MidnightLibrarian
110011
2393
50
I... I just don't have anything else to say.
It was a fun phone call to be had.
I hope you can luxuriate in my embarrassment with me. Have a great week!
Dovie'andi se tovya sagain,
-The Librarian.
Edit: FP! Well, it's been a long time and I shouldn't left you without a dope beat to step to...
Or an update. Day 16 in hospital. They've drained me of over 100 lbs in fluid through some hardcore edema treatment. The machines beep constantly. I'm kinda in Hell, and they're saying this simple hernia issue is a complex metabolic issue which may take years to fully sort out... and I may not fully regain my ability to walk.
I got PT yesterday. Did a full 90 seconds of vertical movement before crashing back to reality. They're afraid of having me sit up without support for dinner at this point.
I thought I was doing the right thing, not taking up a bed while others needed it. Now I may never walk and my QOL is so crap that my prospects for the 10 year are actually in doubt.
I'm not gonna hock my GoFundMe or anything, you guys got me home. I honestly don't know if I'll even ever see the inside of that home again, but I'm just happy to have gotten into treatment.
Thank you for listening, woke up to take some pain meds and am now drifting back to sleep.
Cheers.
Rascal101
VeryStablGenius
I am SO SORRY.
pritolus
I don't care how close you are to me, you do not go through my things without asking. Ever.
TheobromineAddict
@OP, Glad to see you posting, Librarian. Hope you're continuing to heal.
blakeatwork
Tickle trunk. Call it your tickle trunk ;)
KatieVick
I know everyone is focused on your toys, but @op.... are you on after your hospital visit?
MidnightLibrarian
Left updates. Not going anywhere.
AnxiaTeaDD
Ha! I remember when my mom found one of my whips and laid it out on the kitchen counter to shame me about it. Good times.
BlueFrenchHorn10
Oh no :(
tryingtogetlostsince80s
*shouldn't've* source The South
Lokenessluke
You have a whole trunk?! Dang I need to step up my game, we just have a drawer. Stay wild friend.
Randybutternubs0
WoodyGoodman
LogicKitty
Maybe you should have labeled the box "homework"
Timetoupdatemyusername
Holy shit, your update got me shook. Wish you all the best, hope things will turn out well. That said... I still want to know what's in box.
mycatToastwasafatasshole
100 lb of fluid??? Jesus H. Christ.
DrEpicFrag
Feel you, mate. Stepdad found my collection of over $1.2k worth of BD trying to find my wallet when I was at work. Fuckin awkward lmao.
Bajiir
I'll never forget when I was helping my brother move to his own place and my mom came up with a plastic bin "put this in your car so the 1/
Bajiir
others don't see." I recognized it as his 'special box' and did as she asked without comment to her or him. She's never mentioned it since
PrincessPuffyPants
Don't feel bad. My 15 yr old step sons dog found my toy & took it into his room then dropped it on his floor. I about died of embarrassment
peepooz
My daughter opened a BOX of “fun” that arrived during her slumber party! One of her friends quickly told her to close it...they were 9!
ENCHANTMEN
If I were your mom I'd avoid mentioning it and leave it closed after seeing. No need to make things awkward
ENCHANTMEN
One time a relative gave me their camera to touch up a family picture in photoshop and there was a dick pic, I deleted it and moved on...
MeezerStandardTime
Many years ago I had new kittens. I almost never took pictures so I was not in the habit of checking the background. i had some near misses!
Renaceae
Once locked my keys in my car and my mom had to bring me my spares, at the adult toy store.
MeezerStandardTime
I think that might have been worth breaking a window to avoid.
MeezerStandardTime
(Depending on your mom.)
mirrelle
I had help during a move when heavily pregnant. I always put my 'toys' in a bag in a bag and was sure i did this. Anyway when we unpacked i
mirrelle
Found a lamp (that i know had not been packed until the last second) in the bag with the toys. To this day idk if it was my mum, MIL or SIL.
