowntown
I had a semi-tard bro
ovelanimimerkki
Darius is a coolcat. Let him take your fries.
neozuno
This cracked me up. Thanks
loveplusultra
what a bitch
SaraFourImgur
He'll show up when you need him most
PapaNurgleLovesYou
ticklefartmagoo
I'm dying laughing
Doopapotamus
"The contract is sealed."
SnossedAndLost
If he doesn't show up then you know you'll be fine
loganthomsen
Mysterious Stranger perk irl
Grudgebearingmidget
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
allegedlynerdy
A stalker who defends you from the other creeps and weirdos
BigAZNMan
We had a kid that would pull his pants down & start stroking his huge donkey dick every day during lunch. One time, he came in teachers face
BigAZNMan
She was so mad, but not many of us saw it. So she didn't get ridiculed out of the school.
50m31AW
Closest I got was in lunch detention for tardiness & one kid stared at me & made noises while slamming lettuce into his soup & making a mess
MariusRhinox
Sounds like he was in for tardiness too.
gaijinsmash
As a Jew, I find it very difficult to believe that there are 6’5 gigajew jocks
SuperiorPosterior
I knew a Jewish kid back in High School on the Cross Country team, everyone called him Jewbacca, and he was a lanky-assed 6-foot-8 at LEAST.
SluntBiggums
They all join the IDF and shoot beduins all day.
LosPer
BEAR JEW
ThorwaldBlake
Sam Hyde would like to have a word with you
CitizenDickbag
Green texts aren't real. Kinda gives away the alt rightness of the 4channer tho
Dakksys
Considering the amount of slurs in this I was hoping the narrator would end the story in the hospital. Good thing it's complete fiction.
fitlex
Actively hoping for someone to be hospitalized because they said bad words on 4chan...
Dakksys
You clearly missed the part about it being fictional. Besides, what do you think would happen to someone receiving a legit pile-driver?
RetardAIert
My favourite green text is the kid that puts the dead dog in a suitcase and some guy steals it.
BigBossTheMSFCommander
My favorite is the one where it’s an story about a dude fucking a bowl of cheerios
Samsquantch82
Oh god yes, it's the best one.
AliBarber
Fuck yes hahaha
iamthisguy247
Link? Haven't seen that one.
Diego2Fuego
Doot
raidleadergutts
https://imgur.com/0qQFBpO
raidleadergutts
https://imgur.com/0qQFBpO
iamthisguy247
Damn that's hilarious.
gookboii
.
raidleadergutts
https://imgur.com/0qQFBpO
gookboii
This is not greentext
raidleadergutts
https://imgur.com/0qQFBpO
givememychickentendies
I doubt that's real. Still pretty funny but let's be serious here, half the shit on those tumblr stories is fake.
Plates
Eh, so are half of most greentexts you see around.
wastedeagle
Wow... it was actually originally a green text from 4chan... that’s just a repost. #shame
AdvonKoulthar
An incomplete one as well if I recall
ctennessen
That's a different one
Kittynomnoms
Looks like someone read the original and tried to pass it off as happening to "their friend."
ctennessen
Which is dumb, because the original was twice and long and really entertaining.
Kittynomnoms
Yeah but it makes you way more interesting if it happens to you/your friend!
VoidofStatic
PapaNurgleLovesYou
That story has been around since suitcases have been a thing
MericanFunkYeah
loveplusultra
sauce? ketchup
Whopraysforthedevil
I'd be tardbros with AC
Un0riginalComment
Are you gay too?
Havacado
Why? Looking for company?
realbrickwall
As a standard Jew, how do I upgrade to Gigajew?
CommissarCornflakes
Get Germany to pay you reparations in the form of sick gains.
Sbotkin
First you have to upgrade to Kilojew.
OhhWhale
Absorb 1 million Jews
pancreas
Perform the ritual of Jewscension
idontevenknowsillymonkey
You know the bag of Jew Gold that you and other Jews keep around your neck? You gotta nick those from as many other Jews as possible. Then,/
idontevenknowsillymonkey
separate the fabrics and sew all the bags together to make a Gigajew Gold bag to wear around your neck. BAM, Gigajew. 2/2
realbrickwall
Cool. You seem knowledgeable on this topic. Will my horns get bigger? I can hide them in my jewfro right now, but I'm concerned if they grow
idontevenknowsillymonkey
Careful to not let your Jewfro grow too far out, people will naturally suspect you're packing a lot of Jew Gold. Your horns, however, will /
idontevenknowsillymonkey
not grow any bigger - your lust for money will increase, and any power gained will only serve to feed that lust. 2/2