Weird/Underrated/Underseen Movies of the 1980s: Part 1

CRIMES OF PASSION (1984) dir: Ken Russell

By day she's successful fashion designer Joanna Crane but by night she lives out her fantasies as China Blue. The juxtoposition between the two characters is perfectly represented by how insane the nighttime scenes are compared to the daytime ones, China Blue lives in a synth-driven neon fantasy land while Joanna lives in a normal one. Also Anthony Perkins plays a drug addicted priest who tries to murder Kathleen Turner with a silver pointed dildo, this is what cinema is all about.

WHITE DOG (1982) dir: Sam Fuller

At least two people I've brought this movie up to have both said "that dog deserves an Oscar for 'Best Dog Actor'", to which I always agree. The titular dog has been trained by it's racist owners to attack black people and it's all up to Paul Winfield to get him back to normal.

BAXTER (1989) dir: Jérôme Boivin

The second movie on this list starring a white dog, this one couldn't be any more different than the last. Where as WHITE DOG is about the rehabilitation of violent dog BAXTER is about a violent dog's quest to find his perfect, equally violent master. All narrated by the dog's inner thoughts (all in very slow, dry french too).

ONE FROM THE HEART (1982) dir: Francis Ford Coppola

Beautiful and heartfelt, to me this movie is perfect. Despite Coppola's intent to make it much more scaled down compared his previous films costs ballooned and it ended up flopping massively, most of his following movies were made just to pay off the debt he incurred from it.

KISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN (1985) dir: Héctor Babenco

One of the best films ever made, period.

Super engrossing character drama that keeps you guessing all the way through, I've never seen another film quite like it.

SWORD OF GIDEON (1987) dir: Michael Anderson

Amazing amazing amazing TV movie, based on the same true story the much more famous MUNICH is. So tense that it barely feels like 3 hours at all when you're watching it.

HOUSE OF GAMES (1987) dir: David Mamet

One of my all-time favourites, it's one of those con movies where even if the twist (hint: all con movies have twists) is obvious it's still so much fun to watch how it gets there. On the director's commentary track David Mamet, who clearly hadn't seen the movie in a number of years, laughs about how impressed he is with his own movie because as he puts it "he never tried harder on any other film than he did this one" or something to that effect. Great great great neo-noir.

CONQUEST (1983) dir: Lucio Fulci

Picture what it would be like if Lucio Fulci directed a sword and sorcery movie, imagine all the ridiculous things he'd put in it. Now imagine that this movie really exists and it's called CONQUEST.

VALLEY GIRL (1983) dir: Martha Coolidge

The quieter, more sentimental counterpart to FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, while the latter is probably a better film by most merits this one stuck with me a lot more.

TUFF TURF (1985) dir: Fritz Kiersch

Words cannot express how much I love this movie. Tonally it's all over the place, while mostly super serious it has a few comedic scenes (plus a couple musical numbers) injected to lighten the mood which end up not doing it any favours. But that's the joy of TUFF TURF, it'd be way less fun if it wasn't so unintentionally goofy.

THE APPLE (1980) dir: Menahem Golan

Out of the three critically panned musicals of 1980 (the others being XANADU and CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC) this one is definitely the worst (a.k.a. the best). It follows a couple teens from Moosejaw, Saskatchewan who want to make it big in the music industry. Set in the distant future of 1994 we find that disco never died but just morphed into something much more horrifying. Making a musical that isn't based on an existing stage play is risky, sometimes you get SINGIN' IN THE RAIN and sometimes you get the entire musical output of 1980.

THE ESCAPE ARTIST (1982): dir Caleb Deschanel

Normally I avoid movies with kids as the lead characters but I'm glad I didn't with this one, it's a really fun story about a kid magician who gets embroiled in a corrupt political scheme. Desi Arnez plays the mayor in his last feature film role (and also first since 1956) with the always amazing Raul Julia as his son.

ARIA (1987) dir: Robert Altman, Bruce Beresford, Bill Bryden, Jean-Luc Godard, Derek Jarman, Franc Roddam, Nicolas Roeg, Ken Rus

Unjustly tossed aside as pretentious crap when it was originally released, ARIA is probably the most artistic anthology film I've ever seen. Each segment is based off and featuring a piece of opera music, the directors are given full creative control so each segment feels completely different. Segments are directed by Robert Altman, Jean-Luc Godard, Ken Russell, Nicolas Roeg and more!

(the Ken Russell and Bruce Beresford segments are my favourites)

OFF LIMITS (1988) dir: Christopher Crowe

My favourite kinds of war movies are the ones that have little to nothing to do with actual warfare, this is one of them. Military investigators Willem Dafoe and Gregory Hines are assigned to find out who's been murdering prostitutes in Saigon during the Vietnam War; it's a little Platoon, a little Full Metal Jacket, all great.

