TwasIWhoFuckedTheDragon
53190
1653
64
Sauce: Whisper App
Pupper Tax
SomeGeographer
I was drunk. It took me a solid 30 min to get into my lingerie and then a good 20 min for him to get me out of it. We giggled the whole time
alexicanz
Stayed up til 3am hanging out w friends who were staying at our hotel. Had amazing sex. Passed the F out til noon the next day.
Niphanos
#6 is what those terrifying "realism" texture packs look like in Minecraft.
mooglerae
My grandpa kept refilling my mom's champagne at the reception and she threw up all night. Dad held her hair and rubbed her back.
dashers
Taxi to the hotel. Went to bed and fell asleep. Unless you're used to staying up and partying, it's a pretty tiring day.
trueoakbox
We went to a bar and drank in the new year.
Lyrian
We came home, I undid like nine thousand hair pins and we passed out in a tangle together. Woke up in the morning for sexy fun.
randomthoth
Got married, went to work
thebaronvonbullshit
Got way drunk way fast, puked while my new husband kneeled by me telling me I should puke more because apparently it "wasn't enough"
thebaronvonbullshit
Put myself to bed and woke up at 5am to some of our guests smoking and talking on the porch and drove them to the boat still pretty hammered
ichangedmynamejustnow
Got married on my lunch break on recruiter's assistance, had to go back to the office because they wouldn't let me off. Then went back 1/2
ichangedmynamejustnow
To base a week later then shipped to Iraq close to a month later.
fantasticmrfoxed
Thought this said Wednesday night confessions. Was confused about why Wednesday was filled with sex for so many people. Whoops... Haha
MikePrato
+1. We went to the hotel, had sex, went swimming, and went to Red Robin. Can confirm the starving part.
Dilligaffin
I don't think I'll be able to stay awake long enough to get busy on my wedding night.
dasklaus
That's why you fuck first, people. Have the romantic wedding sex in the morning, then have the feast and the party and drinks and hangovers.
ImNachoBoyfriend
You mean...Pugger tax?
ohhkittehh
Had strep throat my wedding day/night. Didn't have 1 bite of food or drink.
TchallaVII
That sux
SpaceCthulhu
I cried myself to sleep because he spent all our money and we had to sleep right next to his mom's room instead of a hotel. It didn't last.
TchallaVII
Dude that's a fail
Linnywtf
wow
CrazierConspiraciesThanTrump
+1 because I once stole my brothers credit card and made a account on Brazzers.
WhoElectedYouLeaderOfThisOutfit
thats crazy, but like, what was the account info tho
ThatOneGuyFromTv
You bastard, I knew I was being charged double - your brother probably
OlMuskyTheMartian
"Probably." -Probably
acosenti
#1 is why you don't leave for your honeymoon the next day.
bpt2
Lazy sex then slept.
Jollytothegreen
"Until we passed out, asleep." Isn't that what passing out is?
natachan
"Watched a porn"
Randomrockets
My high functioning autistic wife was terrified of sex on our wedding night, we tried it once and she loved it. 22Big O's over four days.
Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirepus
Did it at the courthouse. Reception at my parent's house where we got drunk on Glenlivet and champagne. Danced our hearts out. Took some 1/?
Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirepus
acid we got as a wedding gift. Drive to basement apartment. Screwed. Went on our first shopping outing tripping balls at 2 am. Came home 2/?
Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirepus
and smoked a bunch of weed to come down. Finished the night eating our newly bought munchies while watching Howard Stern. 3/3
IAlwaysUpvoteGhostbusters
My husband had a sinus infection and pancreatitis. Was sick 12 times before the ceremony. We got served our food last and everyone took 1/?
IAlwaysUpvoteGhostbusters
Our cabs, so we were the LAST two people to leave. Finally got to hotel and I filled up tub to help with his sinuses. He passed out and 3/?
IAlwaysUpvoteGhostbusters
(2 and 3 are backwards sorry!) 2/? I sat in tub drinking champagne all night.
storytaletime
Stayed in a super nice suite at casino, he went down to gamble I stayed and passed out. No sex. Oh, and I was preggers so completely sober.
storytaletime
Wait, that was the honeymoon, wedding night was went back home after his mom officiated the ceremony and passed out, didn't celebrate.