BlueFrenchHorn10
I don’t even know which would be the least mortifying ...
mirrelle
Honestly my sister in law but i doubt I'm that lucky.
Gnakenheimer
Time to roll the die!
whatseventhepoint
“Well he must have been a VERY bad dragon for you to cut off his dong...” —Mom, probably
THEdrakespirit
MidnightLibrarian
This is the best comment on the post and I'll stand by that
Rogahar
Jesus christ it's so big you can stand next to it? What is it, an XL Chance?
ILiekToCookAndBake
neinnyetnon
Sene sovya caba'donde ain dovienya.
neinnyetnon
Or you can ride other things I suppose ?♂️
VulpineEmpress
Happened to a friend when her friends decided to surprise her by unpacking for her. They got surprised upon opening a box full of buttplugs.
moachaen
Something for Tylin's toy?
mastodoff0
So I'm a gnome paladin looking for my towns everflowing chalice. Which we used to feed our village.
AnOrdinaryWerewolf
I ordered a /toy/ online but was out of town when it showed up. My mum picked it up from the post office. It was not in discreet packaging.
W1ckedw1lly01
I hope it wasn't too awkward when she gave it to you lol
2bithacker
So last time I saw a post from The Librarian, I commented "Ook." and got all downvoted. Clearly not many Pratchett fans around here.
Hetty9063
Ook
WoefulWombat
There's heaps of Pratchett fans. Maybe it was the way you typed your Ook?
onlyawfulnamesleft
"Well, NOW you're singing the chorus!" "Ook"
WoodyGoodman
MidnightLibrarian
It's because you don't get the correct reference. It's a shibboleth, and honestly I don't like the Dvs but get it
JustSomeDegenFromUpcountry
LdaQuirm
Chromatics?
circlebreaker
Toofwess
Sounds like that's knot a good time
siflandollysiflandollyshowROCK
WHAT’S IN THE BOX!?!?
BannedForSFW05
Bonerjams 2007.
fullsendtaco
Library books, clearly.
cainofdreaming
WH40K Tau army.
Fumbleskunk
Dragon10449
THEmichaelscarn12
Bonchoman
Who downvotes this?
NigerianPrincePlsSendMonies
Gwyneth Paltrow fans?
3P3references
Fursuit.
OstinPower2020
What could it be?
gdex86
You know that scene from the little mermaid where ariel wants more. That but stuff that goes up your butt to make you orgasm.
Rogermooreseyebrow
I don't know, but I am going to buy it and convert it into a camper
redditmcredditface
something from the special trunk I assume...
Briqs
Monster manual, 50 character sheets that will never be used cos forever DM. So. Many. Dice
Rogermooreseyebrow
Ex partners
SiriHowDoIAdult
Things to go into another box
theroadbetween
Toys.
Spice002
Dildoes. Lots, and lots of dildoes. The normal kind, the black kind, even the horse kind.
Satsuiki
I got 2 trunks like this
FrogBotherer
Whenever I see the plural of dildo spelled that way, I always read it as "dil-does" as if "dil-do" is a verb. I dil-do, you dil-do...
Lordlabuck
and if you aren't using it then it is a dil-don't. I dil-don't, you dil-don't
a2s2020
... Paige dil-definitely-does
MiNameIsInigoMontoya
I think dil-doesn’t would naturally follow as well.
DrEpicFrag
If there's no knotted ones, they're clearly doing it wrong.
Spice002
I like flared heads and medial rings personally.
Fyreworx
This guy fucks himself.
Zxaskad
Ah, a man of culture
DrEpicFrag
Considering I have like 20 toys and 12 of those are knotted ones, you're knot wrong.
Zxaskad
3 knotted ones myself (cause they're damn expensive) and 10 others, but lots of kink gear. Culture is always a good thing
jaggcomputing5
Dragon? Huh? Huh?
WoodyGoodman
MidnightLibrarian
Just whistling bungholes, 3 spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers,
METROlD
You're high as balls in the hospital, aren't you
MrDragonfyr
I have no idea what I'm reading here
DonteHaversham
Its a bunch of fireworks from Joe Dirt
rbudrick
You need more Joe Dirt in your life.
