savagelifeisthelife
375261
11151
179
Best Friend
Jan 29, 2017 7:16 PM
savagelifeisthelife
375261
11151
179
MaximilianSteele
So your dad friendzoned your mum while married wtf thats odd lol
maetryx
My wife and I are in our 40s. We play D&D Online. We have our own guild. We use headphones and mics even though we're in the same room.
bitemark
Dude, let it go. She's taken.
youspludgeyoulose
What if my ex girlfriend married my best friend?
1creamybaby
then you be happy for them, while secretly making them infertile
kythorn
Good for them
APairOfBrownEyes
This really means so much to me. My heart hurts!
hkim1326
That's how it should be for every marriage and relationships
kermie92
@bowmore that's my plan
LOlMyNameIs
When my parents get wine drunk they yell at me, soo I feel like i'm missing out
yuyufan43
My fiancé's parents still laugh until they cry when they talk about farts. We do too. Farts have kept us united on many things
Asherdash
I spent a good part of my night last night laughing with this new guy over his farts...I hope this is a good sign!! I can't remember
Asherdash
The last time I laughed that hard. God, they smelled so awful too.
yuyufan43
Lol. His get higher pitched the harder he tries and it cracks me up. The guy has golden bowels because it never smells. lol
GoodB1tch
Awwww that's so sweet
herMitsubishi
My parents hate each other so much they moved 800 miles apart from one another
bucknut73
daisy73
Same
Thecatsjudgingmeagain
czassity
R3zist
This
sprbwlshuffler
Trebek: It's a Queen song concerning a close relationship, and is also a very worthy compliment. Dad: What is "You're my best friend"?
AwkwardSmiler
What is "I want to ride my Bicycle"
Moosecock
What is Fat Bottom Girls?
sprbwlshuffler
What is Rosie O'Donnell?
jonestown
Found the Jeopardy fan! Nice work
schmoog
Do you memorize them all or something?
iLoveOatmeal
What is "We are the Champions"?
ToniforusMaximus
What is deez nuts?
Snooj
Our goal is to gross out my nine year old son at least once per day. A quick kiss at a red light usually does it.
Zombraina
That's great! Even if it's gross to him you're teaching him what a healthy, loving, affectionate relationship looks like. Good for you!
An1m8r
How is wine drunk different than just being drunk?
schr610
It's gradual, can catch you off guard if you're not careful and you're not burping every 10 minutes.
IsoPropylPotatene
It'd be nice.
SeraRelm
You want to be wine drunk with your dad watching Jeopardy and have him look over to you and tell you you're his best friend? I mean 1/2
SeraRelm
-, that's pretty sweet and reachable as a goal. :) 2/2
FullMetalBitch
My husband told me I was his best friend yesterday, I told him to take it easy. I'm not ready for that responsibility.
1creamybaby
and that's just the way things go in Albuquerque
HeatherWhatever
I respect that from someone named FullMetalBitch.
ovelanimimerkki
Do we get to make wishes here? If so, all I want is 100 million euros so I don't need to work ever again.
orutami
Can I have a million? Just a million would be fine for me, thanks. I've done the maths, I can make one million work just fine.
PostNutDepression
I could make 500k work just find. If I had more than 1 mil I'd have to worry about family members trying to poison me for inheritance.
ovelanimimerkki
Look if Im gonna give you one of my hypothetical millions, I gotta give everyone one and then I'll have none. But if we keep it a secret, 1/
ovelanimimerkki
Then sure. I think I could do fine with just one too.
ProjectKurtz
Shit, I don't wanna quit working, I just want to be able to live comfortably and do work I enjoy. 1 million would be fine.
Ganburo
My parents are divorced
savagelifeisthelife
SupermonkeyKevinkieSpaceyChan
Sheesh, man. My parents are divorced and this hurt my heart.
savagelifeisthelife
PillaPlease
How cute are you? You're terrible at being savage, but worse things could happen. {smooch!}
CantStopAddictedToTheShindig
And this is why I'm NOT divorced even though I most definitely did not marry my best friend. My kid. Thanks for reminding me.
bingotown
I'm here with you in this sad place.
CantStopAddictedToTheShindig
Sending you strength thru the internet tonight hoping it's helps you get thru another day/week/month/year
quatrekins
My husband and I have started saying this too each other recently. <3 It's the most amazing thing to spend every day with your best friend.
quatrekins
And a little over a year later, he's dating two 18 year olds and tells me I'm too clingy.
TryingTraveler
My parents fought tonight and this all I want for them. When they smile, I smile. And I'm pretty bummed
perterbedtomcat
Don't worry, sometimes couples need a fight now and again. As long as it's not a trend. I hope it's okay.
TryingTraveler
It's an everyday occurrence that just gets worse and more pointless ????
perterbedtomcat
Yeah they need counseling. Do they turn physically violent? My parents were divorced at a young age and they would get violent.
TryingTraveler
I'm sorry to hear that. No, just really hurtful words towards each other
perterbedtomcat
It couldn't hurt to ask them separately why they fight so much. Let each one know how it's affecting you. And it's okay, it was awhile ago.
HeyGuysAmIRelevantYet
Marry your best friend and your biggest issue will be getting to the toilet before them
sharkhugs
MasterBuilderWookie
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
stupidandre
Unless she cheats on you, then you lose both.
Aurelz
Can confirm.
ToxicPineapple
That's why I bought a house with two full bathrooms.
boopboopityboop
I dated my best friend and broke up after 4 years because the sex wasn't there. Friendship is important but not everything
sithprojectmanager
Hahaha this just literally happened.
imsocuteandcuddly
We got three yet we still fight!
Ulthirm
Or be their son and never be able to goto the bathroom cause "your dad just went so in cleaning it again"
SlothMasterJ
Married best friend, can confirm,
Fiache
Always go for the 1&1/2 bathroom if its possible.