TchallaVII
All this sounds awful to ke
storytaletime
It was
TchallaVII
You guys live happily ever after?
storytaletime
no
darianrebecca
Got to the hotel, husband got me out of my dress, I breathed for the first time in 8 hours, napped, showered, fucked, napped, ate bangin
darianrebecca
Breakfast, then left for honeymoon away from people in a house in the woods. Awesome.
BeepboopSimpSoup
Is it normal to starve at your own wedding? Wtf America?
MrBelvedere
Where's the musicians that got the taste? Where's the supplies that's gonna last three days?
BexRani
Our reception hall provided a separate room for me and my new hubby to on eat. We were gone 15 min from the reception. 1/2
BexRani
2/2 Hubby's aunt was PISSED we ate privately and was angry at us for the rest of the day.
ProjectKurtz
That's a great idea and more tactful than what I would do. (Stuff my face in front of them)
BexRani
It worked out perfectly. A lot of older married women were actually the ones to suggest we eat separately.
delaneige
That's ridiculous. I've worked so many weddings where the couple just didn't get to eat. That's super petty of her.
BexRani
TBH she is just that kind of person apparently. "My way or the highway" attitude. She got over it eventually but yeah it was awkward
SeverKatie
We were told over and over again we would be starving. We made a point to sit down and eat dinner, plus they packed us to-go containers.
nopepatrol
It isn't on purpose, just happens. You would be surprised how much of your wedding isn't about you at all. Lol
JokeDudeR
It's your marriage, their wedding.
JokeDudeR
It's your marriage, their wedding.
FireflySky
This is what turns me off the idea of getting married ever. Sometimes I feel like I'd want that, but then I remember the headaches.
barqshasbyte
I wish we would have had a private tiny wedding or eloped then a party later for family and friends.
nopepatrol
My sister had a very smal wedding (15 guests ~$800) and regrets it. I had a much larger one, didn't get to stop and enjoy it, but happy.
nopepatrol
It's not for everyone but I don't think the actual wedding should be what's holding you back.
FireflySky
I feel like dealing with family and all, it would feel like a chore. I'd probably be better off going to Vegas, but that seems cheap.
byerss
You can get married without an over-the-top wedding.
VaginaPedant
Wife said "Fuck that". #1 priority after "I do" was to actually eat some of the food we were paying too much for.
daveydwb
Exactly. There was no way we weren't going to eat.
wrackspurts
There are so many people that want to talk to the bride and groom. My boyfriend's mum didn't even get part of her own wedding cake
unbinkable
Every time you put food in your mouth, someone dings their damn glass. This seriously happened so often that I just stopped eating the meal.
varsil
At my wedding: "Nope, we're eating. But you dinged the glass, you get to kiss your partner."
FAAAAAAAAAACK
best weddings i've been to recently, the MC stated that glass dinging was not allowed by request of bride and groom
ProjectKurtz
The first time this happens while the meal is in front of us at my wedding, you get the bird. Second time, you get a hateful glare.
ProjectKurtz
Before or after meal time? Great, have fun with it, I'll gladly kiss her. But we're fucking eating, have some goddamn courtesy.
SomeGeographer
You get busy. We requested that our food be left on our table so we could slowly eat it. The wait staff even reheated it a few times.
elgalileo
It frequently happens,especially during the cocktail part. 1/2
elgalileo
If you are man/maid of honor, it's also your job to ensure they take time to eat and drink ^^
BiggestofBears
I got married this summer,we ate in shifts. One ran defense to cover nosey relatives that wanted to stop the meal, while the other ate.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
You had relatives who wanted to stop the meal?? Why would anyone want to do that
jmeyers1983
It would have happened to us because of the pictures you need to take. Luckily a good waiter always sought us out with hors d'ouveres
filiuspelei
I think people get too busy and excited to eat.
ThisFrickenGuy
Confirmed. Although the cake was so good I ate my slice and my wife's slice. But it wasn't till after that I realized how hungry I was.
LeftHandPanda
I'm getting married next year and cannot eat when I'm nervous. I'm gona be a wreck!