GlazedNConfuzed
Omg what movie is that from?!?!?!?!!!
MidnightLibrarian
Joe Dirt baby...
v
SlyMrFox
Been years since I've seen Joe Dirt, thought this was a reference to the drugs in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Soolie
GlazedNConfuzed
Yes!!!!!!!!!!! Your reference game is strong ? not as good as hiding your toys though lol.
Mayyybe
MahSya
Joe Dirt
KingMammajamma
I remember when my. Mom found my hoosker doos... hoosker do not ask....
BanishedBook
Hoosker donts .....I will wait for you to be ungrounded OP. I'm all in
forthosewhoarehomesick
I feel like only a couple of these are made up
MerlotMission5291
I mistead and thought u brought all that stuff to the hospital. Oops
Occhio
I honestly don’t know if I’m too old to understand this...or too young to understand this. I am vexed and perplexed. #newbandname
mikeymikec
sex toy box
Erbiumindiumironsalty
Sound like items from Zonko’s joke shop
Imademyselfsquirtle
Listen. You have needs. Sex and the desire for sex or to be touched should never be shamed. We all need love and sex. Even with ourselves.
W1ckedw1lly01
Comment Perfection right here :)
DidItForScience
Hüsker Düs are awesome. https://youtu.be/ZjbGAX72JYw
Flapjackal
Nipsy daisers! Look at you.
MidnightLibrarian
(WITH and without the scooter stick) and a couple whistlin' kitty chasers.
Theotokoss
Marry me?
lwoshea
Nice!
BranDohCalrissian
PimpinKen
Oh I think you got a whistling kitty... fuck, someone has to! Lord knows I dont...
olioster
I appreciate a good Joe Dirt reference.
Noremakm
I only like snakes and sparklers
thatpatguy
KingXizor
ItsRainingOutsideAndiDontWantToAdult
Hungrypiemonger
I'd change my name to Kickin' Ass
CommanderCaribou
Can I marry you next to a crapper tank and instead of I do we say we got the poo on me? Please? It will piss my parents off
JoeT85
I've got the poo on me!!
CommanderCaribou
It's just an old crapper tank folks
MidnightLibrarian
But in reality it's a lot of
v
NYGiantsFan72
bro02tc
Now a days everyone's got some type of kink box.
OurFates
ChrisThrasher
I still just envisioned a shit ton of illegal fireworks tbh.
CongratsYouAreHereNow
Vagina fireworks
MidnightLibrarian
Also
[deleted]
[deleted]
NoTalentForNames
You seem fun.
Gonnaderpya
Everything about this post and the shenanigans you've put here has brought me joy. Thank you ?
RaftinHippy
agermanguy
morrisseyroo
I spit my drink out laughing from that, I misread "Tie Downs" as "The Downs".
NostalgiaBird
Hell yeah
Shinster007
What a wild ride hahaha
siflandollysiflandollyshowROCK
Oh ok, as long as there’s no snakes and sparklers...
VikingHobbit
Is your name by any chance "Paige" ?
TheSlouchOfBethlehem
jesus, a rare quad-fecta
secretdpp
So if you're down to keep the references going I am a badass pterodactyl
Askarus
mrNicholas
Killin it with comments ;)
Asadsadsadclown
I would have settled for a Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle, but I’ll take a Joe Dirt reference instead
Northernwest
Maybe your mom has some suggestions. Perhaps a toy swap! Also love the Joe Dirt reply. Gold!
umbrellamaker
Waaaaghhumbug
Ahh a man of culture I see.
AnOrdinaryPineapple
@OP honestly delivered fine content onto my cellular device
SerenePrincess013
Honestly, I had kinda figured something a lot more salacious. Your special box sounds kinda tame, compared to mine. ?
crazyspelling
"Mom, it's not what you think! I just sell those for drug money!"