WAVELENGTH (1983) dir: Mike Gray

Weird little movie about a couple (one of whom is Cherie Currie of Runaways fame) who rescue child-like aliens held in a top secret military facility. Not super exciting but worth watching for it's AMAZING soundtrack by Tangerine Dream and sometimes cool cinematography.

YOUNGBLOOD (1986) dir: Peter Markle

Great sports movie inappropriately marketed mainly around Rob Lowe's hunkiness. It's so much better than it's poster or DVD cover would lead you to believe. Also Keanu Reeves is in it with a hilariously bad French-Canadian accent.

BOLERO (1984) dir: John Derek

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOW! That's all I have to say about this movie, so dumb. It tries so hard to be an deep, artsy European-flavoured sex film but it is not. The honey scene (which I will not spoil) must to be seen to be believed.

MARLENE (1984) dir: Maximilian Schell

One of my favourite documentaries ever. I've never seen another doc where the subject is so reluctant to actually participate, Marlene Dietrich is never seen on camera, only her voice. The end of the movie is her at her absolute most angry and frustrated. Truly amazing.

TICKET TO HEAVEN (1981) dir: Ralph L. Thomas

It's a true shame so much of Canadian cinema of the 70s and 80s is so sparse and forgotten, there were some great movies to come out of our country. This movie isn't perfect but it's a great portrayal of what living in a cult can do to you. Also it has super young Kim Cattrall as one of the cultists.

JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY (1986) dir: Amy Heckerling

I was in tears laughing so many times throughout this movie, it feels like a lost Mel Brooks film.

CAGE (1989) dir: Lang Elliott

Always sold as a war movie on it's VHS covers CAGE actually only has one scene that takes place during a war, right at the beginning. Lou Ferrigno is wounded in Vietnam saving his best friends life and his subsequent brain damage renders him with child-level intelligence. Later he's coerced into participating in Cage-fighting in order to "earn enough money to save his friend's restaurant" or so he thinks. Wierd weird weird movie with an all star cast of Z-Listers, it's probably the only movie I've seen where Al Leong not only has dialogue but is actually a good guy and not an evil henchman.

DEAD OF WINTER (1987) dir: Arthur Penn

Has one of the best first thirds of any movie I've ever seen, unfortunately the suspense eventually fizzles out but it's still worth it. One of the last movies by the great Arthur Penn.

MILLENNIUM (1989) dir: Michael Anderson

"You have to watch Millennium"

"Why?"

"Cheryl Ladd has the most ridiculous hair in it, you need to see it"

"Anything else, like what is it about?"

"it's science fiction, shot in Toronto, Cheryl Ladd's hair, that's all you really need to know"

That was the exact conversation I had with my dad when he first recommended this to me. That's all I knew going into it and that's all I'm going to tell you.

BREAKING GLASS (1980) dir: Brian Gibson

One of the best movies about breaking into the music industry, Hazel O'Connor kills it.

HEARTBEEPS (1981) dir: Allan Arkush

Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters are robots who escape from the facility that they were housed in to live in the woods, together they build a "son" who's voiced by Jerry Garcia (I'm not joking).

Believe it or not it's actually kind of sweet and romantic, mostly weird though.

QUICKSILVER (1986) dir: Thomas Michael Donnelly

BACON

BIKES

THRILLS

IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE (1987) dir: Larry Cohen

My favourite of the IT'S ALIVE trilogy, all the movies act as the strangest commentary on the pro-live/pro-choice argument, this one's just the most fun.

THE FAN (1981) dir: Ed Bianchi

Michael Biehn plays Lauren Bacall's murderous, obsessed fan who in one scene stabs a guy who's giving him a blow-job then sets his body on fire. Great stuff!

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE (1987) dir: Gary Sherman

One of the three 80s movies where Gene Simmons plays a villain, this time he's middle-eastern terrorist Malak Al Rahim. Mostly standard action fare but definitely a lot of fun, if it starred someone more famous than Rutger Hauer it would probably be better remembered but who cares, Rutger is the best.

COMBAT SHOCK (1986) dir: Buddy Giovinazzo

This movie is so completely and utterly bonkers, basically it's ERASERHEAD meets FIRST BLOOD. It's even got a mutant baby to boot! Don't let it's Troma-label fool you, this movie may be goofy but at times it's actually pretty horrifying and realistic.

CHAINED HEAT (1983) dir: Paul Nicholas

Best women in prison movie ever, Linda Blair kills it.

URBAN COWBOY (1980) dir: James Bridges

SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER but instead of Disco it's Country music and instead of dancing it's mechanical bull riding! At least that's how I imagine the producers pitched it.

NOMADS (1986) dir: John McTiernan

Pierce Brosnan is stalked by evil spirits who take on the form of street punks, very weird but undoubtedly original.