TakeMyWorfPlease
I barely ate anything the day of my wedding and had maybe one drink at the reception. My husband got wasted bc people kept giving him drinks
DrDoomRoom
Eat before you get nervous. Boom problem solved. Congrats to next year though.
HatsAreEssential
*gets nervous about remembering to eat before getting nervous*
LeftHandPanda
That leads to puking in my case! I used to be a terrible flyer, not so much anymore
ChzbrgrEddie
"Problem #54 with America: no metric system! What is this the time of Charlemagne?! Answer me! Answer me now!"
Shellzie2010
Yeah everyone told me wed be hungry, but we made it a point to eat. The food was delicious.
MarshallLaw161
If the kitchen staff is good they will try to serve the couple way ahead of the guests so they get a minute to eat.
Idkimadeanaccountjustforthis
Yep you wind up dancing, taking pictures and talking for like 4 hrs nonstop. At the end of my wedding I wound up eating half eaten food
Idkimadeanaccountjustforthis
From random tables that I walked by. People won't say crap when it's your wedding.
OtherRichard
Its basically just a busy night. Plus with preparations etc you'll go 5-6 hours between lunch and sitting down for the reception meal.
OtherRichard
Then you get busy and even while trying to eat your talking, running, dancing etc.
ChocolateFrostedButts
Our guests keep coming up to have conversations with us while we tried to eat. Neither of us wanted to be rude and turn them away.
LaissezLesBonTempsRouler
I'd eat and talk like fuck it
wandergirl
Was just maid of honor at a wedding- part of my job was to play defense and be like "no, they're eating right now."
BrockSamsonite
Fuck yes. You were a good maid of honor, then.
ChocolateFrostedButts
Oh man, that's a great Idea! I wish I would have thought of that.
varsil
Please tell me they gave you full football or hockie goalie pads for this.
wandergirl
Nope. I'm a teacher though, so I've perfected the withering glare.
spongebobmingepants
In Ireland the couple sits and eats at the same time as the guests.isnt this the norm in 'mericia?
raraluiz
Misjudged preordering the food, it was all gone when we came in after taking pictures. Parents ordered pizza. Best wedding ever.
wantfastcars
Say what you will about the whole "Saving yourself for marriage" thing, but #5 is really sweet imo
beearewhyayyenn
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/009/855/35xyux.jpg
dexlamrg
My husband and i both waited and I'm so glad we could share that together. It makes it more special. Also, less pressure.
alexicanz
Question: How is it less pressure? Its first time sex.
dexlamrg
For us it was less pressure because we were both virgins. So we could make discoveries together.
youngmountaingoat
Sex must be really weird when you are BOTH virgins.
[deleted]
[deleted]
youngmountaingoat
I just meant it must be odd when neither of you know what to expect..
EarCheese
Part of the fun :) we learned together
AllegedlyUncleTonton
Cookie-cutter experiences. If I ever get married there better be peyote, a burning chainsaw juggling monkey, me in a wedding dress and 1/2
Nemrith
Sorry sr/mdm, the juggling monkey is booked, however we do have a chimp who can dual wield rocket propelled chainsaws...
AllegedlyUncleTonton
This is why I do business with you. Thinking in solutions and not in problems.
AllegedlyUncleTonton
2/2 she in a denim suit and a sassy fat female afro-american Elvis involved sealing the deed while we are in a helicopter over Las Vegas.
ChainedRosary
OMG don't steal my plans bro
AllegedlyUncleTonton
FIRST!
Penetrecia
you would have loved our engagement party and wedding. so non traditional that his catholic grandmother refused to attend.
AllegedlyUncleTonton
My grandma was angry at my mom for not getting married in church but she got over it.
Iamastudentnow
That's extremely specific.
AllegedlyUncleTonton
It's good to set clear goals.
vulgarbaby
Dude that sounds rad, can I come to your wedding?
AllegedlyUncleTonton
Man, if I ever do get married, you're invited, homie!
YoursTrulee
Please tell me i didnt miss it! Invite me tooooo
AllegedlyUncleTonton
Shit dude I dated like two chick in the meantime XD