Markamanic
Any friend willing to have sex with me is my best friend.
pekkahenrik
Reading this on the toilet. Best friend waiting next in line.
sunshine82
2 toilets! Winwin
klb161
Hurray for 2 toilets, one upstairs, one downstairs.
YeahReallyyep
You been sneaking into my place then? Fine. But please... Put the damn lid down. I'm copping grief here...
Sugarcrotch
But who has to make the sprint up stairs while fighting the urge to shit
klb161
When you have to go, and there are guests around but want to dump in peace. It helps allot.
Sugarcrotch
i shit in the living room when guest come over. gotta show my domiance
SealandIsARealCountry
The one polite enough to hold the front door open for the other
Sugarcrotch
buhahaha i see you and your best friend has never had to shit at the same time... its every asshole for itself
SealandIsARealCountry
We only have one bathroom ourselves. Thats how i always get to it first
elderninja007
I second this HILARIOUS dilemma
TamponShotgun
Always have a second toilet. It will save your nose and your marriage.
dmurf26
Thanks for the sage advice, TamponShotgun.
berkshire27
Also, two comforters on the bed. Best thing we ever did.
HeyGuysAmIRelevantYet
YASSSS the honeymoon phase ended the moment we stopped having 2 blankets. I miss you, second blanket :(
amethyst7a
I have never been angrier at my wonderful bf than when he steals the comforter in the middle of the night
Amazingamandaaaaa
I got punched in the nose when mine tried to steal the blankets from me.
historicallee
Truth.
MrRandom314159
You try to lock the door, but they learned how to fucking kool aid man that shit. The splinters are used as swords while you both clench.
MrRandom314159
If you're wondering why breaking the door down isn't causing a fight, it's because the wood is cheap for this exact reason.
Imthedroidyouwerelookingfor
Married 15 years and we still race to the bathroom.
Nearlyburly
First, I have to get her to see me as potentially more than just a friend.
crucifiedpotato
This hole ain't big enough of the both of us (unless I aim well)
Omnislash9
Boy, if I had a nickel...
dukevegetables
My girlfriend and I call that "the bucket method" but I haven't convinced her to give it a shot yet
WalterWhiteSr
Or she's into that sort of thing.
SiegwardOfCatarina
Every time I need to pee while my wife is peeing I say "spread your legs I gotta pee" in jest. Every time.
jo3v
Its worth remembering you can pee and poo anywhere. Why not use this to spice up your love life ... poo in your own hat! pee on the butter!
AmbiguousMike
So .. I should go gay?
ButchKween
Flaming
ElHomosexual
Affirmative.
shutsman
Definitely
Momomo08
Yes.
HeyGuysAmIRelevantYet
Bruh gay people poop too
ButchKween
Don't spread these fuckin lies!
DontAskMelJustWorkHere
Lies upon blasphemous lies!
Gomer592
yes always go gay, i try to turn as many men gay as i can to free up some more women for others
DontAskMelJustWorkHere
Not all heroes wear capes
bigfloppydonkydong
Only if your boyfriend isn't.
callmeLadyMoose
"I call bathroom!" "You JERK." This is a standard exchange. We'll be married 3yrs in May.
Aibell125
lol that's cute. Ours is a battle royale, mad dash with pushing and shoving to see who gets there first
callmeLadyMoose
He would win lol. Hubby is 6'4" and about 50lbs heavier than me. I'm 5'5".
Aibell125
Yeah, he usually does. I'm 5'2 and 130. He's 6'2 and 200 ;) but it's a fun game anyway
Victoron
No, this comment doesn't make you relevant.
HeyGuysAmIRelevantYet
Jeez who pissed in your weet-bix?
RedIronCrown
Downvoting someone for noticing a username and making a joke about it? For shame.
HeyGuysAmIRelevantYet
Dunno why he was downvoted I get it all the time. Always a chuckle and a snarky comeback lol
AnnaMayBelle
Every morning, before my husband takes his bath, the first thing he asks me is "Do you need to pee?" We're still in the honeymoon phase.
IdleReprieve
Morning bath?
AnnaMayBelle
Yep. Every. Morning. He enjoys long luxurious baths way more than I do.
Nondino
I have been married a year but lived with my hubby for 6 years. I still ask if he has to go to the bathroom before I take my morning shower.
Manateechica
So...they couldnt come in to pee real quick while you're showering? Like if they really have to go?
Nondino
I don't care if he has to pee.... that's not what his morning habits are however.
issaidnotnow
Aaawweee that is so cute
PretendThisIsACleverUsername
What is the problem in peeing while the other one is showering?
convixion0
Sometimes when you flush the toilet, the water in the shower will go either scalding hot or freezing cold.
goddamngenius
Some even combine these activities into one.
AnnaMayBelle
Nothing technically, except he doesn't want to be sitting on the can waiting for his tub to fill, and hear... *knockknock* "...hoooneyyy..."
lovelake
Truer words have never been spoken. Married my best friend. Toilet was a problem for first year of marriage. Now have house with 2 toilets.
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lovelake
everything we do is pretty much synchronized.... plus peeing in the morning.... I usually have to go first cause I'm faster lol
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lovelake
Could be possible. We're on the same schedule in everything most of the time, it's usually not as bad when our schedule differs!
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HeyGuysAmIRelevantYet
Nope but the wife always mysteriously needs to poop when I do. Probably something to do with eating the same food
lovelake
a lot of times, but biggest problem is having to pee. It's more urgent and hubby takes longer than me so if I gotta go I GOTTA GO BAD
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lovelake
Hubby suggested me that before but I don't like peeing in the shower/tub hahaha! Now I at least I can just run downstairs for our 2nd toilet