therealsarahconnor
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I want to claw my face off and rip out my hair. I have a major support system around me and her siblings. I’m an only child. My mama was my entire world. This came out of no where and I’m getting woken up at 3am by cops telling me my moms dead. She was shot.
Front page edit: thank you all so much for your support and words. I was skeptical about posting this but hearing all the stories and experiences from all of you has been a great comfort in this insanely unprecedented time. Therapy is something I will highly consider, and I am breathing. I will become her immortality. My mother was so proud of the woman I have become and told me so every single time we spoke. I can feel her arms around me and hear her voice in my ears. I am not alone and I will never be without her because she is with me because I am her. The biggest part of her and the one thing in her life she cherished most in this world.
Thank you all again. Seriously. Having people to relate to is something major for me right now and this community is astounding.
2nd edit: imma find a break-room and safely let out everything I can’t right now.
Jayhatesspidersandshit
It sucks but time does help. Lost my mom at 9 and my dad at 21 and I'm 29.
spunnottossed
Age unimportant, loss of parent hard. This why the romans rended their vestments (tore clothes) to keep from doing it to themselves.
JustDriftingAboutTheInterWebs
Seethreepeeoh
I'm sorry for your loss OP
thevortexmaster
I lost my dad 2 years ago. I don't think anyone really knows how to deal with it
shetouchedmybuttholesteve
Just lost my mom in March. Can't say it'll get better anytime soon, but keep your head up and try your best to make her proud.
SiamwhichT
There are no words. Just time. Honor her by moving forward.
zhouzhoupeddles
My Dad visits me in dreams.
therealsarahconnor
My mama showed up as a red dragonfly yesterday. Sat on the tip of my finger for five min and posed for multiple pictures. Reds my fav color.
penut61
Stay out of trouble. Will only make it 11000x worse
gyxsa
I am so sorry for your loss...
ProcrastinatingWork
That is exactly the correct time to freak out. A few months from now you can think about not freaking and being strong.
Noksus
My mom died less than a month after I turned 25.
therealsarahconnor
I’m sorry. But thankful I’m not alone and someone understands. *hugs*
YesiRealizeThisWasAlongTimeAgo
I’m so sorry. I lost my mom unexpectedly when I was 26. It’s going to be hard. Take it one moment at a time, one day at a time... 1/
YesiRealizeThisWasAlongTimeAgo
Whatever works for you. There’s no handbook on grief. Breathe and take things slow.
iapnesfranks
Wish there was tho...
Mentor397
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my own mother thirteen years ago. I'm so sorry.
Kaaliavaster
Lost my mom at 16, im so sorry. Scream if you need to, cry, be angry. The best thing you can do is feel everything instead of bottling it up
therealsarahconnor
I’ve been told it’ll come and go in waves the rest of my life.
ProperPlanningPreventsPissPoorPerformance
One of the hardest things, OP. The time when you need your mother the most is the instant she is not there.
ReLighter
My mom died 3 years ago next month. I’m not over it. You never get over it. You learn how to live with it. The first day is hard.
ReLighter
The first week is hard. The first month is hard. Seek grief counseling. It helped me a lot. I still see my therapist.
therealsarahconnor
I will. I know I need to. Just like someone else commented, to have someone trained in handling this type of situation is important for me
ExcitedPage9488
I lost my mom at 7, I’m now 15 just stay strong and power through but GET HELP IF YOU NEED IT
DodgyMerchant
100% The most damaging thing anyone can do to themselves is try to bulldoze through and ignore something like this
DodgyMerchant
There isn't a right or wrong way, each of us is different, but inside you know when you are in trouble, seeking help is always, always, OK
GCRust
As an only child who has lost one of his parents already - you are allowed to fall to pieces. Breaking down is nothing to be ashamed of.
Sysko
I lost my mother to cancer at that same age. I was freaking out but all you can really do is try to maintain positive and take it day by day
Sewthisbitch
I lost my dad suddenly at 14. The shock, and the suddenness leaves you spinning. Nevermind the lack of closure...never getting to say
Sewthisbitch
Goodbye, or getting that one last hug, or hearing them tell you they love you. It's brutal. Be sad and scream if you need to.
therealsarahconnor
I talked to her on the phone for 15 minutes three hours before it supposedly happened. It was a great call.
Sewthisbitch
Oh, I am so happy to hear that!! What a comfort to know your last words were good ones, and so close. I hope your heart heals from this.
therealsarahconnor
It will. I have people in my life that care about me and am close to starting a family of my own. My mom was so ready for me to get married.
evilspock
I lost my mom at 35. I'm sorry, I know it hurts. It *will* get better over time, I promise.
FreckleCharms
Mine was killed by a reckless driver when I was 24. Saw her that morning, and then never again. Just keep breathing that's all you can do.
FreckleCharms
And if you need to talk to a stranger who sorta understands, message. My mom was my bff.
therealsarahconnor
I’m sorry for your loss too. I’ll reach out if I need it. Thank you.
Kaybrewer
I was in your shoes both of my parents died my last year of lawschool, I became homeless, scared and miserable. It will pass. 6 years out 1/
Kaybrewer
I am an engineer, make a decent living, just bought a home. Do I fuck up sure but there is sunshine around the corner. Message me if you 2
Kaybrewer
Need someone who knows where you have been and will not judge you. I am here for whatever you need to get off your chest.
therealsarahconnor
Thank you. Sorry for your losses too. The older I get the more I realize it’s not going to end this just came out of fuckin no where.
