Work Stories: Hotels. The More You Know Edition

Everyday occurrences at my job.

The keys are reusable.
They do not get cleaned or sanitized when given back.
Please don't let you kids use them as chew toys. and if they do, don't give them back.

This was news to me

I will now toss them on the floor when i check into any hotel.

no, but really

don't sit on the chairs naked. think about it. if you are doing it, how many people before you did it?

i can't stand hearing this

it's the first thing that comes out of their mouth and it makes me not want to help them. your status will not make a room magically appear.
HOWEVER, all (or most) hotel chains have a 48 hour guarantee. if the hotel you want is sold out you can book it and we have to walk someone else. BUT, you now have to pay the highest possible rate that that room goes for. and no, we won't lower the price for you.

speaking of walking people...

with 3rd party bookings all we have to do is call whichever site you booked from and they will cancel your reservation.
and if there is an employee room, we will call them and cancel it.

If we make you sign that paper, we'll hold you to it

Make sure you read what you are signing. Everyone just agreed to pay money if they get kicked out of the hotel. and we'll charge you.
oh, and if you refuse to sign it we won't check you in.
and please complain. no, really. we won't know the room across the hall is being excessively loud if you don't call the front desk.

Be honest

every hotel has a satisfaction guarantee. if you don't say what the problem is then we can't fix it. We actually need your feedback. sometimes we are dealing with problems internally and when a guest actually says that problem specifically we have what we need to get it corrected.

you are either lying or you never stayed at a hotel before

We hand you a slip to initial and sign.
your initial means you accept the rate we are charging you.
your signature accepts that we are placing a hold on your card for room, tax, and incidentals. that box filled with small print is actually really important.
it really gets me when i high status person says this. every hotel hold incidentals. every time. they should know this if they really travel that much.

i really hate liars

and we can tell when you are lying. I'll ask for the name of the person you spoke to because i know you never spoke with anyone. most hotels have a very small crew, and we all talk to each other. no hotel can "guarantee" a crib, or a late check out or early check in. it is always based on availability. and we will not guarantee anything because it will come back to bite us on the ass.
if you absolutely need a crib, bring your own. need a late check out? if we say no it's because we are sold out that night and need the room flipped. you are more than welcome to pay for another night.
want to check in before 3? we will never guarantee an early check in unless you pay for the night before. if we were sold out last night those rooms will not be ready for you to check in at 10am.

o.o

I don't have a room. i can hold your luggage for you until 3. there's coffee in the lodge. but i don't have a room for you right now.
"what am i supposed to do for the next few hours?"
that really isn't my problem. every hotel has the same check in time. every website says the check in time. i will do my best to get you a room, but we can't kick people out of their rooms to clean them faster.
maybe next time you should better plan your time to arrive during check in hours

you are not as smart as you think you are

when a hotel says they are pet friendly, it doesn't mean you can bring your dog for free.
and when you are running with your dog to the room that just shows you know this.
the hotel website will clearly state if they accept pets and what the fees are. so the argument of "i stay at this brand all the time and NEVER get charged!" doesn't hold up. the fees are up to each property, not the brand itself. and we will not refund the fee.

want to know which hotels accept pets? www.bringfido.com

every. single. time.

you chose the cheapest room on booking.com. that means you chose the smallest room.
just because you put on there that you will have 5 people in the room does not mean you get a bigger room. that's not how it works.
if we are not sold out and you are nice about it, we maybe be able to upgrade you. but start yelling at us for your mistake (or ignorance) and we will not help you. and if you decide to leave, we can still charge you for the night because of the 24 hour cancellation policy.
being nice to the people who check you in is the best route to take. always.

employees. we're the worst

employee rooms are super cheap. like, super-duper cheap.
just like 3rd party bookings, you booked that room from your employee portal. you saw the room type. you saw the amount of beds. you accepted it.
we are not obligated to upgrade you because you brought your whole family.

employees. seriously, you should know better!!

when you book an employee rate room your work location and manager are listed on it. you have to bring a paper that says you work at that property. you represent that property. same goes for the family travel rooms (employee vouches for the person they are giving a discount to. your name is associated with that room now).
We've had to kick out an employee room. their job was called and it turned out that they didn't work for the hotel. someone at the front desk got them the room and gave them their pass. they lost their job.

every hotel has "bad" rooms

we get less money on 3rd party rooms. or we have to pay them a commission.
you will get the noisiest room, or the smelliest room. or the room that has damage in it. unless you book on a night when we are mostly empty. then we might be nice.

*deep sigh*

*rolls eyes*
every day. just listen to what someone says when they answer the phone.
i swear one day i'm just gonna reply "no, this is Patrick"

cat tax

say hi to Baby. He is a 10 year old kitty who was surrendered at my local animal shelter.
Please adopt from shelters, senior kitties need love too.
https://imgur.com/gallery/gwRkJ