ONE DARK NIGHT (1983) dir: Tom McLoughlin

As part of an initiation ritual a girl and her two friends are forced to spend a night in a mortuary. Little did they know a recently deceased madman has resurrected himself through telekinesis(?) and is going to raise an army of the dead to battle the living (or whatever). It's sort-of a zombie movie in the sense that the girls have to battle dead people but the thing is they're not really re-animated, they're just kind of awkwardly puppeted by the villain and the worst harm they can do is fall on you. Apparently Adam West got cast in it because the director felt bad for him always being type-cast and never getting work.

THE JAYNE MANSFIELD STORY (1980) dir: Dick Lowry

Arnold Schwarzenegger's only exclusively dramatic leading role, I say this because his role in STAY HUNGRY is more of a comedic side-character. This film is the perfect example of a biopic gone wrong, Loni Anderson's performance as Jayne Mansfield is so painfully over the top it makes me feel sad that she'd ever be remembered that way. If you're into campy misfires, this one's for you!

RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR (1984) dir: Bruno Mattei

Some of the most hilarious dialogue Italian horror has ever produced, also the ending is legendary, just make sure not to spoil it for yourself.

MANNEQUIN (1987) dir: Michael Gottlieb

What a beautiful mess, James Spader's performance as the villainous mall manager is one of the weirdest of his career, also white as snow Kim Cattrall plays an Egyptian Princess who's reanimated into the body of a mannequin whom the main character falls in love with (while she's still an inanimate mannequin of course).

CRY WILDERNESS (1987) dir: Jay Schlossberg-Cohen

Don't question it, just watch it.

ANGEL'S EGG (1985) dir: Mamoru Oshii

This is the movie that broke Mamoru Oshii's (director of GHOST IN THE SHELL) soul. I saw him speak a couple years back and he said if there were any filmmaking experience he'd never want to repeat it would be this one. It's a beautiful and very mood driven film, relying almost entirely on visuals to carry the plot which would be described as sparse at best.

TALK RADIO (1988) dir: Oliver Stone

One of Oliver Stone's best, just as political as his previous few efforts (SALVADOR, PLATOON, WALL STREET) but less grandiose, much more in your face. Stone handles the intimacy of the film's setting perfectly.

THE MOSQUITO COAST (1986) dir: Peter Weir

Harrison Ford's performance in this is so uncharacteristic for him, at the time critics were completely divided over it and I think most still are. Personally I think he's amazing in it, Peter Weir is one of those directors that can get a great performance out of just about anybody. Also did I mention the movie's about Ford moving his family to the jungles of Central America to build his own utopia? ...things don't go well.

THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS (1983) dir: Carl Reiner

It's hard for me to even write a review for this because anytime I think about it I start laughing, I will literally never tire of this movie.

THE SEDUCTION (1982) dir: David Schmoeller

This is a perfect example of a B-Movie that won't admit it's a B-Movie, even with "stars" like Morgan Fairchild and Michael Sarrazin and horror director David Schmoeller at the helm it still sees itself as a legitimate thriller. The impressive camera work and erotic-thriller label make it feel like a Brian De Palma film, almost like a lesser Body Double. While it almost bridges the gap of being actually good at points, especially when it comes to cinematography, it can't sustain any of the tension necessary for a thriller like this. It's stuck in the middle ground of being a bad movie but taking itself to seriously to get especially gratuitous. Still fun though.

THE NIGHT BEFORE (1988) dir: Thom Eberhardt

Basically a teen version of Scorcese's AFTER HOURS but instead of Griffin Dunne it's Keanu Reeves.

ROCK & RULE (1983) dir: Clive A. Smith

My favourite animated movie of the decade, basically it's a non-anthology version of HEAVY METAL, just with less nudity; think of it as it's younger, forgotten sibling. The story takes place in a post-apocalyptic United States populated by mutant humanoids, two of which (the leads) are in a rock band together and their singing voices are dubbed by Debbie Harry and Robin Zander of Cheap Trick. If that doesn't already sell you I don't know what will.

DEAD CALM (1988) dir: Phillip Noyce

Can you make an engrossing, scary thriller that takes place almost entirely on a tiny boat? YES YOU CAN and if you're lucky enough it'll be as good as this one. Every time I re-watch this it impresses me.

ANDROID (1982) dir: Aaron Lipstadt

My second favourite Klaus Kinski in space movie though unlike CREATURE this one's actually good.

DEAD HEAT (1988) dir: Mark Goldblatt

Why isn't this movie a classic, I don't understand. Buddy cops, zombie turkeys, VINCENT PRICE! And it's not one of those movies that sounds great in concept but isn't very good in actuality, THIS MOVIE IS GREAT, WATCH IT RIGHT NOW.

SOMEWHERE IN TIME (1980) dir: Jeannot Szwarc

Cheesy romance at it's finest, also it's about time travel through self-hypnosis. Not embarrassed to say it definitely made me cry when I first watched it in my teens.

THE BOXER'S OMEN (1983) dir: Kuei Chih-Hung

The best Buddhist horror movie you'll ever see!