Kaybrewer
You know for a long time I was sad and angry. However, it gave me perspective. I was in a profession I hated because I longed for parents 1
Kaybrewer
Love and respect that they didn't know how to give. I have a mountain of debt that will hang on me forever but you know. I learned that 2
flefla
Screw staying strong, if you need to freak out then freak out. I lost my mum suddenly a few years ago and you learn to live with the void..
flefla
Unfortunately though it takes time to get there. Stay strong and use your support structure and if you feel sad or angry that's OK you're..
flefla
Allowed to feel how you feel and don't let anybody tell you otherwise, and if they do then tell to fuck right off
therealsarahconnor
I literally say “you can fuck right off” almost every day of my life anyways.
flefla
Well keep on saying it remember the good times and try not to think about the bad, and if you want somewhere to vent my pm is open
TheOneAndOnlySomething
Get some grief counseling. Especially if she was shot, always a good idea to process that anger with someone qualified. So sorry OP
therealsarahconnor
That’s very well said. Thank you.
AntaNce
We lost our son in late July. I hear you, clearly. The grief is ALL for a while, but it gets less dense. It WILL sneak up & bash you again<
AntaNce
CS Lewis: How often -- will it be for always? -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty <
AntaNce
and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time.” So sorry for your devastating loss.
therealsarahconnor
This was a beautiful quote. Thank you.
BranDohCalrissian
My mom died about a year ago. Unexpectedly. I'm 27. My only advice is not to try and drown your sorrows.
therealsarahconnor
Been doing good at that considering. Been nursing any drunk that’ll turn out bad and I basically took over my friends house need to respect
Crc07200
Lost my dad at 16. It sucks. Remember the good. Forget the bad. And be the person she would be proud of. We do the best we can. Godspeed
SkullKroncher
I also lost my dad at sixteen. It's been four years. Thank you for your support to this person and myself.
therealsarahconnor
Thanks. She was so proud of me. Told me every single day.
UsernameMayBeSubjectToChange
That's a great memory
therealsarahconnor
Especially considering I was a little shit for most of my life lol
cosinewave
Grieving is a process. It is ok to freak out.
bakkebord
I think it’s the PERFECT occasion to freak out and lose your shit. Go ahead and wallow, your family will be there for you.
StatisticallyInsignificantCanadian
Agreed. Sorry for your loss. You might not need this yet but it helped me: https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-the-ball-the-box/
therealsarahconnor
I won’t let myself be alone for more than 30 seconds because I will start falling into the abyss.
thekeyofe
Like @dicking said, don't be afraid to cry. Seriously. For me, if I want to cry but can't then I listen to sad music until I start to cry.
GroumphLePreux
Some kind advice to support you : Breathe deeply, bask in the sun, cry as needed, write a journal to log your thoughts, and adopt a dog.
therealsarahconnor
My dog is an uncertified therapy dog. He refuses to let me cry. Plus there’s a puppy where I’m staying right now so that’s been helpful.
lurkerconvert
Let it out. Scream if you want to. We love you. We never met you but we love you.
therealsarahconnor
And I love you too random Internet stranger. I love everyone as long as they show me respect. Period. I’ve got a huge heart.
MemesAndsSportsAndChicksAndGoats
Don’t isolate, be around others if you can. If not, you can count on wonderful people in the imgur community. We’re here for you @OP
therealsarahconnor
That’s why I posted. I knew that you guys would have my back.
commonmind872
Breathe. The open wound will heal but a scar will be left for you to remember her by. Seek a therapist or grief group is possible. Love ya
NotTodayMF
Lean on the people around you. It's okay to cry and scream. I wish I could give you a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
theusernameformerlyknownastildo
I'm 45 and an only child. If I got a call my mom was dead (shot) 5 days ago, I would be still in shock myself. Saying goodbye is very /1
theusernameformerlyknownastildo
cathartic and allows you to have better closure. When you are ready, get professional support with your grieving. So sorry for your loss. /e
therealsarahconnor
Thank you.
FluffyCthulu
I feel ya, I lost my grandpa when I was 10 he was my best friend in the whole world, I broke that day it took a long time to get back
NeverEnoughFoxes
It takes time and everyone grieves in their own way. It's ok to cry and to ask for help. Sorry for your loss, friend.
cardboardunderwear
+1 on the everyone grieves their own way. If anyone tells you how you're supposed to grieve send them to usersub and we'll set them straight
WendyTheWendigo
This is absolutely a very valid and healthy response to such trauma. The only thing to need to control is the environment you do it in so/
WendyTheWendigo
you are in the safest possible hands to process this bodily/emotional response. Having an emergency intervention from a trauma therapist/
WendyTheWendigo
or professional can help you build this safe space so that you can catharsize these impulses safely. Remember your reaction is normal, you/
WendyTheWendigo
deserve all the support your personal network can provide, now is the time to use it. It's ok to not be ok.
FluffyCthulu
I'm with this guy, you should definitely freak out, trying to keep it together can lead to some huge regrets
therealsarahconnor
I’ve been freaking out safely. I’m staying at my friends house and she has a 4 year old so I have to keep it respectful for her and him.
FluffyCthulu
Take good care of yourself, it will ease in time.