There once was a snakey slimy stubby-legged fella

There once was a snakey slimy stubby-legged fella

He lived like a Sultan slithering slowly along in his crystal clear mountain stream

If you step back, squint, and shift your head 69 degrees, some’d say he kinda looked like Nutella

But really he was just the largest aquatic salamander species in the U.S. salamander team

When he was still a stubborn squirt, he went by his street names, Devil Dawg and Ground Pupper

But now his siblings and his seeds span from south New Yorkers to north Alabama bumpkins

Sometimes he’d go see his shy soulmates Snot Otter and Old Lasagna Sides in the silt-free Ozarks for supper

Oh, and did I ever state that they soak up oxygen from the surrounding water through their skins?

When the sun sets, he’d surface from under the riverbed slabs ready to hunt and so alert

He’d scavenge for crayfish as a starter and search for small fishies as he munches

And when he was feeling extra spunky, he’d have a scuffle with water snakes for dessert

Though he used to be the average size, from 12-15 inches, he now has superiority being a stunning 29 inches!

As striking of a stud as he was, his and his species’ stressful survival struggles were real

The IUCN sorted them into the near threatened section, which made him want to sob and bellow

He stormed up the waters, set on bending hell, but then he heard a soft seducing voice from a floating piece of cloud above

And that’s when he stumbled upon his fated end when he swallowed and choked on a giant marshmallow.

Sneaky snippered sea shrimp tax

A sizable list of saucey sources for salamander snapshots and science:
- http://voices.nationalgeographic.com/2013/08/22/hellbenders-reintroduced-in-new-york-freshwater-species-of-the-week/- http://ohioamphibians.com/salamanders/Hellbender.html
- http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/12/131220-hellbender-salamander-conservation-endangered-animals-science/- https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/02/science/hellbenders-salamanders.html?_r=0
- http://www.caudata.org/forum/f1173-advanced-newt-salamander-topics/f1159-fieldwork-fieldherping/f1160-field-herping-accounts/84191-hellbender-mountains.html
- https://www.stlzoo.org/about/contact/pressroom/presskit/world-s-first-captive-hellbender-breeding/
- https://www.fws.gov/midwest/InsideR3/July15Story3.htm- https://www.flickr.com/photos/71701055@N00/1417741186/in/photostream/
- http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/hellbender-salamander-in-its-rocky-lair-high-res-stock-photography/ngs0_0427
- https://www.dgif.virginia.gov/hellbender/
- https://www.flickr.com/photos/usdagov/16447529867
- http://calphotos.berkeley.edu/cgi/img_query?enlarge=0000+0000+0310+0532
- http://www.beardsleyzoo.com/project/eastern-hellbender/
- https://www.wired.com/2015/02/creature-feature-10-fun-facts-hellbenders/
- http://www.nature.org/newsfeatures/specialfeatures/animals/amphibians/hellbender-salamander-facts.xml